thanks. I changed it.Originally Posted by Radio
thanks. I changed it.
Just tell the cops it was an accident, I'm sure they'll understand.
I would say this is healthy. As you date more, you figure out what you like and don't like. Remember, not all ILE's will have the traits you are looking for, so although you seem emotionally conflicted, I'd say it's acceptable to reject an ILE dual if they don't have the specific things you want.
And what does this even mean?Fe is like an erection, and Si is like stamina?
I feel I should say a few words as I'm in a relationship that is called activity in socionics. I don't think we activate each other in a way socionics describes it. But that could be due to subtypes - he is Si subtype which makes him a more relaxed version of LSE and I'm a strong Fi subtype ENFp so I use Fi on a regular basis. I really love the fact that he's extroverted and he does all the talking. It makes me open up more (although I would appreciate a person who asks me more questions, too )and feels like "it's so great I don't need to think what I e.g. did today and make an effort to create an atmosphere". I know I can get extroverted when I have too but it drains me in the long run so being with an extroverted person feels like a relief. So there's no problem with I - E part. However, in the very beginning of this relationship his extroversion was getting on my nerves a bit - I though he was too loud whereas I'm more "trying not to be noticed". I can't also say that it was so easy and quick to start. It took as two months of "friendship" to kiss and say that we are officialy dating.
There are some problems in our relationship and they might be connected to socionics...but in general I feel safe, loved and really happy and this is what counts the most. I don't think it would be wise to start looking for a dual that I don't like for the sake of socionics.
I'm also most likely enneagram six and he's probably 8w9 and for me it's a great choice... For me he's like a rock that you can lean on, he's firm and decisive but mellow at the same time (ok, I'm madly in love
I think socionics is just a system and what it says is we should find a suitable person, who we share values with. But we should also love the person we are with. I didn't even know I was dating my activator, I thought he was some other type (ENTp, ENFp, ISFp - he was using Fe a lot in the beginning).
So just to sum up:
1). Subtypes might matter - based on my example creative subtypes work pretty well
2). If you are afraid of activity - maybe it's good to check it, if it's bad you will "learn your lesson" and if it's good - that's great!
There is no guarantee that you will ever find an ILE that makes you feel this way. Why not try things out with someone you could see as a soulmate now, even if his type isn't "perfect"? It's not like you'll be stuck if you guys don't mesh together well, and it's possible to have a great, fulfilling relationship with a non-dual.
Because of Socionics predictions or other reasons?I also have the "I can already see heartbreak on the horizon" feeling.
I get exhausted if I'm around my activity too long. We have a lot of fun, but I get drained very quickly. I imagine it would be different with introverts, though I can't really decide how.
SLI are too heavily focused on Si for me; they introvert experiences for themselves and I introvert things for my self and there's usually very little talking/asking questions and keeping conversations back and forth; although we do use our Si/Fi to balance each other and provide hospitality and even over activate to the point where I have to say "no more Si" time for extraverted things and he gets tired of me spending so much time/focus/energy about my family and my personal judgement about things; the SLI just wants me to use my Ne, to judge and conclude less and just do/experience/explore. I love LSE dynamics more than SLI and I've had a solid long term relationship with SLI and I can say that it doesn't work very well as the SLI isn't as focused about helping me figure out what to do, which LSE lovingly and gladly involve themselves in, because they want to truly help their loved ones reach meaningful and practical goals.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Hm, he seems shy to most people in the beginningThat's funny, your boyfriend seemed super shy and quiet to me! But maybe it's just that for him I was some total random person from the internetzz who couldn't even speak the language.. It changes with time. However, he was never shy with me. And when we were "dating" "meeting" "friending" whatever
Another thing is he was intimidated by your English which is really good btw - you're great
This sort of thing sort of goes with me and my ESE friends too, although we more or less don't need to talk.
ESE: Ass kicking, bring it, wooo, $$$, sex, fun, drink this... wooo... sports
Me: Bad ass, see the fight, take a drink, bizniz, fun, woooo.. sports
ESE: ... Goes to talk to someone else..
Me: Phone...
I'm more socially introverted, but I still can't talk to my activity partner too well. When 2 extroverts get together one will tend to talk shop or start amping it up.
Business like style of communication for the 4d Te type
Passionate style of communication for the 4d Fe type
When 2 introverts come together one will start talking about personal things while one will go into very formal discussions, like tell a dry joke or bring up a current event/weather.
Cold-blood like style of communication for the 4d Ti type
Sincere style of communication for the 4d Fi type
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ication-Styles
What I've observed is these styles break down a bit when duals(and other type who share the similar communication style (illusion, supervision, conflict) engage each other. What happens when the communication style me break down is the closeness/psychological distance of relationships becomes less. This will either lead to a level harmonization(Dual/illusionary) or dissonance(supervision, conflict).
