I agree with a lot of what's already been said here in this thread.
I've come to realize that one of the big tests of whether someone is a dual (or fellow quadra-member for that matter) is how comfortable vs neurotic do they make you feel. If you feel comfy with a particular person, there are, on some subconscious level, shared socionic values. If you feel tense, nervous, judged, things always coming across the wrong way both ways, even though both are approaching each other with a neutral to good intent, suspect conflict or supervision. A distinction to make in assessing this, though, is do you feel nervous/judged because of some outside reasons like there are rumors the person is mean/intense/judgy/crazy or, say, self-criticism because of special feelings like a crush (as a few people have already mentioned)? What I mentioned does not apply then. This is something you will need to sort out via introspection.
The thing with conflictors is they can seem like your duals, until you realize they arent (they are your duals' quasi-identicals). With conflict, you can actually get along if you keep interaction to a minimum and dont take what your conflictor says too much too heart. Dont plan on getting close with your conflictor though because that is when it can become painful. To illustrate this a bit, one of my bosses (I have a bunch of bosses right now) is likely an LSI. Right off the bat when i started having exposure to this boss, I just felt this inexplicable need to cower and avoid interaction. I felt highly intimidated. I felt like everything i did was met with haughty disapproval and that my contributions were worthless. As a result i kept interaction to as minimum as I could. I could have sworn this guy hated my work. Well, turns out he actually gave me a glowing eval. I suspect the positive view was in part influenced by this LSI's right hand person, who I suspect is an LSE. LSE thinks very highly of me and values me a lot. Now that I know the LSI thinks well of me, it feels a little better working with him, but he still will often say things that, to me, seem totally hurtful, but just being aware that he is my conflictor I think to myself that he likely didn't mean it the way I took it. He also wants me to work more closely with him next year but I know that will be bad news (seeing how he slave-drives his current minion - not sure what type she is, ESE maybe). No freaking way. Even though I like him. That's how it is with conflictors. You dont mesh well and cringe at each other but keep saying to yourself, "he/she means well", "he/she didn't mean it that way", etc. This is why conflict leads to neurosis but isn't actually outright literal "CONFLICT" and isn't the most explosive of intertypes. You tend to sense the need to keep your distance from both sides.
Supervision can be, for some reason I cant explain, like a relationship trap; many bad marriages or failed friendships turn out to be some variety of supervision, which means they did like each other enough to fall in love/get married or become good friends in the first place.The badness/misunderstanding doesn't manifest until later. In conflict the sensation it's like right off the bat, and you know to watch out.
Duality, or activity or identity for that matter, when juxtaposed with conflictor relationships, the difference is really noticeable. You gravitate to these people, because you feel "safe". You know they like you, without needing an eval to tell you that. You dont get misunderstood. Things you say dont get misconstrued. You dont wonder why they made a certain comment. You value what they provide to you. They value you. You just feel free to say what you want to say. In conflict you sense your comment was unwelcome or stupid right away. In supervision you may feel free to be yourself at first but turns out deep down your supervisor was judging you negatively the whole time; then you lose trust in them, and that's a HORRIBLE feeling.
I recently had an excellent experience with an LSE boss for a month (activity). She, however, had a reputation of being "intense", "stern," and "particular" and "forcing" her minions to work long hours" with her, so I went into this stint a bit nervous, expecting the worst. However, i quickly realized that we were particular in the same way, so there was no friction there, and she was basically a teaching machine, so i actually didn't mind the long hours... I'd spend more time working with her if i could--miss her already! (I did get exhausted physically and didn't sleep a whole lot that month though). At first, i could tell she was a bit skeptical (probably because so many people working for her just didn't meet her expectations), but when both of us realized we were likeminded and had similar work standards in mind, it just became fun, and tbh relaxing, working with her. We would laugh, joke, confide in each other. When I was having a bad day or stressed about something, she would walk in a give me a hug or be like "are you ok?". And then the all-important question... "did you eat?".She's like 20-30 years older than me and knows 1000x more than me, but instead of feeling intimidated, it just totally felt like we were friends. Easy. Though, as is the case with activity relations, a bit exhausting.
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