Delta Lounge

[anndelise]

I promised to get back to you on this and I always keep my word.

thank you, it made my check-ins more worthwhile than had that post been a dud, heh.

Yes, I have lots of interrelationships, much more so than Minde and Marie84 as you may observe in my Friends list.

just like in Facebook and MySpace, having many people listed on the Friends List doesn't necessarily mean that those people are actually friends. Neither does not having a long list on the friend list mean lacking friends.

I don't even know who's on my friend list here. I just don't pay that much attention to it. Instead, most of my interactions have been over chat programs, telephone, and email/pms. I'm quite confident that if you were to attempt to judge how much I interact with others on this forum by how many people are on my friend's list, you'd be way off.

In facebook, I keep only my family and the people that I actually want to keep caught up on what they post. If I friended every Tom, Dick, and Harry, the info that matters to me most would get lost in a lot of garbage.

Which is what was happening on another site that I am a member of. Everyone there is friendly, and when people first meet (in person or online), then they ususally friend each other. This makes it easy to see the kinds of posts they make, find any commonalities, etc etc. Some people (usually the Fe valuers it seems) insist that we should all friend everyone in the group. It's almost like a popularity contest for them...something to brag about. (I am not saying that all of them are Fe, nor that all Fe valuers do this...in this site though, it seems to be the most vocal of Fe valuers that treat it this way.) they will even call you out if they discover that you dared to unfriend someone from your list.

The problem though is that some people in the group write close to 20-30 posts a day, post a ton of pics, and comment to yet another ton of pics. All this gets fed into the home page. There is no ability to sort who you're looking for. So your friends...the ones who actually mean something to you...get lost in the shuffle.

Add in that the site's topic is about sexual kink. Yes, I have some kinks, but I don't want to have to wade through a non-friend's comments and pictures about kinks that I, personally, have zero interest in...or worse, that squick me out. So I regularly clean out my friend's list there, ridding it of people that we don't/won't actually interact outside of the gatherings, or the people who's kinks are beyond even my open-mindedness.

Doing this means that I'm choosing what I consider Quality over Quantity.
I have limited focusing ability...why waste my time/energy on things that I don't value? This also means that the people on my list there are people that I'm actually developing relationships with. Depth instead of breadth.

So, I don't see how you having more people on your friend list means that you have more interactons/relationships.

Also, some might even see it as a sign that you are more extroverted than they are.

Are you saying that there's better compatibility between an Fi and Si rather than Fi and Te subtypes?

I didn't suggest that one relationship is more compatibile than the other. Because it would depend on what kind of relationship each is looking for.
Someone might very well want a relationship where the roles are clearly defined and/or where "all bases are covered". Someone else might rather have a relationship that is based on working together and/or a certain type of connection. Someone else may even want something completely different.

However, when first meeting a dual, there are at least four ways that the relationship will initiate and progress. Fi/Si, Ne/Te, Si/Ne, and Fi/Te.

I guess I was just trying to point out to you that there is more than one "compatibility", more than one way dual types can find connections with each other.

Ahh...so you do say that Te and Ne subs are better matched but how have you considered my contrast with regards to statics and dynamic of the fields of these subtypes and how that contributes to their interaction?

Saying that something is a better match is a judgment call..comparing the options and choosing one that fits a particular set of criteria. In this particular case, the criteria would depend on the actual persons involved...not a universal set of criteria that would apply to every single person/type.

This conversation started because you attempted to push only one of the mentioned four relationships as being the universal one. I was merely trying to point out that there are other fully compatible relationships that did not follow your rule. Which relationship would be best for a particular person or couple would depend on the personalized critera...not some supposed universal rule.

As for the static/dynamics... They would not likely be a way in which the couple could connect...except in a business-like relationship. I didn't claim that the povs I had mentioned were all that were available. I was just trying to show you that there are more than fits your stated rule. My goal was to try to expand your view, not to provide an encompassing set.

If you want to postulate further, adding to the alternatives you may (or may not) now be aware of, then add in the static/dynamic aspect yourself, see how many possible relationship initiations and developments you can come up with that still fits the theory.

[UDP]

So, I baked a lot of cookies.

But now I 'remember' that I don't really like a lot of cookies, in that they are not useful towards my goals.

However, I may be able to use cookies as weapons, er, tools, in terms of my relations with others.


Discuss?

[anndelise]

@ InkStrider:

Thanks for the welcome. On the contrary, I think it's healthy to block people who are an annoyance to you and disturb your peace of mind. Otherwise, you hold emotional baggage inside you and it bursts out unhealthily on the people you shouldn't be bursting out on.

I fully support this.
In this context, I view it as choosing quality over quantity. (I went more in depth in my post just before this one....regarding Friend Lists.)

Alas, I'm too curious a soul. Nosey is more like it.
So even though some posters give me headaches from rolling my eyes so much, or reading them has me grrring...I can't put them on ignore, else I'd die of unsatisfied curiosity...nosiness.

