"I love you" or "I love you and I cannot live without you"

[silverchris9]

Sure, in idealistic romance world, yes. But in real life? I don't want to be that dependent on a person. I mean, if we naturally grow that close, and we are that intertwined (as if I have that level of trust for anybody), then that would just be... fact. I don't think my attitude would really be positive or negative about it. We'd be a unit. That would be fine.

Now, to psychoanalyze a bit, I may be downplaying how much I care about this precisely because it is something that I want so intensely (Enneagram 4 sx/so), but I think it's not something I'd ever strive for or expect in a relationship (except subconsciously). I do suspect that it would be a perennial source of a kind of background radiation of comfort, though, if I were so close to somebody else that we sort of merge or combine (anybody, really; our paradigm for closeness is the romantic relationship, but I don't care what form the intimacy takes; although I do admit that sexual intimacy, as an external manifestation, makes it a lot easier to achieve psychological intimacy, intimacy of the spirit-mind-nous-psyche). But then that person (or I) would be sure to die (and which one died depends on which one is the protagonist of the story; which one is Augustine, Tennyson, Achilles, Montaigne, Orpheus).

[UDP]

How about

"I really like you, and I think we'll do together in the long term. You're kind of cute, too, and I see us being able to have a mutually fulfilling life together. Yeah, I think you're someone I'd like to be with, be good to, and invest romantic feelings and strong emotions with. I see us going down the same life path, and I see you as being a good life partner for me - and I think I'd be good for you, too. I'd like to love you - how do you feel about me? I'm up for giving this [love] a go..."

It's flowery in its form there, but, something like that seems a lot more applicable than me saying just "I love you" or "I can't live with out you".

[silverchris9]

"I really like you, and I think we'll do together in the long term. You're kind of cute, too, and I see us being able to have a mutually fulfilling life together. Yeah, I think you're someone I'd like to be with, be good to, and invest romantic feelings and strong emotions with. I see us going down the same life path, and I see you as being a good life partner for me - and I think I'd be good for you, too. I'd like to love you - how do you feel about me? I'm up for giving this [love] a go..."

LOL. There are so many quotes of epic comedy in this post, especially "invest" as a verb for "romantic feelings and strong emotions." Would you seriously like that formal of a declaration of... romantic interest? And/or do you seriously expect someone to appreciate that formal of a declaration (I'm not being facetious here; I suppose it's possible that an EII would find it cute, and it's not as if SLEs don't also occasionally make interpersonal moves that some might find ridiculous).

On a serious tip, have you investigated the possibility that your distaste for Fe has more to do with a distaste for a certain romantic thing? I was just thinking that it's not impossible that you actually are a Ti/Fe valuer but you just have a thing (possibly not socionics-related) against a certain way of expressing romantic feelings. I just say that because the whole dry, practical romance thing is, to me, the lynchpin for my agreeing with your LSE self-typing, but then it occurred to me that there are so many factors that go into one's attitude towards romance that have nothing to do with socionics... Not that I'm seriously questioning your type; I just know that others here do and they might have good reasons. I myself do not atm.

But yes, "I cannot live without you" in the conventional, external sense is vaguely beta, insofar as betas want passion and drama in their relationships, but I dunno, I find that nowadays most of those "I can't live without you" feelings are fabricated by one party (as in Madame Bovary) and indulged by the other. It's like people want to feel that passionate so they sort of make themselves feel that passionate without having a real grounding in the respective parties serving positive psychological and practical functions for each other. I think that most of the time when people say "I can't live without you" it has more to do with the feelings that they have attached to their partner (with various degrees of intentionality) rather than feelings their partner has inspired in them, if that makes sense, and as such they could actually very well feel the same way about another person if they made the same "investment" of feeling (darn it, that term isn't as ridiculous as I thought).

[redbaron]

I think it's not type related and I think it's distasteful to say to someone that you can't live without them. First of all, it's untrue. Obviously. But it also puts a lot of pressure on that person to live up to some ideal. To make them somehow responsible for your happiness? I just think that's too much. You may not WANT to live without someone, but you can. And to tell them that you can't just comes across as needy.

[Simon Ssmall]

I think it's not type related and I think it's distasteful to say to someone that you can't live without them. First of all, it's untrue. Obviously. But it also puts a lot of pressure on that person to live up to some ideal. To make them somehow responsible for your happiness? I just think that's too much. You may not WANT to live without someone, but you can. And to tell them that you can't just comes across as needy.

+1

[Gilly]

I dunno, I think I would potentially want to hear that from someone. To me, intimacy is nothing without total and complete merging; I wouldn't want them to mean, literally, that they would kill themselves if I died, but the sentiment is rather beautiful if it is heartfelt, I think. It just speaks to a level of combined commitment and fulfillment, having found something that is really worth it; when you find something good, you don't want to let go.

[redbaron]

I dunno, I think I would potentially want to hear that from someone. To me, intimacy is nothing without total and complete merging; I wouldn't want them to mean, literally, that they would kill themselves if I died, but the sentiment is rather beautiful if it is heartfelt, I think. It just speaks to a level of combined commitment and fulfillment, having found something that is really worth it; when you find something good, you don't want to let go.

sx-first I guess.

[Gilly]

You think Mimosa isn't? o.o;

I think it's actually sx/so in particular; we basically have the least sense of the self as being something defined by borders between the self and others; sx/so's have the least resistance, and the most impetus, to merging and become totally one with something beyond physical contingency. sx/sp merging consists of grinding gears and worlds colliding; sx/so merging is the empty being filled by the whole and dispersing into the great single explosion. Or something.

[tiny_dancer]

I don't know how to answer this, because I don't really need to hear anything from my partner to know that they care about me. If it's the right relationship, I'd know it without them saying anything, or maybe just saying "I love you."

Are you using the phrase literally? I can't imagine saying it to anyone, but if I were to marry someone, that person would be my best friend and essentially someone I "can't live without." And I would want him to marry me because he wants me in his life, not because I'm "good enough" and he's tired of looking.

What is that line from Sleepless in Seattle when she dumps her fiancee..? I think he says, "Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it." Exactly.

But I'm not taking that phrase to its ultimate neurotic conclusion like I'm a codependent person. Of course my life would go on if they left me, died, whatever. I'd probably marry again eventually.

[UDP]

LOL. There are so many quotes of epic comedy in this post, especially "invest" as a verb for "romantic feelings and strong emotions." Would you seriously like that formal of a declaration of... romantic interest? And/or do you seriously expect someone to appreciate that formal of a declaration (I'm not being facetious here; I suppose it's possible that an EII would find it cute, and it's not as if SLEs don't also occasionally make interpersonal moves that some might find ridiculous).

Uhh, that's not what I'd actually say to someone, but that's what I'd be thinking - and if we're both on the same page about that, it would be a lot more important than someone saying to me "I can't live without you". I was addressing thought processes, not how to be romantic with your words.

[UDP]

On a serious tip, have you investigated the possibility that your distaste for Fe has more to do with a distaste for a certain romantic thing?

I think I'm actually very passionate and romantic... but I'm guessing some of what you said was in regard to you think I'd walk up to someone and say what I said in that exact same language - that it was how I'd "declare" things.