Would you rather be liked or admired?

[redbaron]

Vote and discuss.

Instinctively, what Machiavelli said. But I'd personally most prefer to be liked by the people I admire.

ahhhhh! very nice answer! yes, I can see that.

[Serendipitous]

I would rather be both liked and admired, but of course so would (almost?) everyone.

If the two were mutually exclusive then I would choose to be admired over liked, no question. I would rather people respect and look up to me even if they don't care much for me as a person, rather than have them think I was nice or whatever but, well, not capable of much. To be looked at as pleasant but worthless would suck. A lot.

[EyeSeeCold]

Being admired is more easily achieved than being liked, in my opinion.

Admiration has the tendency to reduce the dimensionality of a person. What one is admired for becomes the symbol that represents them, and as long as this symbolic perception is maintained, admiration for it exists. Thus I see a level of manipulation that is necessarily involved in the process of gaining this kind of marvel. It also does not surprise me that such a sentiment towards an individual increases as their personal relationship becomes more distant. The admiration many of us have for oft described 'ruthless' historical figures exemplifies what I feel is a causal relationship between these two concepts. The reason is because the greater the distance between the admired and admirer, the more susceptible the admirer is to manipulation. And this stems from the fact that, the admirer's ability to fact check the advertised abilities (whether it is done actively or passively by the admired) and compare it to other aspects of their psychology is crippled as personal connections thins.

Being liked, on the other hand, actually makes an individual multifaceted. Liking necessitates a more holistic examination of a person. The personal ties are much closer and thus the person is more subject to scrutiny. Inconsistencies between what is attempted to be projected by the liked and what is actually being perceived by the liker are detected much sooner by the liker. And, depending on what the inconsistencies imply, the person shall be liked or disliked. In this sense, I find it more difficult to be liked*.





*It is of course just as easy to manipulate people into liking someone, even if said person does not necessarily deserve the affection. On the other hand, "liking" here is considered to be more profound than just superficial encounters that leave all parties susceptible to manipulation. That is to say, being "liked" means to be scrutinized in terms of the consistency between one's personal reality (I am) and one's projected reality (how I want to be seen), and ending up with a favourable opinion by the examiner.

eh, I dunno. I admire some people I'm very close to. Admiration does not necessitate distance. Nor does likability necessitate closeness. I "like" people I don't know very well. Sometimes for lame reasons, their easygoingness or smile, for instance. Or because I just don't know anything negative about them.

Actually I think The Greeter was spot on. Admiration does indeed imply psychological distance, because the process places a person on a pedestal. Admiration is when you identify a trait(s) in someone else that you consider to be worthy of having, and thus making that person relatively 'better' than people who lack the trait(s). If both the admiree and the admirer had the worthy traits, that would qualify for respect over admiration.

[MisterNi]

I'm not quite sure why no one's said it so far but I'd rather be both liked and admired. In terms of admiration though, I'd consider it much more valuable to be admired for achievements by people I similarly admire or respect. Being liked seems pretty universal though and I've never met a person who had an active desire to be disliked by others.

[redbaron]

Actually I think The Greeter was spot on. Admiration does indeed imply psychological distance, because the process places a person on a pedestal. Admiration is when you identify a trait(s) in someone else that you consider to be worthy of having, and thus making that person relatively 'better' than people who lack the trait(s). If both the admiree and the admirer had the worthy traits, that would qualify for respect over admiration.

I disagree. I think you can admire someone and they can admire you back for other things and okay so maybe that's mutual respect but also admiration. I mean, I admire the way my good friend stands up to people when he believes in something but that doesn't mean I think he's better in all respects than other people who lack that trait, or better than me overall, I'm simply acknowledging his particular strength.

So in my original post I guess what I was getting at is that if I had to choose, I'd rather have my strengths be admired and acknowledged than simply be liked for being "nice" and getting along with people. I'm probably just projecting my own issues by starting this thread in the first place.

[Nico1e]

I chose 'admired,' probably because I was just talking about this very thing on another thread.

I have connotations for what the words 'liked' and 'admired' mean. 'Liked' feels like something anybody can say about anyone. There are thousands of people who I 'like.' I can like them from a distance, even though I don't necessarily get along with them, up close. For instance, I can like people - darn it, I'm reconsidering this idea as I'm in the process of writing it.

If I admire someone, it means that person might have the power to actually influence my behavior. I will listen to what they say, learn from them, and change my lifestyle because of what they said. I need to be taken seriously, and I want other people to admire me in this way. The word 'admire' is associated with 'respect.'

'Liking' is more of a warm and friendly feeling. 'Admire' is more of a cold and distant feeling. I could connect this to Ichazo's instinctual subtypes, but subtypes kind of annoy me and get in the way of what I want to say.

This could be something I need at this point in my life, which I won't always need.

I've had many experiences with people who 'liked' me, but looked down on me in a condescending way, like I was just some cutesy little girl, and they wouldn't take my ideas seriously. This was probably from the experiences in a particular relationship I had a few years ago. I developed this intense need for people to take me seriously, because I wasn't getting that, in that relationship, for many years.

I want people to appreciate my strength. That's not the same as necessarily liking someone in a warm and friendly way. Perhaps I'm talking about my Te function, and wanting people to admire the strength of my logic and my knowledge and my competence, instead of expecting me to be a warm, friendly, likeable, pleasant person. So yeah, it might be associated with T versus F for me.

