Delta Lounge

[Nico1e]

today i got to know two chinese .bin and pli. i love bin and pli.

Where did you meet them?

[Creepy-Snaps]

I don't know if it would help, but here's some of what might go on in my head:

If I wasn't interested - Someone being attracted to me and wanting to get to know me is overall a positive relationship. It has very positive feelings and leanings, at least. Rationally or not, I fear if I cut them down sharply or even just give a firm "no", that would destroy that positive relationship. So a polite but distant and non-committal response keeps things from progressing in the attempt to keep things from going negative. I'm not saying it makes total sense or is the right thing to do, but it's my tendency.

If I was interested - enter awkwardness and unsureness of how to respond. Not to mention a million and a half questions/uncertainties swirling around in my head, confusing me. E.g. "Does he really like me, or is he just being nice/flirty?" "Is this the right thing to do?" Etc. I might worry about being too enthusiastic (relative to my normal sedateness), so I might try too hard to suppress my exuberance, making me look more distant than I really am. Or, potentially, especially if I feel safe, I might thoroughly enfold him with my affection, though my strong enthusiasm might be a little less flashy than others'.


So, all of that to say a polite response could mean anything, really. I know, that's not very helpful.

Perhaps you could look for "warm" and "cold" politeness, though that might take some observation over time. Also, if the ambiguousness continues, maybe try to determine if she's trying to be around you more or to avoid you.

There's a good chance the EII is going to act the exact same way, appearance wise, regardless of how she feels. You're being observed to see what your real intentions and motivations are, and you're likely given the benefit of the doubt about 'wanting to be a nice guy'. Some EIIs will still assume you are a nice guy, even if you make several attempts to prove them wrong. Some EIIs will remain particularly clueless that you like them for a long time, even if you 'say' it.

If I were pursuing an EII, or giving advice to someone, I'd say - don't really care about trying to read them because it's inconsequential. What really matters is their 'longer term' judgement of getting to know you and how you fit in to their 'vision' of things working out.

If you get a clear enough avoidance or dislike or lack of availability, that may be the only sign that you've reached a dead end with them.

For the pursuer, you basically get to do whatever you want. The smart thing for you to do would be to figure out how the EII views relationships, and realize everything you do is more or less being judged in regard to that. (Same goes for both delta NFs). The difference individually is how much they care about 'having a relationship', and what 'having a relationship' means to them.


Keep suggesting and pursuing them until some obvious sense of disinterest arises in either party. It's more or less expected or at least "appreciated" (and by that I mean subconsciously desired) that you're going to take the lead in terms of 'enacting' progress. The NFs "confirm" progress.

Haha, it's good to be in control. Driving the relationship.

Especially, like Minde alluded to, a lot of Delta NFs don't feel a strong need to be in a relationship it seems... similar to Delta STs. Both LSEs and EIIs specifically are pretty independent people; which, when together, in duality descriptions, makes them one of the least social and most reclusive duality pairs of them all.

Being independent, and being naturally slow-developing relationships as mentioned in the other thread on this forum, the good thing is you can be upfront with how you feel in the short-term, get that 'do they like me' stuff out of the way, and then you can enjoy spending time with each other, and seeing if it'll play out long-term.

The good part is getting in a stable, long-term relationship with someone you truly enjoy spending time with, someone you can easily see living every day with, someone you grow to trust. I don't think either of us, Delta STs or Delta NFs, want to rush into something quickly, but are more focused on the long-term anyway. I feel both sides can be frustrated at times by each other's caution, yet have an unspoken code and respect for it, too. And at the same time, continue to respect and enjoy spending time with each other; and somehow grow to be loyal over time to you, just by spending time with you. And once you've grown used to each other, you can know they won't leave you, that they will fight to remain with you as long as possible, and you can give in, love them with everything you have, and know that they are your soulmate.

I can't believe I just wrote something so mushy!

[RoadPaveMent]

My roommate is an LSE! We have the same values, and that always helps any relations. lol As far as interests and personality, at first we seemed like opposites, but slowly it turned out to be opposites in a good way. The other LSE I knew...we clashed a lot, but our values were quite different. Perhaps I'll finally experience positive duality!

The problem is we're both very formal people. Already the girls in the rooms next to us are totally comfortable hanging out (though perhaps they can't discuss serious topics with each other?), while my roommate and I...can't drop verbal formalities. Oh well...I'm still satisfied.

