The 16 Types Adventures

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 11: Starr Commonwealth, Part IV

Dolphin got an idea. "I c-can chill the bodies....increase the time they can get a resurrection, but I don't know how long it would last. And I'd have to spend the entire battle just doing that...." she said.

"Do it! We can't lose them. I'm tired of my friends dying" Sam called out. His MP was naturally recharging from not casting anything, but it was extremely slow.

Ms. Horton rushed to Dolphin. Grabbing her hair and picking her up with one hand. "You will do what, victim?"

Steve taunted. It....worked! "Oh thank god...." Steve punched her in the face a few times. "Steve! I need to save my mana for rezzes!" Sam said.

"I know, I...I am mitigating as much damage as possible."

"Mitigate......" Ms. Hurt hunched her body back. "......This!" She propelled forward, jutting out her chest, and whacked Steve backwards with her boobs. He went flying back very fast and landed on the opposite counter. The attack wasted 80% of his life.

Sam wanted to cry. Oh god, this could be it. They could all die here.....so much potential wasted. No. Come on, damnit just one more minute and he could rezz somebody.

Ms. Hunt began levitating in the air again.....her body flashing yellow and orange.

"Oh god no, NO" Sam called out. "DO SOMETHING!" Of course, Dolphin had to concentrate on chilling the bodies. She knew what Ms. Hurt was going to do, though. Thinking smart, Dolphin used the remainder of her MP to chill herself and Steve.

Ms. Hurt snapped her fingers again. The flash. Sam opened his eyes. Dolphin and Steve had fallen. Killed instantly, just like the other two. Dolphin draped across Vero and Steve about 8 yards away from her.

Sam looked at all of his friends' dead bodies. He felt a fire rise within him. He looked Renee in the eyes, confidently.

"Oooh the poor little victim is mad" Regina taunted. Sam drew out his staff that Dolphin gave him. Sam approached Regina, never losing eye contact with her.

"When will you grow up and realize *staff whack* nobody gives a shit about *staff whack* your ideals, you wanting to save the world *staff whack*, your little comic book world. And for the last *staff whack* fucking time, nobody cares that you are *staff whack* gay. Join the REAL world, of taxes, jobs and raising kids!" she said bossily. "Just be normal already." *staff whack staff whack staff whack staff whack staff whack.* Staff. WHACK.

Ms. Hurt was almost dead. She was just a battered, bloody almost-corpse now. "The others don't know of our history, Mr. Leonard. You might tell them, but can they really know?" Regina said. Blood rained down from her nose into the cracks of her perfect barbie-doll narcissistic boobs.

Sam broke the staff with his knee, pointed the sharp end at her heart and glared down into her eyes. Mascara rained down her cheeks, she looked like one of those women in gonzo porn movies after they've just been brutally throat fucked. "Face it, you need the hate I bring you to do your job. My existence is the only reason you unlocked your melee powers. You can't kill me." The staff was pierced a little into Regina's heart, but was not penetrated. Sam just kept staring at Regina Hurt for about a minute. And then finally, he retracted the staff from her chest.

"Go" Sam said forcefully. Ms Hurt laughed at him and ran away out behind the back door, which led into to the computer lab- and ran out of the school and into god knows where.

Sam rezzed Dolphin, then Steve, then Vero and then Ashton. Amazingly, all four of them revived and were fine. Sam hugged Dolphin and Vero, half-hugged Steve and nodded at Ashton. "Awesome plan" Sam told Dolphin.

"Did we kill her? Did we!" Dolphin said.

"Yeah..... we did" Sam smiled at Dolphin. He just couldn't bear to tell her the real truth, not yet.

The gang heard footsteps down the hall. They panicked. A few seconds later, a bald black man in a dark gray business suit approached them. "Welcome to the team." Mr. Wear. Sam knew who he was, he was a demon that was even stronger than Regina Hurt. "We want to congratulate you. Please, come to my office immediately....."

Sam didn't know what was going on. But, the party followed Mr. Wear anyway. He led them outside, and into another building. And then into a medium-sized office. The office had dark red carpeting. There was nothing in the office except a small podium with a crystal ball on top of it. And a curtain in the background, which was concealing god-knows-what.

Mr. Wear adjusted his tie. "You have successfully orchestrated the creation of five pure demons. Six, if you count.....that other one."

