Would you rather be liked or admired?

[silverchris9]

I wouldn't really want to live without either. To me, someone liking you is a prerequisite to them being close to you. I mean, if I never enjoy being around a person, I'm just going to stop being around them, and sure I can admire them from afar but what does that do but stroke your ego.

At the same time, it's important to me to have done something worthy of admiration. Not so much to actually be admired. I mean, to me, admiration is little more than external confirmation of what you should know internally anyway. I would love to be admired for my writing. But I'll know when I've written something that's truly worthy of admiration, that is truly well-crafted and permanent. If that brings admiration, wonderful. But I think once I write something really good, I'll have faith in it, and that's enough for me. Now... if there's nobody on the whole planet who admires the work, I might start getting curious as to whether or not I ought to have faith in it, I might doubt. But the admiration does little good for me outside of allaying my own fears, and I like to think if the work is good enough, whether it be writing or acting or producing or singing or whatever, I'll know it and I won't need proof in the form of others' admiration.

So... if I had to pick either a life without being liked or a life without admiration, I'd go with the latter. Because being liked is a prerequisite, IME, to being loved, at least by anyone outside of your family. Finding people to share your life with is among the top three most important things a person can do, I think.

And even if you restrict being liked to superficial pleasantness, well, at least being liked means you're giving something worthwhile to other people. You can call it people pleasing if you want, but we're not around just to make ourselves happy; other people matter (in my opinion ). And if no one likes you, you're probably doing something to make that happen, i.e., hurting other people, and that's not OK.

So yeah, liked > admired.

If you broke it down to being liked by others vs. being admired by myself (or at least feeling like I have the potential to be worthy of my own admiration), I guess it would be harder?

[redbaron]

but it's so EASY to be liked. I think this is an attention-seeking thing for me, probably. But I don't think that makes me an extrovert. I like to get attention in very subtle ways such that people don't even realize it. For years. And then suddenly they say "wow she's kind of amazing". lol

not that I really care what people think in a way, cause like silverchris said, I like myself and I have faith in my talents and who I am. And I get what people are saying about being liked. I guess because it just seems very easy to get people to like me, if I care.

Maybe I only care about getting the people I admire to like me! lol

maybe a silly thread.... I dunno.

[The Ineffable]

but it's so EASY to be liked. I think this is an attention-seeking thing for me, probably. But I don't think that makes me an extrovert. I like to get attention in very subtle ways such that people don't even realize it. For years. And then suddenly they say "wow she's kind of amazing". lol

I observed this: Fe-Creative are attention seekers, though compared to Ti-Creatives (who IMO desire a similar kind of attention) they are not bothered when there's no immediate gratification following the exposure. It's like this attention makes part of a story inside their minds (part of a whole, conceptual), it can happen sooner or later, if it doesn't happen at a given moment it's not that relevant. Do you think so? (also @ any Fe-Creative)

[redbaron]

but it's so EASY to be liked. I think this is an attention-seeking thing for me, probably. But I don't think that makes me an extrovert. I like to get attention in very subtle ways such that people don't even realize it. For years. And then suddenly they say "wow she's kind of amazing". lol

I observed this: Fe-Creative are attention seekers, though compared to Ti-Creatives (who IMO desire a similar kind of attention) they are not bothered when there's no immediate gratification following the exposure. It's like this attention makes part of a story inside their minds (part of a whole, conceptual), it can happen sooner or later, if it doesn't happen at a given moment it's not that relevant. Do you think so? (also @ any Fe-Creative)

yes, exactly!

[silverchris9]

but it's so EASY to be liked. I think this is an attention-seeking thing for me, probably. But I don't think that makes me an extrovert. I like to get attention in very subtle ways such that people don't even realize it. For years. And then suddenly they say "wow she's kind of amazing". lol

not that I really care what people think in a way, cause like silverchris said, I like myself and I have faith in my talents and who I am. And I get what people are saying about being liked. I guess because it just seems very easy to get people to like me, if I care.

Maybe I only care about getting the people I admire to like me! lol

maybe a silly thread.... I dunno.

