I'm a believer of meeting someone halfway, instead of pursuing/being pursued. It seems kinda lazy and unrealistic to wait for someone to just want you really badly. Maybe for extroverts they don't mind pursuing someone that much and expending energy, as opposed to me, who if I don't get some feedback of interest I tend to just move on.
that describes me pretty well. lolOriginally Posted by Lobo
Why would you imagine that pursuing someone means undermining your self-respect. I pursued women all my adult life and I more or less never had problem doing it with self-respect.Yup. I know a number of definite extroverts who are pretty much the same. I personally would hate to be one of those people who chase after someone like they have no self-respect. Dignity>relationship. Selfish? Not really.But honestly, I respect people's boundaries too much to even want to bother and come off as a dick.
Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.
ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
The Ineffable IEI
The Einstein ENTp
johari nohari
http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/
Yup. I know a number of definite extroverts who are pretty much the same. I personally would hate to be one of those people who chase after someone like they have no self-respect. Dignity>relationship. Selfish? Not really.I think she's just talking about those who do so with no self-respect. What's sad is when an extrovert decides to wait for things to come to them because they've had bad experiences at pursuing... Coming from them it just seems like loss of interest.
I just wanted to bump this thread, I think it's interesting.
I think some woman want to be pursued due to low self-confidence. It's a bit of a trap because you do feel a person who is so much in love with you (at least in his behaviour) is going to give you more security, is going to love you forever etc, etc. Whereas, in many cases, it's just the first stadium of a relationship and a romance style (not necessarily connected with socionics).
Actually, weird as it may seem, it was his persistence that made me be with my INTj boyfriend. I wasn't interested in him at all, but I let him follow me around - also because of the fact he didn't make any decisive moves so I didn't have a chance to get scared. I thought he was so much in love with me and I really yearned for sb wanting me, texting me every night, taking care of me. And this relationship turned out to be one of the silliest things I did in my life, affecting it in many ways. But yes, I was with him primarily because he did pursue me in a non-aggressive but a very clear way.
With my LSE boyfriend it's quite funny - although I felt pursued by him it was me who first talked to him (as a friend) and it was me who finally first kissed him . My perception of this was that he just did everything he could to make me feel comfortable and wanted but he left this first move to me - whenever I felt like doing this. He was pursuing me in a totally caregiving way which made me fall in love with him almost instantly.
I'd say I love being pursued for but I don't like the feeling of being locked in a cage. And I like it when a guy is masculine enough to accept that we are different creatures and we need to be treated in a different ways than his male friends.
I tend to do this a bit too, like altering the nature of the relationship to ensure that whatever was being done to arouse or incite these unwanted feelings of interest in me can no longer occur. I mean it of course depends on the person to some extent, but usually issues like this come up fairly early on and I'm more comfortable just sort of shunning people who want this from me if I'm not receptive to them in that way instead of trying to fix (deal with the awkwardness of) a bond with someone who want's something I don't want to give them.
I haven't had any life-long friends or very strong relationships suddenly surprise me by trying to alter the nature of how we interact to include romantic interests so I can't really comment on that.
Easy Day
It actually took me a while to understand behaviorally how delta NFs sort of go about wooing their romantic interests. For the longest time I had this friend and I always kept giving him the same advice of 'just do it!' like whatever you want from this girl sexually or romantically just bring it up, address the issue head on, take action, ect. I would sort of rationalize doing such by referencing how long he'd known her and that should equate to some sort of comfortably communication wise that would include being able to bring up these sorts of topics without much fear of the repercussions (though perhaps in light of both mine and @Ryene Astraelis 's posts I am wrong lol).I just wanted to bump this thread, I think it's interesting.
I think some woman want to be pursued due to low self-confidence. It's a bit of a trap because you do feel a person who is so much in love with you (at least in his behaviour) is going to give you more security, is going to love you forever etc, etc. Whereas, in many cases, it's just the first stadium of a relationship and a romance style (not necessarily connected with socionics).