"What?!" Sam said, in shock.

"This is some sort of mistake, ******" Ashton said. "We're demon hunters. We're not demon makers."

"You sure about that?" Mr. Wear waved his right hand over the crystal ball and revealed Jason and Justin lying on a dingy mattress together. "These are pure demons, led on the path of righteousness by your very love and affection, Sam. Our research development team has already named them model X3242432 and prototype 492347."

"Jason Mraz!!! JUJU??? My love ....did this?" Sam said, visibly upset.

"And, you Ms. Dolphin." Mr. Wear smiled enthusiastically at Dolphin. "The 10-second resurrection rule is a universal law for everybody on the planet. However, with your unnatural, perverted demonic magic, you have cleverly found a way to exploit this mechanic. But in doing so, you have also indirectly created four pure demons forged from your own dark psyches. Evil clones of yourself, Miss Vero, Mr. Steve, and Mr. Ashton." He waved his hand over the crystal ball again. Evil clones of Dolphin, Vero, Steve and Ashton could be seen toturing an innocent regular human in San Francisco. They were holding a small man upside down and shaking him, his change falling on the sidewalk.

"These four are quite impressive demons. They are forged by pure blackness......and are born preternaturally strong, unlike Miley- who needed a lot of training." Mr. Wear suddenly looked at Sam. "How's Eldanen doing?" he asked with feigned compassion in his eyes. Angrily, Sam tried to attack Mr. Wear but Steve held him back. He was way too strong for them. "These New Creations still need discipline and lots of training, but in the right hands, ooh I am just so excited at how much destruction they will bring."

Mr. Wear continued to pace calmly in the office. "You see folks, it doesn't matter if you are half-breeds or not. You will always do evil with us, every step of the way. So why hold onto the guilt, the shame. It really isn't necessary, you know." He smiled a big white, good-looking smile at the party. "You could visit Cassandra and just make it all melt away."

Sam stood back. "This isn't what we signed up for! We have to find some way to reverse this!"

"Well" Mr. Wear chuckled. "If you kill your friends here, the Pure Demon replicas of themselves that have been manifested will be organically eradicated. That would be a start, hmm?"

Sam shook his head. "You are CRAZY. I'm not killing my friends! We'll just have to go hunt the copies." Sam said, sighing.

Mr. Wear scratched his chin. "It seems you are disinterested in our business." He paused for a long moment. "Well, I shall kill you then." He calmly walked toward The Five.

Vero blinked. "No." She waved her hands and teleported the party out of there. They were back outside the entrance of Starr. It was now nighttime. The darkness felt like an un-earned peace. "Don't get too excited" she told the group. "I don't think my teleportation can take us very far at once."

"Okay. Ms. Hurt is dead. Now we just gotta kill Jason Mraz, Juju, and the evil four clones!" Dolphin said. "Piece of cake, right heh?" She sweatdropped largely, knowing that it was going to be anything but easy.

"We're just taking two steps forward, and four steps back each time" Sam said. "It's like every step, every action we take- every physical, tangible process we make, just fucks everything up even more." Sam looked around at the gang. "Let's face it. We have absolutely no idea what we're doing, we're clueless as how to REALLY fight evil. In fact, we're only causing more of it."

Sam, Dolphin, Vero, Steve, and Ashton stood in silence and contemplated deeply.

~End of the Starr Commonwealth Chapters~

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 12: Wherever The Sparks Take Us

"Vero, you have your car parked in Starr right?" Sam said. "We'll just take your car to.....I don't know."

"We have to find some way to go to San Francisco" Dolphin said. "But we're wanted criminals...."

"Demons own the media. Figures, eh?" Steve said.

"We're demons too" Sam reminded Steve. "We're creating evil, just like them. It's pointless."

"You love that word, don't you?" Dolphin said. "We can't give up, we have to keep trying."

"Everything we touch just DIES" Sam said dramatically. "When, I'm lost....I don't know what to do, besides meditate." And he did just that.

"I think I know what we have to do" Sam said, re-opening his eyes after about three minutes of meditation while the gang argued about what socionics type Kelly Ripa was. "Our planned actions are only making us indirectly cause more evil every step of the way, right? Well so we just have to have Vero teleport us somewhere. Randomly. Naturally. Where our soul takes us, and not our egos. Where will we end up? I don't know. I just feel it strongly, in my gut...."

