This was said:
So I'll respond to this
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- I admit I can come across as condescending on the internet while at the same time being very annoyed by condescending people. I am not condescending in real life
I think I might have come off as condescending on the forum a few times, but I think (hope) that it only applied to a small handful of individuals. As in, I think (hope) I only acted that way towards the small handful of individuals. In each of the cases I can think of that might apply, the individual very often was condescending to others...no ifs about it, either. There's only so much abusing of others that I can handle before I feel the urge to step in.
- I can be judgmental when it comes to people who are arrogant, hurtful, and/or inconsiderate
I can be judgmental of actions that people do (including the words that they say), as well as the intent behind deliberate actions/words. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I've judged the person as a whole. This is often just one of many other actions that they do. I might like some things about someone, and strongly dislike other things about them. One minute I could be so angry with a person that I might say that they disgust me (but it's usually within the situational context), and the next let all that negative emotion go and recognize that they are just being who they are. I might dislike someone but respect some of the things that they do. Or like someone and be disgusted by some of the things that they do. My 'judgments' are rarely black or white, there's just too many shades of gray. However, I see very few, if any shades of gray when it comes to child abusers and psycho killers.
- I am horrible at staying in touch with people
I am horrible at staying in touch with people. It seems that I perceive the possibility of getting in touch with them any time, without much changing in terms of our relationship. This doesn't always work this way, lol, but the perception seems to remain, regardless. However, I also don't feel that I should be the only one to attempt to stay in touch. The phone/email works both ways. So I don't feel as if I'm the only one to blame if I, personally, don't keep in touch with someone. If they really wanted to contact me, they would.
- I often think I know better than other people and don't like criticism. However, I will apologize when I made a mistake and I am consciously working on being better at taking criticism. I will not, however, cease to think that I know better than most of you
I'm sure there are times/situations in which I think that I know better than someone. I do know that often times I've had more actual experiences or shared experiences than someone about some things. I'm sure that I also have certain ideas obtained from readings/observations that I feel would need to be taken into consideration when someone attempts to tell me something is true. During these times I probably come off as feeling like I know better than the other person.
I don't take criticism well. I've enough self doubts as is. There's little reason to state the obvious when I know I suck at something, and then to be told I suck at it..or laughed at for sucking at it. It offers me nothing to learn from. I guess that's what it is, constructive criticism is far more acceptable than just plain criticism. If you're going to criticize something I did/said, then at the least offer an idea for how to avoid it or do it better next time. Oh, and some of the worst criticisms are those that there is absolutely no way that *I*, personally, could have had knowledge/experience to draw from. We learn by making mistakes. If I am going to attempt to learn something, then I WILL make mistakes. Not allowing those mistakes to be made leads to inability to act/experiment/explore due to fear of making mistakes and leading to perfectionistic tendencies in which the person freezes up and does NOTHING at all.
- I secretly dislike a number of people who will never know that I dislike them. But my dislikes can easily change into likes because I am willing to reconsider my initial judgment (and I forgive easily)
There are a few people that I don't particularly care for, but I'm usually still open to communications from them. But just because I don't personally like a person, doesn't mean that I necessarily dislike them either. I more often feel neutral in those instances. There are very few people that I actively dislike/avoid. Dislike/avoidance usually comes from feeling as if someone is smothering me, attempting to control/manipulate me, or consistently abuse my good faith in them.
If I actively dislike a person, that person will have no doubts about it. (think mcnew) If, however, you think/wonder if I like/dislike you, then know that I'm still open to communications with you. Unfortunately, there are some people who consider "I disagree with you" to mean "I hate you". (oh, "you" in this paragraph doesn't mean you, personally, Kim. I like you, even if we disagree about some things, and even if we don't stay in touch.
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- I manipulate people
Manipulate has so many connotations to it that it's become one of those XYZ terms. How do you manipulate people, Kim? For myself, I consider even attempts to alter someone's perceptions as a form of manipulation. And since I very often attempt to help someone see other sides of the coin(s), then I'd also fall under manipulating people. Basically, I see attempting to influence a person or situation as being 'manipulating'. There are, however, forms of manipulation that I find disgusting and will either avoid or attack. For example, people who threaten suicide to get others to do something. People who attempt to control me and/or my relationships beyond my relationship with the actual individual involved. (eg If you're going to be their friend then I won't be your friend. or I won't be your friend because you don't like this other person.) Also various forms of blackmail.
- I make promises that I can't keep (with the best intentions, but still...)
Alas, I do make promises I can't keep. Over the years I've learned to avoid making the promise and saying something like "I'll try" or "maybe". Sometimes it's because I can't seem to say "No". Other times it turns out that it's just not something that I, personally, can/will do. More often, however, it's because I got distracted and forgot about it.
- I like to either be the center of attention or blend in in the background (depends on my mood) and I want either on my terms only
I do like to be the one who chooses how much "face time" I get. To every season there is a purpose. And to every situation there is a mood. And I'm damned well moody!!!
Unfortunately, this is one of those things that I can't tell where type comes in and mood disorder ends.
- I severely dislike demands that are inconvenient for me
Similar to previous paragraph. I figure I am the one best able to figure out what I am capable of or not at any given time. Just because someone wants something doesn't mean that constraints fall away.
Alas, I'm also a person who wants what she wants NOW and have a hard time waiting. The mood can so easily slip away, and if I'm in the mood now, but external constraints block me, I can get very irritable. I know from experience that more often than not, once the constraints are removed, the mood is gone and/or I've moved on to something else.
- Abstract things that do not relate to reality make my brain bleed and make me agitated and defensive
It's fun to "what if". Unfortunately, there's only so far from reality that I can step away from. If it strays too far from experience then I'll get antsy, and if it continues to go further, then I'll get agitated and will either try to bring it around back to some kind of realistic footing or will drop the subject. Unfortunately, I also seem to lack details in my thoughts/ideas/memories, and so often my side of discussions will seem to lack 'substance'/details/reality.
- I take offense easily and might lash out when I feel cornered
I get hurt easily. I wouldn't call it taking offense, as to me that seems like feeling as if someone is attacking me. But I do feel hurt easily, regardless of whether or not I think the person may have been deliberately attacking me or were just pointing something out to me.
I also often feel emotional turmoil inside in such situations. Was the person actually attacking me? What did I do to deserve that? Were they criticizing a mistake or were they criticizing me, as a person? Were they trying to be helpful or were they laughing at me?
I'm more likely to withdraw due to the turmoil and questions than I am to lash out. Lashing out seems to come most when I feel blocked, it seems to be an effort to remove the blockage so that I have my freedom again.
Unfortunately, I also don't often know what I'm feeling until I've responded to something, so it's possible that there's some kind of reinforcing thing going on, like circular thinking..only...circular feeling?
Originally Posted by Kim
I didn't accuse you of being attention seeking as far as I can recall, I asked if you were looking for attention, I was curious as to the purposes of you and trying to learn some more.
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