The 16 Types Adventures

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 28: Romance And Reality

~A Few Days Later~

"What are you guys talking about?" Sam said. Steve and Dolphin were giggling like junior high students, sitting on the big window sill in the Motel 6. Each had one of their foots dangling over the side.

"Oh, you haven't heard?" Dolphin said. "Mune and Vero are a couple again now! They got back together." "Yeah, didn't you hear them last night?" Steve asked.

"No I didn't, because I was too distracted by baby Eldanen's crying. And I'm the only one that went to help him!" Sam said, kind of snottily. Steve and Dolphin just looked at each other and kind of sheepishly smiled.

"I'm not known to be the realistic one, but um we can't just keep staying at this Motel 6, forever" Sam said. "We need to move out. None of us have real jobs so this place is on our parents' tab."

Sam frowned. "I have to be responsible now. Even if I don't want to...."

Steve laughed. "Yeah, you go do that." He looked at Dolphin and giggled. Sam just rolled his eyes and went back to paying attention to baby Eldanen.

Steve and Dolphin realized they were touching each other's hands. Dolphin kinda just shyly looked away. Steve sighed. "Dolphin, I-I know I'm not the perfect guy and all, but we've just spent so much time together helping Sam fight evil, that we're bound to umm, like each other and stuff. You know? And well, time is short. Maybe in another life you'd find somebody better, but-"

Dolphin rolled her eyes. "Yes Steve, I will go out with you. I find you reasonably attractive enough as well" she said with a smile.

"This isn't Motel Romance!" Sam said, referring to Steve and Dolphin's and Vero and Mune's recent coupling. Of course he watched the whole thing between Steve and Dolphin just now. "I'm happy for you both but blah."

"I think we're all kinda getting on each other's nerves now" Steve said. "Dolphin and I just want to be together, and Vero and Mune - and you and umm....the baby. But not like that cause gross! Yeah, we do need to get out of this motel. Back to our parent's place" he said.

"Oh come on. We're all in our 20s. We don't need to go back to our parents. We can have our own place" Sam said. "We should all get jobs."

"This isn't like you Sam!" Steve said, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah well, things gotta be different. If we want this kid to create a better world, we're gonna have to just man up and do stuff we might not want to do."

Vero got out of the shower and stepped out into the living area with the others. She had a blue towel wrapped around her body, and one curled up in her hair. "We could all live in a duplex. We'd share the rent, but we'd all have our own space. So it's like, we all could have our own privacy and fight the demons together when need be" she said. She picked up her clothes and went back in the bathroom to change.

"That's ....a great idea" Sam said. "Well um what's the first step. We'd need jobs."

"No place would hire us cause of what happened way back with Miley" Dolphin said with a frown. "The outside world hates our guts remember?"

Sam thought about that. "I know what we gotta do" he said all resolved and heroic shaman-like, while holding Eldanen closely. He turned to Vero. Who was now back with the party, fully dressed. "Vero? You worked for the government, you know people in power. You think you can hook me up with a meeting with the Mayor of this city?"

"Uh, sure. Yeah. I think so?" Vero said. "How is this gonna help us get our own place."

"You'll see" Sam said. "But you guys might wanna dress up. Not in superhero gear, but in 'Look Good For The Real World' gear. Because we're all gonna be on TV."

Mune nodded. "I can whip us up something nice with my conjuring power" he said.

***

A few hours later, Sam stood up on a podium, in a room in City Hall, and spoke to the camera. He was being broadcast on every major news channel in the world. He was wearing a dashing black suit. "Hello. My name is Sam Leonard. I am a young man with a very sketchy past. I am here today because I have a confession I want to make. To the whole world. To everybody who might be watching. I'm a filthy sex offender who needs to redeem for my sins. It's true, I was trying to expose my penis to Miley Cyrus. The truth is, I'm just a lost internet addict that needs lots of help. I mean all that talk about fighting evil, who was I kidding? I have no idea what I'm saying when I say those things! I am just a lost sad little boy. But with society's forgiveness, maybe I can get a normal job and help give back what I took away. Instead of just being a worthless mooch off my parents. My accomplices in crime also wish to join me in the struggle for redemption." The camera panned to Dolphin, Steve, Vero, and Mune, then back to Sam again.

Dolphin gasped and whispered to Steve so the cameras couldn't hear. "What is he doing? He's lying! Well mostly. But he isn't a sex offender, his fly was just accidentally unzipped there!"

Steve was impressed. He looked at his friend in wide-eyed wonder. Sam sure was one clever duck. "It doesn't matter if it's true" he whispered back to Dolphin. "The external world already hated us, so him just admitting that he's at fault....it's making some people in the outside world root for us again. The liberals in the group homes and the psychologists who give people second chances. As long as you say how filthy and fucked up you are, of course. The windows are opening, and maybe now we can nab that duplex we want."