Vero shook her head. "Er Sam, I think you are becoming desperate there, hon."

Dolphin stood by Sam. Literally, she walked next to him and stood by him. <3. "Well I think it's a great idea. What else are we to do? As long as I'm here, we will never run out of food and water."

"I still think we should go back to San Francisco" Steve said. "Somewhere out there there is an evil version of me, soiling my reputation and making it worse than it already is."

Sam sighed. "We'll get them. Eventually. But please? Just listen?"

"No" Ashton said. Sam began to open his mouth, "It's not what you think" Ashton cut him off. "I said I wanted to help bring down Starr and I did that. I didn't say I was down for anything else, so.....bye. My contract here, has ended." Ashton turned around and began walking down the empty highway.

Ashton has left the party.

"I wonder if we'll ever see him again?" Sam said.

"Probably" Dolphin said.

Sam, Vero, Steve and Dolphin huddled together. "Everybody hold hands in a circle. I know it's kinda 'gay' but....just close your eyes and meditate, just focus on your breathing just let things be....and Vero will take us to wherever."

In a swirl of beautiful lightning/wind magic, the four zapped out of Starr and into.....

The middle of some sort of forest, although there was a brown dirt path paved for travelers. The sun was rising. There was lush green bushes and trees with red fruit all around. Apples. Cherries. Into the distance they saw a figure approach them, the silhouette of two females and what appeared to be a horse.

"You probably teleported us in front of level 468 mobs that can hit us for fifteen times our max HP" Steve said snarkily.

"Law of Attraction, remember Steve?" Sam said.

"Those aren't bad guys .....that is..." Dolphin blinked as the shadows edged closer and the sunlight illuminated them into vision. "Isha and Akra!" The four ran up to greet the two women.

"Hey Akra!" Sam said cheerfully.

"Sam! Oh my god it's Sam" Akra said happily with the enthusiasm of a Pink Power Ranger. "What are you doing in Mune Forest?"

"Mune has a forest named after him?" Sam said, surprised.

"Well yes, he single-handedly saved us from the Dark Elves that were pillaging and destroying our village" Isha said. "He's the king of this kingdom."

"Wow. Well um, we're on a mission to fight pure demons. That's what we are" Sam made a gesture his three friends. "Demon slayers."

Dolphin took a step forward. "Oh this horsie is so pretty....." Dolphin began petting his nose. The white horse neighed, and knocked Dolphin down. It then transformed into.....GULANZON!

Sam, Vero, Dolphin and Steve stepped back, startled. "Well hello there." Gulanzon bowed. A chubby man with huge bushy hair appeared before the gang. "I am the Great Gulanzon, Shapeshifter extraordinaire. Also known as Druid class." He looked at Dolphin. "Sorry about that mam, but I haven't gotten the horse transformation down just right so you were petting my um....thingamajigger, if you will."

"Ew!" Dolphin said.

"And I am a Sage." Isha curtsied to the group. She was wearing a black robe and a spellbook tucked neatly under her arm. "And I'm....a Songstress." Akra sang out a sweet melody to the gang, cartoony notes appearing out of her mouth. They all suddenly felt a little bit more alive, a little more energetic and more aware. Like the moment you step out of your house after you haven't in awhile. She was wearing a red robe.

"Hey Gul, we saw imps in the Sahara desert with your face on them. Do you know what that's about?" Sam asked.

"Must be a side-effect of his shape-shifting" Isha said. "He's a little trigger-happy on the casting." She smiled affectionately at Gulanzon.

"I AM NOT!" Gulanzon spazzed. "Well, I guess that's true...."

"So all demon hybrids can do that right, create monsters with their magic....." Dolphin asked.

"It's accidental but yes. And well then other heroes are left to clean up after the mess. I suppose evil never goes away does it?" Isha said. "A lot of demon hybrids simply refuse to use their powers. They become hermits and do nothing but play video games in their rooms all their lives."

"We want to be different" Sam said. "We want to make evil squirm."

"Red ribbons rolling down mountain tops" Isha suddenly said.

"Huh?" Sam said.

"If you want to fight evil, maybe you should get more creative?" she suggested , her nose buried in her open spellbook.

