When you meditate it's interesting because suddenly your whole subjective side of you, your emotions and perceptions will just turn off and dissolve- and you'll just see things objectively. And it's like you know you can accomplish things in the external world and 'society' but then it's like you know that will always require you to give up a lot of yourself, so you sort of ebb and flow back to being very emotional and subjective.

And then in that moment, being lost in that vacuum or abscess, you realize that- life is how you create it and what you make of it and there can be no other solution than that, and that's kind of that peace between the objective/subjective struggle. Then that's why you understand those celebs that you look up do what you do and are so powerful cause they have just 'got that' so well.

Anyways what happens frequently is I will get very feeler-y and subjective and like totally into myself and then, I will get clear and pure and pristine....and it changes every 5 seconds sometimes. Sometimes it feels to much like a ride, and then I'm pushed to take any action.