Hmmm well...

1. men and women think differently so applying the same standard does not work. Case example: I have a good friend who is a english teacher like myself. His students are adults so he parties with them. They give off the appearance that they really like him. These specific girls call him, hang out and laugh at all his jokes, etc. I believed it myself and even felt envious until they let me in on a little secret. They actually hate him but they still hang out with him. Basically they called him selfish and self-centered but they told me to keep it a secret. I was totally blown away.

In addition when I talked to a female friend she described him as 'werid' and a 'lady-boy'. I'm convinced women flock to him but the way she put it was look at the women who do. Their not good women. What I'm driving at is my perception is skewed. She actually described me as 'hot but unlucky'.

I have a hard time figuring out my own worth and I'm too humble to realize what I could have. So really I'm not insecure in that regard hence I'm looking outward and trying to understand the relationship dynamics. More or less I wish I could understand the interpersonal aspects to a relationship instead of always turning each situation into a intrapersonal relationship.

I want to be interpersonal instead of being so intrapersonal which is overdeveloped. Psychology is interpersonal. Philosophy is intrapersonal. I've learned enough philosophy but not enough psychology and people. Its bascially one area of supreme confidence in opposition to another area of a deplorable confidence.

Last point: I was once very interested in this girl however I did not consider self-comparisons. Well anyways, we were walking together along the beach front and we met some dude along the beach who happened to be gay (not sure if that's of any importance). We sat there listening to him talk about his boyfriend but then he started talking about us. At first he called me gay because I'm so good looking but then he realised I'm not gay but that I'm "deep" and then he called her gay but really what's going on is she doesn't feel like she "deserves me". I had no clue.

All in all I'm getting alot of mixed messages and I can not sort them out. There is alot of people who judge me by my appearance and yes alot of women are attracted to me. There entails part of the problem. Women assume I'm some playboy or player when really I'm humble and modest. It frustrates me to no end. I'll admit I'm a bit shallow, I think, then again I find more women attractive than most of my friends and I don't have a type.