Sam just '....' at that. Dolphin looked at Gulanzon. "Why are you smiling?" she asked, almost angrily.

"Huh?" Gulanzon blinked.

"It doesn't bother you that whenever you go poof, you might be creating evil critters of you elsewhere in the world? I created four pure demons myself just recently."

Gulanzon scratched his head. "Hmmm. Well, I suppose not. It doesn't concern me much... And hey, it's an accident! How is it really my fault?" he asked.

"Magic should ideally be non-contradictory" Akra spoke up. "Your emotions, I'm reading them now- they are so ambivalent. So guilty, so pessimistic.....so still caught up in the drudgery of life."

Sam grrred at that. "Yeah but we're still LIVING. How can you blame us for that?"

"I'm sorry but we cannot help you" Isha said softly. "However, I do know somebody that can. An agent of Esther Hicks."

Steve drooled a little. "Esther Hicks! I love her."

"She's a Pure Demon" Sam grimaced. "She just wants our money."

"Yes, but she is powerful beyond measure and can read energies. Not just emotions, but vibrational frequencies. Where you're going, where you've been, where you are. Do you know how delicately complicated it all is? And here you are- four little naive kids thinking you can play God!" Gulanzon said.

"You cannot meet Esther alone, as she is a Pure Demon and you are Pure Demon Slayers- and well, she'd easily obliterate the lot of you anyway. However, her agent itself can tap into Esther's own power, and read your energies for you" Isha added.

"She's connected to us all" Akra said happily, almost creepily.

Steve looked up to the sky and gulped. "Uh Sam?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why does the sky have three moons?"

Sam looked up and saw a Yellow moon and a blue moon and a red moon.....and they all looked a bit more vibrant and colorful than regular earth moon. And it was morning to boot.

"We're not even on EARTH anymore" Dolphin said with a shock.

"No, of course not" Akra said. "Welcome to Planet Akliash."

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Chapter 13: Akliash

"Vero, you can teleport to other PLANETS!" Dolphin said. "You are SUCH a Mary Sue, ugh!"

"It wasn't just ME who teleported here" Vero said, looking right at Dolphin. "It was all of us connected, remember?"

"How far away are we from earth?" Steve asked. "This is pretty fascinating."

"Uhhhh, a, helluva lot" Isha said blushing. "We do not really practice mathematics here. Just art and beauty."

Sam looked around. It looked so pretty, like the Garden of Eden. Green forestry was everywhere, although the tone of everything was lighter. More happy and peaceful and idealistic looking, and romantic. "But it's not an utopia...."

"Of course not" Isha chuckled. "Yeah this ain't no heaven" Gulanzon said. "You took your pain and strife and grief all the way up here with you." He made a zipping sound with his tongue and teeth.

"And of course we have our own problems as well" Akra said. "Our ongoing war with the Dark Elves still ravishes."

Sam stepped back when he saw an apple suddenly grow on a tree branch, just like that -- and fall down. It was as if Isha sensed this was coming, and caught it with her right hand extended outward, without letting go of her attention to the gang.

"Did you do that?" Vero asked.

Isha shook her head. "No. It's nature and reality itself." She took a moment to bite into the apple. "The natural bio-rhythmic atmosphere of self-regeneration is just well, A LOT better here than on earth."

"You never run out of resources here" Sam said. He blinked. "So, the only war left is the war of ideas, the war of thoughts." Sam felt excited about that. He sat down on a rock. "That's where the real battle always is, isn't it? In our thoughts and ideas and perceptions."

Isha nodded. "Yes, because it was an Idea itself that created that very tree to begin with. Even if you blew up this entire Planet - a new one can just be created later with another Idea. Granted, it may take billions of years, even eons- but it would happen. It's all about The Ideas."

"You said they were pillaging your resources though. If resources are infinite, why would you care?"

"Because" Isha put her head down. "They hurt our feelings" Isha said honestly. Her voice as clear as a snowflake hitting the tip of your nose. "You only remember how somebody treated you.... writing it off as 'emo' or running away in denial and suppression, does not make The Truth that connects us all go away."

Sam got another epiphany. "The reason why our world is still suffering is because we have ignored the link between the Idea and the Manifestation. We have spent so much time playing with the mechanics that we lost sight of the big pictures. The Ideas. That which substance comes before."

