In which ways is Duality better than Activity?

[FDG]

My purely empirical / observational note is that activity relations work well when they're between aristocract introverts (thus, positivist introverts - ISTj / INFp and ISTp / INFj). Democratic introverts (thus, negativist introverts) will wear each other out, ISF types don't seem to be tailored for INT types - often these relationships might even last a lifetime, however the lack of spark / understanding is obvious. Democratic extraverts (positivist extraverts) become too wild when paired, furthermore they generally think of themselves as being the coolest shit around, thus they might naturally repel each other / sense that the other isn't complementary. Aristocratic extraverts (negativist extraverts) tend to become explosive when paired, relationships might last if they enjoy quarreling / have sadomasochistic tendencies, yet they're likely to lead to abuse on the long term.

[silverchris9]

With my activity friends, I find that we frequently run out of things to talk about or conversation to make if we don't have a common interest or a shared focus to discuss. With my LSI friend, I remember when we were kids and I would sleep over at his house, we would always reach a point where he was tired of providing Se for me, and I was tired of providing Fe for him, and we would both retreat into our non-matching introverted pursuits, neither one annoying the other, but nether one really contributing to the other's enjoyment, either, which just made me think, "why am I not at my own house in my own bed?"

Obviously, if you had absolutely no capacity for communication with a dual, like you spoke completely different languages or something, this would eventually happen even with a dual. But I think duality is much more effective than activity---especially with introvert pairs---at providing an inherent source of interaction, as in, the duality itself keeps you interested even when you run out of things to really talk about. There's something about the flow of duality that makes it so that you can't ever really run out of ways to interact in the way that you do with activity pairs.

I think the problem with extroverted activity relations (or perhaps just extroverted aristocratic activity as FDG says) is that there's too much motion and not enough substance and the problem with introverted activity relations is that there's a lot of substance, but both partners get tired of communicating that substance to one another. The extroverts want someone to calm them down and the introverts want someone to charge them up. But of course, with activity relations, it takes much longer for this to happen than with most other non-duality relations, and of course, there's lots of important non-socionics factors like length of interaction, closeness of relationship, type of interaction, etc. If you're activity partners and you're working as writer and director on a major hollywood movie, yeah, you're probably going to have plenty to talk about, and you may still be more interested in talking with your activity about the movie than talking with your dual about her cat, lol.

[UDP]

if they are a good person, go for it.


the amount of people you've got a chance at real happiness with is slim.

I think if you know socionics, that can even help you more, when it comes to realizing energy patterns and what someone else is subconsciously looking for.

Relationships, just like sports, are not played 'on paper' or according to theory or statistics.


I've been subconsciously thinking that duals are what to aim for, but for myself, and knowing my personality and likings, I would also consider an activity partner or even a very mature conflictor - because I've had great relationships with INFps, to be honest. But only some of them - based on similarities that are OUTSIDE of socionics.

I'm hot for NF women, especially delta NFs.

TOO much extratim and pushing against my initiatives bothers me, but, if you find someone who has the right mixture of things, then, so be it.

I'm particularly curious about IEE-Fi and LSE-Te, at present (or whatever my subtype is). I wonder if for an activity relation, more "complementary" subtypes would be more appealing, as it would sort of play more towards the rationality difference. IDK.

[Creepy-]

I'm particularly curious about IEE-Fi and LSE-Te, at present (or whatever my subtype is). I wonder if for an activity relation, more "complementary" subtypes would be more appealing, as it would sort of play more towards the rationality difference. IDK.

Yeah, complementary subtypes probably help. Also, maturity of both people [although as you said earlier, that's always true]. Really, I think maturity and patience probably come into play in activity relations bc sometimes it takes a lot to put up w the difference in temperaments. If one or both are prone to temper tantrums and being generally impatient and/or emotionally childlike, things can go badly. [This is from my experience w LSEs... they can be *awesome* but they can also suck... like all types, to be fair ]

[jragonfly]

Wow these were all really good posts, thanks, it really did help.

In my personal case I and the other person in question are negativist introverts and I could definitely sense the lack of a spark and possible trouble in the future, plus the fact that I gradually feel worn down by them after awhile and need my own space.

On the other hand we do get along really well and have tons in common, so I've concluded that for now there's nothing wrong with an activity relationship if there are no duals around. BUT, if I ever meet a dual that looks promising I am so jumping on that bandwagon!

[chip]

On the other hand we do get along really well and have tons in common, so I've concluded that for now there's nothing wrong with an activity relationship if there are no duals around. BUT, if I ever meet a dual that looks promising I am so jumping on that bandwagon!

caution! there is the possibility your activity can meet their dual too. Maybe that explains the divorce rate, then again isn't the marriage rate high as well. Remarring is fairly common. If two people wed that is an increase in the rate of marriage. If they divorce that is an increase in the divorce rate. If they remarry is that an increase in marriage (or rate or remarriage). So if two people marry, divorce and remarry that is 2 marriages and 1 divorce.

[redbaron]

very good. you must have gotten an A in math. lol

[chip]

very good. you must have gotten an A in math. lol

Thanks for not taking me seriously on this one as that was the online equivalent of thinking out loud.

[stevENTj]

14 years of bliss and 2 kids later, my HOT ISFj wife and I are still together. Never a dull moment, lots of fun. Laughing at some of the predictions of doom from an activity relationship. Such as: "ISF types don't seem to be tailored for INT types - often these relationships might even last a lifetime, however the lack of spark / understanding is obvious.". REALLY. I beg to differ on that one.

There is some truth to the socionics.com description about different life rythms (p vs j), but it also makes it sound like a death knell when that's hardly the case.

Got questions, ask.

[blankblank]

Wow, I didn't realize how much people used the intertype relations to rule their romances.

[/sarcasm]

Not that I have much experience. I just didn't realize how much people used it.

[Trevor]

My purely empirical / observational note is that activity relations work well when they're between aristocract introverts (thus, positivist introverts - ISTj / INFp and ISTp / INFj). Democratic introverts (thus, negativist introverts) will wear each other out, ISF types don't seem to be tailored for INT types - often these relationships might even last a lifetime, however the lack of spark / understanding is obvious. Democratic extraverts (positivist extraverts) become too wild when paired, furthermore they generally think of themselves as being the coolest shit around, thus they might naturally repel each other / sense that the other isn't complementary. Aristocratic extraverts (negativist extraverts) tend to become explosive when paired, relationships might last if they enjoy quarreling / have sadomasochistic tendencies, yet they're likely to lead to abuse on the long term.

This is very interesting.