[RoadPaveMent]

A hypothetical situation: Say an LSE is attracted to an EII and makes advances to get to know her. The EII responds politely. Is the EII attracted to the LSE or is she just being polite? How would she make it clear to the LSE that she isn't interested, being Se PoLR and all?

If she doesn't know how to assert herself and say, "You're not really my type," then she might reject you passively by turning down dates and not returning calls.

Obviously if you're trying to get a straightforward answer, this is frustrating. But if the person the EII is trying to get away from is, say, someone who is emotionally taxing to the EII who would also make a big drama out of seperation, it's a sly technique.

/too lazy to see if it's already been said

[Reuben]

Do you like girls?




kidding

[Minde]

Generally acceptance, I would think. Perhaps a little bit of pull back if it was super strong - a sort of "dampening" effort. But an overall acceptance of the underlying feelings.

I see.. Always felt rather stupid when I do that and get carried away, but its probably the best way I know to "bond". I often wonder if it scares them away, because I'd be at a total loss if anybody did that to me. The Fi subtypes seem to be able to take it better somehow.

I've known a few ESTjs now who have feelings like that - where they're strong and they come out strongly but there's also fear that it might be too much. It might be too much sometimes, sure, but in the end it's endearing. I will encourage expressing feelings if it means someone can gain more familiarity with them.

The Ne subtypes especially seem to experience quite a problem with assertiveness. I have an Ne-EII friend who ended up taking on piles of other peoples' work at his workplace. Come to think of it he hardly (actually never) initiate IM conversations with me (it's always me initiating and getting him out for meet-ups) despite us being rather close, though I just know he'd like to. Probably afraid of intruding or something.

From a theoretical perspective, Ne subtypes are "further away" from Se so I can see how they'd have a much harder time with it. That said, Ne subytpes also are more "extroverted" in the sense that their more dominant information element is an extroverted one. So they may end up being more abrasive or insistent with their ideas, for example.

Anyway, yeah, afraid of intruding - that's what often keeps me from initiating.

Yes this is very helpful. At least I would know how to gauge better. The question that very often comes up in my mind is: Would you like my company? And I try to gauge for signs. But EIIs don't exactly show many signs. They restrain and pull back a lot, and even though at a certain level I feel that they do have positive feelings towards me, and that I'm doing the right thing by moving forward, to try and be there for them, it's tough when they feel that they're being selfish when they respond and instead is doing me a favour by backing off.
I am at a loss at how to handle this.

I guess I'd say if it isn't a really strong reaction of dislike it then they probably like you well enough to keep hanging around.

I don't know how much more I can help except to say that I think it's sweet of you to care enough to keep trying to find the right way to connect and get close.

Perhaps you could look for "warm" and "cold" politeness, though that might take some observation over time. Also, if the ambiguousness continues, maybe try to determine if she's trying to be around you more or to avoid you.

Sigh.

I'm sorry.

this isnt working out. bye!

What isn't working out?

Bunter is so cute! Also, he's gotten so big. How old is he now?

He's six months now. He is getting bigger, but so far he's smaller than I expected. He's only about 40 pounds and hardly taller than my knee.

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Now, with extended battery time of up to 2 HOURS. Yes, now you can push your INFj around for 2 HOURS without it shutting down and becoming unresponsive. But even if it does, that's okay! Just place your INFj in a quiet, peaceful place such as an empty room with a computer and watch its energy rise to optimum levels in just a manner of minutes. IT'S THAT EASY!

Order now and unleash torrents of angst for FREE! To activate, simply promise your INFj some form of lifelong companionship (regardless of sincerity) and watch as your INFj becomes concerned for you and care for your health. And if you can't reciprocate, there's nothing to worry; the INFj comes with an amazing ability to rebound and create incredible justifications for your shortcomings and bullshitting. Just bitch and moan to your heart's content and then leave.

Don't feel like being nice? DON'T! The INFj will find a reason to justify your bad behavior! ISN'T THAT AMAZING?!

There's nothing like the INFj Friend-in-a-Box. It's slave your best friend on your terms. ORDER NOW!

(LIMITED OFFER. CREDIT CARD NOT ACCEPTED.)

[Choking hazard: not recommended to Beta STs]
Warning: Might break due to neglect or excessive emotional abuse, but FEELINGS, FUCK WHO CARES.