No, it's not silly. It IS pretty easy to be liked, and it's not a very good indicator of how well you're doing as a person. It's just that I think that focusing on admiration (which is more from a distance) is an easy way to start leaving the earth, and I'm aware of that tendency in myself, so I try to counterbalance it by focusing on what I give to other people. And I guess if you're admired you've done something worthwhile for other people but... I mean, I admire Shelley and he was a terrible person. I admire Whitney Houston and she's a complete wreck. And knowing myself, I'm probably going to pursue the sorts of things one gets admired for anyway. So I personally need to give more conscious focus to the likeability side. But I do very much get the way that being likeable in itself isn't terribly valuable, especially when it seems like you can just do it easily, without even really trying. I was quite irritated at my own likeability a while back, but now I've found more people who like me for things that I want to be liked for, and if that isn't the very Core of my Being at least it's a step in the right direction. Shrug.

[eunice]

I used to prefer to be admired when I am younger. However, as I get older, I realised that in any social situation or community (e.g. school, work), it's usually the more likeable people who have the last laugh. They seem to have positive working relationships with most people around them, and others are more willing to help them out whenever they are in need.

For leadership roles, work opportunities etc., it's often the more likeable people who get the better deals as compared to the rest. It's like, they need not be the best in their field in terms of knowledge and technical expertise, but what's more important is others are more willing to listen to them and are more ready in accepting their ideas.

would have to agree in a way. define better deals though. i suspect you mean influence or the better jobs and such. if you have too many people like this in influential roles in an organization you end up having weak product, dubious decision making, and the organization can even develop group-think type of problems, which can result in large organizational failure.

what constitutes a "better deal"? this may be largely defined by quadra values.

In the context of career development, "better deals" refer to having an increased number of opportunities to learn and develop themselves 'cos others are more willing to share and impart their knowledge with them.

[marooned]

Well that might be a difference. I don't see it as easy at all to be liked and I don't probably like easily either. So I see liking as a more rare thing which I guess makes it more valuable. I don't really know how I feel about admiration in that I feel often that I may kind of try to admire things about others more than I actually do admire them and then end up wondering if I admire them at all or if I even know what admiration feels like. And then although I do have an inner seeking of recognition in some things, outward admiration from others would end up being something I might feel overwhelmed by. I just don't really know how I feel about it. I also know that admiration and love tie together in some ways but I can't really feel the connection exactly.

[Trevor]

judging by the results, it does seem quadra related. via Merry/Serious and Judicious/Decisive

Admired = Merry>Serious & Decisive>Judicious
Liked = Serious>Merry & Judicious>Decisive

[Sumer1an]

Admired.

[Reuben]

I only want to be feared because Machiavelli said it's better than being loved and I don't know how to make my own decisions

[Taknamay]

Admiration seems to imply that the admirer is looking up to you. I don't want people to look up to me, because that means people will follow me. I don't really want that responsibility.

[silverchris9]

So I was looking back on the shit I wrote in this thread and fuck, some of it is really good. I'm going to be so effing wise when I'm old, you don't even know.

[Reuben]

Admiration and Liking is more complex than what any of you individually put it as.

OP, if you coagulate all relevant definitions of Admiration and Liking into a single, complex (time-based, subject and object dependency, with proper diction) definition, we may get more accurate results, especially what you may have been looking for.

[The Greeter]

Being admired is more easily achieved than being liked, in my opinion.

Admiration has the tendency to reduce the dimensionality of a person. What one is admired for becomes the symbol that represents them, and as long as this symbolic perception is maintained, admiration for it exists. Thus I see a level of manipulation that is necessarily involved in the process of gaining this kind of marvel. It also does not surprise me that such a sentiment towards an individual increases as their personal relationship becomes more distant. The admiration many of us have for oft described 'ruthless' historical figures exemplifies what I feel is a causal relationship between these two concepts. The reason is because the greater the distance between the admired and admirer, the more susceptible the admirer is to manipulation. And this stems from the fact that, the admirer's ability to fact check the advertised abilities (whether it is done actively or passively by the admired) and compare it to other aspects of their psychology is crippled as personal connections thins.

Being liked, on the other hand, actually makes an individual multifaceted. Liking necessitates a more holistic examination of a person. The personal ties are much closer and thus the person is more subject to scrutiny. Inconsistencies between what is attempted to be projected by the liked and what is actually being perceived by the liker are detected much sooner by the liker. And, depending on what the inconsistencies imply, the person shall be liked or disliked. In this sense, I find it more difficult to be liked*.