When the main camera turned off, Sam looked at Dolphin and the others and winked. Immediately, a hornet's nest of news reporters kept flashing lights at Sam and asking a bunch of questions. Shoving notepads in his face and blabbering. About Sam's Starr Commonwealth days mostly, about why he was so emo and why couldn't he just have sucked it up and went to school, his homosexual relationships with ex-cons and murderers. Sam cast Stop on the media mob, and huddled the others together down the hall and over a corner where they could talk in private.

"Now nobody in the outside world can know about Baby Eldanen, at least not yet. The real world wouldn't realistically let an openly gay sex offender raise a child, so we sneak him in *after* they let us get our own place. You got it?" Sam said. He looked around at his friends' disappointed and bittersweet faces. "I'm sorry but there really wasn't any other way. We have to lie to get ahead in the external world. But the trick is this, I realized. What separates us from the sleazy politicians and pure demons who do the same. We have to downplay ourselves. We don't need celebrity or the world to adore us. We just need to get the world to work for us a little, just enough to build a life for me and my son."

Vero nudged Sam, telling him to cut off the 'son' talk cause a guy was approaching him. A confident tall man in a business suit who had just heard Sam's speech to the world.

The prick-ish looking stuck up lawyer guy walked up to Sam and the others. "Congratulations young man, now you can cook my fries at Mcdonald's!" he said with a frattish asshole laugh.

Dolphin was about to kick him in the nuts, but Sam cautiously held up his hand at her and simply smiled at the man. "You're right. I should be ashamed for working at Mcdonald's, but it's all I deserve in life. I need help." Sam said all of this sincerely, but inside he was smiling to himself.

"Yeah and don't you forget it!" the man said. "You'll never be a rich lawyer like me." He spat on Sam's face. "Stupid sex offender." He cockily walked off like a high school bully after he just got done picking on the nerd.

Sam waved his hands and revealed Eldanen cuddled up to his chest. He had cast a simple cloaking spell to hide him. Sam had learned the ability 'Hide' off-screen! "It's okay" he said after the man walked past. Letting the spit fall down on the floor with a slop. "We don't need fancy things." He looked around at his four friends. Dolphin, Steve, Vero and Mune. And then back down to his son. "We just all need a place to love."

~End of Chapter 28~

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 29: Eldanen And His Two Daddies

The Fabulous Five was unloading their things out of a U-Haul and into their new place. They all had sweatshirts and sweatpants on. "We got the duplex, I'm so excited!" Vero said. "Yeah we can now be cool romantic 20 somethings that share our first place together. Like the movie rent, or the Sex in the City Girls!" Dolphin said excitedly. "Well they didn't live together I don't think but ya know, same difference."

"Ooh can I be Samantha?" Sam said. Even though he knew as a writer, he was much more of a Carrie.

"We have to keep really busy though" Sam said while setting down a heavy box of books in the corner of the kitchen. "People are really watching us like a hawk. We all have to attend gay-ass state-appointed group-therapy sessions. I'm sorry guys, but we're all smart enough to tell those yokels what they want to hear."

"Yeah, it's a price to be expected" Dolphin said.

"How is...." Mune looked around the street. He waited for a man to pass them. "The baby doing" he said in a low whisper.

"Oh, he's fine" Sam said. "He's napping in the guest bedroom. I bought one of those baby monitor things at Wal-Mart" Sam said. "So if he cries, I'll be there in seconds" Sam said.

Sam looked down at his watch. "Okay, that's enough for now. Everything is out of the truck, we'll finish unpacking later in the evening. Now, Vero and Mune stays with the baby till the evening- they don't have to work till later. Vero has a job as a social worker at the therapy place we all have to go to. Mune, you work at fed-ex. Steve works at the local dollar store. Dolphin- you work at tj maxx and me, umm." Sam sighed. "I work at Mcdonald's" he said with a groan.

Mune shrugged. "Hey it's not exactly our ideal careers, but we're all working now, which is great. And we should be able to juggle our schedules around to take turns watching Eldadiddlyo" he said.

"Yeah, it's like he has five parents" Dolphin said.

Sam smiled. He was wearing a cute light blue sweatshirt that brightened up his face. "Well, I guess this is it gang. Our new life." He turned around and looked at their 3-story Victorian home. It was painted light pink, for gayness. It was a little shabby and rundown and had a mice problem that they had to deal with, but if they worked at it, it could be really good.

Later that evening,

"Working pretty much sucks as much as I thought it would" Sam said with a sigh as he entered the kitchen. "But it's good to be home." He looked around. Dolphin was in the kitchen making dinner. He looked in the living room. Mune had his work clothes on, and was playing with baby Eldanen.

"Give your unca mune a good-bye kiss" he said to the baby. "That a boy tiger" he said in that kind of straight guy ish way.

"You know that kid is gay so he won't be liking sports" Sam said to Mune.