---

I'd laugh more if it didn't resonate so much.

Who's the friend of the friend? as in, who would do the same for you, Crow?

Ah, there's the question. The thing is, a "friend" who is used like that seems to become an object in the mind of the "user" - and objects don't need affection or emotional support. Except, of course, when they stop working. Then attention is paid until the services resume or until it gets too tedious to keep providing the care.

No one at this point in time, not that I would expect anyone to do the same. The people whom I expected to support me never did so, particularly when I needed it most, so at this point, I've given up. My experience in the last two years has drastically altered my perception of people and their motives. People are generally shitty and selfish; not generally good. Sometimes they pretend to be good to you, but only because they require something, and when they have no more use of you, they discard you and seek others who can empower their sense of being further. Most of everyone partakes in this mutual masturbatory session because it helps compound their own self-worth, unless you're someone who seeks self-worth in things such as your own competence, comfort, knowledge, taste, then you're out of the loop, and not "bro enough" to be given support.

So really, no one.

There are some good people out there; I know some. But, you're right, nobody's perfect and everybody's selfish and tends to look out for their own interests first. It's human nature and what leads to the brokenness in the world.

For myself, I've learned how to be somewhat self-sufficient emotionally. For most things I work it out internally and/or turn to God for soothing and comfort. This isolates me in a way, I've discovered. But not having to rely on others means that if they do let me down I'll still be ok.

[Beautiful sky]

Relationship maintenance time:

Dear Delta's please check in with your feeling barometers LOL

How are you doing?
Any pressing relationship problems, issues, you need to talk about and be comforted with?
Need a cozy and warm Fi hug?
How's your general health and happiness?


@Crow,

A word of advice, my dear EII.
Stomp those feelings and dampen them and you can deal with the ESTj much better.

yeah, good point, turning that around. Who's the friend of the friend? as in, who would do the same for you, Crow?

No one at this point in time, not that I would expect anyone to do the same. The people whom I expected to support me never did so, particularly when I needed it most, so at this point, I've given up. My experience in the last two years has drastically altered my perception of people and their motives. People are generally shitty and selfish; not generally good. Sometimes they pretend to be good to you, but only because they require something, and when they have no more use of you, they discard you and seek others who can empower their sense of being further. Most of everyone partakes in this mutual masturbatory session because it helps compound their own self-worth, unless you're someone who seeks self-worth in things such as your own competence, comfort, knowledge, taste, then you're out of the loop, and not "bro enough" to be given support.

So really, no one.

I know it's tough; expecting things of reality to match your ideals and not getting that in return isn't always going to happen. But, no need to turn negativistic about it and expect that it won't happen from others. LOL, don't generalize and apply it to others; you might get some good results if you learned to look in other circles. Try some different ways. There are truly great people everywhere. I know you can find them. You've been one yourself.

[Absurd]

Dear Delta's please check in with your feeling barometers LOL

How are you doing?

"LOL"

Any pressing relationship problems, issues, you need to talk about and be comforted with?

"LOL"

Need a cozy and warm Fi hug?

"LOL"

How's your general health and happiness?

"LOL"

[Reuben]

Ever felt lonely, unfulfilled and unappreciated? Your friends don't shower you with praises and encouragement when you're down? Depression caught you in a rut? Well, look no further, because now you can order your very own INFj FRIEND-IN-A-BOX (Deluxe Edition)!

Yes, now you can have your very own INFj friend who listens to all your problems all the time and gives you a shoulder to cry on whenever you're sad. Say goodbye to suicide, depression and anxiety - your INFj FRIEND-IN-A-BOX (Deluxe Edition) will wipe all your troubles away with its amazing listening and empathic ability. The new and improved updated edition comes with a handy-dandy, finely tuned Empathy 3000 function which allows it to emotionally relate to any esoteric situation or position and empathize as you complain. Just voice your troubles and watch its brows furrow and heart wrench out of genuine concern!

Now, with extended battery time of up to 2 HOURS. Yes, now you can push your INFj around for 2 HOURS without it shutting down and becoming unresponsive. But even if it does, that's okay! Just place your INFj in a quiet, peaceful place such as an empty room with a computer and watch its energy rise to optimum levels in just a manner of minutes. IT'S THAT EASY!

