Anti-authoritarian parenting style and socionics types

[Singu]

Anti-authoritarian parents are neurotic.

[ashlesha]

ok, i don't think i know what anti-authoritarian parenting means.

a couple things, though. i think an overly authoritarian parenting style is also likely to push a kid to reject authority and a more moderate environment is optimal. and i'm trying to figure out what was meant by the working environment comment...would you say that the primary responsibility of a parent is to prepare their children for the work world?

[FDG]

I don't have children, but when I will, I'll definitely try to be as anti-authoritarian as I can (obviously, this means that I will have to be authoritarian if they're really crossing the line...). I wouldn't mind if my children disliked the "typical social order". I dislike it myself, in many ways.

Besides, I also strongly believe in "nature over nurture" when it comes to character development. I've seen horrible children / men coming out of absolutely normal/perfect families, and vice versa. Probably, something which might be equally (if not more) important would be checking out who they end up befriending, even though ultimately such a thing can't be controlled, either.

My parents are ISxjs and I believe they are not particularly authoritarian. They probably didn't need to be, either, since I've never displayed particularly wild behavioral tendencies.

My "pet theory" is that ExTx children have the worst response to authoritarian parenting, while IxFx children have the "best" response. I have an ESTp acquaintance, which I could otherwise define as psychologically "fine", which set his own house on fire when he was 10-11, in response to a strong quarrel with his father.

[CILi]

Question #1: Anti-Authoritarian = ?

A) Anal and way too authoritative of their kids

B) Lax and not authoritative of their kids at all

C) Anarchic and actively fighting "authorities" in their lives

[FDG]

Question #1: Anti-Authoritarian = ?

A) Anal and way too authoritative of their kids

B) Lax and not authoritative of their kids at all

C) Anarchic and actively fighting "authorities" in their lives

I would say B) with an implied hint of C).

[Pa3s]

i'd have to know more precisely what you mean by "anti-authoritarian" to comment with much specificity, but i could see a possible trend here.

Hmm, I just noticed there isn't even an english Wikipedia article about that... well, at least as far as I can see. Anti-authoritarian parents believe it's utterly wrong to set certain rules for the child. There are different characteristics for this behaviour. Some might treat their children as equals (as if they already were grown-up and fully aware of every consequence of their actions) or others who seem to ignore parenting at all and leave their childrens development to chance (which is the worst case).

a couple things, though. i think an overly authoritarian parenting style is also likely to push a kid to reject authority and a more moderate environment is optimal. and i'm trying to figure out what was meant by the working environment comment...

Overly authoritarian parenting often causes the children to become authoritarians in their later life, some might even use physical punishment, which I absolutely reject. Authoritarian parenting is actually about as bad as the anti-a style. There is middle way of parenting, which is still based on the parents as authorities, but unfortunately, there is no appropriate english term to describe it.

would you say that the primary responsibility of a parent is to prepare their children for the work world?

I expected this question. The answer ist no, of course not. But it's important to show the child how it should deal with real-life problems and so on.

I would say B) with an implied hint of C).

Correct.

My parents are ISxjs and I believe they are not particularly authoritarian. They probably didn't need to be, either, since I've never displayed particularly wild behavioral tendencies.

It's exactly the same in my case.

[pianosinger]

My style has been to seek a balance. It is important for parents to maintain some authority over their children, but in a way that encourages them to safely develop their independence over time.

For example, my 3 yo is told point-blank not to go into the street without holding an adult's hand. This is to keep him safe, as he does not yet understand all the fine points of crossing the street or how to do so safely every time. When he is older, however, he will know enough to safely cross the street by himself. I won't be making him hold my hand still when he's eight.

[pianosinger]

My parents are ISxjs and I believe they are not particularly authoritarian. They probably didn't need to be, either, since I've never displayed particularly wild behavioral tendencies.

This was me, too. I had a lot of freedom as a kid, that my ESFp sister did not because she was much more prone to "push the envelope" in a way that could have gotten her into trouble.

My "pet theory" is that ExTx children have the worst response to authoritarian parenting, while IxFx children have the "best" response. I have an ESTp acquaintance, which I could otherwise define as psychologically "fine", which set his own house on fire when he was 10-11, in response to a strong quarrel with his father.

This is something that scares me, having an ESTp child. He is so strong-willed. He responds to my discipline pretty well, as long as I am reasonable and consistent with him. But, he certainly has no qualms about getting physical, and he is constantly forcing me to push back with my Role Se, which gets old really quick. And it's hard to be consistent every time. And his ILI daddy has even less control over him than I do.

He will hit or shove his baby brother until he starts to cry. And when I ask him why he did it, he says, "Because I like to!" He enjoys arousing an emotional reaction out of other people. And it doesn't help, I suppose, that neither his daddy nor I are Fe-valuing.