*It is of course just as easy to manipulate people into liking someone, even if said person does not necessarily deserve the affection. On the other hand, "liking" here is considered to be more profound than just superficial encounters that leave all parties susceptible to manipulation. That is to say, being "liked" means to be scrutinized in terms of the consistency between one's personal reality (I am) and one's projected reality (how I want to be seen), and ending up with a favourable opinion by the examiner.

[redbaron]

Being admired is more easily achieved than being liked, in my opinion.

Admiration has the tendency to reduce the dimensionality of a person. What one is admired for becomes the symbol that represents them, and as long as this symbolic perception is maintained, admiration for it exists. Thus I see a level of manipulation that is necessarily involved in the process of gaining this kind of marvel. It also does not surprise me that such a sentiment towards an individual increases as their personal relationship becomes more distant. The admiration many of us have for oft described 'ruthless' historical figures exemplifies what I feel is a causal relationship between these two concepts. The reason is because the greater the distance between the admired and admirer, the more susceptible the admirer is to manipulation. And this stems from the fact that, the admirer's ability to fact check the advertised abilities (whether it is done actively or passively by the admired) and compare it to other aspects of their psychology is crippled as personal connections thins.

Being liked, on the other hand, actually makes an individual multifaceted. Liking necessitates a more holistic examination of a person. The personal ties are much closer and thus the person is more subject to scrutiny. Inconsistencies between what is attempted to be projected by the liked and what is actually being perceived by the liker are detected much sooner by the liker. And, depending on what the inconsistencies imply, the person shall be liked or disliked. In this sense, I find it more difficult to be liked*.

eh, I dunno. I admire some people I'm very close to. Admiration does not necessitate distance. Nor does likability necessitate closeness. I "like" people I don't know very well. Sometimes for lame reasons, their easygoingness or smile, for instance. Or because I just don't know anything negative about them.

[InkStrider]

Vote and discuss.

Instinctively, what Machiavelli said. But I'd personally most prefer to be liked by the people I admire.

[redbaron]

Vote and discuss.

Instinctively, what Machiavelli said. But I'd personally most prefer to be liked by the people I admire.

ahhhhh! very nice answer! yes, I can see that.

[Serendipitous]

I would rather be both liked and admired, but of course so would (almost?) everyone.

If the two were mutually exclusive then I would choose to be admired over liked, no question. I would rather people respect and look up to me even if they don't care much for me as a person, rather than have them think I was nice or whatever but, well, not capable of much. To be looked at as pleasant but worthless would suck. A lot.

[EyeSeeCold]

Being admired is more easily achieved than being liked, in my opinion.

Admiration has the tendency to reduce the dimensionality of a person. What one is admired for becomes the symbol that represents them, and as long as this symbolic perception is maintained, admiration for it exists. Thus I see a level of manipulation that is necessarily involved in the process of gaining this kind of marvel. It also does not surprise me that such a sentiment towards an individual increases as their personal relationship becomes more distant. The admiration many of us have for oft described 'ruthless' historical figures exemplifies what I feel is a causal relationship between these two concepts. The reason is because the greater the distance between the admired and admirer, the more susceptible the admirer is to manipulation. And this stems from the fact that, the admirer's ability to fact check the advertised abilities (whether it is done actively or passively by the admired) and compare it to other aspects of their psychology is crippled as personal connections thins.

Being liked, on the other hand, actually makes an individual multifaceted. Liking necessitates a more holistic examination of a person. The personal ties are much closer and thus the person is more subject to scrutiny. Inconsistencies between what is attempted to be projected by the liked and what is actually being perceived by the liker are detected much sooner by the liker. And, depending on what the inconsistencies imply, the person shall be liked or disliked. In this sense, I find it more difficult to be liked*.





*It is of course just as easy to manipulate people into liking someone, even if said person does not necessarily deserve the affection. On the other hand, "liking" here is considered to be more profound than just superficial encounters that leave all parties susceptible to manipulation. That is to say, being "liked" means to be scrutinized in terms of the consistency between one's personal reality (I am) and one's projected reality (how I want to be seen), and ending up with a favourable opinion by the examiner.

eh, I dunno. I admire some people I'm very close to. Admiration does not necessitate distance. Nor does likability necessitate closeness. I "like" people I don't know very well. Sometimes for lame reasons, their easygoingness or smile, for instance. Or because I just don't know anything negative about them.

Actually I think The Greeter was spot on. Admiration does indeed imply psychological distance, because the process places a person on a pedestal. Admiration is when you identify a trait(s) in someone else that you consider to be worthy of having, and thus making that person relatively 'better' than people who lack the trait(s). If both the admiree and the admirer had the worthy traits, that would qualify for respect over admiration.

