And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
Yes, I think he is romantic, too. What he describes certainly is. My SLI told me much in the beginning, "I am not a romantic" and said he knew nothing about that romance stuff, he could promise loyalty, yes, but not romance. Perhaps yes he is not romantic in a certain traditional sense but he is in the best way, like how Park described here.
I'd like to tell you some instances where my father has been one of the most romantic and loving husband to mom. On every single anniversary my father always got my mom a present and I'm not talking about something cheap and without consideration. Several times jewelry were given and one time my father brought an expert jeweler home to take measurements and a style for a ring that my mom wanted; romantic dinners and drives to the beach, flowers, kisses, sentimental things like watching a romance movie together and him being the one crying (lol). Talks, he talks a lot about ideals of a relationship in his proud announcement of his values and praise for a good and sound relationship, a good and sound love of and family. My father does things that my mother wants, except giving up smoking, but he smokes a lot because of a certain stress that he feels, he certainly is very afraid of dying and wants us around him all the time. For this year's anniversary he was in the hospital and my sister was telling me how dad was sad that they weren't able to do things together and he kept asking mom to sleep over at the hospital next to him because even though he was not saying "I love you and I want you here with me" (as I would say) he was gesturing by saying "what will you do at home all alone; sleep on this couch or next to me here" and kept repeating it without any expression of emotional tones just saying something that he wants over and over, which is my dad's way of saying "I love you and I don't want to be here without you."
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Jessi is very much like my father in that she states her value judgements very clearly. Um, if I can recall them correctly here are some of my dads (from translation).
Once, while watching talk show, like Jerry Springer together (lol) my father said "Is this what you call American family values? This, this is grace? These men going and having children everywhere? This is what you call family values?!!!!??!!!!" (lol) "This is not A MAN! This is an animal."
"That woman is filth; she was always bad to her husband. I knew this divorce was coming." (this has more dynamic element to it).
"What are you wearing?" (this has the undertone of disapproval; my father didn't often state his opinions with clear done, it was understated, to get you thinking and get you to be a little shameful of what actions you took).
More observational: "Each one of them has a dozen kids. Who's going to educate these kids and what kind of a life will they have?"
My father can be very very judgmental, but he would rather just watch comedies, dramas and game shows, nature shows, and Lifetime television (that sappy womanly stuff).
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
I like your ear, apples.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
SLIs are pillar of society it seems.
@Park - wow, what a beautiful piece! I have so much respect for jazz pianists. It's an entirely different animal than classical, and I've always regretted that I didn't study it more.
@Absurd - and thank God for that. Their work ethic, if it's anything like the SLIs I know, keeps everything running as it should.
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
Marista, thanks for sharing this lovely story about your Dad. What a good man. It got me thinking of my Dad. Also my SLI. Were your parents Duals? I had to look mine up, my Mom is ISFJ. Not a Dual, but I credit my Dad in particular for the long happy marriage they had.
That is very romantic. My parents were not very materialistic, and both believed in keeping things simple, but Dad always made sure we all remembered her birthday and he always honored (her in his simple way, with a card and modest gift.) There was never any question that they loved each other and were completely loyal to each other, and were an affectionate team who always put each other first.
I remember my friend in high school pausing in surprise to see my parents embracing while lying together on the couch. Not something they did constantly, but not so unusual I would take any note of it. But my friend did, and thought it was remarkable, "My parents would never do that." she said, with a bit of awe and envy. Many years later she told me that she realized the reason why her mother was often so cold growing up: she learned her Dad had had an affair with a secretary back then, and they almost divorced, which was shocking to me. Such upright, accomplished people, and quite successful in the worldly way.
Another shocking moment was in college opening their bedroom door one night after they had gone to bed (on schedule as always) to impulsively say something and there was shocked scurry of movement, and alarm in their voices, and I said "Oh sorry" and shut the door and after that pretended that never happened because they couldn't possibly have been doing that thing that parents just don't do, right?
It really is the most important thing. To my SLI and I, it is the most important thing to have an intact family and we both did all we could to make that happen in our marriages. But it takes two, and for us both it sadly failed. Second marraige is second best, we acknowledge, so much better for children to all their lives have their parents together. But in this life things don't always work like they should and the "best" doesn't come to us all. We will make the very best of what we have and we pray that all our children have the "best" themselves. We are committed to praying for their future spouses. Yes. Between us we need:
a male ILI age 26 range (for a girl with lots of heart and little discipline),
a female IEE age 23 range (for a gem of a guy), and
a female IEI age 17 range (who is willing to wait a few years).