Though I did finally put a person on a block..on a different site. It's not often I feel so strongly, much less so strongly against a person. But life on that site is soo much better when I'm not forced to even see his post pics. (My family and friends tease me about it. I can't believe I have a 'nemisis', lol.)

Anyways, just wanted throw in my voice supporting your choice.

[anndelise]

So, I baked a lot of cookies.

But now I 'remember' that I don't really like a lot of cookies, in that they are not useful towards my goals.

However, I may be able to use cookies as weapons, er, tools, in terms of my relations with others.


Discuss?

Personally, I show my love by NOT baking/cooking.
My relationships seem to last longer that way.

[Beautiful sky]

I'm always supporting a lost cause, it seems.

Ann, I will get back to your post.

[anndelise]

I'm always supporting a lost cause, it seems.

Trust me, you would avoid me if I was cooking/baking for you.

[Beautiful sky]

I'm always supporting a lost cause, it seems.

Trust me, you would avoid me if I was cooking/baking for you.

I meant about 1. not supporting extraverts in blocking people 2. by not wearing dyed cotton 3. by promoting forgiveness 4. championing coal free environmental technologies. It goes on.

No one seems to support me...

[UDP]

Support typically comes when you don't need it ; when it matters most it's up to you and you alone.

3. Who do you want to forgive?
4. How are you championing coal free technologies?

[anndelise]

Trust me, you would avoid me if I was cooking/baking for you.

I meant about 1. not supporting extraverts in blocking people 2. by not wearing dyed cotton 3. by promoting forgiveness 4. championing coal free environmental technologies. It goes on.

No one seems to support me...

I know you weren't referring to baking as a cause. I was just playing with the timing of the post topics. Sorry to confuse you.

[Beautiful sky]

I meant about 1. not supporting extraverts in blocking people 2. by not wearing dyed cotton 3. by promoting forgiveness 4. championing coal free environmental technologies. It goes on.

No one seems to support me...

I know you weren't referring to baking as a cause. I was just playing with the timing of the post topics. Sorry to confuse you.

Oh.

I'll get over it; I'm just having an emotional moment.

[Park]

I gotta say I'm against that shit, personally (excuse my wording, it isn't meant to be offensive or anything). Isn't it better to find ways to train him than to impose on his freedom like that? Have you seen the show Dog Whisperer? Maybe that could give you some ideas... But yeah, don't torture the poor thing, he looks sad in every picture anyway.

Torture? That's a bit strong... And being a domesticated animal by its very nature involves limits on freedom. There are tradeoffs, though. Wolves have their freedom, but they find themselves fighting extinction; dogs have less freedom, but they push overpopulation and flirt with obesity (in the US, anyway).

I'm totally for training and general "civilizing." I started early with him (he knew "sit" his second day with me) and he now knows almost 20 commands/phrases, and is well on his way to learning many more. We're just beginning. He's shown signs of being a good off-lead dog and he's great with people and kids. He'd probably have been a great dog without getting neutered. But some things would have been a struggle against nature, and I know enough about pet overpopulation that I don't want to risk adding to it. It only takes one escapade...

If anything, his torture is not having enough playtime with me working so much.

You're right, every freedom has its limits, and I certainly wasn't suggesting letting dogs loose and completely out of control to be a good thing. What I dislike and am against is imposing direct restrictions, (especially with objects) that invade their personal space. A good example would be dog crates, which I tend to find disgusting. You try sitting in a small cage locked up for hours, or walk around with a cone on your head, and tell me how it goes.

Just for you, happy Bunter pictures:

He looks totally wacky. You two must make an exquisite combination.

Btw, looks like no sleep tonight. Well maybe 2 or 3 hours before I head out, if my body accepts. And not that I'm happy about it, but I'll have time to sleep during the day. And then be unable to sleep at night again, etc.

Why the weird sleep (or, non-sleep) schedule, if you don't mind me asking?

Because no matter whether and how busy (or non-busy) I am, I can't get myself to go to bed and wake up at the same times everyday. Maybe I lack discipline, or perhaps it's just that I don't feel motivated enough to change it. Maybe if I was more satisfied with (other areas of) my life, I'd have the motive/will to get that fixed or regulated better. But right now, that's just how it is.

Past few days I've had to go out and meet with people just a couple of hours after my (current) usual bedtime. I try not to eat out (or eat very little) so that I manage to keep my eyes open and be able to function and talk to people in a sober and sensical manner (which I do manage to do quite well). Unfortunately, most of the polite conversations I've had seem to prove ineffective, so now I'm getting ready to argue aggressively and file complaints, hopefully getting some results that way.

[Kim]

Is there a reason for making him feel uncomfortable?

In the long run it will be better - for both him and me. Less wandering tendencies (thus less likely to get lost); no more unwanted puppies, from him anyway; etc.

There are always neuticles if he feels too deprived: http://www.neuticles.com/ (Yes, really).

[Park]

@UDP: Just wanna say, you've made me laugh like I haven't laughed in a long time, bro.

THE END
~cookie for reading~

That was a total waste of time. I demand my cookies.

