I'm unaffected by others' stress. My own stress is self-induced.Originally Posted by Saoshyant
I'm unaffected by others' stress. My own stress is self-induced.
But your stress has to have an external factor to it, no?
/
Yes. For example, if something needs done I'll decide that I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it NOW. Then I may get totally focussed, take no breaks, and snap at anyone who slightly slows my progress.
I'm going to type out some phrases from my class reading this week.
"When children experience fear and/or stress, their neurochemical response is to secrete the stress hormone, cortisol. This response makes some neural activities slower, in general, the learning centers in the top of the brain and...other neural activities faster, in general, the brain stem and lower limbic systems which are responsible for the fight/flight physical responses."
"There is some evidence that the amle brain does not return to stability and learning readiness as quickly as the female brain does after an incident that is highly stressful."
Sometimes I get mad fast and it dissipates rapidly. But other times, anger creeps up on me, and I don't even know it's there at first. And just builds. And right now is like that. I'm angry and stressed and depressed, and there's not a fucking person I can talk to, so I'm telling a bunch of strangers on the internet. The fucking internet. Two-dimensional shittiest form of trying to communicate ever. Hate this shit. All the fucking words. Just typed words, and waiting, and not reaching anything. Not fucking connecting with ANYTHING. Your own thoughts just echo around and fall lifeless to the ground. IM, and facebook, and these damn forums, just two-dimensional space, and distance. Too much distance, and too much safety. And I'm sick of my own head, and my own thoughts, and trying to fix myself, and cure my anger. I want to be known, and touched, and reached, but I feel like I'm fire, that only burns and destroys everything, and nobody wants to get too near. I can contain myself and be acceptable enough to everyone, and they're all happy, but I get so sick of that, and it drives me crazy. I haven't been sleeping or eating, have lost like 10 lbs in the past 2 weeks. And it's from having to remain so damn contained, holding all of my anger and frustration back. Don't do that. Find a way to let it out to be dealt with. My way is physically, take it out with my body, through hard exercize of some sort. But, I have to recognize the anger first.
Someone's stressed.
What's wrong with internet people? I like it 'cause there are no gossipers.
You don't have to worry about making other people happy. They belong to themselves. They're going to be okay while you figure out life for yourself. What makes you happy?
Still working on figuring that one out. But, I agree with you.
obviously she's stressed, you moron. way to be supportive. and she just told you what she doesnt like about the internet, its 2deminsional and therefore unhelpful in any meaningful way.
if you dont have anything helpful or at least halfway intelligent to post, dont post anything at all
anyway squark im sorry youre going through that. i think what dolphin says is good advice, sometimes it can be hard to follow though if it means breaking a pattern but one great thing about life is that nothing ever stops, things are always moving so when youre in a time like this there is always another day, or several days or longer as the case may be, to look forward to. just keep going, keep posting or finding other ways to vent, and youll end up WAY better than you would have been without the hard time to strengthen you
If you're just gonna conflict, don't bother responding.
I don't support emotions.
I asked why squark didn't like something followed by a reason I like it. That doesn't mean I don't think reasons were already given. It means I expect a reason against my reason.
thanks ladyinred. venting DID help. :-)
don't get mad, get even
Here are my suggestions for what they are worth.... anger is great if you can take it out with people who share the source of your annoyance. Ranting is great, but you have to make sure who you rant to can relate. Unfortunately its a high stakes game, because if they can't relate, you just ordered a huge helping of an angry rebutal. If you have good friends that can deal with your anger ranting is a great way to feel good, because it doesn't make you feel alone in your annoyances. I wouldn't listen to church ladies too much, anger is an earthly emotion everyone feels and its something people have to confront and learn to deal with emotionally one way or another.
To deal with someone angry, you should ask them some questions, it makes them think, and could possibly calm them down, they may see something they didn't see before and open up their minds. Try to seem receptive, like you want to side with them, agree with them that they have experienced something they have the right to feel angry about, but your a little skeptical.
However, don't question them in an interrogative manner like you are judging whether they have the right to feel this way, that makes it worse. Also telling them to "STFU" "DEAL WITH IT" "YOUR AN EMO FAG".... never works, you might as well just punch them in the face and tell them you sodomized their mom last night complete with laughing like a little weasel, because all it does it make their anger worse. Finally you want to avoid trying to assume they are wrong and they need to prove quickly why they have the right to feel angry, that will incite anxiety which will only fuel anger.
Once again, the idea is to be receptive, listen, ask questions.
If you disagree with them, after they've calmed down try telling them calmly your viewpoint, open with something like no offense, and admit to them you see it different but you understand they are angry. If you agree with them, ask what they consider doing about it, try helping them solve their problem or if it is beyond your capability, simply wishing them prosperity and peace should be good enough.
