"I love you" or "I love you and I cannot live without you"

[stanprollyright]

The latter, as flattering as it is, reminds me of something someone would say who has self-esteem problems and would likely be addicts in some way, clingy, manipulative, and abusive in some way. It's more like 'I need you/want you' versus 'I love you and want to be there with you and for you.' So yeah, flattering until you take reality into account and then it's not so fun. Someone who depends on you that much places a burden on you that no one deserves. That's more of a parent child thing where the child depends on the parent. I would hate for that to be with a SO when we are supposed to mutually support one another, not place extra burdens that adults should not place on other adults. Yeah, it, to me, indicates immaturity on various levels. A real turn off when you think about it and can be really creepy when people put you through crazy shit because of it. Makes me think of 'Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf,' a song I recently found which kinda deals with this with a character who kills his wife, eventually. Really, really scary. I would be scared if someone said that to me. I have trust issues with these things enough as it is. Shit, I'd rather be in a platonic marriage or something SAFER.

The way you paint this makes it seem a lot worse...it sounds like criticism an aggressor/victim would have on an infantile/caregiver relationship.

Besides, if someone said that, I'd tell them they were full of shit and write them off as dishonest with themselves and me.

Haha

IME, if they 'need' you, they will deliberately hurt you just to pin you where they want you. People like that have no consideration for other people and make me sick. Especially when I love someone, I am inclined to let them alone if they can find someone better. I have always sacrificed my love interests and people who demand it from others to suit their own selfish 'needs' don't deserve the person. That's what I believe. If I found 'the one' I would still be willing to sacrifice. I don't feel people owe me anything. I am not owed love or devotion. That's a privilege that I don't expect to obtain.

I disagree with the bolded part. I'm not unwilling to sacrifice someone who doesn't feel the same as me, and I don't feel I'm owed anything either, but I'm allowed to want, right? If it were up to me, (it's not )my SO would need me in some way as well as love me.

but wait! you're infantile but if you're NeTi, that makes you Fi polr, yes?

I'm NeFi.

[redbaron]

I'm NeFi.

sorry about that. Te polr you know.

[stanprollyright]

I think in most cases "I can't live without you" would just mean, "I can't and don't want to imagine my life without you in it". Which is a romantic sentiment I'd like to hear, if I could reciprocate. Otherwise it's just awkward, you know. I doubt anyone emotionally healthy would mean it literally. (Or this might just be a reflection of my strong identification with the Victim-Aggressor romance style?)

sorry about that. Te polr you know.

No worries

[munenori2]

"I love you" is cool. "I love you and I cannot live without you" makes me a little squeamish, like I'm in a Twilight movie or something.

[FDG]

"I love you" is cool. "I love you and I cannot live without you" makes me a little squeamish, like I'm in a Twilight movie or something.

ahahahahhha

[stanprollyright]

"I love you" is cool. "I love you and I cannot live without you" makes me a little squeamish, like I'm in a Twilight movie or something.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqvg0C90FhM]YouTube - How Twilight Should Have Ended[/ame]

[redbaron]

Thank you for putting my own feelings into a more concise format.

same!

[shakealittle]

I think in most cases "I can't live without you" would just mean, "I can't and don't want to imagine my life without you in it". Which is a romantic sentiment I'd like to hear, if I could reciprocate. Otherwise it's just awkward, you know. I doubt anyone emotionally healthy would mean it literally. (Or this might just be a reflection of my strong identification with the Victim-Aggressor romance style?)

That works particularly well with the epic tone of beta romance.

I like the sentiment behind the "i cannot live without you" but I wouldn't take it literally. To me, it means more like "my life is so much better with you in it"- type of thing.

So how does each erotic attitude handle love, what would they say?

[Marie84]

"I love you" is cool. "I love you and I cannot live without you" makes me a little squeamish, like I'm in a Twilight movie or something.

It does!

That kind of intense obsessive romance is extremely creepy to me

[Creepy-]

The first one, definitely. I want to be loved and wanted, not loved and needed.

[Creepy-]

What's the difference?

Hmm... to be wanted is to be enjoyed and appreciated - the wanter finds joy in their interactions with the wantee, but he makes a choice and is not forced by circumstances/requirements/whatever to be with the wantee. To be needed is to be clung to because the needer lacks something that he perceives the needee to fulfill.

I prefer to be wanted rather than needed, but I could see someone making the argument that in a way two people in love "need" each other in some ways. Still, the original question was about needing someone else to be able to live, which I think is kind of silly.

[Sirena]

I dunno, I think I would potentially want to hear that from someone. To me, intimacy is nothing without total and complete merging; I wouldn't want them to mean, literally, that they would kill themselves if I died, but the sentiment is rather beautiful if it is heartfelt, I think. It just speaks to a level of combined commitment and fulfillment, having found something that is really worth it; when you find something good, you don't want to let go.

This is exactly how I feel about it. I could never feel like I was with the right person unless we felt this way about each other. My fiance and I express this sentiment mutually pretty often. To us, being with each other and codependent in this way does not constitute a lack of freedom, as freedom from each other is not desired. Not having each other would be the real prison.

And yeah, that "Romeo & Juliet", "Twilight" sentiment is the true expression of love to me. I don't see how people can stand being in relationships that are more like cozy, convenient business relationships than a romantic bond so strong that it surpasses all that is mundane. How cold and flavorless is that! I would die inside.

[Sirena]

Absolutely. Can you imagine a single SLE saying he can't live without someone?

Just look at who supports the phrase in this thread vs. who doesn't. It seems like a most of the Fi-valuers support the sentiment, and Fe-valuers are the ones who think it's unhealthily dependent.

This might also have to do with Se and the need to be independent...which brings me to think it might also be related to romance styles. It seems like Infantiles especially would develop such dependency.

Anyway, it's not too much of a stretch to think this issue is type related, considering most of the people who voted "yes" are delta.

Did you actually read the responses in the thread? Because it seems like you got a pretty backward impression of them.

Also, what about Romeo & Juliet (the classic embodiment of this sentiment), always being tied to Beta?

[717495]

Uhhh, why would you marry someone if you didn't want to live with them? Lol fail.

[Creepy-]

Uhhh, why would you marry someone if you didn't want to live with them? Lol fail.

That wasn't the question.

[717495]

That wasn't the question.

Wow I know, it was a joke

[DividedsGhost]

"Don't marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the person you think you can't live without."
-James Dobson

These kinds of quotes are like reading Shakespeare or poetry, if you want. You're not supposed to take it literally guys. Don't be retards.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Satan]

I think it's called dependance.

[The Exception]

I voted no for the reason LokiVanguard stated. I couldn't stand the total dependence implied in the "I cannot live without out you" statement. I want a mutually beneficial relationship not a one-sided relationship where one member is helpless and is constantly depending on me.

[Satan]

I voted no for the reason LokiVanguard stated. I couldn't stand the total dependence implied in the "I cannot live without out you" statement. I want a mutually beneficial relationship not a one-sided relationship where one member is helpless and is constantly depending on me.

aren't you supposed to be the helpless one?

[The Exception]

aren't you supposed to be the helpless one?

Only with regards to my weak functions.