[Beautiful sky]

Support typically comes when you don't need it ; when it matters most it's up to you and you alone.

3. Who do you want to forgive?
4. How are you championing coal free technologies?

http://beyondcoal.org/

I'm very idealistic..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idealist_temperament

[Kim]

It's interesting to me that crate-training for dogs is so common in the U.S. Where I am from, it's highly unusual to put a dog in a crate for any amount of time (except for traveling). I am not in favor of it, but if it makes life easier for owner and pet and the pet is otherwise happy (and doesn't spend too much time in the crate), I won't judge. Our dog is crate-trained, but we don't use the crate because we don't need to (when we are not home, she curls up and sleepts). I volunteer for a rescue organization and a few hours in a crate in a loving household certainly beats the shelter or putting the dog down.

[Park]

Support typically comes when you don't need it; when it matters most it's up to you and you alone.

Damn straight, bro. Damn straight.

BTW Minde Bunter is adorable

I think so, too! He's also really soft and loves to cuddle, which is even better.

I'm starting to notice similarities between him and myself.

[Park]

It's interesting to me that crate-training for dogs is so common in the U.S. Where I am from, it's highly unusual to put a dog in a crate for any amount of time (except for traveling). I am not in favor of it, but if it makes life easier for owner and pet and the pet is otherwise happy (and doesn't spend too much time in the crate), I won't judge. Our dog is crate-trained, but we don't use the crate because we don't need to (when we are not home, she curls up and sleepts). I volunteer for a rescue organization and a few hours in a crate in a loving household certainly beats the shelter or putting the dog down.

I could live with that attitude, yeah.

In the long run it will be better - for both him and me. Less wandering tendencies (thus less likely to get lost); no more unwanted puppies, from him anyway; etc.

There are always neuticles if he feels too deprived: http://www.neuticles.com/ (Yes, really).

A man without his balls, is not a man.

[Park]

Testicles 1, 2. Testicles 1, 2.



LIKE A ELEPHANT. Funniest movie ever.

[InkStrider]

I fully support this.
In this context, I view it as choosing quality over quantity. (I went more in depth in my post just before this one....regarding Friend Lists.)

Anyways, just wanted throw in my voice supporting your choice.

I appreciate it. Same here, I'm all for quality over quantity. It's the depth of your friendships that count. For me, it's about learning to value and appreciate the people that count.

You may understand my rationalization that Trolls may have a certain objective/feeling in mind when doing what they do and that one should understand them and let them be but you may also find it hard to "like" such a thing. There are, of course all sorts of measures to take in situations.

Maritsa, I do understand where you're coming from. All these stances you have, they are positive and ideal ones to have. But I view myself as having limited resources, limited compassion to give out. Do you get me?

It might only seem that way, out of convenience and out of rational judgement in limiting one's environment and holding things in their circle which affirm these principles within them, but it actually creates a situation where it encloses the individual, makes it difficult for them to accept new ideas and new things; enables them to become sullen misanthropes.

I know it's good to keep an open mind, but it's more important for me to attain peace of mind. There is only so much that one could accept into ones worldview at any one time, and gradual adaptation is ideal. You can't expect an LSE (or any person for that matter) to embrace the "EII way" and turn into a superbeing model for humanity overnight. Everyone has got their individual paths to follow. And perhaps, your ways are not mine to follow.

What I'm trying to say is that LSE are poor readers of people's intentions, motivations, and feelings; I would say, it's wise to leave that to their duals and concentrate on your talents, right?

I disagree with only concentrating on your talents. What am I doing being attracted to socionics if it isn't because I want to understand people? (and hence develop my super id functions) You can't choose to ignore particular aspects of reality and expect your "duals" to deal with it for you. That's not the way the world works.

[ashlesha]

Did Laghlagh leave the forum?

yo (:

i did take a break. i'm around now but i'm not finding myself wanting to post much of anything.

[Absurd]

Did Laghlagh leave the forum?

yo (:

i did take a break. i'm around now but i'm not finding myself wanting to post much of anything.

Welcome back.

[Radio]

I love tea, therefore I generalize that all Deltas must also love tea.





Y/Y?

[Lobo]

Did Laghlagh leave the forum?

yo (:

i did take a break. i'm around now but i'm not finding myself wanting to post much of anything.

Oh hai . I'm disappointed though. Would have been cooler if you got banned during some kind of drama that I missed.

I love tea, therefore I generalize that all Deltas must also love tea.

Y/Y?

I used to drink a lot of black tea for a diet I was trying out. Otherwise, I don't love tea but drink it on occasion.

[UDP]

Support typically comes when you don't need it ; when it matters most it's up to you and you alone.

3. Who do you want to forgive?
4. How are you championing coal free technologies?

http://beyondcoal.org/

I'm very idealistic..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idealist_temperament

Maritsa,I know what coal energy is about. I'm asking YOU how YOU are championing it? I've never heard you mention it at all until that post.

