ENTp-ISFp: Losing a Dual

[UDP]

I wonder if anyone had dealt with losing a dual in any way--whether it be a significant other that "dualized" you and then you guys broke up, etc etc. And what the best way to deal with that was, if any. Or, I don't mind just being...given permission to share crazy ILE stories about this guy and what he was like. He really was the epitome of that type. I miss him so much.

You have permission. You don't even need to ask.


I don't think there's an easy way to deal with losing anyone close to you. My SO would say that it's important to express your emotions. I'd add it's important to keep in mind what you need to do and find other ways to have fulfillment in life, so you don't drown in negative feelings.


I've lost a dual in the sense of not being able to talk to them anymore in a real sense. We had a lot of good mental chemistry, but then things changed. It was a sense of dependability. It hurt because at the time I didn't have many other people to talk to closely. It also hurt because another part of that loss was that the dual sort of slipped into living in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, life choices I didn't think were good for them, and eventually hurt them, too.

[Park]

Dual or not, it's always hard when you lose someone. And when someone you felt strongly attached to is gone, it's like a part of you is gone forever as well. But as Ryu said, you have to reconcile and find ways to provide fulfillment in your life, or otherwise you're screwed.

[Suz]

Dual or not, it's always hard when you lose someone. And when someone you felt strongly attached to is gone, it's like a part of you is gone forever as well. But as Ryu said, you have to reconcile and find ways to provide fulfillment in your life, or otherwise you're screwed.

so so true.

[EyeSeeCold]

Are there any ways to go about this that don't involve tears and crying and stuff, or... is all that kinda necessary?

(This post is 100% serious.)

Catharsis is the point. Whatever you do, it needs to be an honest expression of how you're doing inside.

Anything explosive, until you're drained of negative energy, and back to neutrality.

[UDP]

tears aren't necessary

time usually is.

[lemontrees]

Thanks so much guys. I really really appreciate it.

I agree that losing anyone is hard, especially so suddenly. It's probably true that socionics doesn't have much to do with it. I've been dealing by forcing myself to eat, sleep, and seek out company when I need it.

My ILE friend was very crazy and "fun" but there was also a dark, unwell side to his craziness. He abused drugs often, including ones that he was prescribed for ADD/depression. Despite this, everyone who knew him (and he seemed to know everyone) knew him as an extraordinarily loving person who had a talent for bringing brightness into other people's lives.

Crazy stories:

Once, some other friends and I were on our way to grab Indian food when we ran into him sitting on a bench on the street. We asked if he wanted to come with, and he had nothing better to do, so he decided to hang out with us. Once we got there the waiter served us water. Next thing I know, he's downed all the water in a single gulp. Then, he takes out a single shot size bottle of Jim Beam from his pocket and pours it right into the goblet at the restaurant, and sips that for the rest of the time while making conversation. He never even ordered food lol. Halfway through he gets bored again and pulls out a tiny mini laptop and just starts checking his email. Then, he tries to convince me that it's "the way of the future" and that I had to buy one too haha.

This other time, he somehow found a 21 year old folk musician who had just come into the city with no aim or place to stay. This guy was super talented and resembled a hotter version of young Dylan. So my friend hooks him up with some people at my school, saying that "talent needs to be nourished." He even tries to convince my poet roommate to write lyrics for the guy to "help him reach his potential." And then the musician stays in these guys' dorm for three months, does nothing, and randomly leaves again.

Another time he was taking a bus between Boston and Nyc. The busdriver drops everyone off at burger king; then, he doesn't realize that my friend's taking his time eating and just leaves without him. My friend then hitchhikes at 110 mph with a random mother/son and actually catches up to the bus and makes him get off the highway and stop and let him back on. He gets on the bus and grins at the busdriver; the busdriver just shrugs.

He loved to cook and he knew I did too, so he would always tell me his favorite recipes. But he always wanted everything his way, like only he knew how to cook everything best!! It drove me crazy because I can't stand anyone telling me how to prepare food. But he really wanted to cook together so we did. The first time, I cooked dinner for him, but he fell asleep the whole time I was cooking instead of helping me!! The second time, he was cooking lunch for me, but he made me do all the cutting and stuff while he just directed and carried out his "vision"!! I didn't mind b/c i love cutting vegetables, but it was so funny.

[Suz]

Another time he was taking a bus between Boston and Nyc. The busdriver drops everyone off at burger king; then, he doesn't realize that my friend's taking his time eating and just leaves without him. My friend then hitchhikes at 110 mph with a random mother/son and actually catches up to the bus and makes him get off the highway and stop and let him back on. He gets on the bus and grins at the busdriver; the busdriver just shrugs.

LOL this is awesome!

[MisterNi]

Thanks so much guys. I really really appreciate it.

I agree that losing anyone is hard, especially so suddenly. It's probably true that socionics doesn't have much to do with it. I've been dealing by forcing myself to eat, sleep, and seek out company when I need it.