That's communicating anger with people.... now onto personal coping
Consider what causes anger, if its stress, likely you are in fight or flight mode, ready to face down challenges, but our biology is designed to only be in this mode when facing predators and not for normal operation. The first goal is to calm down, this is hard to do, but there are many ways. A classic is physical exercise, the method is simple, let out excess energy physically until your body forcibly becomes exhausted and your fight or flight mode shuts down and your body become flooded with endorphins. Great, but it won't heal the source, and isn't always a feasible method, its the brute force method.
A good method to heal the source of anger is to figure out what it is that is really frustrating you, review all the little triggers and try to understand why you are angry, then once you figure out find some way to cope with that source of anger, a constructive solution and a productive hopeful forward moving attitude (one day I will overcome that which has annoyed me and I will live among the gods), content acceptance (I can live with this or Pshh that isn't so bad), or just even a darker cynical acceptance (lifes not perfect, but one can imagine). Usually entire coping requires all three.
But before you can go about this process, first you must be mentally calm and not enraged. For this just find a way to relax, exercise like you mentioned is a good one, but if that's not available, reading a book, watching a movie, listening to a song, working alone on some creative activity you enjoy, quiet contemplation, or simply rest/food/comfort will do the trick. Ideally all of these activities plus the coping mechanism I believe could calm down the most enraged psychotic killer. I think the problem on why this doesn't work is that typically enraged psychotic killers are getting fed anger in from their environment so they are unable to calm down enough to heal... think about it if you were in a prison you'd constantly be exposed to anger as if it were radiation in cyernobol. That's why for everything to work there must also be understanding outside oneself and not just a personal goal to eliminate anger from your life, because people are interconnected fundamentally, feelings are so largely based on one's interaction with the world around them, their senses, the pain they feel when they fall on hard concrete, and the excitement they feel when they are in good company. If someone around you is angry, even that glare from a passerby, it will make you feel worse and spread the disease. Of course this isn't to imply a strategy of ignoring others anger, but attempting to make a lifestyle change, where you can better deal with anger both inside you and outside of you, and then using that self-mastery and empathy to bring a small measure of peace to the world. The saddest part to the story though, is people typically capable of doing this, are never immune to one day being consumed by it and dying at the hands of some bitter person. That's how it works and the cycle continues, new people rise and bring peace, to fall again, and so forth and so forth.
Last edited by male; 12-01-2010 at 04:29 AM.
I realized that I was angry, and ran, and vented here, and made a decision for how I was going to deal with what I thought were the issues.
Then, I started writing to myself what I was really angry about, in clear, honest terms, not allowing obfuscation. I looked at it and started laughing at all my melodrama. I got WAY too worked up over things, and it was more or less because I let stuff accumulate and frustration just built up. If I can recognize when something's bothering me sooner, I think I can find a way of dealing with it better, so it doesn't fester.
A lot of times the things we tell ourselves and others are bothering us isn't really the heart of the issue. When we're honest with ourselves, and able to look at it all with an open mind rather than through a self-protecting screen, it can get a lot simpler pretty quick.
I find dynamic types seem to have more quickly changeable emotions compared to static types, similarly to how energy levels tend to vary in irrational types more. IME, of course.
Another explanation could be emotivism/constructivism, but I'm not convinced emotional states aspects applies, really.
Then your problem is making big deals out of small things
lol, nope. wrong answer. my problem is something different, and none of your business, hah.
Apparently "ranting" doesn't reduce your anger... but may even increase it.
Yea I don't know, I can see how that works, but I kind of always focus on solutions. Whenever I encounter a problem, I get angry, and whenever it reaches its conclusion I relax. Ranting helps bring the issue to recognition, but having that recognition can be inflammatory.
Anyways, I don't think its ever that simple. A lot of it depends on what the issue is, like ranting about things you can do nothing about is a waste of time and energy. However it does feel good to rant, which can calm someone down, just to articulate their problem, so that they can realize it, and possibly acquire some clarity of mind.
I don't know I think I need to rant to mentally process what I'm angry at, instead if I try to just stuff down my grievances it creates mentally instability.
you're an E-1. I realized that you guys hate it when you disintegrate to E-4 and become Melodramatic, and even a slight healthy dosage of philosophy/romanticizing isn't the cup of tea for you guys. I think this makes you guys the most realistic of all LSI, but baffling to a lot of your EIE dual whose 3 with a heavy 4 wing.
Anyway, when you guys disintegrate and becomes irrational @ 4 combine w/ suppress anger that need to come out, sometimes it is very hard to reason with you guys. The need to be rationalized as a one/ suppressing your gut instinct also complicates things here.
(D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)
I totally agree about the e1 instinct fix, e1 have an almost obsessive tendency to control their rage/anger. Of course I don't mean to imply obsessive = negative characteristic. There are positives and negatives to all different e-types.
Yes.
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