Actually, weird as it may seem, it was his persistence that made me be with my INTj boyfriend. I wasn't interested in him at all, but I let him follow me around - also because of the fact he didn't make any decisive moves so I didn't have a chance to get scared. I thought he was so much in love with me and I really yearned for sb wanting me, texting me every night, taking care of me. And this relationship turned out to be one of the silliest things I did in my life, affecting it in many ways. But yes, I was with him primarily because he did pursue me in a non-aggressive but a very clear way.
With my LSE boyfriend it's quite funny - although I felt pursued by him it was me who first talked to him (as a friend) and it was me who finally first kissed him . My perception of this was that he just did everything he could to make me feel comfortable and wanted but he left this first move to me - whenever I felt like doing this. He was pursuing me in a totally caregiving way which made me fall in love with him almost instantly.
I'd say I love being pursued for but I don't like the feeling of being locked in a cage. And I like it when a guy is masculine enough to accept that we are different creatures and we need to be treated in a different ways than his male friends.
However over and over again I'd see him sort of just not listen to me, so I thought a lot about what I was saying and how I could more effectively get him to meet his relationship goals. I never ended up helping him much at all, he ended up figuring things out all on his own. Plus like he being a delta NF I doubt was terribly concerned with the concept of 'relationship goals' or any sort of like action taking place or something like that. Long story short the way I think about relationships is fundamentally different than how delta NFs do, but if a delta NF does want advice something more along the lines of how relationships work in the PC game the sims is likely going to be more worthwhile to them than any sort of motivational speech or attempt to alter their behavior directly.
(Relationships in the sims, I.E. marriage in the sims, function based sort of on comfort and how close the relationship between two individuals are. So like proposing to your mail-man in this game wouldn't work, but proposing to your loved one also is likely to fail if their internal needs are not taken care of, so in the game you make them all this food and then take care of all their internal needs and from there are more likely to have your requests meet with receptivity. Though who is 'making the requests' or initiating these sorts of things may be different for IEEs and EIIs I still think, in theory, the best advice to give to any delta NF is to focus on these sorts of things and then from there hope for the best without being too imposing perhaps. Which is different than my behavior, I prefer to be imposing... in a sense anyway.)
Last edited by JWC3; 08-31-2012 at 03:52 AM.
Easy Day
I want to meet someone like you.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Jesus, this is a load of crap.
EII and I am a fearless human being. I don't care about rejection; I just move on.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
*shrugs* Not the first Victim sentiment like that I've seen.
Good for you. Not everyone has that confidence; they may not have had it to begin with, or they lose it to life experience. I'm not worried about my similarity (or lack thereof) to you, at least not in a type-related context.EII and I am a fearless human being. I don't care about rejection; I just move on.
----------------------------
Hm... I'm surprised I didn't mention it last time, but I tend to "telegraph" interest. I'll make eye contact whenever possible, for example. (I think it worked with one of my friends, as he came and talked to me not long after... that was the one I had zero chemistry with, naturally.) I feel like my method boils down to, "I'm here, and I'm interested. Pursue me, damnit." Curiously, I am far more comfortable taking the initiative when it's not a romantic situation.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
Thank you, I feel flattered.
I quess what you mean is that you have some problems pursuing girls in a typical, aggressive way. In my experience that's not what girls want - most of my girlfriends feel comfortable initiating contact, even much more than me. I personally feel very bad around man who are aggressive pursuers. A mix of caregiving, masculinity , shyness and normality is perfect.
Btw I saw your video when you were playing the guitar. I'm sure many girls would fall in love with you after listening to that!
The way I show interest tends to be very subtle and indirect, but consistent and unambiguos at the same time. I am attentive and supportive without being in-your-face about it. In rare occasions I will verbalize how I feel in a clear-cut way, one or two sentences. If I get a "no/not interested" response, I won't ask again.Thank you, I feel flattered
I quess what you mean is that you have some problems pursuing girls in a typical, aggressive way. In my experience that's not what girls want - most of my girlfriends feel comfortable initiating contact, even much more than me. I personally feel very bad around man who are aggressive pursuers. A mix of caregiving, masculinity , shyness and normality is perfect.