[Beautiful sky]

I fully support this.
In this context, I view it as choosing quality over quantity. (I went more in depth in my post just before this one....regarding Friend Lists.)

Nothing like being activated by your Te, you and Ann together are doing a lot of Te (judging the objectives of your environment).

Anyways, just wanted throw in my voice supporting your choice.

I appreciate it. Same here, I'm all for quality over quantity. It's the depth of your friendships that count. For me, it's about learning to value and appreciate the people that count.

ONLY people that count; ONLY people that fit the formula; ONLY this or that is confining, limiting, it's doing more Te than just letting go a bit. It develops to the point where ONLY is not enough, when all else leaves one solitary, antisocial. You see?

Maritsa, I do understand where you're coming from. All these stances you have, they are positive and ideal ones to have. But I view myself as having limited resources, limited compassion to give out. Do you get me?

Yes, I know all too well where you're coming from. If it doesn't fit your view, it's out. You limit your resources. Time, yes is a tangible resource, money; compassion, however I don't see in any way limited, it's a feeling and feelings are infinite.

I know it's good to keep an open mind, but it's more important for me to attain peace of mind. There is only so much that one could accept into ones worldview at any one time, and gradual adaptation is ideal. You can't expect an LSE (or any person for that matter) to embrace the "EII way" and turn into a superbeing model for humanity overnight. Everyone has got their individual paths to follow. And perhaps, your ways are not mine to follow.

Limiting things does give a person peace of mind; they don't have to deal with what they don't want because they can just shut it off; makes things fit so well.

What I'm trying to say is that LSE are poor readers of people's intentions, motivations, and feelings; I would say, it's wise to leave that to their duals and concentrate on your talents, right?

I disagree with only concentrating on your talents. What am I doing being attracted to socionics if it isn't because I want to understand people? (and hence develop my super id functions) You can't choose to ignore particular aspects of reality and expect your "duals" to deal with it for you. That's not the way the world works.

I don't ignore any aspects of reality; there are aspects about me I wish were stronger more will-ing.

Ok, since you are here to learn about socionics and people, please correct your incorrect views about what Se is and how Se works. You've made some very inaccurate generalizations that point to it being "aggressive". Thanks

@ Ann, I haven't forgotten about you. I'm going dancing, possibly, tonight so may not respond to you today.

[Galen]

I don't think I've ever posted in this thread. What am I supposed to do

[InkStrider]

ONLY people that count; ONLY people that fit the formula; ONLY this or that is confining, limiting, it's doing more Te than just letting go a bit. It develops to the point where ONLY is not enough, when all else leaves one solitary, antisocial. You see?

Limiting things does give a person peace of mind; they don't have to deal with what they don't want because they can just shut it off; makes things fit so well.

Well yeah, but isn't that what Fi is all about? It's part of the Fi egos' role to help with deciding who is worthy of inclusion, who isn't and why. The Te ego welcomes such input. Fi is supposed to be limiting. I certainly have no interest in including everybody. To me, including everybody is equivalent to including nobody.

An example: Say you're a teacher posing a question to kids in a class. Every kid raises their hand. Who are you going to pick? Take another class where nobody raises their hand. Isn't it the same? What difference is it that nobody is raising any hands and everybody raising their hands?

Yes, I know all too well where you're coming from. If it doesn't fit your view, it's out. You limit your resources. Time, yes is a tangible resource, money; compassion, however I don't see in any way limited, it's a feeling and feelings are infinite.

Let us take compassion and love as examples of feelings which you define to be infinite, and time and money as finite. Let me ask you this: What use is compassion and love when you don't have time and money to express such compassion and love?

You're better off not experiencing such emotions.

I don't ignore any aspects of reality; there are aspects about me I wish were stronger more will-ing.

Yet you seem to be supporting a certain over-dependence on duals in your idealization of duality.

Ok, since you are here to learn about socionics and people, please correct your incorrect views about what Se is and how Se works. You've made some very inaccurate generalizations that point to it being "aggressive". Thanks

I know that Se manifests differently in different positions of the socionics model. I only pointed out one of the ways in which Se demonstrative can manifest as I have observed it in myself.

I don't think I've ever posted in this thread. What am I supposed to do

Start posting? lol

[Beautiful sky]

I'm going to drain my energy and explain to everyone what Se is. I'm tired of Se ego type individuals being tramped by the misconceptions of our Te types, especially (as having inferred from many observations).

Se is Sense perception or awareness of real objects; these awarenesses take place via the five common senses; Se is driven to the objects that release sensations. They are attracted to objects or real and concrete nature that excite sensations; for example an Se base type may be very attracted to a person of opposite sex who may wear something flashy and noticeable or someone who is soft and delicate. Since judging functions are subordinated in the Se base types, they live to experience objects and sensations without much analysis or boxing in their perception/awareness to any formula which they can apply to other things. Of course Se types may be critical, these criticism stem from and are oriented back to objects and since people are an object from without them, they may also criticize people as well; If immature they merely enjoys sensations and doesn't reflect or give purpose to these experiences; if mature they may delve into the aesthetic aspects of their sensations and enjoy the designs, luxury and pleasure of life. Their ideals are based on reality not possibilities, make beliefs or hopes and dreams like it would in TiNe types or FiNe types. They don't have ideals related to ideas; these for them are from concrete observance of objects/reality/ facts.

