Enneagram Types Compatiblity and Relationships

[Creepy-female]

One with Six: A Perfectionist-Trooper Couple

Initial attractions often involve a shared vision that requires hard work in order to become a reality. The couple bonds through effort and a kinship of ideals. Sixes are identified with underdog causes, which coincides with Ones' dedication to perfection. Joined by a similar worldview, and prepared for adversity, the One-Six couple is often dedicated to a dream.
Both types can be perceived as negative thinkers. Ones are preoccupied with error, and Sixes are focused on doubt. But precisely because they anticipate difficulty, they also see the beauty of the human dilemma and the creativity that springs from pain. They understand the importance of asking hard questions and the courage of daring to try. Both types have an appealing willingness to hang in during troubled times. The attendant effort produces unusual levels of trust. Each sees the other's high intentions and each see the other's fear of success.
One-Six couples report both a deep affinity and periodic standoffs caused by mutual projection. Both feel guilty if they can't perform well, and both procrastinate. One is afraid to make a mistake, and Six doubts success. The climate is ripe for mutual projection. "Why don't things move faster?" "Look how he keeps stalling." "Is this deliberate?" "Why can't she decide?" The partners are afraid to argue. Anger frightens Sixes, and Ones think anger is wrong.
Without a reality check, either partner can become paralyzed by inner worry and doubt. A complicated web of unacknowledged feelings can develop. One sees Six as holding out, and Six feels blamed because what gets done is never good enough. One is likely to take the superior stance: "I'm right; and it's true, you aren't good enough." Secure in their own moral superiority, Ones can alienate Sixes by acting "better than". The Six may be quite willing to look bad as a repulsion technique. The Trooper hopes that the Perfectionist will leave in disgust, thereby providing a guilt-free way to end the relationship.
It helps to nip projection in the bud, before losing site of a partner's good intentions. A good talk reduces projection. It's such a simple strategy, but very difficult to implement. From time to time each will see the other as "causing" the problem. Sixes fear their own aggression, and Ones deny anger because they think it's wrong; consequently irritation can boil over without warning. The answer for this couple lies in disclosure so that projection never takes hold.

[tereg]

Two with Five, please.

[Creepy-female]

Three with Four: A Performer-Romantic Couple

Both are focused on image and the degree of regard that they receive from other people. Performers want respect for achievement, and Romantics need to be seen as distinctive and unique. The couple usually presents itself well in public, often adopting a lifestyle that emanates successful elegance. Initial attractions show Three drawn to the inner drama of Four as a counterpart to their own desire for public recognition. From the Four side, a Three's preoccupation with worldly events can be equally challenging. Performers seem perpetually focused on their work, even during private moments. This displacement of attention can be irritating to Romantics, who crave intimate connection, but a Performer's task orientation also creates a psychological distancing mechanism that can be attractive. Four partners never seem to get enough of their Three's attention, which makes them focus on the best features of what seems to be missing. Here's an example of the difference in the couple's point of view.

Dreams
[Three with Four] My wife and I are driving into a Santa Fe sunset. We're sailing into heaven. Three hundred sixty degrees of moving color, including little shades of green. We park on a ridge above town, and it's just dazzling. We hold hands with the light blazing through the windshield, and then I start to here her sob. "There'll never be another like this, and soon it will be gone." At the same moment, I'm aware that I'm thinking of an elaborate scheme concerning second jobs for both of us, which will buy us a piece of the ridge.

(btw lollll)

The couple's major difficulty will concern Four's moods and Three's suspended feelings. It's a recurrent theme in this relationship. Four longs, while Three promises more time and then reneges. It will be difficult for Fours to let the image of promised intimacy assume a reasonable shape. Three's unavailability can be magnetizing because the couple never has quite enough time together to make the relationship ordinary. Deprived of intimacy, Fours often go into high drama, recriminations, or deep depression, which is just the kind of emotional demand that Threes detest. Fours overvalue emotional life, and Threes undervalue it. A crisis can develop if Four competes for attention and Three goes into evasive action by overscheduling other commitments. It helps if each can enter the other's worldview. Threes, for example, typically demonstrate their commitment by working "for us". Wise Fours might lend themselves to this "unemotional" way of loving and learn to see the difference between using work to numb emotion and working as a demonstration of commitment.
Threes want to be successful in the eyes of their significants, and Fours dissatisfaction can feel like a blow to self-esteem. Rather than retaliating by trivializing Four's yearning spirit or feeling underappreciated for "all the work that I've done for us," it helps when Threes can lend themselves to the Romantic's fascination with things that are missing in life. Learning to experience the full range of emotions that Fours exemplify could be the task of a lifetime, and one that could make this relationship deeply satisfying instead of merely successful.

