Hmmm. “Dead inside.” I’d say that sounds about right.
I’ve actually given a lot of thought to why my life seems pointless. It’s not really because I’ve done a lot or have accomplished most of my childhood dreams. I think it’s because I don’t have anyone whom I really care about, and no one who really cares about me.
I have people who DEPEND on me, but that’s not the same as caring.
I was talking to an ESI teller at the bank and asked her what she had planned for the 4th of July holiday. I had overheard her tell the previous customer that she was going to attend a family get-together and she looked very ambivalent about the prospect. I can sympathize, since I did that for many years with my ex-wife’s family and I thought that about half of them were complete jerks. How must an Fi-dom feel about random extended family members? Lol.
She said that she and her husband and her kids were going to visit her in-laws, then she asked me what I planned to do.
I was surprised when I told her that I didn’t have any family left, but I would find something fun to do.
I thought that sounded pathetic, which is not what I was intentionally going for, but maybe her ESI-ness brought out the truth at that moment.