[Beautiful sky]

ONLY people that count; ONLY people that fit the formula; ONLY this or that is confining, limiting, it's doing more Te than just letting go a bit. It develops to the point where ONLY is not enough, when all else leaves one solitary, antisocial. You see?

Limiting things does give a person peace of mind; they don't have to deal with what they don't want because they can just shut it off; makes things fit so well.

Well yeah, but isn't that what Fi is all about? It's part of the Fi egos' role to help with deciding who is worthy of inclusion, who isn't and why. The Te ego welcomes such input. Fi is supposed to be limiting. I certainly have no interest in including everybody. To me, including everybody is equivalent to including nobody.

It is the Fi role to make sure you don't get into trouble and assume someone wants the best of you when all they want is to rip you off and do you in. If you have an Fi base with you, they'll care about you first, as an immediate relation and would want to make sure no one harms you and takes advantage of you.

An example: Say you're a teacher posing a question to kids in a class. Every kid raises their hand. Who are you going to pick? Take another class where nobody raises their hand. Isn't it the same? What difference is it that nobody is raising any hands and everybody raising their hands?

Interesting example; I've taught for many years, actually since I was 14 in one way or another; I devise systems and make sure they are fair and impartial; I will do such things as making a rule that I'll start from the back of the room one day or front of the room, middle and so on.

Let us take compassion and love as examples of feelings which you define to be infinite, and time and money as finite. Let me ask you this: What use is compassion and love when you don't have time and money to express such compassion and love?

You're such a pragmatic
It's the use of comfort. To provide a hug or kind words, to be a friend, hear someone's problems. Not turn or lock people away and assume the worse of them.

You're better off not experiencing such emotions.


Yet you seem to be supporting a certain over-dependence on duals in your idealization of duality.

Ok, since you are here to learn about socionics and people, please correct your incorrect views about what Se is and how Se works. You've made some very inaccurate generalizations that point to it being "aggressive". Thanks

I know that Se manifests differently in different positions of the socionics model. I only pointed out one of the ways in which Se demonstrative can manifest as I have observed it in myself.

Doesn't manifest in aggression. Any type has the propensity for aggression from many perspectives. Se is merely in strive to feel/attain sensation from objects. Imagine being driven by only what you can see, hear and touch, you'll be driven by the real world, the real world of objects not imagination and fantasy.

[anndelise]

Well yeah, but isn't that what Fi is all about? It's part of the Fi egos' role to help with deciding who is worthy of inclusion, who isn't and why. The Te ego welcomes such input. Fi is supposed to be limiting. I certainly have no interest in including everybody. To me, including everybody is equivalent to including nobody.

It is the Fi role to make sure you don't get into trouble and assume someone wants the best of you when all they want is to rip you off and do you in. If you have an Fi base with you, they'll care about you first, as an immediate relation and would want to make sure no one harms you and takes advantage of you.

Maritsa, are you even reading what he's writing?
Fi, at it's most base, is the information of attraction/repulsion, which is linked as well with similiarity/difference vagueness (not as clear in sim/diff as Ti, but useful in sorta similar way). Kinda like a magnet, which will attract somethings to it, and repell others.

InkStrider stated straight up what he doesn't like, and doesn't want to waste his time/energy on. Trolls. Yet you're telling him that he should ignore his Fi and instead embrace the Trolls just as he might embrace his friends.

Worse, instead of empowering him, you're telling him that he should leave it up to others to let him know what he should or shouldn't like/dislike. You're attempting to remove any self-determination from him regarding the relationships he chooses to have or not have, and removing the choices of how he spends his time/energy, etc.

imo, Disempowering people is not an attractive trait to see in a supposed Life Coach. I don't think you're intending to do this, though, so perhaps reconsider what he's actually saying vs the meaning you are adding onto it. Because they are completely different things.

You're such a pragmatic
It's the use of comfort. To provide a hug or kind words, to be a friend, hear someone's problems. Not turn or lock people away and assume the worse of them.

Here you are telling him that he should have a hug and kind words and be friends with everyone he meets, regardless, and take time away from his own interests so he can listen to all of their problems. wth?? He should give up his self and cater to the needs of others? You would have him spend his time/energy catering to thousands of other people, but not on himself, nor his actual intimate family/friends? Wait, your suggestions won't even allow him to choose his friends. And even if an Fi type chose them for him, he wouldn't have time/energy to spend on them because he's supposed to use that time/energy on those other thousands of people. Wait, when is he supposed to have time/energy for work?

Now, back into the context of what he'd actually written, you are advising him to give up his own interests, his own desires, his self, and cater instead to the interests and desires of Trolls.