No success so far.
As for girls approaching me, I don't really remember that happening, like ever. But then, maybe I hold myself at a distance too much...
LOL, thanks for the compliment. But I never use my talents to seduce anyone. It would feel almost arrogant and dishonest, and I look down on guys who purposefully "show off" (with their talents/posessions/ego/etc) to seduce girls. Maybe it's the fear of coming across as such that prevents me from saying or showing things about myself to girls I barely know.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Hm, but you don't have to show off...That's not what I meant. But you don't hide it as well, do you?
I also think that you are probably the type that wants to offer sth to girls, like help in everyday matters hence your disliking for "showing off". Of course showing off is superficial and it's quite easy to notice. But having talent and hobby and being good at sth isn't. It makes you interesting just the way you are.
Oh yes they are.LSEs are so cute
I know. That's just how it feels to me. And how it may be perceived.
I do, actually. Not sure why, but my natural tendency is to attract as little attention to myself as possible. It's highly unlikely, for instance, that I would feel comfortable playing the guitar (or doing something similar) in front of someone I like but haven't gotten the chance to get to know them yet. I'd be feeling like I am "performing" for someone, being put on the spot, and I really don't like all that attention. And with things like playing music there's also the emotional involvement in what I'm doing which makes it even more difficult. Which is also why I've never been particularly fond of playing for a live audience.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
I think I get you. You mean it's sth you are aware of being good at and at the same time sth really important for you so that you don't want to show it to anybody who you are not close to. It's like the inner part of yourself... I think everybody has things like that so don't worry!
I'm sure that when you meet the right girl things will be much easier. I've known a guy, he's ISFp and he used to have problems with girls. He would fall in love with the wrong ones, then he couldn't fall in love - he didn't like anybody. And he's quite attractive. I know a few girls had a crush on him and he had plenty of one-night stands as well! He was quite melancholic, just like you. And one day he met this girl at the party and she was already living with her boyfriend for two years. He told me he wanted nobody else but her. I thought he was playing victim again, I thought it had no future. In my opinion at the time he was behaving like a child - he wanted a toy that he couldn't get. But it hadn't been one moth since they first met when she moved out and they started being together. I was kind of shocked...It happened 5 years ago and now they are a really happy marriage with a small child
So, keep smiling, be yourself and trust your feelings
I really like the idea of being liked and pursued. Being pursued is sometimes scary though, especially when it's a person you are not expecting to pursue.
The thing is... Trying to actively pursue a person would mean I have to act unlike myself which I can barely sustain.
resurrecting an old thread... I thought it had interesting discussion
"being fought for/pursued and wanted" sounds just slightly aggressive/domineering and I feel like I would be more comfortable with someone... who is clearly interested and receptive. Doesn't mean he cannot be initiative taking, but is concurrently open to how I feel/think and what I might need...
so a softer approach, yes
Last edited by necrosebud; 05-05-2023 at 03:19 AM.
I would like to be pursued.. only if I like the guy
Jesus... reading through these ancient threads feels paranormal.
Last edited by Park; 05-05-2023 at 07:50 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
It's common when people give more interest to those who shaw an interest to them before.
Not specifics of some types. To types relate what kind of positive relation impresses more.
For example, Ni types like to get costy gifts (Se).
> And as we know, sometimes Delta NFs don't make the best relational choices in terms of ending up with people who are actually good for them.
Same not specifics of concrete types. Types may differ where wrong evaluation happen easier - what functional regions are weaker.
For example, F types may too "think" by moment emotions in decisions.
For claims "as we know" needs those fited to theory. Not the case here.
Paranormal is to think your type as SLI while having such emotional talking.
Some of our bla-bla-bla may be read later after centuries. It's easy to keep digital data and it's massively gathered for this. For example, archive.org does this.
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