"Now you're thinking like a True Hero" Isha said with a smile. "Of course, the Pure Demons have already known this for eons and control your world because of it, you have an idea that evil will always be around forever, deeply programmed into you. Is that true? I don't know. Me saying it's NOT true, it's just another Idea itself and well, I guess- the best Idea will win."

"The Pure Demons are here too though" Steve said.

"People instinctively want to get away from the suffering of others. They all want to become Gods. As long as we are here, the Pure Demons will be here."

"I....still don't know how to safely destroy a Pure Demon without fucking everything else up, but I'm learning a lot" Sam said.

"Information can be power sometimes" Isha said. "Soldiers of both Power and Knowledge have told you lies that it was always either/or- pulling your poor selves in the direction they themselves wanted you to take. But where do you want to go?"

"I want to learn even more" Sam said. "About my shamanism, about our powers- about why we are here. All the big questions."

"I just realized something ELSE" Dolphin said. "Sam is even more insightful here than he was on earth......I mean back on earth you said you didn't know who a pure demon was until you were very near them. But you knew that Esther Hicks was a pure demon, and you're not anywhere near her physical, actual, can-be-hurt manifestation. That means...."

"In Akliash, our powers become enhanced" Vero said.

"Love each other....stay together.....do not become Narcissists" Isha warned.

"Yeah yeah yeah, this is great- maybe we can find something here, some sort of natural kyrptonite that the Pure Demons are non-contradictoarily-ish weak against" Dolphin said. She looked to the left. You could see gorgeous fields of bright green grass that seemed to go on forever.

"Nice word" Sam snarked.

"If you have the Idea of it, it can be true" Isha said with a smile. "But you need more training. Keep heading down this path, and when you reach a fork in the road turn right. We will be following you on your adventure and will help you when you need it, but we have our own lives too you know."

Dolphin tested out her powers by casting a water spell as big as a real-life waterfall, about 20 yards away. "Wow....this is amazing. I have so much more MP and HP."

"But the monsters are stronger here too, I imagine" Sam said.

"How come when Gul fucks up his magic, the demons appear on earth but when we fuck up OUR magic, they appear on earth too?" Dolphin asked.

Isha smiled. "That's exactly the reason Gulanzon, Akra and myself came to Akliash. We longed for a better world, not perfect- but better. We were about to become Pure Demons ourselves, but we fought through the pain and sought another way out. This place is pretty secret you know. Very few know of its existence. The planet itself is very strong and powerful but sadly, also quite small. About the size of Texas. It took me five years studying my spellbooks to learn how to get to this place."

"But you're not heroes" Sam said. "I mean no offense, you're great people and all- but you kinda just escaped, ya know? This land is protected from demonic side-effects, but still- the evil IS created. Just elsewhere. You just don't have to be bothered with cleaning up the messes you make."

Akra put her head down. "You're right. We all want out I suppose. And what makes you think you'll be any different?" Akra said.

Sam thought long and hard about that while he, Vero, Steve, Dolphin, Isha, Akra and Gulanzon all walked down the very long dirt path.

Meanwhile, back on Earth.....

Jason Mraz was lying in bed with Justin. Jason had his hand very close to Justin's nipple like they do on soap operas. "Mmm honey, I've been thinking....since we've known each other for like, all but one day - It's time to open the relationship up!"

"So soon?" He said sarcastically. Poking fun of the way gay men have too much sex.

Jason held up a book he had been reading. "Dark tantra. I've been studying it for the longest time. Of course the public thinks I'm studying that Light Shaman Magic crap like Sam does but HA. Get this, Cassandra isn't the only method to become a Pure demon."

"Well I already knew that" Justin said.

"But did you know you can turn somebody into a pure demon by fucking them in the ass?" Jason said. "We can channel our dark energies, create more Pure Demons out of rape victims. Of course it only works on Demon Hybrids, but that's the challenge. I tried to use it on that bitch Pink awhile back, but it didn't work cause I wasn't pure."

"I don't want you to get hurt babe" Justin said, looking deep into his eyes.

"I won't. Now come on. Let's go to the gay bar and make us some pure demons." Jason Mraz stood up, showing off his hot chest. "That's my mission. I want to have sex with every gay man in the world, and make them a pure demon like me. I think I finally found my purpose in life."

~End of Chapter 13~