The 5 Languages of Love

[redbaron]

I can't think of good examples though of acts of service. Does anyone have any? Is it always like taking out the trash? I'm trying to think of think of things my bf has done.

doing anything practical that either needs to get done or that the person thinks the other person wants done. In this house it means doing the laundry (and then pointing out how much he did and how he was happy to do it) or cleaning up or running to the dry cleaners when I mention that the sweater I want to wear is still there. Or making dinner. Doing things without being asked. Stuff like that. He used to get up with me in the middle of the night when the twins were babies and change their diapers and get them out of their crib to nurse. Which was totally helpful.

[Creepy-male]

I am all about receiving Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch

I am all about giving Acts of Service and Quality Time

I value the Gift thing the least in both categories

I don't mind giving Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch either but I said receiving because I feel invasive touching people affectionately without some kind of permission and I always fear my words of affirmation won't properly inspire the person I am talking to.

[jewels]

doing anything practical that either needs to get done or that the person thinks the other person wants done. In this house it means doing the laundry (and then pointing out how much he did and how he was happy to do it) or cleaning up or running to the dry cleaners when I mention that the sweater I want to wear is still there. Or making dinner. Doing things without being asked. Stuff like that. He used to get up with me in the middle of the night when the twins were babies and change their diapers and get them out of their crib to nurse. Which was totally helpful.

aww! those are great examples, thanks. Yeah I guess I do like things like that. It's interesting how a lot of this does seem to be type-related.

[Creepy-male]

Physical touch
Quality time/words of affirmation
Receiving gifts
Acts of service

Probably because I'm E5, acts of service make me feel quite awkward because I'm fairly certain I can never repay the debt (whether or not this is how my partner sees it). With the rest I'm on a more even playing field.

Why does someone doing something for you make you feel more "indebted" than them giving you something?

I can also relate to feeling "I can never do enough". This was a major problem with my SLI, so I think it's more an insecurity thing than anything attributable to enneagram.

EDIT

Either that or you're E9. Stop changing on me, damn you!

[Creepy-male]

Because when it comes to gifts I am able to make a meaningful and unique contribution that cannot be replaced by a robot.

What can you put behind giving a gift that you can't put behind doing something for someone?

[Creepy-male]

Some people might be inclined to think, however, that because it's you performing the service, it's more meaningful than if a robot did it. Does that help at all? Just like how only an Isha can put personal sentiments behind a gift, I'm sure whoever you're doing whatever for can more easily respond on an emotional level to the fact that it's *you* doing it than if, say, a robot did it. It seems a little unfair to invalidate one but not the other, especially if the cost of thinking in such a way is feeling indebted to someone on a purely personal level.

I don't think I got what I was trying to say out properly, though :/

[Creepy-male]

(I'm trying to not be enthusiastic about helping you cook and then eating it. Really, really hard. Trying hard, not eating hard, that is...)

...which I assume would involve an expression somewhat like this, at some point.



/derailing.