"Well we don't know that for sure, do we? His old self was gay but....." Mune approached Sam and gave him baby Eldanen to hold. "I gotta go to work. We'll finish this conversation later though!"

Mune grabbed a few dinner rolls from the table. "Well, I'm outta here. Cya Dolphin" he said as he ran out the door. "Vero already left for work ten minutes ago" Dolphin said while stirring the spaghetti sauce. She scooped up a little bit on the wooden spoon and put it in Sam's mouth. "I hope you don't mind but Steve is taking a nap in your room."

"Mmmm" Sam said, smiling at the tasty sauce. "You know, we bought a three-unit Duplex for a reason, and this section is technically mine and Eldanen's only. You and Steve already have a section of your own if you want to have loud obnoxious sex" he said.

Dolphin nodded. "I know but for now, I guess we're all kinda sharing things. And we need keys to each other's places in case of emergency, right?" Dolphin said.

"Y-yeah I guess you're right. So, how long until dinner" Sam asked.

"About thirty minutes" Dolphin said, her back facing Sam while she concentrated on adding more spices to the sauce.

"Hmm....that should be enough time to....." Sam suddenly patted Eldanen's back. "Come on lil guy, I know you can do it. You could do it in your old life....." he whispered. Suddenly, Eldanen and Sam teleported out of the house in a gust of wind magic!

Dolphin turned around, and dropped the spoon on the floor when she noticed they weren't there anymore. "Oh shit" she said. "Damnit, where did you go Sam?" she said. "Ah well" she said to herself. She got a new spoon from the drawer and went back to working on the dinner.

Eldanen and Sam had teleported to New York, right outside Sean Mccosker's apartment complex. "Yes! Another teleporter in the group" Sam said excitedly. "And you learned how to do it that quickly, at such a young age. Mmm yeah summoners ARE powerful" he affectionately rubbed eldanen's tummy and he started to coo. Sam concentrated, used his powers of insight and guessed the right numbers to Sean's apartment. He was buzzed in. He read the numbers on the doors. Luckily Sean was on the first floor so he didn't have to climb the stairs.

"Hi Sean" Sam said.

"Sam? Uh hey" Sean said. He looked at the baby and was just....confused. Sean was wearing a wife beater and ratted blue jeans, of course he looked so hot to Sam. "Can I uh come in?" Sam shyly asked while cradling Baby Eldanen.

"Uh sure, I g-guess." Sean rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry, I would have called first but." Sam gulped. "I don't mean to put you on spot like this but uhh, I'd like you to meet your son. Our son. Eldanen." He handed Eldanen for Sean to hold. Sam watched Sean hold Eldanen. Something about this felt so right.

Sean frowned. "How did we do this? I never even fucked you. And even if we did, you know we can't.... "

Sam nodded. "No, he didn't come out of my rectum. It has something to do the Ideas. I mean, a baby needs two parents right. Well, he technically already has five but, the bond should be more....complete than that" Sam said. "He's a very powerful summoner, who can call forth Ideas" Sam said. "And well I have this idea of us, as a family together you know, and I was wondering" Sam sighed. "I know we never were an official couple, but I want to be. And I think you feel the same way about me. I'm in love with you Sean" Sam said.

Sean looked down at the baby and back up at Sam's face. "I-I'm sorry Sam, but I already have a husband."

"Honey what is going on?" A buffed up dominican dude walked out from the other room and saw Sam standing there and Sean holding the baby. "Who is this? What is going on?" He asked. His voice curious but also mixed with anger and defensiveness.

Sam looked at the guy and frowned. He felt his heart break, right there. "I just had this idea, that everything would be not all right, or perfect or tied in a pretty bow, but just b-better if we were a fam-" Sam wiped away the tears. Oh god, he was crying. Sam picked up baby Eldanen from Sean's grasp. "Forget it. I-it's no big deal" Sam said. "Forget I came. I'm so embarrassed. I should have.....known."

Sean frowned. "Hey uh- I'm sorry man" he said softly. "If you want me to tank any-" But Sam had already stormed out of the apartment with baby Eldanen.

Sam teleported back to his place with Eldanen. It was kind of ironic how he was crying, and the baby was the one being calm.

Dolphin immediately noticed Sam crying. She turned down the heat on dinner a bit and walked up to Sam. "Oh honey. What is wrong. What happened?" Dolphin said. She motioned Sam to sit down with her at the table to talk about it.

"I just thought you know that, if Sean and I were together, it would be....the picture would be kind of complete you know. I know Eldanen has all of you, but I don't have anybody, romantically like you guys have and I thought you know, that it would just be complete, and I love Sean so much. But he has someone else now, a-and I know I don't need another person to complete me, but it wasn't like that, it was like....the whole picture you know but now it's gone and I guess-" Sam huffed up and started crying even harder. He reminded himself to just breathe.