Worse, you keep insisting that he should pay attention to your advise because you are an Fi base type. Yet you are completely ignoring his Te base. Why not try considering what he's saying, what he's describing, as possible Te advise to You? Listen to what he's saying, understand what he's saying, and try to see how what he's saying can help you to not waste energy. Earlier you had listed some things that you support, and feeling emotional because you feel that others aren't supporting you or the same interests. Perhaps applying what he's describing might help you stop wasting your time/energy and focus it more where it might actually do some good.

(and yes, I'm aware that he's not actually advising anyone of anything, but he IS offering some information and possibly useful insight to you, Maritsa.)

You are the one that jumped to the assumption that because he wants to use his time/energy on this forum in a less wasteful manner, (by ignoring Trolls), that that somehow means that anyone who doesn't follow his same thought will be ignored. As far as I've read, he's not even suggested such a thing. If you are feeling misunderstood by this post, then please, show me where you got such a notion from what he, specifically, has written, so that I (and whoever else is interested) may better understand how you reached the conclusion you drew.

[Beautiful sky]

[ Worse, instead of empowering him, you're telling him that he should leave it up to others to let him know what he should or shouldn't like/dislike. You're attempting to remove any self-determination from him regarding the relationships he chooses to have or not have, and removing the choices of how he spends his time/energy, etc.

Stop being perceptive...ahhh...

I'm just trying to get him and every LSE to relax their Te. I'm just saying that it's worth being a little more open than closed off. You would agree with him, of course, you're his activator...you take long discussions on commonalities propelled by activating functions. Yeah, I can see I took that too far with the annoying Trolls thing, but there are other ways they limit their interactions. I'll have to laugh at myself for doing that LOL

Here's a good example. Recently, my boyfriend's friend said something in a flash of frustration about our relationship. Being "protective" of us, my boyfriend unfriended him from his facebook account, and when he does this, it's permanent. I tried to talk sense to my boyfriend, saying that the guy must have had a bad day, but he was like NO. I can't do anything to that.

But, I'm sticking to my ideal of compassion and love as uses beyond real and tangible conclusions.

Y

I have a question. At what point did you discover or figure out that I was idealistic?

[anndelise]

Maritsa, I take it that your being here tonight means you didn't get to go dancing. what kind of dancing?

I miss dancing, I used to go to a couple of bars I loved that had live bands, they usually played classic rock and some early metal type stuff, and 80's. All my favs, heh. Pre-daughter I went every weekend, sometimes twice a week. Then with repsonsibilites I was lucky to go once a month. Now... I haven't been dancing in 7 1/2 years. :bawls:

[Beautiful sky]

@ InkStrider:

Thanks for the welcome. On the contrary, I think it's healthy to block people who are an annoyance to you and disturb your peace of mind. Otherwise, you hold emotional baggage inside you and it bursts out unhealthily on the people you shouldn't be bursting out on.

I fully support this.
In this context, I view it as choosing quality over quantity. (I went more in depth in my post just before this one....regarding Friend Lists.)

Alas, I'm too curious a soul. Nosey is more like it.
So even though some posters give me headaches from rolling my eyes so much, or reading them has me grrring...I can't put them on ignore, else I'd die of unsatisfied curiosity...nosiness.

Though I did finally put a person on a block..on a different site. It's not often I feel so strongly, much less so strongly against a person. But life on that site is soo much better when I'm not forced to even see his post pics. (My family and friends tease me about it. I can't believe I have a 'nemisis', lol.)

Anyways, just wanted throw in my voice supporting your choice.

Activating your Te. We just reached the same conclusion, more or less. We both don't eventually block people because of

I promised to get back to you on this and I always keep my word.

thank you, it made my check-ins more worthwhile than had that post been a dud, heh.

You're welcome.

just like in Facebook and MySpace, having many people listed on the Friends List doesn't necessarily mean that those people are actually friends. Neither does not having a long list on the friend list mean lacking friends.

I don't even know who's on my friend list here. I just don't pay that much attention to it. Instead, most of my interactions have been over chat programs, telephone, and email/pms. I'm quite confident that if you were to attempt to judge how much I interact with others on this forum by how many people are on my friend's list, you'd be way off.

Probably.

In facebook, I keep only my family and the people that I actually want to keep caught up on what they post. If I friended every Tom, Dick, and Harry, the info that matters to me most would get lost in a lot of garbage.

Which is what was happening on another site that I am a member of. Everyone there is friendly, and when people first meet (in person or online), then they ususally friend each other. This makes it easy to see the kinds of posts they make, find any commonalities, etc etc. Some people (usually the Fe valuers it seems) insist that we should all friend everyone in the group. It's almost like a popularity contest for them...something to brag about. (I am not saying that all of them are Fe, nor that all Fe valuers do this...in this site though, it seems to be the most vocal of Fe valuers that treat it this way.) they will even call you out if they discover that you dared to unfriend someone from your list.

I admit, I can't keep in touch with everyone, but I've been known to be exceptionally good at never forgetting a face, maybe again because I only come in contact with so very few, it's not hard. I'm sure, now that I look at it, if I were to come across many faces I would have to have another system of approaching the situation. How to keep everyone on good terms with me would be challenging and time consuming.

