How to get romantic with LIIs/INTjs? How do they flirt?

[Creepy-Fry]

Oh well, he's retarded anyway.

hey, remember The Beautiful Mind.
he may seems unusual to you. However he is just not socially awared, dont call him retarded.

plus, i think asking him to circle the choice make way more sense than asking him directly.

[Joy]

Are you an ESFj?

[Creepy-]

I type as both an ESFj and an ENFj. I think I'm more of an ESFj however.

[science as magic]

ever seen A Beautiful Mind?

hey, remember The Beautiful Mind.
he may seems unusual to you. However he is just not socially awared, dont call him retarded.

haha i didn't even see that when i posted

[Creepy-Chad]

-This is pathetic. If INTjs value competence, one with any pride would be disgusted by this thread.

-Just like somebody can become competent within the structures of a mainly theoretical subject, one can become competent in the less defined structures that emerge from patterns inherent in flirting.

-Once understood, go out and apply what you know. Progress SLOWLY. By carefully moving one step at a time, your confidence should build simultaneously. And guess what? If somebody is interested, she will help pick up the slack on the other end. This is one exercise where the agreement of TWO people is necessary for achievement of the desired ends.

-If you can’t do this, then two possible conclusions emerge:

(a) Either you don’t care enough, which makes you seem like an asexual weirdo, or

(b) You are incompetent, which probably means you need to work on your second function ( ), as you are far from “perfect.”

[worstever6]

The hanging around alot and doing nothing technique is exactly how we flirt. Sometimes it works. Makes you seem mysterious and the girl appreciates that you aren't just trying to get in her pants. As far as the choices on a paper - yes that would be awesome.

[mike_INTJ]

I know INTj's don't usually flirt, so what could u look for if they were attempting to? If they liked you, how would you be able to tell?

i've read much about flirting, none of which i can actually do without feeling really dumb. unfortunally i think my method makes me look more like a staulker then anything else. as i tend to look when they don't - or do know it. in general i'll observe until i know it's safe.

later on i'll give simple gifts, in a constant fashion. i gave someone something for easter once, and each month i dress it up for a holiday. it recycles the toy, it makes it something new, it creates discussion for other co-workers when they see it. it reflects back to me.

however, this is as far as i can get since i have no idea what to talk about - since flirting is really an advanced form of small talk. in which i stink at also.

[mike_INTJ]

I see, this intj pretty much ignores everyone, or acknowledges them when they make a good point, but he mocks everything I say. I just thought it weird that he took the time to listen to everything I say, whether mocking me or not. Maybe that's a good thing?

i've found that many people either say "nothing" (nothing of interest), or just plain dumb things. you may have said something that was intriguing in some way. or more intelligent then everyone else. we don't get conversation like that unless we're with engineers, then suddenly we're a part of something. so it could be that.

we don't smile a whole lot, not sure why. he also may not be mocking you, but saying something sarcastically - which may be a good thing, if said in the right way.

see if you can catch him looking at you.

[mike_INTJ]

Oh well, he's retarded anyway.

hey, remember The Beautiful Mind.
he may seems unusual to you. However he is just not socially awared, dont call him retarded.

plus, i think asking him to circle the choice make way more sense than asking him directly.

it does sound silly, but it could work. i'm much more verbose in email then in real life. however even after it was circled - then what? who does the talking and such. i can imagine 1000's of people in so many different ways. and yet, speaking to them in dreams, fantasy or real life - all end up the same... silence.

[mike_INTJ]

[quote]

-This is pathetic. If INTjs value competence, one with any pride would be disgusted by this thread.

-

you don't sound like an INTJ - as one myself, i can concure with a good chunk of it.

Just like somebody can become competent within the structures of a mainly theoretical subject, one can become competent in the less defined structures that emerge from patterns inherent in flirting.

2 different things. a theoretical subject is something that may or may not exist. one can place their own limitations on them as long as their described well enough. a real person is totally different. patterns from flirting uses a method of being silly and open. we usually aren't silly in that way.

-Once understood, go out and apply what you know. Progress SLOWLY. By carefully moving one step at a time, your confidence should build simultaneously. And guess what? If somebody is interested, she will help pick up the slack on the other end. This is one exercise where the agreement of TWO people is necessary for achievement of the desired ends.

easier said then done. we can write a book on the subject - however if you lack social skills, you won't get anywhere. the problem is - the doing. we can imagine 100's of possibilities, many of which are failure. so many don't bother. a good date is one that has conversation, but if your naturally quiet - then what?

-If you can’t do this, then two possible conclusions emerge:

(a) Either you don’t care enough, which makes you seem like an asexual weirdo, or

(b) You are incompetent, which probably means you need to work on your second function ( ), as you are far from “perfect.”

neither are true. we care deeper then anyone here. incompetent is not in our vocabulary. working on a function you don't have is pretty much impossible. it's like you either like spicy food or you don't.

[discojoe]

How do INTj's flirt?

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=oxymoron

[Kristiina]

How do INTj's flirt?

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=oxymoron

LOL!
I actually opened the link before I realized where it takes me.

I don't remember ever flirting successfully. It always ends with The Beautiful Mind strategy, "I like you." And then I wait for the reaction.