"Oh honey, there will be guys other than Sean" Dolphin said. "You look....you look so bad. Now come on, you need to take a break. This new life change has been so hard on you. I'm so proud of you for working and raising a kid but....you look like shit. Like Judith Light got hit by a truck."

Sam laughed. "Thanks, Dolphin. I knew you'd....understand." He looked at Dolphin and smiled. "You're my best friend" he said proudly. With gay neon sailor moon teared up anime eyes.

Dolphin nodded. "You need to rest. I'll save a plate for you" she said. "Here, I will watch Eldanen while you go nap." Sam handed Baby Eldanen to Dolphin and went back to lie down.

Sam went to the living room and almost immediately zonked out on the couch. He had his monitor close to his head to wake him up, though.

Dolphin sung a little tune to herself and stirred the sauce a bit more. She looked down at Eldanen and smiled. Only her eyes suddenly turned a pitch black! Dolphin leaned down and sunk her teeth in Baby Eldanen's soft neck and began draining him like a vampire. Sucking up his innards like he was a capri sun drink box, killing the innocent infant. Dolphin had really been Dark Dolphin this entire chapter, the Dolphin that Dolphin accidentally forged in the 11th Chapter, Starr Commonwealth Part IV, by breaking the resurrection rules!

Baby Eldanen cried for his life, but Sam couldn't hear him, because Dark Dolphin had removed the monitor's batteries when Sam had left to go visit Sean.

~End of Chapter 29~

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 30: Poor Gulanzon

Gulanzon was playing in his tree house in planet Akliash, in half-monkey, half-human form. Akra was beside him. She had been baby-sitting him for weeks now, helping him deal with Isha's death. The scenery was very beautiful and majestic.

"She'll come back. I know more about how the Ideas work now, so ....she'll come back" Gulanzon said happily.

Akra just smiled at Gulanzon. "Do you want me to sing you another song? Or we could perhaps watch more Power Rangers re-runs. Or play some Final Fantasy or.....I don't know." She sighed. "I think I miss Sam and the others."

"Sam is a doo-doo head" Gulanzon said. He threw a banana peel beside Akra. "He got my fiance killed. I....don't know if I can forgive him. But she'll come back....." He impatiently spun his thumbs around together.

Akra put her head down. "You know that wasn't really Sam's fault. He means well. I just well, it was like I was actually fighting, actually DOING something, and it felt good."

"Are we really any better off since Sam came into our lives?" Gulanzon asked. "You don't fight evil, he's full of shit. You just let it happen and worry about your own life. God he annoys me so much!"

"The big picture, dear. We slain a Clear Dragon. They are fearsome beasts that kill indiscriminately. Just like the Ideas, and just like some Pure Demons" she said. "They were a threat to the total whole, and I'd think Isha would be proud to sacrifice herself for the greater good like that."

"Do not claim to speak for what Isha wanted!" Gulanzon said angrily. "She just wanted to be with me. Do you know how painful that must have been, god, did you see how brutally she got chopped up? And I could only just stand there and watch helplessly."

Akra frowned. "I know. I guess....." she stood up. "I don't know what to say to you any more Gulanzon, it's like you are just going to get pissed no matter what I do to help you." Akra sighed. "You know, you're just going to have to get over her eventually" she said, almost rudely. She stormed off and walked off in the other direction, but she didn't leave completely. She sat down on a rock about fifty yards away from Gulanzon. "I'm a very compassionate person so I always get the job of baby-sitting people who are going through shit, but I get tired of it" she said.

Gulanzon just mumbled under his breath and kicked some rocks. After about five more minutes of loathing, he looked up and saw none other than Isha, standing there before him. In a new yellow sage garment, with her black hair neatly tied in a ponytail. "You came back! You came back! Your Idea brought you back here, like I knew it would!" he said. "I didn't think it would be this soon but yay!" He hugged Isha.

He then drew Isha closer and put his tongue in her mouth. But she pushed him away. "Oh sorry" he said. "I forgot I was still in monkey form!" He changed back into a human, but she still pushed him away. "Gulanzon. It's not what you think" Isha said slowly. "Yes, I am back now. I guess I was connected to my own idea more than I thought" she said modestly. "But I feel, different, somehow. Mostly the same. I mean, I'm still a sage and all, and I still am more or less Isha, with my same wise, introverted personality. But I uh...." She put her head down for a moment, then looked back in Gulanzon's eyes. "You're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear this anyway. Come, let's go sit down at that rock over there."

"I know we can get through anything together" Gulanzon said.

"That's the thing though, there's not.....going to be a 'together' with us anymore" she said. "Because I'm a lesbian now. I came back, as a lesbian. So I'm not....into you. That way."

Gulanzon's jaw dropped. "Hardcore rosie-lesbian or crazy psycho bisexual-lesbian or gay for pay porn lesbian" Gulanzon said. "PLEASE LET IT BE THE LATTER! WE CAN GET TOYS!"

