EII-SLE Conflict Relations (INFj & ESTp)

[Muira]

My experience is different since I do have some issues due to having a traumatic childhood, but here are some of my stories/reflections.

Background:[ I met this guy during middle school, 7th grade. I saw him get jumped daily, which reminded my relationship dynamic I had with my mom, so I jumped the people who had basically harmed him. During middle school, that was when I was the most volitional. Just whenever I saw assholes I always liked to fight/humiliate them, I mean I needed something to take out all my pent up anger at, and no way I would want to hurt someone innocent. So then I started to try to be someone who justified things my own way, and it was mainly in a violent way. I ended up dumping the dude who stole the lunch in a trash can, my EII friend was scared and tried to get me to stop, even though I was the only reason no one tried to pick on him since that day we met. Though he did at least thank me for getting him to be more respected, and then he would help me study in return. We had a lot of interests, and I really attracted to his more tender and soft personality, so I asked him to be friends, and he went with it. Eventually I was sticking up for him, pushing anyone I believed would take advantage of him since then, but I'd get frustrated since he kept on forgiving those fucking parasites.]

Once I was just violently sexually assaulted, by an ex in the girls restroom. Also I couldn’t beat them as I was pinned down by her friends, and she was about to switch schools. Nor could I report as I would be outing myself to the school and my parents that I was formerly in a homosexual relationship, and since I am pretty private about such matters in person, online I’d say it if it was needed for context, but in reality if you know me I am very guarded, I generally expect that people will always have malicious intentions so I just assume its always malicious. So i just swallowed it like every other traumatic event in my life, after all the way I think is that “what the hell am I feeling, even still why is even your business.” And that day, I wasn’t in the best of mindset. So I had a friend, a guy, fat, let girls walk all over him. He was the type to be like “misandry is justifiable, its what men get from oppressing women” and more shit. Which as a friend, I wanted whats best for him, and he was one of the very few that I genuinely cared about as he was the one of the only people who turned out not to be snakes. So I got fed up, and it sort of make me just, its hard to describe, but I was just so angry I wasn’t in control of myself so I just took out all my turmoil on him as a lesson what happens to when you let others step on you. He didn’t even deserve it to be honest, and I hate myself for it, he forgave me knowing I tend to abandon broken relations since I just suck at making genuine friendships. So then him forgiving me made me break down, as someone that genuinely had helped me I was rejecting him as a whole since I started to feel like I was just a last opinion to cure his loneliness. He was stubborn and annoying, but looking back at it, I really do thank him so much for sticking around.

He was a reliable was just very kind…I felt like I ruined a friendship that I even forgot that I relied on for some stability, but he knew everything about my childhood and background since I was friends with him for so long. I always tried to help him get stronger and set better boundaries, as its just something he clearly lacks, and I see him as helpless especially since his mother hates men and is a radical misandrist. So I naturally just wanted to help people that seem helpless in a situation that they don’t deserve to be in, but I’m pretty terrible at the delivery. So he was patient and just told my dad that I had a mental break down in private without going into details, as I didn't want anyone knowing what happened to me. So my Dad would then try to get me to talk about my issues, but I still didn’t tell him about me getting Sexually assaulted. I don’t want to tell anyone in real life, as doing so makes me feel like I’m allowing myself to be a victim and I never was really shown a way to even handle personal emotions and judgement at a young age. So I just constantly feel as if I can’t be the victim its just my fault that I wasn’t able to prevent it of my fault for not getting back at them. So eventually I just sort of detached myself from allowing my traumatic experiences shape who I am, as it only makes me so unstable and just so violent as I felt like I didn't have any other outlet.

I had felt like a monster compared to him, and when he forgave me I always felt confused and scared by it. Then on top of that, he would just try and "fix" me, and tried to be my best friend(now he is, or someone I'd consider the only friend I feel a intense emotional connection with). It's strange having one friend you know that will always be there for you. I was pretty harsh towards him in the past, and may have made him cry, but it was my way of trying to show I care for him as I wanted him to improve himself. Eventually he started to work out alongside me and while he sucked, eventually he did become more healthy. Also, I have to point out that he was sort of lazy at times of stress, which I usually would work my ass off when I'm stressed, so we can get into mild arguments but he shuts me up with offering me food. Our friendship is chaotic(because of me), but he has really helped me who I really was and to learn to trust others more often, other than being less offensive. I mean I constantly make offensive jokes, even ones about myself, and he just stares at me in disappointment telling me when I've gone too far(which I rely on). However, I do always find a way to make him laugh or feel better, just in spontaneous random ways.

I scared him at first, but as he learned more about me and my past, he didn't react too much and sort of found a way to calm me down eventually. Though there are traits about him that I tried to weed out myself, like him not taking action or just not being as productive as me when under pressure, trying to please people or not trying to offend anyone. I respect him for sticking to what he thinks is right, and care for him, but I don't understand him, but he can understand me somehow, or at least I think he does. I have tried to evoke anger in him before, but the dude is seriously incapable of even cursing. We are polar opposites, and our friendship has always been comical for the most part, basically a boring dude and an unhinged chick.

This EII guy did have a generally huge impact on my behavior, I say I am less aggressive on average, but still on guard. I sort of mellowed out because of him, as now I think twice before I act out and I started to cut out the people that cause me to become so easily aggravated with a good reason instead of isolating myself from everyone else. On top of that, he also taught me that violence isn't the best way to end a conflict. I still get into fights, but only with people who start it now. As for him, he started to take care of himself more often, and guess what? He even learned to say no to people more often. In the end, conflicting socionic types may not get along, or may. Just because some pseudo-science says your relation with an individual won't work, it's BS for the most part unless either or both of you are unstable. People will only get along is they put in the effort too, regardless of type.