The reason why rational function strength might matter in communication style is that generally communication/conversation is a rational, deliberated act.
My brief experiences with LSEs have gone like such
LSE: Super interesting story about his own life experiences
Me: Holy shit you're so cool
LSE: Same as above
Me: Holy shit you're still so fucking cool
LSE: Same as above
Me: ugh hurry up I have to get lunch
I've never gotten to know an ESTj any deeper than passing interaction. I've just barely ever met any in real life, not sure why.
I feel violated.
you meet somebody you think is really nice. they aren't like all the other people you met before you're surprised by them and actually genuinely like them. It's really nice and you're glad you found a good catch so you hold on and it keeps getting better, you find your neurosis healed by this person and it just keeps getting better and better. You're happy. You found the 'one' and gush about it to your friends on online message boards, he or she is somebody you can invite both into your professional and personal life. It's just nice, for real. not fantasy magic but you're just happy physically at your core... it works okay? (I want people to go with what I'm saying here and not argue like the difficult kid in special education. At least for like 3-4 paragraphs so hear me out.)
then sometime suddenly for whatever reason, that special someone ACTUALLY OFFENDS YOU EMOTIONALLY. It's so surprising because you love this person so much. You're caught off guard. Whoah you have to TALK ABOUT THIS AND FIX IT CUZ THIS RELATIONSHIP BE SPECIAL, YO- but it just makes you more upset. you get in a huge fight and you say really cutting mean things you never thought were capable of and you can pierce even harder cause you thought you really know the person AND YOU LET THEM IN and you're back to being 'love sucks' and the bitter whore and talking to your friends about what a horrid mistake that was and you talk about all their personal problems and psychological ailments that they objectively may or may not really have...
this is just humanity. when you were born you were a helpless codependent alien freak who couldn't do anything for itself. You had to have your mom cater to your every whine. You are *sensitive* because you are human. The strangest and most neurotic thing can set you flying off the handle like a trigger deep in your brain and turn you into this neurotic damaged mess. Likewise, the most smallest gesture of what your brain registers as 'haha I really like THIS' from a person can really start healing some deep-rooted childhood complexes. In a blink of an eye. It's all really fascinating, the drama and emotional sensitivity of human beings. Even the ones that say they are rational and have it under control. Those are usually the ones most fun to tease and the easiest buttons to press...
To let this go you try to remind your brain that things take work and effort and if you just do a job somebody else tells you to do and be quiet and follow society rules and be a nice person and prove to others you can GIVE, you do this to try and heal the rift. not so much to get rid of the emotions and the crazy making pain but to just find some sort of balance and state of mind. you rationalize people and try to see them objectively and diplomatically to balance your emotions.
then when you least expect it one day, that person comes back into your life and you feel genuinely sorry and forgive and you're back in love again but this time you tell yourself that you'll take it slower and take ur time.
see in truth nobody grows up. everybody is looking for the mother/father to take care of them that they also find attractive, to heal many issues. romantic love is mommy and daddy becoming together into one person. you say you're in love and it IS this thing we call 'love' but technically and scientifically, somebody is just actually answering to your baby-ish crying (instead of taking advantage of you for it and being mean to you like all those other assholes etc.) and having genuine empathy for you and giving you some milk.
LSE like to explain how things work; what could be better than that?
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Imo Activity ranks higher than Semi-duality and it only sucks when 2 introverts get too stuck together. It can feel like an over-saturation with too few stimuli from outside unless one learns to (deliberately) take over the role of the extrovert and get more expansive, make a program out of adding new stuff to the relationship. I see less of a problem in rationality vs irrationality. Actually the psychological distance may be smaller in case of Activity (compared to Duality), because the 2 ppl access the same functions more easily when they process the world. But well. I don't see duality as "two halves of the same unit" blah-blah and "perfect understanding of the other's actions and motivations", I see it only as a psychological reaction of activation/charge to a function you wouldn't mind having around you more.
Rational distribution of responsibilities.
As we reach for the stars, we must put away childish things; gods, spirits and other phantasms of the brain. Reality is cruel and unforgiving, yet we must steel ourselves and secure the survival of our race through the unflinching pursuit of science and technology.
- Stellaris
Although I agree with your conclusion, I disagree that the basis on which you came to that conclusion is realistic.
I've seen plenty of people say dual marriages represent 50% of marriages. I have seen this purported, but I've never seen this study. I'm not about to take anyone's word for it because I find this highly unlikely.
Alternately, if that were true, look at the divorce rate. In america it is somewhere around 50%. no one talks about that.
1. Activity is way higher than semi-duality. semi-duality is no better then illusory. spinning in circles with no ability to clearly communicate properly (an issue that can be worked through).