"One-hundred present lesbian. Well perhaps ninety-five, but the five percent just ain't enough for me to be into you that way. And it's not just sexuality, but my soul. My soul just feels lesbian. As silly as that sounds." Isha sighed.

Gulanzon sweat dropped. "I knew sexuality was fluid but I didn't think it was like THIS. Just my fucking luck. You couldn't have come back at least bisexual?" he said.

Isha shook her head. "I'm so sorry Gulanzon. We can't be together like that, but I really still want to be your friend."

Gulanzon shook his head. "I don't know. This is so weird for me, and I- don't know. It might be too hard. We were a couple for three years."

"And there's something else you should know, too...." Isha said. Akra approached Isha and for some reason wasn't surprised to see her. Like she already knew that she was back. Instead, Akra put her hands around Isha's waist and leaned herself into her! "Gulanzon you already knew I was bisexual, but umm yeah. Isha and I are a couple now" Akra said. They stroked each other's cheeks and kissed each other softly.

Gulanzon blinked. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN THAT ISHA WAS BACK?"

"Just a day or so. I've been meaning to tell you but...."

"AND YOU GET HITCHED UP THIS EARLY?" Gulanzon said. "WAY TO FIT GAY STEREOTYPES."

"We were already best friends together in Akliash during my straight life, so it was very easy to get close" Isha said.

"Yeah I umm, I saw her come back to Akliash, the first day. I saw her naked and well, it was love at first sight" Akra said.

"This is just something you're going to have to accept" Isha said. "We can help you find somebody else, you know- to make it up to you."

Gulanzon just pouted. "I g-guess. I. I don't know. I. I feel like I want to kill something now. Like a real man. And I think some peace-nik happy go lucky elven-like lesbians will get in the way of that." Gulanzon transformed into a cheetah and dashed out the forest. "FUCK YOU DYKES" he yelled out from afar, making the trees in Mune's Forest reverberate from the sound of his deep masculine cheetah voice.

"Give him time" Akra said to Isha. "He doesn't mean it. He's just in pain."

"Right, well we need to get back down to business. That Clear Dragon that killed me, we don't know exactly who sent it. If an Idea, then what Idea? I would ask Sam and the others for help, but they are busy with their own lives. We need to find out, somehow. I say we head back to the Skeleton Graveyard and search for clues."

"Sounds like a plan, honey" Akra said. The two lesbians got up and headed on a journey back to the Skeleton Graveyard. "But I didn't think you'd want to fight evil?" Akra said.

"I came to Akliash to get away from it all. But I realized it was cowardly for me to do that, for any of us to do that" Isha said. "Sam and the others inspired me to be a demon fighter as well" she said.

~End of Chapter 30~

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 31: Would The Real Vero Please Stand Up

Baby Eldanen teleported himself out of Dark Dolphin's grasp and landed in Sam's lap. Sam felt this and woke up. "Unngh-uh" He saw the baby appear on his lap. Baby Eldanen closed his little eyes and died. He was all wrinkled out and deflated like a flat tire from having his inner organs sucked up.

"AYE!" In a hurried rush, Sam threw his arms out and revived Baby Eldanen. Whew. He was only dead for about two seconds. He came back good as new. "Oh my fucking god what just happened" Sam said. Sam ran into the kitchen, holding Baby Eldanen tightly.

He looked at Dolphin standing there in the kitchen, her arms crossed confidently. He looked into her eyes, and realized it wasn't Dolphin. "I should have known" Sam said.

Dark Dolphin laughed evilly at Sam. "I waited until you were vulnerable to nab the kid. I knew it was only a matter of time before a ****** let his emotions get in the way of his work" she said. "You craving ****** love blinded you to do your job, same with all humans" she said.

"Baby Eldanen teleported himself to safety. I guess that must sting, a little baby being more powerful than a tramp like you" he said.

"Oooh I'm Sam, I want compliments and rewards for doing the normal things that everybody else does" Dark Dolphin taunted hatefully. "You were just a pathetic ****** your entire life. You are good at nothing except making up stories and playing video games. And now, you will watch helplessly as I feast on your own child." Dark Dolphin raised her arms to cast Water Jet on baby Eldanen, and the flow of water carried him out of Sam's grasp and back into her own.

Sam blinked. "N-no." Sam thought fast and cast Triangle on Baby Eldanen right as Dark Dolphin sunk her teeth into him. Dark Dolphin snapped back hatefully as she bit into a hard magical shield instead of the soft baby. She spit out a few loose teeth. Baby Eldanen teleported back safely into Sam's arms. Dark Dolphin then began walking towards Sam. Sam held out his free hand and cast Stop on Dark Dolphin while keeping Eldanen neatly tucked under his other arm. He grabbed a knife from the counter she used for cooking and threw it at her. But he wasn't a melee class so it just kinda...brushed her shoulder and made a benign cut. He hurried to pick the knife up again, to stab her in melee range, but the Stop wore off. She backhanded the knife out of Sam's hand and wrapped her right hand around his throat. But she didn't squeeze, not yet.