When I did try to flirt, this happened: I knew that casual physical contact is something I would interpret as flirting. So I tried that. At first I felt relaxed and good. Then I decided to flirt. I started to act very nervous. I probably blushed. I was trying to decide where to touch him and how. "hand? sholder? ok, sholder sounds good. just a brush? ok." I got even more nervous. The next few seconds lasted for minutes and minutes. Then I kinda nervously managed to step forward, brush the shoulder and make it look almost natural. And then I thought, "Oh, I hope he got the hint, I don't want to do that again!"

[Creepy-Fry]

[quote="Kristiina"]

How do INTj's flirt?

Then I kinda nervously managed to step forward, brush the shoulder and make it look almost natural. And then I thought, "Oh, I hope he got the hint, I don't want to do that again!"

oh boy, this would be a much better place if a you just tell him u like him in the face. because that shoulder touch means so little, now girls touch men all the time, so, your touch seems like a friendly touch only.

[Kristiina]

oh boy, this would be a much better place if a you just tell him u like him in the face. because that shoulder touch means so little, now girls touch men all the time, so, your touch seems like a friendly touch only.

:wink: Well, as I said. It usually doesn't work, so I end up telling him that I like him. Fortunately I haven't had to do that for a while. It's almost more stressing than it's worth. Never understood the fun in the chase. I couldn't go clubbing, flirting and changing men like underwear. Not for an INTj.

[Kirana]

in order to flirt, the intj needs to feel really secure and comfortable with the person they're attempting to flirt with. otherwise, we just can't do it. personally i get torn between the overwhelming desire to come clean and just honestly say that i'm crazy about the guy, and the sensible logical side who tells me that this is the sure way to get discarded and ignored. the logical side almost always wins. particularly since the one time i don't listen to the logical side, the experience reinforces the conviction that my logical side was correct in the first place. it generally only takes one time to cure intjs of such stupidity.

however, when i am comfortable, and feel a lot of trust, flirting takes a somewhat cerebral form - involving the dry humour intjs are apparently famed for, remarks and compliments and teasing especially tailored for the person (this personalisation is an important message from intjs, as it takes more effort than generic flirting and this sort effort isn't easily given out by intjs), a bit of mischief thrown in, especially if i get encouraged to be cheeky. but basically it's a lot of talking and a lot of wit - the telltale sign, i think, is unprecedented levels of sharing of personal information. :wink:

as an intj female, i also find that when i really like a person, i tend to start responding according to what that person needs. it would almost be out of character, except that i really have so many sides that it's really only a slightly different cast of me. so i can be known to be gentle, despite this not being displayed in my everyday face to the rest of the world.

[Creepy-ENTp Male]

It's like a standing joke in my relationship, so I like to make a little fun with her when I'm feeling like I need a compliment. So I've provided her the following complimentary lines. They're good for a laugh.

1. You're nice and you don't sweat much for a fat guy.
2. You surprised me, you're NOT as dumb as my last boyfriend.
3. Not bad, considering what you're working with. (post sex)

Well it's better than nothing, but then I'm easily pleased.

[Creepy-Lotte]

Dear Kim,

Your posts were interesting to me because I also had a long (3 yr) crush on an INTJ before we had our first date ... and now we're engaged (just 6 months later). I'm an INFJ ... but tend to be mistaken for an extrovert. This was the third marrige proposal I've received from an INTJ.

You need a plan.

BELIEVE him when he says "he can't see romance in his life". My suggestion to you is do NOT pursue him. Do not call, do not email. But, be very, very positive and appreciative if he contacts you. Give it a break. He likes his space. He'll be fine "out of sight, out of mind". Hang out with the girlfriends. If you can disappear for a year, great. Give him time to miss you. I bet it's not so easy for him to talk to just anyone so comfortably as he speaks with you. These men are good at focusing on their work, so it may take him a while to miss you.

Reappear next January in a very positive phone call or email. Tell him you've been thinking of him. Be clever. Then let him do the work of asking you out. Do NOT go down the "just friends" trail with this man if you ultimately want romance.

THEN, start fresh.

Don't be afraid to use your NF charms on this man, this may be what reels him in.

Of course you're very smart, too, and keep him intellectually interested or he wouldn't be dating you at all. But, try mesmerizing him with your differences. He lives in his head... bring him down to earth ... use your imagination to bring him to the world of the senses.

Make things bigger than life. Is the moon beautiful? then say so in the most extravegant way you feel ... say it while skipping circles around him. Touch your neck and ask if he can smell your perfume ... say you put it on with him in mind. I guarantee he'll lean in for whiff of it. If you're walking outside, pick a leaf off a tree and ask him to feel out smooth/rough/cold it is. Yeah, he may think your nuts ... it's ok. If he has the same woraholic tendencies of every INTJ I've know, he can use a breath of life.

Be honest, trustworthy. Never insult his competence.

Respond to him positively and appreciatively. Let him know how he makes you happy. I've been stunned that so many INTJs seem to feel inadequate at making a woman happy.

Be sure and give him his space ... as several posters have mentioned it's an INTJ requirement. I rarely called him, never nagged,

And remember, as Giuseppe, said, INTJ's are reserved ... don't offend his delicate sensibilities. But you can tease him a bit in little ways.

It's important that your values are the same as his.

There are certain things you will never get from this man ... rely on your girlfriends for those things. But INTJs are very loyal, loving men. Never doubt their feelings... they have them, they just don't talk about them much.

There is still hope. Believe me.