WTH IS UP WITH ESFP-Fi guys being more shy than I am!?

[nanashi]

I relate!!

A (Ti-PoLR's) Theory on "Es and Talking"

Fi-Extroverts: "I'll talk if I sense deep-down (or just assume) that you really want to. "

Fe-Extroverts: "I'll talk and talk and talk until you someday feeeel like talking! "

Ti-Extroverts: "I'll just go ahead talk 'cause I couldn't read you if I wanted to (and, no, ...I really don't). "

Te-Extroverts: "I'll conversate if either you or circumstance provides an adequate reason to do so. "

I agree with the Te one for myself....

[nanashi]

This. It's because many need support of the right kind. The emotional kind. Come to LA; I have lots of ESFp friends.

I think you are right, Maritsa, and thanks for the offer

But you are sure they are into you? Maybe they are unsure, so they keep their distance and don't make any moves. It takes time you know.

At least the 3 I mentioned were each clearly in to me: per 3rd parties, per my observation (I saw them sort of respond to me like they were infatuated: doe eyes, smiling, staring at me, compliments, and being sensitive to me.Locking eyes with me.), and per socially traditional signals (After we went out for drinks, one asked me to his music show doggedly in the "I am Fi and my wittle heart WANTS dis" way until I agreed and bought me a desert and ate it with me; he also stares at me and smiles. With the other: the female bartender told me the ESFp guy bartender had bought my last drink for me "because he said he thinks you're a beautiful woman;" he chatted with me shyly, and he added me on facebook. The 3rd let me make out with him, did the same awed staring thing, started talking about a future, and said I made him feel like he hadn't felt in a long time.

Can't say it's for all of us, but if I'm sure, I'm sure like pretty quickly after meeting the person...and yes...I keep a safe distance (sometimes I get a sense of 'maybe' and that takes time, but I usually know if I am or am not interested off the bat). Well, that or I don't go out of my way to get to them. Though there are cases people make moves and I don't really respond (or else they make their way near me but expect me to strike up convo and I feel like I don't know what to say to them cuz I don't know them). So the only way to know is to get solid answers which is best done by direct interrogation. But man, woman, whoever, if someone is attracted to me, it's nice to know. ^_^ It means I'm doing something right, I like to think. ^_^

So go after 'em SEE boys. Just take a no for no. We got those who likes us like that and kind of take our openness for granted and get a bit on our nerves by trying too hard to talk to us and too much and we're not the type to say 'shove it' especially if they are our friends, but it gets tiring. I mean, you can be friends even if we say no, but don't get clingy. Clingy is ghey. We generally like quantity of people we talk with, or at least I do. One person gets stifling (except if you're our dual or identical, ime, though identicals go from ecstatic talkingness to having nothing to say after quite a while, but duals need breaks, too).

i agree (from the dual's view) with aixelsyd: I can usually see them being attracted quickly. Maybe it's more in (irrational function speak), but "we're riding the fluidity of situations together," and I see them startledly look over and sort of lock on me. Then there's this appreciation Fi thing. Sometimes they sort of do this even before I like them (one did when I was using a lot of Te to fix something for my in-need wingman). The ESFp saw and kinda went + @ it, and I saw him pausing and doing that. The other, I liked first, and he liked me later that night. The other heard me say something embarrassing with great confidence to my friends, and he just froze and when I went , he went .
QUOTE---> aixelsyd:"they make their way near me but expect me to strike up convo and I feel like I don't know what to say to them cuz I don't know them"
<---I think this is key. Neither of us knows what to say. I kind of wish I could just skip and say:"Okay, let's walk your dog together tomorrow, and I'll start on your taxes while you pick out what would look good on me at whatever rap/jazz concert we're going to tonight." It just ends in us staring at each other with our breath held, like we're about to speak..and there's a pause. And we run through in our heads what we can't say and don't seem to know how to just move forward casually.

Dunno, I think it is a big difference when someone is talking to you and when you are talking to someone, and when someone is hitting on you and when you just talk. When in a social setting then talking to different people is great and you don't think much of it. When someone is HITTING on you it feels awkward for various reasons. Not sure how that works with SEEs but I prefer to show interest myself, when I am being hit on I sort of have my options limited. Not the pace I want, not me initiating the contact, not me showing interest, things not on my terms...not something I prefer. It either leaves me flattered and somewhat more interested or awkward and overly cautious and distance keeping (and neither of those options means I like you or I dislike you). Obviously if I'm sure I like the person I don't really see it as a problem, Id just go for it. But id just go for it regardless of whether someone is showing interest in me or not so I dunno.

I do agree with you here, No Longer a Dating Site. I feel the same way sometimes, but with us we sort of both flirt and then don't know how to just say:"Can we hang and get used to each other now?"

[nanashi]

Ever read that book He's Just Not That Into You?

I have quietly liked men or boys that weren't in to me. These 3 cases I am talking about are not such instances. See above.

[Ave]

Nanashi it isnt that Fi- ESFps are shy, its just that they always maintain too much distance from people, maybe you just ran into a few of them - and get ready for reality check- that didnt want a relationship with you of any sort. Its happened to me with my Fi- ESFp cousin IRL and maybe also with Aixelsyd if shes that type too. ESFps are difficult.