Order now and unleash torrents of angst for FREE! To activate, simply promise your INFj some form of lifelong companionship (regardless of sincerity) and watch as your INFj becomes concerned for you and care for your health. And if you can't reciprocate, there's nothing to worry; the INFj comes with an amazing ability to rebound and create incredible justifications for your shortcomings and bullshitting. Just bitch and moan to your heart's content and then leave.

Don't feel like being nice? DON'T! The INFj will find a reason to justify your bad behavior! ISN'T THAT AMAZING?!

There's nothing like the INFj Friend-in-a-Box. It's slave your best friend on your terms. ORDER NOW!

(LIMITED OFFER. CREDIT CARD NOT ACCEPTED.)

[Choking hazard: not recommended to Beta STs]
Warning: Might break due to neglect or excessive emotional abuse, but FEELINGS, FUCK WHO CARES.

Hey, I'm getting one. I got no money but I got

[UDP]

wtf Reyne is stealing my cookies?

Or were they the ones I made for the forum?

[Cuddly McFluffles]

wtf Reyne is stealing my cookies?

Or were they the ones I made for the forum?

Probably the ones you wanted to bring home last night.

Also, you keep reversing the "y" and "e" in my username; I think you might be trying to spell it like it sounds. It's pronounced "rain" but spelled like a strangely feminized version of "Ryan" (Ryene).

[Park]

YOU SHOULD GET A LAWYER AND CHANGE YOUR NAME.

Hello Rayn. Wanna trade some cookies for a french pancake?

[UDP]

THat's funny I thought I edited it correctly afterwards oh well

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Wanna trade some cookies for a french pancake?

>.>
<.<

*hands him some cookies*

[Reuben]

Hey ryene, want a free cheese and spice panfried waffle?

[Cuddly McFluffles]

I'm about a month into my job. It's going well. I've made friends with an interesting fellow. He seems to be showing interest, and I do like him, but I don't think we're compatible. So I'm just trying to figure out what's ok and what isn't in terms of hanging out and stuff. (We're both Christian, so casual sex is out of the picture.) No real read on his type yet. He seems like an extrovert, in the social sense.

Hey ryene, want a free cheese and spice panfried waffle?

*eyes him and waits for the catch*

[Reuben]

I'm about a month into my job. It's going well. I've made friends with an interesting fellow. He seems to be showing interest, and I do like him, but I don't think we're compatible. So I'm just trying to figure out what's ok and what isn't in terms of hanging out and stuff. (We're both Christian, so casual sex is out of the picture.) No real read on his type yet. He seems like an extrovert, in the social sense.

Hi, I'm a christian too, and I'm only having sex after marriage.

Also, I feed you.

*toss*

[Absurd]

Pardon my indolence lords, but you sound Alpha SF. Haha.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Hi, I'm a christian too, and I'm only having sex after marriage.

Mmhm.

Also, I feed you.*toss*

*catches it in mid-air and noms*

[Reuben]

*Pats head* Nownow that's a good girl.

I think there was a thread about this here in Delta where me and Minde talked about this...
Anyways, if you didn't see it yet, my view is that measuring attraction on the EII's behalf will probably not be instantaneous. The best indication, yet an obvious one, would be that the EII is agreeing to go out with you/hang around you, and continues to do so on a regular basis

Would you go out with me/hang around me, and continue to do so on a regular basis? I promise a regular supply of non-indented, gradient-differentiated food that will adequately satisfy your bunny need and wants. Your tummy and tongue will be delighted by the olfactory and gustatory delights provided by the labour of my hand and heart. Also, I give out free pats for well-behaved bunnies like yourself.

[Cat King Cole]

What's with Delta and attracting manic people who are ambiguously mistyped?

And how come I got kicked out when I visited? Is Delta an exclusive club for Deltas and crazy people only?

[Absurd]

What's with Delta and attracting manic people who are ambiguously mistyped?

And how come I got kicked out when I visited? Is Delta an exclusive club for Deltas and crazy people only?

You're not manic and nut enough, it seems.

[Reuben]

Just like what our great lordship says above.

[Absurd]

Just like what our great lordship says above.

I hear voices and they don't like you.

[Reuben]

Of course they don't. They love me. They pleasure themselves over me.

[Absurd]

Of course they don't. They love me. They pleasure themselves over me.

Every one has the right to be stupid but you're abusing the privilege.

[Reuben]

So you now go by the handle of 'privilege'?

[Absurd]

So you now go by the handle of 'privilege'?

Sure, and now I know why some animals eat their own children.