[MisterNi]

I'm not quite sure why no one's said it so far but I'd rather be both liked and admired. In terms of admiration though, I'd consider it much more valuable to be admired for achievements by people I similarly admire or respect. Being liked seems pretty universal though and I've never met a person who had an active desire to be disliked by others.

[redbaron]

Actually I think The Greeter was spot on. Admiration does indeed imply psychological distance, because the process places a person on a pedestal. Admiration is when you identify a trait(s) in someone else that you consider to be worthy of having, and thus making that person relatively 'better' than people who lack the trait(s). If both the admiree and the admirer had the worthy traits, that would qualify for respect over admiration.

I disagree. I think you can admire someone and they can admire you back for other things and okay so maybe that's mutual respect but also admiration. I mean, I admire the way my good friend stands up to people when he believes in something but that doesn't mean I think he's better in all respects than other people who lack that trait, or better than me overall, I'm simply acknowledging his particular strength.

So in my original post I guess what I was getting at is that if I had to choose, I'd rather have my strengths be admired and acknowledged than simply be liked for being "nice" and getting along with people. I'm probably just projecting my own issues by starting this thread in the first place.

[Nico1e]

I chose 'admired,' probably because I was just talking about this very thing on another thread.

I have connotations for what the words 'liked' and 'admired' mean. 'Liked' feels like something anybody can say about anyone. There are thousands of people who I 'like.' I can like them from a distance, even though I don't necessarily get along with them, up close. For instance, I can like people - darn it, I'm reconsidering this idea as I'm in the process of writing it.

If I admire someone, it means that person might have the power to actually influence my behavior. I will listen to what they say, learn from them, and change my lifestyle because of what they said. I need to be taken seriously, and I want other people to admire me in this way. The word 'admire' is associated with 'respect.'

'Liking' is more of a warm and friendly feeling. 'Admire' is more of a cold and distant feeling. I could connect this to Ichazo's instinctual subtypes, but subtypes kind of annoy me and get in the way of what I want to say.

This could be something I need at this point in my life, which I won't always need.

I've had many experiences with people who 'liked' me, but looked down on me in a condescending way, like I was just some cutesy little girl, and they wouldn't take my ideas seriously. This was probably from the experiences in a particular relationship I had a few years ago. I developed this intense need for people to take me seriously, because I wasn't getting that, in that relationship, for many years.

I want people to appreciate my strength. That's not the same as necessarily liking someone in a warm and friendly way. Perhaps I'm talking about my Te function, and wanting people to admire the strength of my logic and my knowledge and my competence, instead of expecting me to be a warm, friendly, likeable, pleasant person. So yeah, it might be associated with T versus F for me.

However, that's not necessarily true either, because I greatly admire some people who are ethical types. I admire their 'ethics,' from afar, without knowing what it feels like to interact with them in a 'warm and friendly relationship' way. The admiration is cold and distant.

I think this could change depending on my life experiences, and whether I get what I need at a particular point in time, and depending on how exactly you define the words 'liked' and 'admired.' I've had some unsatisfying relationships and I'm not sure how my needs would change if I were in a good relationship with somebody.

[The Greeter]

I disagree. I think you can admire someone and they can admire you back for other things and okay so maybe that's mutual respect but also admiration. I mean, I admire the way my good friend stands up to people when he believes in something but that doesn't mean I think he's better in all respects than other people who lack that trait, or better than me overall, I'm simply acknowledging his particular strength.

So in my original post I guess what I was getting at is that if I had to choose, I'd rather have my strengths be admired and acknowledged than simply be liked for being "nice" and getting along with people. I'm probably just projecting my own issues by starting this thread in the first place.

I interpreted your question as a dichotomy of extremes (one without the other). Taking into account what you have just said in the above post, it seems that being admired implies already being liked, but the inverse is not necessarily true.

In that case, why would anyone choose just to be liked by your definition?

[Admired + Liked (since one implies the other)] > [Only Liked]

[ashlesha]

yup what greeter said

[redbaron]

I disagree. I think you can admire someone and they can admire you back for other things and okay so maybe that's mutual respect but also admiration. I mean, I admire the way my good friend stands up to people when he believes in something but that doesn't mean I think he's better in all respects than other people who lack that trait, or better than me overall, I'm simply acknowledging his particular strength.