[Jarno]

They aren't that shy. They just aren't all the stereotype party animal as sometimes portrayed. Although there also are ESFP-Fi who are party animal.

JuJu once said (and I agree) that ESFP has the widest range of behaviours among their type. Some are just relaxt, observant, polite, and some are really wild ADHD types that are always busy or drunk.

[Galen]

This thread is weird. I've been asked out by many SEE's.

Well clearly all of those ESFps are mistyped.

[Exodus]

This thread is weird. I've been asked out by many SEE's.

Agreed.

My theory

Nanashi is LIE (not "ILI-Te") and these so-called "SEE-Fi"s are actually ESIs or some other introverted type. ok, I don't actually know these people but this thread makes it pretty clear that nanashi is an extrovert. This is my opinion based on interacting with nanashi in the chat, and it's funny to see it confirmed here.

Subtypes for the loss.

[Suz]

This thread is weird. I've been asked out by many SEE's.

Also maybe the SEEs you experienced felt more comfortable asking an IEI out for whatever reason (maybe they weren't AS taken and intimidated as they would have been by a dual such as Nanashi).

Or, maybe the SEEs that were interested in you were Se-subtypes who seek more Ni, not Fi-subtypes who seek more Te such as what Nanashi is referring to.

[nanashi]

Well, one of them has a reason. He has a huge personal tragedy scenario going on that will affect anyone who dates him. ......
And now I know the rest of the story.


Come to think of it....the 1st of these three ESFps, was in a really rough life patch during that time, too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountain Dew
"Stop dating guys. Start dating men."

Nanashi's previous post: "Really...? REALLY? COME now. lol. They are male. They were adults when each of them and I went after each other. They are men.

You really don't personally know them from the pitbull down the street. They're awesome people. They pursued me and I them. We just have gotten into weird 'how-do-we-do-this' confusion after that. I think there's a type-related fix."

[nanashi]

@OP: you're just mistyped and you type all "your Duals" on a whim anyway. You may find your Dual - or your soulmate - and I wish you luck, but this revolting bullshit won't help the Socionics community in the least.

I have been typed by others on here who have interacted with me extensively. As to your accusation that I type my duals on a whim: I don't know why that is your assumption. It's true that I don't share every detail of evidential support for the alleged types of my dual-crushes on this, an internet forum. But, why would you assume that my not posting the online journals, home videos, and snapshots of these people onto the forum for your assessment is evidence that I type them on a whim? I have people on here type alleged duals because, even though I recognize Fi traits and expressions, I prefer having videos and photos from my crushes be typed by my friends here. I like having knowledge and testing it.

I'm typing her IEE for a long time, I typed her ILE for a short period of time.

Is the Ineffable = Pinocchio?

I have no problem with her except for her feminist claims

you don't like me because I am egalitarian? I'm not sure if that is what you are saying. Do you mean you dislike some of my abstract claims because you see them as erroneous? or...do you just hate that I think personhood is of value? 'Cuz...I am anti-bigotry all around....

and denying facts.

I'm not really INTO denying facts. I rather like knowing facts. Even if it's painful for me to acknowledge them at first. But, someone simply calling something a fact isn't going to convince me of factyness. If you have any facts you think I may not see, you could pm them to me and talk them over with me to help me understand them. If you post the facts here, I will probably be exhausted by dealing with the issues socially, since I am assuming these points of yours have to do with bigotry.

This "SEEs are shy and avoidant compared to an ILI"

I haven't said this. I specified the Fi-subtypes of SEE, first off. This post is actually of great value because it goes beyond stereotypes to investigate and discuss and try to make sense of behaviors of Se+Fi types which cursorily seem counterintuitive. In support of the point I was making are the assertion of Galen (an EXFp-Fi) that they are unassertive and awkward, the observation of crazed that there can be formality with crushes more than with those to whom they are not as attracted, the sharing of a similar sentiment by WorkaholicsAnon, and Aixelsyd's multiple and appreciated descriptions here of her behavior toward people she likes and thoughts on not dating them. OH, and woofl's. And a few others said similar things.

(One of the men I described above MAY be incredibly self-preservational instinctually or may be ISFj, but the others are clear extroverts with Fi, so Hotel and TheIneffable may have a point that one of these men is ISFj..if he is ISFj.

audacious and is based solely on her mistyping

It's not solely based on my alleged mistyping.It was based on comparison of the actual circumstances of interaction with my subjective view of Se at the time as vastly dynamic compared to me as an ILI.

wishful thinking

I have explored other options for the personalities of these people. I have explored other options for my own typing for years.

and total lack of respect for reasonableness

I'm actually rather a fan of reasonableness.

(of which she was warned before).

Warning me of my alleged unreasonableness doesn't prove any unreasonableness. I kind of need some evidence for it to move forward.

It has nothing to do with Socionics

It does...read the ESFp-Fi testaments on this thread. It does have to do with socionics. One ENTj on this forum typed the ESFp-Fi I am discussing.

, how can one respect her when she does not respect others?

I respect others. People could respect me even if I didn't.

Neither she is ILI

I have not only typed myself ILI. Others have, too.

nor she describes SEEs,
at least regarding the latter virtually anyone knows what the truth is, for this reason this thread is totally spurious.

it's not outside the scope of a SEE's behavior to be diffident socially. http://www.slideconsulting.com/Eroti...groupings.html