[Creepy-female]

Two with Five: A Giver-Observer Couple

This is definitely an attraction of opposites. Five is the most contracted Enneagram type, and Two is the most extended towards others. Twos are attracted to the self-possession and quiet of Fives. Emotional detachment is the antithesis of the big feelings that are characteristic of Givers.
Fives exude a sense of quiet and interiority that feels restful and steady. It's as if they grant others permission to take interior solitude seriously. Givers sense that there is "someone at home" who considers and decides for themselves rather than finding identity by altering in order to placate the needs of others. Observers are free to go their own way, independently of the wishes of others. Most precious of all to the relationship-bound Two, emotional detachment produces relative immunity from what other people think.
The attraction from the Five side will be to the open-hearted generosity that Twos often display. Twos' willingness to engage with life and activity is compelling to aversive people. The common configuration shows Two as the couple's socialite. It may seem that Two speaks for the couple at parties and gatherings, while the more contained and cerebral Five waits for the conversation to turn to a topic of intellectual interest. It is definitely easier to spend a casual afternoon with the couple than alone with the Five, unless you happen to share a similar interest. If your interests coincide with the Five's, the afternoon may be full of information, but the conversation will rarely stray from the common interest that you share.
Twos and Fives can look like they're from different species. The Two is one of those people who "go out" and "try things" and who enjoy parties filled with new faces. Someone who, strangely, seems to enjoy small talk and who claims that feelings are a useful source of information. The couple operates from startling different perspectives. Twos go toward people to interact and socialize, while Fives move away to analyze and think. This dynamic can either produce a balanced life in which each demonstrates the integrity of his or her own worldview or it can turn into a tug-of-war in which Two pulls for emotional contact and Five contracts and withdraws.
If the separation solidifies, each will see the other as "the case." The Two will see withdrawal and a minimalist lifestyle as demonstrations of emotional deprivation and need. Fueled by the need to find identity by meeting others' needs, Twos are attracted to the challenge of overcoming obstacles to a relationship. The challenge with Fives is obvious-to open someone's feelings who is set against the importance of emotion. Twos win big if they can get Fives to respond. The Five may not agree that detachment equals deprivation. The counterargument to the notion that big feelings are the criteria of caring is to see the Two's emotional oscillations as signs of instability.
The couple joins at Eight, which will ensure a powerful aggressive meeting when Five feels secure enough to fight and to find those very feelings that Two has been pushing for. It helps for Two to pull back, so there is enough emotional space for Five to come forward.
Observers in long-term relationships say that they have had to learn to come forward, to stay in the room when it feels emotionally uncomfortable, and to deal with feelings rather than withdrawing to think. It helps if Fives don't summarily dismiss spontaneous feelings as trivial. Observers might initiate a system for handling questions of the heart. It's all right to consider an emotional position if a time is set for future discussion. Givers feel reassured when they know that the matter will come to the table rather than be buried and forgotten.

[April]

The partners are afraid to argue. Anger frightens Sixes, and Ones think anger is wrong.

Ahhhhhhh.

One is likely to take the superior stance: "I'm right; and it's true, you aren't good enough." Secure in their own moral superiority, Ones can alienate Sixes by acting "better than". The Six may be quite willing to look bad as a repulsion technique. The Trooper hopes that the Perfectionist will leave in disgust, thereby providing a guilt-free way to end the relationship.

sdflasidkfjoiljvlkf. It's truuuue.

[Creepy-female]

Ahhhhhhh.

Tense emotional atmosphere where each jumps at the drop of a pin? "No really, I'm not angry, I just had a bad day." Passive aggression all the way, baby.

sdflasidkfjoiljvlkf. It's truuuue.

You feel let off the hook, don't you? There's a stalwart masochism in the knowledge that they're never gonna figure out how much you cared. And serves them damn well right