whenever the dog and i see each other we both stop where we are. we regard each other with a mixture of sadness and suspicion and then we feign indifference.
Jerry, The Zoo Story by Edward Albee
Withstanding pain sounds like you have a temptation to conquer what you feel inside and this correlates to performing a necessary task or goal. Interesting you brought up emotions, since I believe this is a natural mechanism in your mind that strives to maintain security and stabiltiy, which is unhealthy. Being ansesthetized is your counter mechanism that seeks to break that stability and change your routine. I encounter this feeling frequently and it basically means that you have to catalyze certain events in terms of relationships or goals in order for them to occur frequently to actually impact your life enough to transform it substantially in a positive manner.
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch