Originally Posted by Slacker
love this
And I love the rare consensus here! Aw, what love (threads) can do!
And I love the rare consensus here! Aw, what love (threads) can do!
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
KIM
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Don't forget your dealing with the English language.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves
1 Storge - Affection
2 Phileo - Friendship
3 Eros - Romance
4 Agape - Unconditional Love
(i)NTFS
An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI
♫ 31.9FM KICE Radio ♫ *56K Warning*
My work on Inert/Contact subtypes
Socionics Visual Identification(V.I.) Database
Socionics Tests Database
Comprehensive List of Socionics Sites
Fidei Defensor
What is love? Can it be defined?
Love is pain, but it's also the taking away of pain. It is solving the problem, coming up with a solution that excites you and invigorates you, but it's also the cut and the letting down and feeling hurt. Love is the fire.
"Just cause I can't go on, just cause I die when you're gone"
The person you love has the ability to hurt you....has the ability to stay stuck in a prison cell with you, and doesn't necessarily help you grow and evolve in a super-ego-ish way.
"Just cause I think of you in bed"
But you still want to fuck them anyway. Oh, the drama!
The only thing beyond good and evil is love. The only thing beyond moral quandaries and insights, is love. Because love is both the taking away of pain and also your cause of it. Whatever makes you happy, has the ability to make you sad in the absence of it. But that doesn't mean you stop going after what makes you happy!!!
If you forsake love, you won't be hurt- but you can't be helped either. You can't feel the soar, the lifting-off-place. You can't feel ecstasy. Like that other poster said, you'll just die in a coffin.
Risk the pain. Feel the hurt, and feel the love. Love is pain, but the slayer forges strength from pain. Love, forgive, forget.
Nobody wants a nice man. Why are girls not attracted to 'nice guys?' Because you need somebody that makes you FEEL , that gets under your skin- you don't want nice. Nice implies you don't really give a shit. Being polite is fake. Being polite is what you do to the people that are standing in line at walmart with you, not what you do with your lover. Being nice says 'I don't really care.' But you don't want a total asshole, you want somebody who can inflict pain on you to show you that they care but also can take away that pain with a romantic embracing kiss..... somebody who kisses you passionately after dominating you sexually. That is the essence of romantic love. Our lives would be nothing without it...
What is love?
A biochemical anomaly that accompanies urges/instinct of mating and bonding be it sexual or social.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
The problem is that you don't know if it's going to work out or not at the beginning, and you only have limited control over who you fall in love with anyway. If love happens, you have to just deal with it. If the relationshp falls apart, you have to deal with that. If you never fall in love, you have to deal with that too.
Is everything ok?
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
And this is where I would start to tell the IEI to join me back in the real world and show his love by doing my taxes or making dinner. He proceeds to tell me that I don't get him and that he needs to go and write songs. He walks out the door and I call my ISTp girlfriend to gripe about being hungry with a starving artist. She brings me dinner and chocolate, helps me with my taxes, and I feel better. He runs into his ESTp buddy who invites him for a jam session. He practices his newly-written songs during the session and the girls tell him how deep and talented he is and he feels better. Rinse and repeat.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
disregard d00ls
acquire currency
I second this. I lived it once. Trying really REALLY hard to avoid living it again, because I am once again placed into close proximity with another dual who I am starting to admire and connect with more. I have the opportunity to reach out and connect with him more, but I'm seriously debating whether to proceed, because I doubt anything serious can come of this, and i know how hurtful and difficult it can be to tear myself away once dualization has occurred to even a small degree.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Yeah you should probably never love anyone and live in a stupor of loneliness for the rest of your life. At least do something productive with your time instead of leading a totally useless existence. Like find a hobby or something.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Being alone does not necessitate loneliness.
and likewise, having a significant other does not prevent loneliness.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
This has been quoted so many times...a good philosophy:
"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley
I'll add more on this tomorrow; until then, cheer up redbaron
Storge is what I get from special people and it can be intense, but Agape is definitely where I'd like things to settle. Not just for myself, but the world.
(i)NTFS
An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI
♫ 31.9FM KICE Radio ♫ *56K Warning*
My work on Inert/Contact subtypes
Socionics Visual Identification(V.I.) Database
Socionics Tests Database
Comprehensive List of Socionics Sites
Fidei Defensor
Shut up and go find another one.
The worst thing you can do is let any form of "reality" sink in. You might just as well die.
Redbaron, the answer for the loneliness of the female heart is companionship with friends....
And, to find your dual, you might just have to go out with me. SLE are so darn attracted to me.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
That kinda sounds like you're suggesting she should take your sloppy seconds.
What?
I'm not asking her to settle/compromise.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
lol this thread containts too much feeling-functions ahaha
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
You're so insensitive, FDG.
Was a joke!
So much for idealism.
Here's how things work in the real world.
You're a girl. You're in love with two guys. Each of them loves you. One is pushy and doesn't acknowledge your needs or respect you, but at least is generous and somewhat looks after you. The other is an insecure wimp with a macho façade, who keeps vomiting emotional turmoil up on you, but at least cares and is kind and is somewhat supportive.
Love will not overcome the difficult situation. In fact, it makes it worse by confusing what the right course of action is.
Or how about another scenario?
You're in a relationship with a sociopathic individual. They rile you up for amusement, and "because that's what relationships are meant to be", they have cheated on you, and do not reciprocate your affection. However, you've been through a lot with this person, good and bad, and you're very in love with him.
Love will not overcome this situation either, and, again, makes it worse, because you're left clinging to an irresolvable and damaging situation.
The real world is complicated. Overly simplistic idealism cannot withstand the rigors of the complexities of reality.
EDIT
Of course, I'm just a bitter and jaded 19 year-old. My real world, no doubt, is laughably limited in scope. In my age bracket, "love" is a chemical fog that obscures the truth and denies people access to any course of action that would make sense. (Half-truth... the first scenario ended in the girl taking a mixed-pragmatic course of action, but she's hardly entirely happy with it. Of course that course of action was not a happily ever after ending for myself, but so what? Getting angry over it achieves nothing. She's no longer a part of my life and has no place here, and that's that.)
I still hate myself for wasting so much time on a dual I was in love with, and for what? Everything she brought to me has since faded. It was utterly futile, I have no boons to show of it. I suppose I can at least console myself that I lost nothing worthwhile. Life remains the same, people come ago, and no matter what, time marches on without pity or remorse or fear, and cannot be stopped unless killed.
Last edited by male; 03-07-2011 at 11:22 AM.
For some of us, when we tell ourselves, "I shouldn't fall in love with this person..."
It's already too late.
I don't feel for other people very often, but I almost never choose to to have these sort of feelings. Unfortunately, it's rarely the case that it works out, but I don't think there's anything to do about it except try and succeed.
You make an excellent point.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
@topic, before I get silly linking stuff.
Redbaron, love your posts and I do agree with you on this one too... if you know it won't work out, or is 'doomed for failure'... but a lot of relationshpis, you won't know until you try it... unless someone is up-front on the first date or something, about their long-term life goals and all, or something else... but like others have said, 'better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all'.
That being said, you make a very valid point, that a failed duality relationship can hurt more than a normal one.I'm overcoming that myself now, too. =\ "Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: it might have been."
Was still very much worth it though. And to be honest, you're right, that of course you should not start a relationship if it's 'doomed for failure'. That's the same for any relationship though. Saves you heartache. And with duality, I don't see any reason in the beginning, if you honestly think it'll work, of being afraid and not giving it a go, if you think there's a chance it'll work out.
Ok, seriousness out of the way, time for fun linking stuff:
Nice definition, but your question reminded me of thisWhat is love?
A biochemical anomaly that accompanies urges/instinct of mating and bonding be it sexual or social.:
Hahaha, I like some of the Joseph Ducreux pictures:
(i)NTFS
An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI
♫ 31.9FM KICE Radio ♫ *56K Warning*
My work on Inert/Contact subtypes
Socionics Visual Identification(V.I.) Database
Socionics Tests Database
Comprehensive List of Socionics Sites
Fidei Defensor
This is what I said to Diana last night regarding the topic of relationship stability (and she's fine with me posting this).
discojoe: When will people learn to keep some fucking distance before it becomes 100% sure that the relationship is stable.
discojoe: God.
