I hate Fe properness

[Sir Knight]

The video, by the way:

[golden]

I continue to be fascinated by how Fi-valuers' complaints about Fe-valuers sound an awful lot like whatever complaints I might deliver about Fi-valuers, lol. That is, sometimes Fi seems fake to me, especially if it is being offered repeatedly over time by someone who greatly dislikes my Fe.

But look, maybe sometimes my Fe is fake. It ranges from (1) Fe deployed in a situation where my feelings or ideas toward another person run very deep, to (2) an important social situation in which I might step in to provide some kind of smoothing or ease, to (3) one-off instances where some dose of Fe can get something accomplished.

In the above para, item 1 describes my relationships with close friends, partners, family. As in other threads on Fe versus Fi, it was implied here that that Fe-valuers don't make real friends? Please. Example of number 1, childhood friend who suffered from psychosis for years. She called me every three or four days at the height of her illness, and she could count on me any time, day or night. She really needed what I could call Fe--doses of surface-readable emotion where nothing feels hidden.

Item 2 examples: (a) Being the maid of honor at a wedding where the bride and groom's families were greatly at odds, for three days constantly smoothing over tense interactions, giving people ways to connect, etc. (b) Being the go-to person to put authors' minds at ease and iron out their issues and worries (back when I worked in-house for a book publisher).

Item 3 example, from last night: In an interminable line at a department store, people had to leave space for others to pass through, where two aisles intersected, and every so often someone would think the line ended at that space. Once that gap was just behind me, a couple of guys approached the line and cut in. I glanced behind them and saw that the guy in back of them was boiling mad but didn't seem to know how to handle the situation. So I smiled at the two men and politely, with a light laugh, pointed out the end of the line, about 20 people back. They laughed too, apologized, and found another line. I was able to do this in a cute-n-harmless way. The pissed-off guy clearly could not have.

Maybe in some of these situations I am quite fake? But really, doesn't fakery depend on the person? Generally, in the social sense I use Fe to be helpful, so even if it looks only skin-deep, I'm doing something with the Fe because I think something matters. My friends matter to me, potentially implosive social situations matter to me, people being wronged matter to me, and if Fe is something I can use to have a positive effect, then I'll use it.

In the negative, I might use Fe to "go off" on someone. And there, I admit my wrong. Occasionally it's called for; usually not.

[EyeSeeCold]

I guess it just depends on the language you speak. I don't speak emotion so obviously emotions directed at me don't register as valid feelings. Likewise, I understand feelings as psychological distance in the form of approach, comfort and mental ease and these tell me whether feelings are real or not. Trying to bring me out of my shell with surface emotions will not work as that is not where my authenticity lies, it is located deep down at the bottom of a pit, in which you must endure the skull crushing pressure of my silent presence.

[Morcheeba]

I continue to be fascinated by how Fi-valuers' complaints about Fe-valuers sound an awful lot like whatever complaints I might deliver about Fi-valuers, lol. That is, sometimes Fi seems fake to me, especially if it is being offered repeatedly over time by someone w ho greatly dislikes my Fe.

I am right there with ya on this quote. I'm sure this relates to the fact of unvalued but strong functions.