"Last words fag-face?" Dark Dolphin said, realizing she had Sam cornered now.

"SAM, I'M WIDE OPEN BRO!" he heard a voice call out from behind Dark Dolphin. Steve must have gotten up from his nap. "Yeaaah!" Sam cheered.

Sam threw baby eldanen to Steve. Steve caught the kid, because straight men actually know how to catch moving projectiles. "Idiot" Steve said.

"Oh god. I-I fell for it again. Let me guess, you're Dark Steve" Sam said with a sigh.

Dark Steve just laughed. Dark Dolphin continued to hold on to Sam's throat.

"Now Baby Eldanen, you gotta teleport us out of here or daddy here dies" Dark Steve said. Eldanen did just that, and Dark Dolphin, Dark Steve and Baby Eldanen vanished out of the kitchen. Sam was about to be teleported with them, but he was pushed back out of the teleportation vortex by Dark Dolphin at the last second.

"No. I can't fail. NO!" he said. He immediately reached for his cell phone and began dialing Vero's phone number. But, he suddenly fainted and fell down on the kitchen floor instead! The spaghetti sauce Dark Dolphin made him eat had been poisoned.

***

Dark Steve and Dark Dolphin were in some sort of underground lair. A dark cavern filled with a bunch of brown rocks. Stalactites and stalagmites both. The real Steve and Dolphin were about forty yards away from them, tied up on the wall in steel chains. There were a few torches scattered in the cave that helped light up the place.

"Okay, we're safe now. Now let's gleefully eat Baby Eldanen and make them watch" Dark Dolphin said happily.

"You give in to your base nature too much, just like all women" Dark Steve said. He gently stroked eldanen's hair. For being only about a week old, he was one of those babies that grew hair very fast. "You have to be more tactical. It's much more fun fucking with people. We force the ****** to make a choice. Baby Eldanen, or his friends lives. But he can't have both. Of course, then we just eat all of them and don't hold up our end of the deal" Dark Steve laughed.

"Well what's stopping the rugrat from teleporting out of here?" Dark Dolphin said.

"I cast a spell just now. Well more like a counterspell of sorts. Not much of a mage, but- I bound his teleportation powers" Dark Steve said.

"God we're so evil and dark and nasty, I just love it" Dark Dolphin said.

Dark Steve nodded. "Too many people are obsessed with the Ideas. But not us. We just want to be evil" he said. "So, I still have my relationships." He pulled Dark Dolphin close to him and french kissed her deeply. "Earth ain't so bad when you can do shit like this" Dark Steve said.

"Now, let's torture them" Dark Dolphin said. She approached her good twin. "Wakey wakey" she said. She swooped up a rusty nail from the floor and stuck it in Dolphin's cheek and slowly edged it down the inside of her flesh. Dolphin yelled out in pain. Dark Dolphin cast 'Flow' in the inside of Dolphin's throat and she began choking on the water. She then slapped Dolphin's cheek. Dark Dolphin laughed sadistically at Dolphin's pain. She cast 'Flame' on her fingertips and began singing all of Dolphin's eyelashes off.

Dark Steve went up to real Steve and started to play with his balls. At first softly to tease him, to get him involuntarily hard against his will, but then he grabbed them and yanked on them as hard as he could, almost ripping them off. Steve screamed and started crying. Dark Steve punched Steve in the nose.

***

In the middle of the night, Mune got back from work and instantly saw Sam fainted on the floor. "Oh god." He cast Gain on Sam. But he wouldn't budge. He was dead. "No..." Mune ressurected him. Thankfully he got here just in time and the spell worked! The poison from the spaghetti was slow and took awhile to kill Sam, so he only had been dead in his sleep for about five seconds. Mune went up to Sam and gave him a hug. "What happened Sambo?" Sam tried to talk but just air came out. Mune continued to comfort him. "E-easy there buddy, save your strength." He cast Gain on Sam again, and this time, it worked.

"D-Dark Dolphin, she was here" Sam managed to say as he fully regained consciousness. "And Dark Steve. You weren't there but um they are these pure demons Dolphin accidentally made when she broke the resurrection rules by chilling dead bodies, giving me extra time to revive my friends" he said. "Somehow they took the real Dolphin and Steve and made the switch. They have been living with us in our new place, probably the whole time. Dolphin and Steve are still alive, thank god, I sense them with my powers" Sam said.

"Oh and Vero. There's Dark Vero as well" Sam remembered. "There's four of them. Dark Steve, Dark Dolphin, Dark Ashton and Dark Vero."

