At any rate, I spoke with my advisor today.

It's a shame - I need to schedule longer appointments.

We got to the subject of "the life of the mind", and shifting lifestyles. I realize that I am a point where I can shift from simply plodding around in mediocrity, or I can elevate myself into something I want to be.

Mariano Rajoy, I don't agree with what you are saying, because what you are suggesting is just stuff that I'm not interested in. That is not a challenging or fuitful in my eyes. There's value there, but not the value that I want.

I want to transition into a lifestyle that is much more than just that or getting by on grades.

To be honest,
it's not about academic success, or grades. That's just an easy, somewhat superficial manner of monitoring it. The real issue is something much more, and my converstation hours ago really highlighted it- it's a lifestyle change. Something, in my eyes............ something that I am changing. changing for the better. In all reality, it may be just as irrelevant as going completely hedonistic (as wym123 said). But it's something I want to do for myself. Not because of the grades. Not because of any external achievements or glory.

I want it because I want myself to experience that higher level, or at least differnt level. A new level. Something more than. I want to be on the verge.

(to be poetic about it (( in for my own self, anyways)), that is how I can act out 'my fantasy', my truer reality)..... but this is going over into something else. I don't want to talk about that right yet. I have to focus on step 1 first.


PS: Not that I really consider this to be quite so similar... but I am reminded of some zen things, a search for enlightenment.
PPS: This may even be a futher, greater branch, or tangent. Perhaps more later, when I have time, luxourious time, to think about this. If I continue thinking about this, I'll go all day and not do my schoolwork. So I must go now. (I'm saying this more for myself than anyone else).
Later