ILEs-ENTps and intimacy

[Park]

ILEs, are you afraid of intimacy?

[Creepy-male]

I kind of wonder. I know one ILE who views his sexuality as a "trap" but is very open about himself, and yet another ILE who is the opposite, in being very sexual, but more cagey when it comes to emotional intimacy (her self-report, I've never noticed to be honest).

*watches thread like a hawk*

[Mediator Kam]

When ILEs say that emotions are bad, it makes me sad.

[Suz]

I'm wondering about this question too.

From definitions it would seem that ILEs would be very into showing lovey-dovey emotions but wont see importance of feeling or forming an actual bond with the significant other. Ok obviously the way i said it is biased, sorry. I'll try again: ILEs would be more into being demonstrative of loving emotions, and think forming a bond is ridiculous.


Does this hold true for u, ILEs?

[Suz]

bump

[DividedsGhost]

Are you?

[Wynch]

I'm wondering about this question too.

From definitions it would seem that ILEs would be very into showing lovey-dovey emotions but wont see importance of feeling or forming an actual bond with the significant other. Ok obviously the way i said it is biased, sorry. I'll try again: ILEs would be more into being demonstrative of loving emotions, and think forming a bond is ridiculous.


Does this hold true for u, ILEs?

I don't think that forming bonds is ridiculous, but I don't really notice or pay attention to that happening. It either happens without me noticing or it doesn't happen at all. I'm also not to worried about the possibility of breaking those bonds if necessary.

As for the intimacy issue, I've been pretty open about expressing my discomfort with intimacy. I find it awkward. If I could make an analogy about it, it's like someone handing you something fragile and brittle that has no practical use but is extremely valuable. I just kind of sit there wondering what to do with it, being horrified that I might break it and wondering why in god's name someone would give me that. I'm actually more comfortable throwing it on the ground so it shatters, then I don't have to worry about when I'll destroy it and what that will mean.

I much prefer light-hearted playfulness. Feelings go untalked about and are mostly understood by actions rather than words. Expression of affection comes in generalized statements "I like spending time with you," "You're my favourite," casual "I love yous". Heart-felt declarations will send me packing almost certainly.

[Mediator Kam]

Heart-felt declarations will send me packing almost certainly.

What is a heart-felt declaration in your eyes?

[redbaron]

I much prefer light-hearted playfulness. Feelings go untalked about and are mostly understood by actions rather than words. Expression of affection comes in generalized statements "I like spending time with you," "You're my favourite," casual "I love yous". Heart-felt declarations will send me packing almost certainly.

yeah. this reminds me of how my SEI friend is. But actually I'm a lot like that too. No heart-felt declarations but sometimes I use metaphor. Silent staring can also be good. Laughter is the best. Usually if my feelings are deep, words are insufficient anyway.

[humblepie]

I don't think that forming bonds is ridiculous, but I don't really notice or pay attention to that happening. It either happens without me noticing or it doesn't happen at all. I'm also not to worried about the possibility of breaking those bonds if necessary.

As for the intimacy issue, I've been pretty open about expressing my discomfort with intimacy. I find it awkward. If I could make an analogy about it, it's like someone handing you something fragile and brittle that has no practical use but is extremely valuable. I just kind of sit there wondering what to do with it, being horrified that I might break it and wondering why in god's name someone would give me that. I'm actually more comfortable throwing it on the ground so it shatters, then I don't have to worry about when I'll destroy it and what that will mean.

I much prefer light-hearted playfulness. Feelings go untalked about and are mostly understood by actions rather than words. Expression of affection comes in generalized statements "I like spending time with you," "You're my favourite," casual "I love yous". Heart-felt declarations will send me packing almost certainly.

that's a brilliant analogy.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Wynch]

Yeah, I think you're right that it's important to distinguish between sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy. For example, I'm uncomfortable with emotional intimacy, but very open and comfortable with my sexuality.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Wynch]

Hmm but what is emotional intimacy. Can you give an example of it, I mean two cases when one is easy with it and when he/she is not, what actually happens?

Emotional intimacy is something more intangible. It's the emotional intensity. I don't know if passion is necessarily the right word, but it's that deep attachment. Soul-searing closeness. You can't really keep an objective or emotional distance from it, it sort of demands an emotional response.

[Creepy-male]

I am with Vero on this one, that kind of no-holds barred emotionality where they share WAY TOO MUCH OF HOW THEY'RE FEELING than is comfortable in an emotional way that is just toxic and overwhelming.

That said I don't think that only sharing feelings through generalised statements is really lack of intimacy, it's just Fe's way of sharing things.

[Mediator Kam]

I much prefer light-hearted playfulness. Feelings go untalked about and are mostly understood by actions rather than words. Expression of affection comes in generalized statements "I like spending time with you," "You're my favourite," casual "I love yous". Heart-felt declarations will send me packing almost certainly.

This was my preferred mode of courting the ILI. I would edge in close to her and put my head on her shoulder to show that I cared about her. I would poke her and rub her head sometimes, I would be as direct as I could in an indirect manner. I would spend all my time with her and try to do things for her. Of course, this was to no avail.

I need a dual.