ISTps and ESTjs expressing/showing their feelings

[Suz]

Oh one thing i do know about LSEs that I suddenly remembered... the ones i've come across are NOTORIOUSLY bad at judging character. Like one LSE boss I had a few years ago--a total prodigy in his field, SO hardworking, practically a workaholic, great guy--had a track record for completely misjudging people initially. Like, he hired/almost hired total disasters just because a friend of his might have recommended them or his initial impression was positive. Also once his mind was made up, he was resistant to input/warnings from others. People kept warning him about the "almost hired" person, which he didn't want to listen to, but luckily she turned him off when she badmouthed his friend who'd recommended her to him at her interview with him . such people he did end up hiring, ended up needing to get fired. On the flip side, he sort of underappreciated others at first (who may have been more quiet and less show-offy) but grew to love them and see them as indispensible members of his team. A few such people (including myself) had had enough underappreciation and were making plans to leave by that time though. I remember a couple days before my last day he suddenly started begging me to stay, which would have made me reconsider my plan to leave except that a lot of things were already in action for me to move, start a different job, etc that just could not be reversed at that point. I would also never want to work for him again because of how burnt out i felt in trying to prove myself to him and just feeling like I was hired as just a pair of hands into his big machine and never want to feel that way again. Sad really, cause I really like and admire him and he was a really nice guy.

[Ver]

That might be true. I had a few ESTj friends but they were Te subtypes. I get on better with my boyfriend, he is totally Si subtype, I sometimes think he might me ISTp even. Yes, I know it's good not to get attached too much and just observe. But it is SOOOOOO difficult in practice. I'm afraid of getting hurt and of dissapointment. I forbid him to say ANYTHING about getting married and I said we will come back to this discussion in a few months. He's a plan-freak . We'll see what the future brings. For me it's sometimes hard to deal with "simplicity". It's difficult to look somebody so balanced, calm and knowing what he wants .... but on the other hand it's so safe... even though I start to doubt in his feelings (how can you feel the same all the time ?)

[Ver]

To andelise: I did the test and it turned out Quality Time and Physical Touch are my main love languages (both scored 10) aand acts of service 7. For my boyfriend, I would have to make him do the test . I'm wondering it love languages are type related. Like Physical touch would be Si quardras??

[anndelise]

Uh, my response seemed to have disappeared instead of posting.

5 love languages would not fit well w 8 information elements.
But maybe consider it a subtype kind of thing.

[InkStrider]

But still... I sometimes think he's just so good in general and he would be this way to anybody and it's not because he loves me.

I take that the problem is that you're basically feeling insecure regarding the strength of his affections? Because you're so into him that you want him to be as equally into you, and you're wondering if he is due to his lack of expression?

It's just something you have to sense I suppose. Reason why I asked about the enneagram is because it affects how they'd go about expressing themselves as well as provide an insight as to what goes on in their minds.

The real problem is he once told me that one of his goals for this year was to find a girlfriend so I sometimes I feel like I'm just his goal...which, of course, I wouldn't like to be.

This might be a red flag or it might not. I'd personally rather have nobody than to just find anybody, and then having to spend the rest of my life pretending that they're a somebody.

[Ver]

I take that the problem is that you're basically feeling insecure regarding the strength of his affections? Because you're so into him that you want him to be as equally into you, and you're wondering if he is due to his lack of expression?

It's just something you have to sense I suppose. Reason why I asked about the enneagram is because it affects how they'd go about expressing themselves as well as provide an insight as to what goes on in their minds.


This might be a red flag or it might not. I'd personally rather have nobody than to just find anybody, and then having to spend the rest of my life pretending that they're a somebody.

You are totally right about how I feel. I'm quessing I'm just making a fuss...maybe. As for his enneagram type I believe he's 8w9 but I don't even know what my enneagram type is . Maybe 6w7? I score 4 or 2, sometimes 7 in tests.
I quess that I just have to wait and see . And he was alone for 3 years before he met me and girls rather like him so maybe he feels something after all

[Park]

Listen to your gut. Instincts rarely go wrong.

And don't worry about the future. Things have a way of working themselves out.

Oh one thing i do know about LSEs that I suddenly remembered... the ones i've come across are NOTORIOUSLY bad at judging character.

I am the same way.