So, in our household, neither my husband or I swear or use foul language-- EVER. And yet, the other day Daddy was driving home with our son and he started screaming the F-word over and over at the top of his lungs! Yep, he's going to be an interesting challenge, that boy...

[Pa3s]

Just to make this clear: I don't support authoritarian parents. As I said above it's as contraproductive as people who raise their child in an anti-authoritarian way, in my opinion. Here is a picture which maybe illustrates the general situation better:



Key:
caption: parenting styles
up/down: warmth/affection (devotion)
left/right: control/guidance
red: permissive
blue: neglecting
yellow: 'authoritative'
green: authoritarian
(the words in yellow and green seem to be synomyms in English. In German, the maybe aren't, even if I never heard the yellow one before as a special term.)

[FDG]

Ah, yeah well I believe "authoritative" exists in english as separate from "authoritarian"...(the latter being pejorative).

[Pa3s]

My style has been to seek a balance. It is important for parents to maintain some authority over their children, but in a way that encourages them to safely develop their independence over time.

according to a psychology class i was in, the middle way is termed authoritative.

Yep, that's what I mean.

Ah, yeah well I believe "authoritative" exists in english as separate from "authoritarian"...(the latter being pejorative).

Okay, my typical online dictionary listed it as a synomym.

[Azeroffs]

I think reason should be the primary authority in parenting. I could see myself being somewhat authoritarian, but not outside of reason. I don't think I could ever be the "because I said so" kind of parent.

Also, I've always thought that "you'll understand when your older" is a bullshit control technique as well. I think that all things can be understood if you take enough time to explain. But, I guess it does take a certain level of maturity to be willing to try to understand.

[ashlesha]

Overly authoritarian parenting often causes the children to become authoritarians in their later life, some might even use physical punishment, which I absolutely reject. Authoritarian parenting is actually about as bad as the anti-a style. There is middle way of parenting, which is still based on the parents as authorities, but unfortunately, there is no appropriate english term to describe it.

according to a psychology class i was in, the middle way is termed authoritative. there were studies cited where it was shown that permissive parenting is least effective and authoritative is most effective. i dont know how exactly that was measured, though. i feel kind of silly for not mentioning this earlier, lol.

My style has been to seek a balance. It is important for parents to maintain some authority over their children, but in a way that encourages them to safely develop their independence over time.

For example, my 3 yo is told point-blank not to go into the street without holding an adult's hand. This is to keep him safe, as he does not yet understand all the fine points of crossing the street or how to do so safely every time. When he is older, however, he will know enough to safely cross the street by himself. I won't be making him hold my hand still when he's eight.

this seems like the sanest kind of parenting imo.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

I don't have children, but when I will, I'll definitely try to be as anti-authoritarian as I can (obviously, this means that I will have to be authoritarian if they're really crossing the line...). I wouldn't mind if my children disliked the "typical social order". I dislike it myself, in many ways.

Besides, I also strongly believe in "nature over nurture" when it comes to character development. I've seen horrible children / men coming out of absolutely normal/perfect families, and vice versa. Probably, something which might be equally (if not more) important would be checking out who they end up befriending, even though ultimately such a thing can't be controlled, either.

My parents are ISxjs and I believe they are not particularly authoritarian. They probably didn't need to be, either, since I've never displayed particularly wild behavioral tendencies.

My "pet theory" is that ExTx children have the worst response to authoritarian parenting, while IxFx children have the "best" response. I have an ESTp acquaintance, which I could otherwise define as psychologically "fine", which set his own house on fire when he was 10-11, in response to a strong quarrel with his father.

I am IxFx and a product of authoritarian/controlling parenting (by ESE and possible LSI), along with physical/mental abuse. It aggravated any authority issues I already had.

[April]

My mother is ENFp and had an extremely passive approach to parenting to the point where I felt like I basically took care of myself (e.g., making my own meals, getting myself ready in the morning, catching the bus on my own since she would sleep in). There weren't really any rules except I was supposed to tell her where I was at all times. I think her approach was encouraged, in a way, by my teachers. Even in 2nd grade, if my teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes, she would announce to the class that I was in charge (how fucked up as I look back on it!). I think she regrets all of this, because she has said to me multiple times in my adult life, "I'm sorry I never let you be a kid."

[pianosinger]

My mother is ENFp and had an extremely passive approach to parenting to the point where I felt like I basically took care of myself (e.g., making my own meals, getting myself ready in the morning, catching the bus on my own since she would sleep in). There weren't really any rules except I was supposed to tell her where I was at all times. I think her approach was encouraged, in a way, by my teachers. Even in 2nd grade, if my teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes, she would announce to the class that I was in charge (how fucked up as I look back on it!). I think she regrets all of this, because she has said to me multiple times in my adult life, "I'm sorry I never let you be a kid."

Gosh, what did she do with all her time?