Vero jiggled her keys in the lock, opened the door and stepped into the kitchen. "Sorry I'm late" she said. "Sorry I'm late" she said.

"Huh?" Vero said. She turned around, and one other Vero was standing beside her! They were dressed exactly alike, both wore glasses, had on a white sweater and black slacks.

Sam got back up on his feet again. He looked at Mune.

"One of them is the real Vero and one of them is a pure demon. Sam, use your Insight power to tell which one" Mune ordered.

"I c-can't" Sam said. "I guess maybe I don't know Vero as well as I thought I did" he said. "I kinda have just been beginning to know her, with all the shit that has been going down."

"What do we do" Mune said. "How do we tell them apart!"

"I'm the real Vero" Vero said. "You should know that Sam."

"What are you talking about? I am" Vero said. "Sam, kill this skank right now!" she said.

"Mune, you know Vero better than any of us. Having put your penis inside her vagina. Here, hold my hand. I know it's gay but umm I can maybe channel my insight power with your love for her, and you will be able to tell" he said. Sam grabbed Mune's hand and gave it a lil squeeze.

"Uhhh, that one. She's the evil one" Mune said, pointing at the Vero on the right. "Do you know for sure?" Sam said. "You don't sound very sure."

"No! I don't. That idea didn't work!" Mune said. "I still have no clue. They look exactly alike!"

Sam looked at the two Veros and sighed. "What the fuck do we do" Mune said.

"She dies" Vero said. She whacked the other Vero with a surge of lightning, so hard that she flew into the fridge.

"That must be the evil Vero! The good Vero wouldn't strike first, right?" Mune realized that wasn't necessarily true. "Oh shit. This isn't fair man."

~End of Chapter 31~

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 32: All Tied Up

"I-I have no time for this" Sam said. He stood inbetween the Veros before an all-out brawl started. "My son has just been kidnapped. We have to teleport to him" He said. "Vero, come on we have to save them." He looked behind at the other Vero. "Both of you."

Mune, Sam and the Two Veros teleported to the dark lair. Sam looked around, realizing they were in some sort of cave. Sam pointed to the Vero on his left. "She was the one who made the teleport, she must be Dark Vero. How would the real Vero know where this place is located?" Sam said.

"Unless you used your heart to guide yourself to your own son" Mune said. "Which you probably did, like last time before when we fought Abraham but kinda in reverse."

"Now that I think about it, maybe the Good Vero made the teleport, she could go to Akliash even though she had never been there before. Unless the bad Vero is tricking us, which um yeah makes sense...." Sam added.

"The real Vero is....." Dark Steve stepped out from a stalagmite and held up a syringe. He stuck it in Vero's right arm. It was the same formula he used to bind Eldanen's teleportation magic. "......This one. And now you're down both Teleporters. Idiots." Dark Steve said.

Vero slapped both Sam and Mune's faces. "You ARE idiots. You couldn't tell me apart from a pure demon?" she said.

Dark Vero just laughed. She looked at Dark Steve. "I dunno boss, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Dark Steve nodded.

"You guys are going do-" But Sam was teleported back into his kitchen with Dark Vero's mojo! He looked around. "Huh?"

"Your teleport spell can work that way" Dark Vero said to Vero. "You would have known that if you practiced your powers more instead of trying to make everybody get along with your stupid canadian ideals. You can't play mommy to the world, you stupid feminist bitch."

Dark Vero, Dark Steve, and now Dark Dolphin ganged up on Mune and Vero. "And now without Sam, you're outnumbered, which means, we will now be kicking your asses and tying you up and torturing you like the others" Dark Steve said while holding Baby Eldanen.

"No...." Mune said. He waved his hands and thinking fast, conjured a brick wall in front of himself and Vero. He then grabbed Vero's hand and sprinted off with her in the other direction.

"Do you know exactly what he used to fuck up your teleportation power?" Mune asked Vero as they ran for their lives. Dark Steve just punched through the brick wall and the three chased after them.

"No I-" Vero and Mune bumped and fell down, as Dark Vero and Dark Dolphin and Dark Steve had teleported themselves right in front of them.

"We can't give up. We hold out for as long as we can!" Mune said. "I still have my other powers" Vero said. She looked up above and electrocuted a stalactite, causing it to drop down on the Dark Trio.

But Dark Dolphin used Water Jet on herself and all her allies and protected them from the attack by three sudden bursts of water that manifested simultaneously. She was farther along than regular Dolphin with that ability, as normal Dolphin could never cast her Water Jet ability on all party members at once.

Mune thought hard and conjured a small mazda protege to drive into the three demons at 90 miles per hour. The car vanished and it was so much raw power it caused Mune to fell down on one knee. "I'm not....giving up" he said. "That's the first vehicle I ever conjured on earth" he said, proud of himself. But he was very weak and almost fainted from that spell.