The problem though is that some people in the group write close to 20-30 posts a day, post a ton of pics, and comment to yet another ton of pics. All this gets fed into the home page. There is no ability to sort who you're looking for. So your friends...the ones who actually mean something to you...get lost in the shuffle.

You're making reality quantum bigger than I had previously perceived. My reality, of course, is not that big.

Add in that the site's topic is about sexual kink. Yes, I have some kinks, but I don't want to have to wade through a non-friend's comments and pictures about kinks that I, personally, have zero interest in...or worse, that squick me out. So I regularly clean out my friend's list there, ridding it of people that we don't/won't actually interact outside of the gatherings, or the people who's kinks are beyond even my open-mindedness.

Doing this means that I'm choosing what I consider Quality over Quantity.
I have limited focusing ability...why waste my time/energy on things that I don't value? This also means that the people on my list there are people that I'm actually developing relationships with. Depth instead of breadth.

So, I don't see how you having more people on your friend list means that you have more interactons/relationships.

I think it's a system for approaching people. I have friends and acquaintances. I like to say hi, some don't care about interactions, mostly Alphas; some, wait for me to interact with them, mostly Betas and I just play it by ear. Usually, most of my time goes to Fi valuers. I try to live up to my ideals. I don't make promises I can't keep and don't give my word where I can't keep them is one such.

Also, some might even see it as a sign that you are more extroverted than they are.

That's because people measure activity as an indication of E/I, which is incorrect, it's the measure of ones orientation towards object that is the real determinant of E/I. I think my propensity to be relationship oriented an do it in a systematic approach is the very indication of me being an Fi and a rational type.

I didn't suggest that one relationship is more compatibile than the other. Because it would depend on what kind of relationship each is looking for.
Someone might very well want a relationship where the roles are clearly defined and/or where "all bases are covered". Someone else might rather have a relationship that is based on working together and/or a certain type of connection. Someone else may even want something completely different.

However, when first meeting a dual, there are at least four ways that the relationship will initiate and progress. Fi/Si, Ne/Te, Si/Ne, and Fi/Te.

I thought my relationship with my dual boyfriend was initiated with me being more extraverted, saying yes to a date and going along to find something, a possibility, of something interesting.

I guess I was just trying to point out to you that there is more than one "compatibility", more than one way dual types can find connections with each other.

Ahh...so you do say that Te and Ne subs are better matched but how have you considered my contrast with regards to statics and dynamic of the fields of these subtypes and how that contributes to their interaction?

Saying that something is a better match is a judgment call..

Yes, it is.

comparing the options and choosing one that fits a particular set of criteria. In this particular case, the criteria would depend on the actual persons involved...not a universal set of criteria that would apply to every single person/type.

This conversation started because you attempted to push only one of the mentioned four relationships as being the universal one. I was merely trying to point out that there are other fully compatible relationships that did not follow your rule. Which relationship would be best for a particular person or couple would depend on the personalized critera...not some supposed universal rule.

You tried to broaden my judgment call. I appreciate that and that's one of the major reasons why I appreciate the value of many people and types. I'm still thinking about it to see if and how these things can be applied or observed with correspondences in relationships among people in real life. I want to see if the rule applies and if so, how.

As for the static/dynamics... They would not likely be a way in which the couple could connect...except in a business-like relationship. I didn't claim that the povs I had mentioned were all that were available. I was just trying to show you that there are more than fits your stated rule. My goal was to try to expand your view, not to provide an encompassing set.

Which subtype do you get along with?

Maritsa, I take it that your being here tonight means you didn't get to go dancing. what kind of dancing?

I miss dancing, I used to go to a couple of bars I loved that had live bands, they usually played classic rock and some early metal type stuff, and 80's. All my favs, heh. Pre-daughter I went every weekend, sometimes twice a week. Then with repsonsibilites I was lucky to go once a month. Now... I haven't been dancing in 7 1/2 years. :bawls:

No. I have a cold.
I dance salsa, meringue, cha cha, tango, other latin music for now.

[anndelise]

Maritsa, sorry to hear about your cold.

As for which subtype I get along with...I dunno, lol.

I am in a long term living with relationship for 7 1/2 years. (recall that I just said I haven't been dancing for 7 1/2 years? Yeah, now you know why, heh) We'd be married now if I wasn't concerned about my financial issues and their effect on a husband. My longest relationship before him was 9 months, and that was just after high school. My average was about three months, then after daughter was born the average was about three weeks, and about a year before meeting him, a guy was lucky to make it past three days. The three day thing was about how long it took for me to figure out if the guy was someone I could imagine living with, without hitting various negative triggers of mine. I had spent time figuring out a small set of criteria to help guide me in finding someone that could at least tolerate my neuroticness, lol.