My ILE friend was very crazy and "fun" but there was also a dark, unwell side to his craziness. He abused drugs often, including ones that he was prescribed for ADD/depression. Despite this, everyone who knew him (and he seemed to know everyone) knew him as an extraordinarily loving person who had a talent for bringing brightness into other people's lives.

Crazy stories:

Once, some other friends and I were on our way to grab Indian food when we ran into him sitting on a bench on the street. We asked if he wanted to come with, and he had nothing better to do, so he decided to hang out with us. Once we got there the waiter served us water. Next thing I know, he's downed all the water in a single gulp. Then, he takes out a single shot size bottle of Jim Beam from his pocket and pours it right into the goblet at the restaurant, and sips that for the rest of the time while making conversation. He never even ordered food lol. Halfway through he gets bored again and pulls out a tiny mini laptop and just starts checking his email. Then, he tries to convince me that it's "the way of the future" and that I had to buy one too haha.

This other time, he somehow found a 21 year old folk musician who had just come into the city with no aim or place to stay. This guy was super talented and resembled a hotter version of young Dylan. So my friend hooks him up with some people at my school, saying that "talent needs to be nourished." He even tries to convince my poet roommate to write lyrics for the guy to "help him reach his potential." And then the musician stays in these guys' dorm for three months, does nothing, and randomly leaves again.

Another time he was taking a bus between Boston and Nyc. The busdriver drops everyone off at burger king; then, he doesn't realize that my friend's taking his time eating and just leaves without him. My friend then hitchhikes at 110 mph with a random mother/son and actually catches up to the bus and makes him get off the highway and stop and let him back on. He gets on the bus and grins at the busdriver; the busdriver just shrugs.

He loved to cook and he knew I did too, so he would always tell me his favorite recipes. But he always wanted everything his way, like only he knew how to cook everything best!! It drove me crazy because I can't stand anyone telling me how to prepare food. But he really wanted to cook together so we did. The first time, I cooked dinner for him, but he fell asleep the whole time I was cooking instead of helping me!! The second time, he was cooking lunch for me, but he made me do all the cutting and stuff while he just directed and carried out his "vision"!! I didn't mind b/c i love cutting vegetables, but it was so funny.

This is a great story. I know I'm a few months late, but thanks for sharing and I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Also, Parkster, CILi and Ashton are lowlife douchbags.

[Park]

 

Also, Parkster, CILi and Ashton are lowlife douchbags.

 

Fuck you, asshole.

[Park]

This fight is disqualified on grounds that contender 'Te' is not .

Who, EyeSeeCold?

I don't know him that much, but his signature does radiate the feelings of a static type. ILIs may be lazy, but they are mobile and fluctuative.

[Park]

Are there any ways to go about this that don't involve tears and crying and stuff, or... is all that kinda necessary?

You could always resort to alcohol and drugs and stuff.

But no, I don't think anything is necessary. Not all people are predisposed to crying or find comfort in it, so I wouldn't consider that a necessity. I think the way you go about expressing your sorrow (and feelings in general) depends on your personality. Your feelings are a personal thing, so you should handle them in a way that works for you as an individual. And whatever works for you, is "a way". If you feel like crying, go ahead and let it out. If you feel like going into the woods and screaming at the top of your lungs, do it. If you think a bottle of wine will calm you down, have one. But whatever you do, don't give into the negative feelings and let them take control over you. It is important to remain composed, because you don't wanna lose your mind. Because if you do lose your mind, you will likely begin doing irrational and self-destructive things. And once you're on a roll with self-destructive actions, it can be very hard to hit the brakes. And you don't want to come to a point where someone (or rather something) else is driving your car, if you know what I'm saying. And to add on that, you CAN technically come to a situation where someONE else is driving your car, because in moments of weakness, you're an easy target for those who can find use or see potential benefits in your car. (Metaphorically speaking, of course, although you could even apply it literally.)

And to quote someone I don't remember, "Death ends a life, not a relationship". Point being, your feelings don't need to change or die, and it doesn't mean you should forget about the person in order to reconcile with their death. You take what you had (- the relationship) and carry it with you. You preserve the good things, leave aside the bad things, and move on with your life.

/preach

[EyeSeeCold]

But whatever you do, don't give into the negative feelings and let them take control over you. It is important to remain composed, because you don't wanna lose your mind. Because if you do lose your mind, you will likely begin doing irrational and self-destructive things. And once you're on a roll with self-destructive actions, it can be very hard to hit the brakes. And you don't want to come to a point where someone (or rather something) else is driving your car, if you know what I'm saying. And to add on that, you CAN technically come to a situation where someONE else is driving your car, because in moments of weakness, you're an easy target for those who can find use or see potential benefits in your car. (Metaphorically speaking, of course, although you could even apply it literally.)

/preach

Oops, I neglected this point in my own post. It's true that there're people out there who can't handle themselves once they let loose, and so some way to ease the tension and squeeze out the negative emotions rather than explosion would be best.


I still don't think you should internalize too much...you have to get mad sometimes...