[Minde]

What's with Delta and attracting manic people who are ambiguously mistyped?

And how come I got kicked out when I visited? Is Delta an exclusive club for Deltas and crazy people only?

You got kicked out? You're like one of the most eligible non-Delta Deltas ever. I'll totally save you a spot next to me if you decide to come back.





On a different note, when I first saw this years ago I remember immediately feeling envy along with the startlement. Every so often I still find myself wishing for something like that of my own.

Somebody gets uncomfortably close? Spikes! And I have my personal space back without having to say a word.

Who knows? We have other sci-fi things now, like computers we can talk to, mind-reading devices, 3D printers, video calling...




Not that I'd actually want to hurt anyone and usually I'm actually fairly forgiving with invasions of personal space, but there are times when people are just plain rude and pushy... and creepy...

[Cuddly McFluffles]

*Pats head* Nownow that's a good girl.Would you go out with me/hang around me, and continue to do so on a regular basis? I promise a regular supply of non-indented, gradient-differentiated food that will adequately satisfy your bunny need and wants. Your tummy and tongue will be delighted by the olfactory and gustatory delights provided by the labour of my hand and heart. Also, I give out free pats for well-behaved bunnies like yourself.

It was looking good until you reached "well-behaved". Which reminds me, I need to go post in that thread.

[Reuben]

It was looking good until you reached "well-behaved". Which reminds me, I need to go post in that thread.

Oh. I also have another package for the bad bunnies but they tend to involve chains and whips.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Oh. I also have another package for the bad bunnies but they tend to involve chains and whips.

(o.O

[Nico1e]

That geographer dude probably isn't going to hang out much here this winter, but I'm still hoping. Who's going to help us prepare for Peak Oil if he's not around?

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Went to the doctor some days back. Got a hypoglycemia diagnosis. The office is doing tests to determine the cause; the doctor doesn't think it's diabetes-related. We'll discuss treatment once the tests come back. In the meantime, it's caused me to take note of the sugar I'm consuming and to try not to have high-sugar foods on an empty stomach. Sugar crashes suck.

[Park]

Went to the doctor some days back. Got a hypoglycemia diagnosis. The office is doing tests to determine the cause; the doctor doesn't think it's diabetes-related. We'll discuss treatment once the tests come back. In the meantime, it's caused me to take note of the sugar I'm consuming and to try not to have high-sugar foods on an empty stomach. Sugar crashes suck.

But how could you resist these?

[Cuddly McFluffles]

But how could you resist these?

Quite easily. I'm not big on high-sugar foods anyway. My weakness is sugary drinks.

[Reuben]

What kind of sugary drinks do you drink, soft drinks, coffee/tea, juice?

[Nico1e]

The sight of those chocolate chip cookies actually made me want to gag. Apparently that's not what I want right now.

I'm going to go eat some tomalley instead.


....
I don't know why I'm being so rude, bitchy, and obnoxious. I hate when this happens. If I annoy anyone, I'm sorry.

[Nico1e]

Went to the doctor some days back. Got a hypoglycemia diagnosis. The office is doing tests to determine the cause; the doctor doesn't think it's diabetes-related. We'll discuss treatment once the tests come back. In the meantime, it's caused me to take note of the sugar I'm consuming and to try not to have high-sugar foods on an empty stomach. Sugar crashes suck.

Until recently I was seeing a guy who was type I diabetic. His blood pressure drugs contributed to his severe blood sugar crashes.

Are you taking any other drugs besides insulin? - Oops, I misunderstood, edit. I thought you meant you HAD diabetes. So the doctor doesn't think you have diabetes, got it. But anyway, that's irrelevant. Point was that some drugs can cause the low sugar.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

What kind of sugary drinks do you drink, soft drinks, coffee/tea, juice?

Yes. I mostly use artificial sweetener in my drinks (usually saccharin, sometimes sucralose). I occasionally go for sugary tea, soda, or sugary coffee drinks.

Until recently I was seeing a guy who was type I diabetic. His blood pressure drugs contributed to his severe blood sugar crashes.Are you taking any other drugs besides insulin? - Oops, I misunderstood, edit. I thought you meant you HAD diabetes. So the doctor doesn't think you have diabetes, got it. But anyway, that's irrelevant. Point was that some drugs can cause the low sugar.

Nope, no medicines. I don't even take vitamins, usually.