However, that's not necessarily true either, because I greatly admire some people who are ethical types. I admire their 'ethics,' from afar, without knowing what it feels like to interact with them in a 'warm and friendly relationship' way. The admiration is cold and distant.

I think this could change depending on my life experiences, and whether I get what I need at a particular point in time, and depending on how exactly you define the words 'liked' and 'admired.' I've had some unsatisfying relationships and I'm not sure how my needs would change if I were in a good relationship with somebody.

[Nevero]

These are not mutually exclusive but if I had to choose I'd want to be liked more than admired. Don't know my quadra yet to vote.

[Joy]

Liked.

[Beautiful sky]

Liked.

you agree with me because you're my dual

[Joy]

Lol. (Also, I'm not so sure that's how it works based on the IEI/SLE comments on the first page.)

[Esaman]

Interesting thread. Surprised by results.
It is clearly liked>admired for me. I see admiration as useless or even a hindrance. I evaluate my own character, deeds and performance. Others opinions serve only as viewpoints and arguments to consider. Admiration sounds like pedestalisation, idealization and reduction that would only hinder knowing and connecting with the person. Even if there is no reduction, I still have no where to put the admiration - not building an ego.
Being liked on the other hand is people enjoying your company and having interest in knowing you, which are the value of human interaction as far as I am concerned.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

If somebody doesn't like me, I find it as fascinating as they really *do* like me- I figure that, more realistically, most people's take on me will be very objective and fair and balanced- with lots of logic and rationality and stuff our modern generation values, not so much on the 'whee I really like Sam!' fan girliness or the 'ew it's you again' feeling... when people have extreme views of me it's always fun and entertaining no matter good or bad.

I try to let go of the narcissism that people are paying attention to me much at all, I do crave attention of course- but I feel highly uncomfortable if I feel a lot of people are paying attention to me. (I was insecure earlier thinking like 50,000 people were reading my posts but I sighed in relief when I realized that nobody fucking gave a shit- that was actually relieving)

That's why celebrity culture fascinates me, I have no idea how or why somebody could stay mentally healthy with all that focus! Their 'I'm self confident and I love myself' claims they make every 2 seconds are obviously self defense mechanisms from a deep pain that interests me greatly.

If somebody is hating you or loving you either way they're thinking about *you* and that is fascinating... 'cuz it's like why aren't they just focusing on their job learning how to be a rational productive member of society? Thankfully life is more than that stuff or we'd all just be robots.

[ashlesha]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

[Kim]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

Skimming through this again, I wonder if there is even a consensus with regards to what *like* really means. I get along with many people, but I genuinely *like* far fewer than most would imagine perhaps. So if I say I want to be liked, I think of being liked on a deeper level than just *oh, she is nice*. I think of being liked as something that will transcend the occasional annoyance with me, for example. Something that is stable and implies knowing me on a deeper level. Perhaps I am thinking of being liked as something far more involved than other people here.

Being admired only comes into play for me at a professional level where it might be good career-wise to be admired for my work. I am not going to lie and say I don't like the idea of people picking picking up my (yet-to-be-published) book on contemporary migration theory and saying *it is such a brilliant addition to the discourse blablabla*. But ultimately admiration feels fleeting and superficial because the reasons for which I might be admired can go away quickly or be forgotten. It is also not something I need from those close to me. So perhaps different contexts are at play, too, in people's decisions whether they want to be liked or admired.

[mu4]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

I don't really want to connect or be known by most ppl, I just want to be able to cut in line at da club! I only want to connect with like 1-2 other ppl.

[Joy]

i'm still bothered that people would answer "admired" to this question, lol. like you'd rather be above others than have the ability to actually be known by and connect with them. gross.

I think redbaron was talking about random acquaintances and strangers, not friends or family. Real connections are important to her, too.

[ashlesha]

i think people are reading this as "would you rather be respected or liked" when i tend to think of respect as a part of liking.

[ashlesha]

weird

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Friends aren't that much responsibility though. Friends aren't like taking care of an infant. There were times in my close friend's life though where we both were probably coddling each other or something and it wasn't healthy but the great thing about a friend is it's like in the middle of a helpless baby and an independent adult that doesn't need anybody but themselves. It's a good balance. And over time you find out which tears to run to the rescue and which to let them figure out on their own.

If you are having to take care of somebody too much when they can take care of things themselves... that's bad and isn't what friendship is to me.

[blackburry]

I think of it as-- being liked is fairly easy, you could easily just say what someone wanted to hear to be liked by them. Being admired usually requires (by my definition towards those I admire) that act of doing something worth recognizing; usually for themselves and generally not for the sole purpose of being liked.




**edit:

I voted to be admired.

[ashlesha]

the question was really simple.

liked. or admired.

either/or. no qualifications.

if you have to make excuses or change the question to suit the way you answered, you're doing it wrong.

[ashlesha]

(and i'm sure real connections are important to pretty much everyone, whether they acknowledge it or not)

[Lotus]

Feel like they go hand in hand for me most of the time. And if someone admired me but didn't like me, how the fuxk would I know? It wouldn't matter.

[Park]

I don't remember how I've answered this in the past, but as of now, I'd say definitely admired. It's longer lasting and harder to achieve, thus more worthy in the long run. And while you don't have to admire those you like, you most often like those that you admire.

[Kim]

And while you don't have to admire those you like, you most often like those that you admire.

I admire quite a few total jerks with brilliant work and I don't like them one bit.

[chriscorey]

I couldn't choose an answer, but this should suffice. I might be doing it wrong.