holding a grudge: is this type related?

[ouronis]

This is mostly true for me, for little things. If someone is a dick to me I will be fine if they change their attitude.

I always considered myself someone who can let go and forgive easily but lately I am noticing that is not always the case. It is easier to do with people I have not emotionally invested in. The closer the relationship the harder a betrayal is to forgive and forget. I don't think about it obsessively (once I accept it happened) but if something reminds me of it, the feelings well up again. I can shift it but I wonder if I am more of a grudge holder than I even realize.

I am not an obvious grudge holder like one of my sisters and my mom. They will openly voice their grudges, and have no problem with it since they feel it is justified. I kind of push them beneath the surface and will pretend I am not still upset or hurt, if I have beaten that horse to death already, while trying to sort my feelings. Their way is probably healthier than mine. For some reason this doesn't really apply to people I consider acquaintances since I rarely hold any expectations of an acquaintance to be anything other than they are. I try hard not to have expectations of anyone but it isn't always easy.

Edit: I don't even know if it is a grudge really. I know I put up a wall once I experience a betrayal. I do not focus on it though unless the person is around and we can't resolve it. Again, this is only people I have extremely close relationships with. It is an issue of trust more than an outright grudge.

I think even for big things, I'm able to compartmentalize them if they are an issue that's unlikely to be brought up again. If I am cheated on or something like that where the main facet of the relationship was severed, i will probably be pissed and avoid that person until I was less angry(which would take longer than a day). More than likely, I would not have the chance or desire to really contact them again, anyway. But I have had instances where I can get along with those people as long as I remember what they can and can't do for me and don't let it slip there again. When people can't stop doing what they did is where I tend to stay angry, which I imagine is usual.

I don't think we have too much control about how we react to these kind of things. I would actually say that holding back your judgement instead of firing forth with your emotions without reassessing the situation is a good thing you're doing.

[Aylen]

I think even for big things, I'm able to compartmentalize them if they are an issue that's unlikely to be brought up again. If I am cheated on or something like that where the main facet of the relationship was severed, i will probably be pissed and avoid that person until I was less angry(which would take longer than a day). More than likely, I would not have the chance or desire to really contact them again, anyway. But I have had instances where I can get along with those people as long as I remember what they can and can't do for me and don't let it slip there again.

I get this. I have a VERY short list, tbh. I don't even think about it until something triggers me. I am only triggered if I feel it was unresolved really. I like closure of some type.