Anyways, I figure he is an SiFe, Si subtype. In many ways, I see him as easily showing the subconscious flipside of an NeTi coin. When we met, however, I did not type people. I have written of my pursuit of him elsewhere in this forum and subforum. You can look for anything I've written of Richard or SiFe.

Our friends often oooh and awww over us, how close of a couple they see us as, etc. We are very touchy feely, rarely seperated from each other, and very committed to each other. But...we don't really communicate/talk. I don't share with him the issues I'm dealing with, and I have to work on restraining just how much Ne I put out. I tend to overwhelm him with it. (i tend to overwhelm most people with it even myself)

He does the cooking, heavy cleaning, heavy lifting, builds what I need, takes care of the animals, and works a full time production manager job. I take care of my daughter, pursue whatever my interest of the moment is, and try to reduce the impact of my psychological issues on him. He rarely talks to me about his job, his interests, the games he plays, the forums he visits, etc. I rarely talk about my interests, forums, projects, etc.

He goes to work early, goes to his shed after work (he does an ebay business out of his shed), comes home and gets on his computer, checks ebay, forums, and news, takes care of us and the animals, back onto the computer until bedtime, we kiss goodnight, might cuddle depending on how neurotic I've been feeling, then sleep.

My top two love languages are physical touch, and acts of service.
His top two are acts of service and physical touch.

We feel physically and emotionally connected, but lack a mental connection.

I feel lucky to have him in my life. He stabilizes me just by his presence and touch. I have never felt so connected to someone before. Yet, at the same time, I often feel lonely.

For some reason, he gets all gooey and tells me how lucky he feels to have me in his life. I don't understand why he'd feel that way, I don't really do much for him.

And when I look at him, or feel his touch, I feel as if I've been given a most wonderful gift to make up for all the crap I've gone through in life.

[Beautiful sky]

I guess your presence gives him emotional security; he seems to feel secure in a relationship. You're very open about your life and experiences. I'm not so much. A lot of what I feel about people and what they do or have done stays inside of me.

What would happen if you opened up emotionally? Do you think you would say things that would hurt him or drive him away? *I don't want to ask personal and deep questions on line. I know how personal and emotional it can get.* If you need a friend, pour those emotions right on out to me sister, in private

[UDP]

wooooooooooo

dance time

[anndelise]

What would happen if you opened up emotionally? Do you think you would say things that would hurt him or drive him away? *I don't want to ask personal and deep questions on line. I know how personal and emotional it can get.* If you need a friend, pour those emotions right on out to me sister, in private

I'm not sure what you'd have me open up emotionally.

Did you mean talk with him about the psychological issues I'm dealing with? He knows I'm on disability because of them. But they aren't something he could understand, and he'd feel helpless because he wouldn't be able to do anything to help me with them. This inability would eat at him and totally undermine his confidence in himself. Why would I do that to him?

Add to that...the sheer force of trying to even grasp a landslide of random Ne of such a nature would make his brain explode. No thanks, I like his head in one piece...and fully functioning.

Or maybe you were referring to my feeling guilty about not doing anything for him? He already knows that. Yet he doesn't ask anything of me, and welcomes what little I do do.

I appreciate the offer, but I talk about these things to either help explain/describe something, let others know that they aren't alone, or to work towards finding a solution. I don't tend to vent on it. Venting is good for relieving stress, but solving the stress works much better at relieving that stress.

[Beautiful sky]

What would happen if you opened up emotionally? Do you think you would say things that would hurt him or drive him away? *I don't want to ask personal and deep questions on line. I know how personal and emotional it can get.* If you need a friend, pour those emotions right on out to me sister, in private

I'm not sure what you'd have me open up emotionally.

Did you mean talk with him about the psychological issues I'm dealing with? He knows I'm on disability because of them. But they aren't something he could understand, and he'd feel helpless because he wouldn't be able to do anything to help me with them. This inability would eat at him and totally undermine his confidence in himself. Why would I do that to him?

Add to that...the sheer force of trying to even grasp a landslide of random Ne of such a nature would make his brain explode. No thanks, I like his head in one piece...and fully functioning.

Or maybe you were referring to my feeling guilty about not doing anything for him? He already knows that. Yet he doesn't ask anything of me, and welcomes what little I do do.

I don't want to prick for insight in your personal life (from curiosity or to paint a better picture) if you aren't comfortable with sharing them on the forum and was offering you to do so in private, if it made you feel more comfortable.

[anndelise]

I don't want to prick for insight in your personal life (from curiosity or to paint a better picture) if you aren't comfortable with sharing them on the forum and was offering you to do so in private, if it made you feel more comfortable.

I've described some of my past here and there on the forum.
What I don't describe is what's actually going on in my head, just refer to it all as "issues". We all have our issues to deal with, these are mine, heh.


I thought your post was asking what did I think would happen if I opened up emotionally...to him.

[anndelise]

Maritsa, I'm heading for bed now. Thank you for chatting so late with me. I needed the chance to unwind and clear my head before sleeping. Else I just toss and turn with stupid thoughts and scenarios running through my head.

I hope your cold improves soon.
Good night.