Apply by Private Message via this website.
My SLI does this. He did it for his wife the entire marraige and even while she carried on Lesbian affairs. Even after divorce, he did her laundry for years! Dropped off the kids and brought home her dirty laundry and returned to pick them up dropping off everything clean and folded. And he has served his SEE daughter for years who needs to be on her own bad. I am so glad for him - with me he will finally get someone to serve him back. For the first time ever. And he needs and deserves it.
Aw. Does he have faith? SLIs like IEEs have often have soem kind of anxieties. I know SLI and I will help each other in that way. I have always mostly had peace about death, but now in this time waiting to be with SLI I have worried sometimes, what if something happens to him before we get together. Its too horrible so I don't think about it.
Aw. Your sister told you about that because she knew you would value it too because it is such a precious forever legacy to children when their parents love each other. Its the best gift you can give. You can be grateful to them and to God for that.
My Dad died 4 years ago. Oh, I am finding it painful to remember those months before he died that I was going to write some things about so I will just pull two details instead.
When the Parkinson's progressed at the end it necessitated him no longer eating, food now was to be intravenous and through a port in his stomach. A team of doctors and nurses was gathered in his small room and all were somber as the lead doctor explained the imminent procedure and the impact of no longer eating ever again to him and my Mom and I, and when they were done, they asked him if he had any questions, and my Dad, who could scarcely enunciate his words (another Parkinson's complication; he mind was sharp as ever) labored out his only question, "Will I still be able to kiss my wife?" which melted everyone's heart.
The other detail was about my Dad's faith. Unlike my SLI, he did not seem to have much, if any. Mom had some, at least, it was because of her my Dad accompanied us all to church Sundays. When I was in college I had a life-changing Born-Again experience, and as is typical I was eager that everyone I loved knew about how real Jesus is, too. But Dad had little to say, other than listen politely, but would not voice any faith of his own, which frustrated me at the time, since I so desired it. "He has a scientific mind," my Mom explained. That's what her pastor had told her when they married.
The day he died, he was on a lung machine and we knew death was imminent. He could barely squeeze out any words at all. We still never talked about faith or God after those previous failed efforts. But now I broached that topic, and told him that soon he would be seeing Jesus, who loved him so much, and that Jesus would be so happy to see him and that He was so pleased with him because He invented marriage and my Dad had done such a good job being a wonderful husband and a good father. His eyes lit up and he gave the biggest smile he could, and it made me glad, it was a sign of belief, and I was comforted he could know he would soon be welcomed. Oh, and I also told him he could do us more good from there. Which I truly believe.
Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 07-10-2013 at 06:20 AM.
More like I frequent my fridge and want to put one in each room so I don't have to get up and walk to the kitchen each time I need a drink or a cold snack.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
Heh. Touché.
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I'm going to do a bit of thread necromancy here and agree with this post to some degree. I remarked to someone once a year ago that, as a kid, I really felt no desire to connect with other people. The person I said this to chuckled a bit derisively and asked how such a thing was possible. I really don't know. I felt content to some degree. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't consciously aware of being depressed either. My attempts in my late teens and twenties at making up for this have left me with nothing but regrets. The person whose influence in my life occasioned this change in attitude that caused me that pain is someone I ultimately regard with hatred. I'm not sure where it came from or why. I just want to find a metaphorical cave and to stop wanting what in the end has been a dagger in my stomach for so many years. And as far as what people think of that, it doesn't matter to me. I'm done caring. I'm tired of feeling ripped open for other people.
If I speak about it it wouldn't be hidden anymore.
Silent but deadly.
“I want the following word: splendor, splendor is fruit in all its succulence, fruit without sadness. I want vast distances. My savage intuition of myself.”
― Clarice Lispector
I beg to differ and I really, really mean it. Did I say I was being very serious about it? ...because I really, really am. It is like torture #1 to get into that mindset #2 to see any point in it #3 to make yourself feel like a total dumb-ass who can not find his way out of the thinnest possible paper bag.
MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
Winning is for losers
Sincerely yours,
idiosyncratic type
Life is a joke but do you have a life?
Joinif you dare https://matrix.to/#/#The16Types:matrix.org
Can't help it, if I don't nourish myself on crushed dreams and stifling free-thought my skin begins to wither and age, and I transform into an old dementia-riddled crone, it's part of being Delta
edit: pillar of society my ass, almost flunked high school because of sheer apathy and demotivation LOL
Last edited by Tzuyu; 10-03-2020 at 05:48 AM.
May go very very silent if an argument goes south (one party starts shouting), especially if they care about the other person. Literally becoming a brick wall. Usually because repression seems like the easiest route. May not be malicious stonewalling, maybe they see emotionality in arguments as aggressive and want to avoid hurting the other person.
If you overload them with flattery, you can watch their minds break trying to hide their pleasure (or displeasure). The two can look very similar.
May overreact, know they're overreacting, and attempt to hide it. Not very good at that so other people may pick up on it and be very puzzled, think that the SLI is secretly mad. Awkwardness ensues.
May fancy themselves psychologists. Looks stupid in the process. "I've got these sheep all figured out." Might be a coping mechanism for loneliness. Later on may develop nuanced portraits of individuals, although still disliking the brainless masses at the same time. Their morality is usually strange (like most moralities are), and difficult to verbalize. Unlike for Fi dom.
Usually more forgiving of naivety than ILI. Could be naïve themselves, although there's the clammed up cynical variety also. Suckered into sob stories. Same with LSE.
HA definitely inspired the kuudere trope. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Kuudere
I don't know about "pillars of society". But I kind of admire SLI-Te ability to handle almost any kind of stress and come out of things okay. It's like they can be put in a bad situation and even if it doesn't work out like they wanted, it doesn't destroy them and they usually get something out of it. An SLI-Te once said that if there is a hell and he went to it, he'd eventually get used to suffering and it wouldn't matter. I was surprised by that. SLI-Te is very adaptable.
Deep down, SLIs seem to feel that their behaviour and ways are best, do at times hold onto notions of idyllic life and have been known to martyr themselves, which may seem similar to Fi-ways. They're also very aware of the conduct of others, especially those who aren't behaving as expected. And, they tend to do onto others as they want others to do onto them but unlike Fi-types, they're normally good at confronting when politeness fails. However, they never seem to become much of a preaching moralist because they don't ever disconnect from the real world, as do Fi-types.
a.k.a. I/O
Thanks! That’s actually quite on point. They may seemingly value Fi but if they sense that anyone is using Fi against them, they’ll fight it. If the person matters to them, they put up with a lot.
My dad is SLI and whenever he got mad at me (especially when I was a teenager and wreaked 2 cars lol), he’d say he’s “fed up” with my “antics” and would threaten to financially cut me off. I’d laugh at it and he would say “You don’t think I’ll do it? You think you have control over my money because you’re my daughter? I don’t have to support you.” My response would be, “No, it’s because you love me that you won’t cut me off. You’re an excellent father, unlike most of my friends have deadbeat dads.” Then he’ll say, “Fine. But just know I can cut you off.” I’d smile and say, “Can, but you won’t.” I’m Fi PoLR anyway so somehow it works out. My dad still haven’t cut me off and continually worries about me. I check in with him weekly just so he doesn’t get a heart attack thinking I’m dead knowing how “impulsive” I am.
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They appear nice and polite, as a normal person, but their usual mode is "I don't care of what you say unless it's very important."
They won't share anything about you if they don't know you,
or if they think you are a dangerous person to approach or you are just an annoying IEE/ESE/SEE/EIE that trying to tease them.
When they fell in love, they would do anything to show it, however, probably they built different, put it in words than actions?
They can't convey the information of their feeling - it's rather odd - so they show it with their action instead.
Last edited by Metaphor; 08-27-2021 at 12:07 PM.
Whenever I felt strongly for someone, I did my best not to show it. However, being gay had a lot to do with it because I was either closeted or the girl had a religious upbringing and I didn't feel like putting anyone in an awkward position or interfere with family bonds. My wife sometimes complains I'm not really affectionate even though I drop everything I'm doing to spend time with her when she is home.
I'm mostly openly affectionate with my cats.