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ILIs-INTps dealing with conflict and confrontation
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Last edited by aixelsyd; 08-12-2011 at 05:58 AM.
At first, my ILI will try simply stating his POV when challenged. If the person with whom he is conflicting seems open and willing to work things out, then it's all good. If the person he's conflicting with continues to press and challenge him, he has to retreat for a while and go through things rationally in his head, detached from the emotional environment brought on by the conflict.Originally Posted by aixelsyd
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Being a wuss. "Sorry sir, yes madam". In some rare cases explaining things makes sense. Or giving an "explanation" adapted to the fussmaker's liking or comprehension level. In almost all cases politeness and discretion.
IME, the main distinction btw troublemakers is their varying degrees of retardation and malice.
Tends to work well, except for the most bone-headed ESEs.
Not very wisely. The first commandment in dealing with Neanderthals is to always act, never react. When the other side gets you to react rather than act, you've lost. Which I've done repeatedly.
Depends totally on the situation.
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lol. I have good friend whose an ILI who currently has issues with a roommate being too much a of a douche (who actually is being a douche, and very passive-aggressive with pissy refrigerator messages, swearing in texts messages, about really stupid things). I dunno, my friend says he's tried confronting his roommate to no avail. I just think he's being to passive. I keep telling him he needs to put his foot down and tell him to discuss problem in person or shut the fuck up. But that involves to much swearing for my friend. Instead my ILI friend wants to kill him .... O.o ...
I N T J BIATCH!
Tell him to escalate the conflict to a level the roommate is unwilling to deal with on the roommate's terms. Put the most snide, smug, douche-tastic messages on the fridge. Fill his text inbox with the foulest, blackest, most noxious vitriol imaginable. Leave mustache shave hairs on the sink. Get up three hours earlier than he does with the most annoying radio station on the alarm clock.
Just have him show the roommate that he can do the passive-aggressive thing for longer, more creatively, and more cruelly than he can.
OR just... do what you were going to do. Just... talking to the guy might work.
Wat
You don't understand ILI if you think this will work. ILIs see life in ultimatums when it comes to real confrontation. He knows once he brings it up with the guy it will be a battle of wills, because he let it go on for so long. The guy doesn't respect him anymore.
This is why SEE is such a good partner as a diplomat because it's really not that serious. But ILIs allow themselves to reach that point because it's the path of least resistance.
The only solution is for him to get real - real soon. And for him to be relentless. A physical fight may ensue.
(i)NTFS
An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI
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Huh. I can dig that. Essentially they just let things slide externally and don't confront the people who make them uncomfortable because to actually do that would have to be a decisive confrontation, yes? Like, not just a small skirmish but an all-out war? Or is that only in cases like this where it's been passive for so long?
Whatever the case, it makes sense.
They state the logical point and then be quiet (because they know the more they talk, the more emotional the other person will get, or the more the waters will muddy), or make their subjective feelings about it known but don't press it, kind of fade in the distance. Well, this is sometimes different from what I do when I'm sort of frustrated, sometimes I just want someone's attention so I go a little overboard on how I feel, but I'm careful in doing this, I do it around people I'm extremely close to, and its rare.
It doesn't always work, since I'm pretty laid back and not really pushy about anything... I guess I'm better at standing my ground when I need to, and my only way I can do this really is detach completely from the situation, or else I have to go along with it. Go-with-the-flow is always on around people, so the trick is to detach, which I can easily do too. It just depends on the person.
Depends on my goal, mostly. I usually go along with it unless there's an obvious trump card, or unless I actually care one way or the other.
If I'm genuinely pissed, I leave. Once that happens, there is no emotional control, and unless I simply want to convey my personal sentiments on the matter, I've pretty much 'lost'. Fortunately these instances usually are instances where I just want to convey my sentiments.
In which case it's simply fiery and 'unnecessarily' emotional language.
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