Diana: what is 100% stable?
discojoe: Didn't say that.
Diana: 100% sure that it's stable
Diana: what is that?
discojoe: It's when you know that you can say anything and the person won't leave.
Diana: and how do you get to that point without closing any distance?
discojoe: Tip toe
discojoe: What I do
discojoe: Is act very polite at first
discojoe: Then as I get comfortable, I start letting loose, acting a bit assholish
discojoe: And if they don't leave, then we've established a kind of bond.
discojoe: George and I are like that. Kelly and I are.
discojoe: My friend Tam and I are.
discojoe: So as I get closer to a female dual
discojoe: I'd gradually unload on her, little bits at a time, to see if she loves me despite it.
discojoe: It seems like people hide their negative sides from lovers
discojoe: And the drama occurs as they seep out
discojoe: If I don't act like a bit of a prick, then I'm disguising myself as someone who isn't a slight asshole bastard.
discojoe: I'd rather be seen for the obnoxious old sage that I am.
Diana: I definitely agree that I'd rather be seen for how I am, not hide stuff
Diana: but you get to know each other that way anyway, with time. you don't have to plan it out.
discojoe: You can plan anything, it's just a matter of degree.
DJ I think that's not the main issue, me thinks. Most of the time when a dual relationship fails it's because one of the two wants something that the other doesn't, not because their personality is incompatible.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
/facepalm
I did not "fall in love" with my husband. I remember it being a very deliberate choice, at least on my end. And because I made a conscious choice, my love for him is stronger than if it had just happened in spite of me, iykwim.
My life's work (haha):
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
Input, PLEASEAnd thank you
How did that happen?
I did not "fall in love" with my husband. I remember it being a very deliberate choice, at least on my end. And because I made a conscious choice, my love for him is stronger than if it had just happened in spite of me, iykwim.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Whatever, if you wanted to make a more abstract and general point...you should have said so.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
Hoho, call it what you will, but my point is that since you're making the concious decision to neither love nor be loved, you may as well find something to fill the empty space. Not criticism, just acceptance.
and likewise, having a significant other does not prevent loneliness.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
+2... or also when one of them doesn't know what they want, and maturely/generously doesn't want to waste the other's time in the process, in figuring out what they do want in life.
What I said didn't miss the point at all and it applies perfectly here.
My point is that relationships shouldn't get close enough to permit these intense emotional shockwaves unless both partners already know the things about each other that the majority of couples tend to keep concealed much too far into the intimate stages of the relationship.
You should know early on if you both share different aspirations and whether they can be reconciled.
Yeah blah blah blah Ne Ne Ne "you can't always do that." I never said always, but I think you can most of the time.
Very true. But sometimes people change their minds. I know the vast majority of the people on this site are in their late teens to early/mid twenties, tapering off from later twenties, to thirties, and forties, and so on.
And, when you're young, sometimes it's tough to figure out what your aspirations are.
Your point is true. If you have conflicting aspirations, you should know early on, and like redbaron said, and I agree with, for any relationship, you should get those out in the open, to prevent heartache later on. You should know.
But my point now is just that sometimes people don't know their aspirations yet. It's not necessarily age-related either. People just need to figure out what they want... and sometimes, they finally do that when they're already in a relationship, and realize it goes against what the other person wants. Other times, they just want time and space to think by themselves...
yeah...
I also think that when you haven't felt safe in your relationships and then you find a dual and there's that ultimate physical as well as emotional safety with that person, it's very very hard to resist and hard to let go of, even when absolutely necessary. And when you know in your heart that you're good for the other person too, and they know it too, but it just can't be your reality, it stings.
IEI-Fe 4w3
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
just keep several duals around - if things don't work out with the main dual, then you'll have a few back-up duals
on a more serious note, I'd rather seriously fall in love in this life and end up being heart-broken rather than never experience it
That's actually a really good idea. And it never hurts to be surrounded by dualzzz.just keep several duals around - if things don't work out with the main dual, then you'll have a few back-up duals
on a more serious note, I'd rather seriously fall in love in this life and end up being heart-broken rather than never experience it
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=637
^There's your answer
My life's work (haha):
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
Input, PLEASE
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