So in my original post I guess what I was getting at is that if I had to choose, I'd rather have my strengths be admired and acknowledged than simply be liked for being "nice" and getting along with people. I'm probably just projecting my own issues by starting this thread in the first place.

I interpreted your question as a dichotomy of extremes (one without the other). Taking into account what you have just said in the above post, it seems that being admired implies already being liked, but the inverse is not necessarily true.

In that case, why would anyone choose just to be liked by your definition?

[Admired + Liked (since one implies the other)] > [Only Liked]

hehe you're right.

I WANT TO BE LIKED AND ADMIRED. lol

[Nevero]

These are not mutually exclusive but if I had to choose I'd want to be liked more than admired. Don't know my quadra yet to vote.

[Beautiful sky]

liked

[Joy]

Liked.

[Beautiful sky]

Liked.

you agree with me because you're my dual

[Joy]

Lol. (Also, I'm not so sure that's how it works based on the IEI/SLE comments on the first page.)

[Satan]

wow all the deltas are freaks.

[strangeling]

I'd rather be liked. It means I can enjoy being me around other people. If I'm admired, there's an image of me people expect me to live up to. And that's frustrating because I'm not perfect and I don't want to have to try.

[Esaman]

Interesting thread. Surprised by results.
It is clearly liked>admired for me. I see admiration as useless or even a hindrance. I evaluate my own character, deeds and performance. Others opinions serve only as viewpoints and arguments to consider. Admiration sounds like pedestalisation, idealization and reduction that would only hinder knowing and connecting with the person. Even if there is no reduction, I still have no where to put the admiration - not building an ego.
Being liked on the other hand is people enjoying your company and having interest in knowing you, which are the value of human interaction as far as I am concerned.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

If somebody doesn't like me, I find it as fascinating as they really *do* like me- I figure that, more realistically, most people's take on me will be very objective and fair and balanced- with lots of logic and rationality and stuff our modern generation values, not so much on the 'whee I really like Sam!' fan girliness or the 'ew it's you again' feeling... when people have extreme views of me it's always fun and entertaining no matter good or bad.

I try to let go of the narcissism that people are paying attention to me much at all, I do crave attention of course- but I feel highly uncomfortable if I feel a lot of people are paying attention to me. (I was insecure earlier thinking like 50,000 people were reading my posts but I sighed in relief when I realized that nobody fucking gave a shit- that was actually relieving)

That's why celebrity culture fascinates me, I have no idea how or why somebody could stay mentally healthy with all that focus! Their 'I'm self confident and I love myself' claims they make every 2 seconds are obviously self defense mechanisms from a deep pain that interests me greatly.

If somebody is hating you or loving you either way they're thinking about *you* and that is fascinating... 'cuz it's like why aren't they just focusing on their job learning how to be a rational productive member of society? Thankfully life is more than that stuff or we'd all just be robots.

[ashlesha]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

[Kim]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

Skimming through this again, I wonder if there is even a consensus with regards to what *like* really means. I get along with many people, but I genuinely *like* far fewer than most would imagine perhaps. So if I say I want to be liked, I think of being liked on a deeper level than just *oh, she is nice*. I think of being liked as something that will transcend the occasional annoyance with me, for example. Something that is stable and implies knowing me on a deeper level. Perhaps I am thinking of being liked as something far more involved than other people here.

Being admired only comes into play for me at a professional level where it might be good career-wise to be admired for my work. I am not going to lie and say I don't like the idea of people picking picking up my (yet-to-be-published) book on contemporary migration theory and saying *it is such a brilliant addition to the discourse blablabla*. But ultimately admiration feels fleeting and superficial because the reasons for which I might be admired can go away quickly or be forgotten. It is also not something I need from those close to me. So perhaps different contexts are at play, too, in people's decisions whether they want to be liked or admired.

[ashlesha]

i think people are reading this as "would you rather be respected or liked" when i tend to think of respect as a part of liking.

[mu4]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

I don't really want to connect or be known by most ppl, I just want to be able to cut in line at da club! I only want to connect with like 1-2 other ppl.

[Beautiful sky]

admired is impersonal

it's as if you're ok with people being your spectators and not your friends.

[mu4]

admired is impersonal

it's as if you're ok with people being your spectators and not your friends.

I think a lot of ppl want this! Friends are a lot of responsibility.