Vero kneeled beside Mune and comforted him. "Conserve your strength, Adam" Vero said. "Our powers ARE slightly enhanced in this cave somehow, but so are theirs. And you gotta be careful or we will hurt Eldanen accidentally!" she said.

"They don't have heals" Mune said. "We m-might be able to win."

A few hours later,

Sam heard a voice in his head that was stronger than all the other voices, while he was thinking on what to do to rescue his friends and cause as little causalities as possible. Some sort of Idea was speaking to him in his head, while he stood in the kitchen. It seems like interesting things are unfolding in the world of magic. But you are still needed in the outside world. Sam felt the sun beam down on his face from his bay windows and he looked down at his watch. He couldn't believe it. It was the next day already, and he had to go to work!

"I can't....this is more important. My son and all my friends are trapped in some lair. I gotta go help them!" He told the voice. No, you have to go to work the Idea said. Sam frowned. "They'll all die. I c-can't just--" But Sam realized the Idea was right, and there wasn't really anything he could do now. Sam sighed and went into his room to change into his Mcdonald's uniform.

"What Idea are you. Are you the own Idea of me, or are you something else!" Sam called out. "Is this some sort of trick!" he said. But he got nothing. Just the urge that he needed to put one leg in his pants after the other, go brush his teeth, and then take the bus to Mcdonald's.

"There might be bigger problems if I miss a day of work, especially this soon" Sam said with a sigh. "But I can't let them die. God....this is horrible."

***

Mune and Vero have been fighting the Darks for hours now. They were both very tired and looked worn down and beat down. Their clothes were tattered and ripped all over their bodies.

"They're more powerful than us" Mune said. He twirled to his side and dodged a particularly large wave of lightning emanating from Dark Vero.

"Yeah b-but they aren't as smart. They haven't been around as long as us, right?" Vero said. "They were made about a month ago when we were at Starr. They look as old as us but they are technically like, a month old." She returned a lightning bolt to the other side of them.

Mune has learned the ability 'Counterspell!' Dark Vero conjured a lightning ball in her hands, but Mune flicked his hands and canceled the spell.

Vero has learned the abilty 'Dual Shock' a lightning spell that hits two targets at once! Vero used Dual Shock on Dark Dolphin and Dark Vero, focusing so much energy that she caused the bitches to fly backwards, hit their heads on stalactites and pass out.

"Sweet new powers!" Mune said.

Dark Steve charged in melee range and began beating up on Mune. Like the straight kid on the playground who uses his natural raw straight male powers to bully and demean others instead to protect and uplift them like Good Steve does. Mune just kept healing himself. Vero kept flicking her hands, casting lightning bolt after lightning bolt on Dark Steve. Finally he had so much electricity in his body that he just......exploded.

Dark Dolphin and Dark Vero regained consciousness and glared at Vero and Mune. Dark Dolphin saw Dark Steve's eyeball just lying there on the floor all gooy and bloody and veiny and dead.

Vero stared down at her evil twin. "I'll shove my canadian ideals all the way up your....." Vero's vision blurred and she fainted. She was already weak, and she put a lot of stock on that Dual Cast spell and everything just caught up with her. Mune looked up. "Oh crap." Dark Vero and Dark Dolphin went up to Mune and kissed him like Betty and Veronica kisses Archie, they then stuck their fingers deep in his ear canals. He cried out in pain. "Can't heal....out of MP....must re-" He fainted down next to Vero.

Dark Dolphin spat in Vero's hair. "You killed my boyfriend, you stupid slut, you know you're gonna pay for that...." Dark Dolphin grabbed Vero by the hair and Dark Vero grabbed Mune by the hair and the two Dark Sistas dragged them down and tied them up next to Dolphin and Steve, who were barely conscious.

"Oh....crap" Steve said.

"Hey" Dolphin said.

"Don't think they can hear you...." Steve said. "Wait a minute. Where's Sam?"

Dark Dolphin cuddled Baby Eldanen in her chest. "This baby right here is very precious, we use him for leverage. Just think of all the things we can make Sam do."

Dark Vero raised a brow. "(Dark) Steve really changed you, I thought you just wanted to snack on an innocent baby. Cause he's good and you're evil. You were always so base, simplistic. So animalistic."

"But what about the long haul?" Dolphin said. "Another hero would just come down via the Ideas, if not in this time....then eventually. No, the way you destroy somebody is to get them to suffer and self-destruct. Make them forget about all the joys they already have in their lives. Besides it's much more sinister to let Baby Eladnen grow up and guide him to become evil, and then watch him summon an Idea to end everything."

Dark Vero nodded. "Very well then. I'll give Sam the first ultimatum." She teleported out of the lair.

Dark Dolphin smiled at Mune, Vero, Dolphin and Steve all being tied up. She cracked her knuckles. "Now to have some fun."

~End of Chapter 32~