2. The level of compatibility and the effect of this pairing is greatly contrasted depending upon the actual pair evaluated.
3. Activity partners are quite similar
the ranking goes like this 1. dual; 2. identical, 3. activity (maybe before identical depending on the two sociotypes involved); 4. mirror
intra-quadra relations supersede all other relations by a mile.
Hmmmmm but Activity can be HOT. Just saying.
Because it is.
Nah lol but I think because both ppl are either rational or irrational.
This is the damn truth.
Intro/extraversion difference: there's less "getting in each other's way" with respect to initiative for extroverts, and somebody will actually take the initiative for introverts.
Shared rationality: similar "rhythms", rationals may perceive irrationals as lackadaisical or flighty, irrationals may perceive rationals as uptight.
Overall, your strengths are more opposite too, so you more easily divide up the world into your domains.
Functionally, the mobilizing function can be quite stubborn which can lead to friction with the leading function of your activator. Less so with the creative function which is very flexible.
My experience in interactions with LSEs is a bit different: instead of my Mobilizing colliding with their Lead function, it seems that LSE take my use of Te as a sign that I can handle more work than I am already handling. Likewise, I seem to have to much expectations that they have the capability to follow my Ne ingights. This, in the long run, causes trouble: I cannot keep up with their expectations, and they cannot keep up with mine, and the relationship at some stage requires a break or a reset Paradoxically, your Activation partner will not protect you in the area of the needs of your Suggestive function, i.e. an LSE would protect an EII from overexerting themselves, but they do not protect an IEE in that respect. Likewise, an IEE would protect an SLI (or even an SEI) from Ne-overload, but they would not protect an LSE from such overload. Activators ignore each other's Suggestive needs.
That is why duality in the long run is better: your dual will not only protect you from neurotic use of your Mobilizing, they will take care of your Suggestive needs.
http://mavericksocionics.blogspot.co...stive-and.html
http://mavericksocionics.blogspot.co...-function.html
“I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking
loud and unstable is more noticable for EJs, for example
while a passion more relates to physical than psychical. in any IR people may get it
True. I just mean that Activity feels very exciting at first. I've felt this way with a few different ILI's but I only ever dated one and it only lasted a year (not my choice).
Activity = Same energy level, will over- or underpower quickly unless one of them exerts their creative although it may be too sporadic. They ignore each other's weak spots (PoLR) which is good but demonstrate the other's role which can be weird as fuck combined with the endless leading function - mobilising exchange loop. E.g. ESE and ILE go Ne-Fe-Ne-Fe all the time oh my god poor Gammas this is like an endless comedy show. So with extro types, prepare for chaos, especially through an opposing quadra's onlooker. Only the ethics-logics balance will prevent activators from spiralling into explosion. With intro types, on the other hand, it looks like there is nothing happening at all like a social black hole. As mentioned, j + p temperament clicks less, their methods and philosophies startle the other.
Also... activity triggers supervision from two quadras at once. TWO SUPERVISION RINGS FOR THAT MATTER. Oh shit. Like ESE and ILE's comedy show at full throttle causes IEI and EII to step in — gently, they're not the wildest types ever — and since ESE and ILE ignore each other's PoLR, there's no helping each other out from that embarrassment no matter how gentle it is. Luckily, if the supervisors are accompanied by their own duals (SLE, LSE) who are at least quasi-identical, those will benefit the activators (SLE benefits ESE, LSE benefits ILE) so the situation will calm down a little unless more types step into the literal supervision ring. It takes more social processes to keep the comedy show at bay so to speak, activity can make hell break loose even if it's the same quadra and a favorable union.
-----
Duality = Different energy level, will complement each other despite strong difference in life areas that they govern. One's creative stimulates the other's mobilizing which facilitates the same E/I balance and a good back and forth in interactions without coming to abrupt closure (mirrors and supervision is just that?) or awkwardness (like in mirage). Means that they will both value and complete each other's work or tought with the proper strength in function dimensionality. Full potential unlocked, duality is ping pong. Yay! Even the poor opposing quadra will be spared a lot more/fended off with more ease and supervisors are kept at bay because of how duals exercise their matching demonstratives. Surprise, the two supervisors of duals happen to be duals themselves. How perfect.
So it's fair to say the cliche "You complete me" in duality?
no nobody will complete you. you come whole. even if you don't use all the functions in priority, no one does. duality improves comfort, understanding, and that grey area of common traits "you're beginning to sound like me" grows over time. but looking at my own parents who were duals and married for 37 years each remained their own person, especially my mom, having witnessed who she really is on her own after my dad's death.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
It's highly unlikely that activity partners would be or want to be on the same path moving in the same direction; there's a much higher risk that deep-down, they'll always have divergent priorities although one may grudgingly follow the other.
a.k.a. I/O
Reply With Quote
