Well, we're all friends here, even if it doesn't always seem like it, because people are all inherently good. Maybe specific people can't always give you what you need and want, but they will most certainly try and help you on your way to such if they are able. The more of your own self you give, it is true that you leave more open space for others to violate your heart, but it is also the only way people are able to clearly see you well enough to see what you need and want. Don't be so worried. I'm talking, and I don't have any issues with your looks. At the least, I'm still a friend here trying to help you out, and every friend is just one more little drop in the bucket that eventually gets you where you need to be.
I regret and will live with regret all my life for not stepping in and being proactive about a friend's cancer situation. I recently lost her to breast cancer. I was told not to interfere with her choices because she wanted to do something unordinary and unorthodox. I may have been seen as having opinions and suggesting things which were not her choice but I would have tried. I didn't try because people kept telling me to not and to say anything or do anything. It was already a tough situation for this friend because her cancer was very aggressive. I can't help it but to feel regret at actions which I could have taken. I'm often very proactive and care giving. I got lost in my dad's problems and I didn't do my friendly job. I was a bad friend to her because I did not act as I should have. I should not have listened to other people. It went totally against my true nature. At least at her death I would have said "I did everything I could." Instead of living with I couldn't do anything
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
We all try to do our best, and, at the end of the day, that's good enough, and all any of us really hope for or expect.
You are sweet and I am sure you were a great friend to her. There is only so much we can take on in any given phase of our lives and you had so much on your plate with your dad's health. I am sure your friend knew you did all you could, and she was probably aware of her options and made decisions she felt were the right ones at the time.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
Nostalgia is the emptiness of the future. Your "where I want to go" dropped off after losing the ability to see the potentials for how to get there, and the past is now filling the void left in it's wake. Eventually, you'll remember a clear vision of your core self, and regain the passion to make this vision a reality.
@Maritsa, i am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Know she is in the best of hands now, at peace, and forgives you completely if there is anything to forgive and she desires that you not have regrets. You did say it was an aggressive cancer, and truly its probable that your best suggestions could not have saved her. I am so sorry for your sad loss.
Well, I wanted to post something else here in Delta Lounge. Just in case people have not had enough of me on 16T lately. I want to say I am aiming to be absent for Lent, a season when Dh and I aim to overcome all manner of excessive habits, and in winter I tend to increase internet time to excessive degree, as is clear here on 16T. Dh & I find Lenten disciplines, boosted by lots of others in the same boat at the same time for the same reason, helps a lot in overcoming excesses. Likewise I have been doing a thorough pantry cleaning the past week or so and we are eating up all the stuff we don't want to eat for Lent and in it looks like we won't be done by Wed, so, the critter outdoors will enjoy. It takes 40+ days to get rid of 12 days of Christmas feasting, why is that? Anyway, I thought I'd say so. If anyone here thinks they can't live without me then PM me for my email address! And I will do my very best to handle the flood of requests!
"A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........
"Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
attitude acceptable to today's standards." - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"
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Our little delta family gets wild and crazy on Friday nights
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
My blood pressure was 90/60 I told the nurse I hadn't had my daily chocolate what does she expect?
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
"A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........
"Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
attitude acceptable to today's standards." - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"
.
.
.
-
Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Self-disgruntled mini-rant:
I feel like a stick-in-the-mud, anti-fun person right now. I'm pretty sure everybody jokes and laughs and has more fun than I do. But the weird thing is I'm ok with that - insofar as it pertains to my own comfort, that is. Like, I'm happy and content with my boring levels of exuberance. It's just I observe other people and their bounciness and joviality and I'm fairly sure I tend to dampen things. Someone says a joke to me and I might smirk. Or I might not. I might even find it really funny, but the belly laughs are few and far between with this one. And while I wish it wouldn't I'm prreeetttyyy sure it affects the person trying to joke with me. Most people don't like to be drug out of their happy clouds, particularly if it takes them effort to get there.
I've said this before here (on this forum), but I'm feeling it again.
My dismay is not so much at my own state (I think I'm relatively happy with at least that aspect of myself), but more with the difference and the resulting distance between myself and others.
Or maybe I'm just depressed and my lack of exhilaration and jubilee is a symptom of such. But I've always been such more or less so I dunno.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
Some people just aren't belly-laughing people, and that's OK. The people that get to know you and love you will appreciate you for the many other admirable qualities you have.
My husband isn't extraordinarily jovial, and he's commented before that he thinks he's the least liked person in the marriage and perhaps even his family, but I think he's underestimating himself. I see him like an iceberg, where there's much more thought, heart, and depth to him than shows on the surface. He doesn't always react with as much transparency, jovial-ness, emotion.. call it what you will, but underneath his character is solid and his values tested and true. When he does get set off with laughter though, it's the greatest thing in the world to me.
That's the beauty of socionics and God's design. You can find different admirable qualities across the spectrum. Don't let that rabbit hole of thought carry you too far into dismay. You're pretty awesome, and I think God has great intent and purpose in your design
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
A guy on Quora once replied to a young girl seeking self improvement advice and one of the things he said went something like "Don't be afraid to love, but always love from a place of independence." Which I thought was excellent advice, and something that empathetic people need to keep in mind as a safeguard from things like codependency and emotional abuse.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
It's good for you to check your type
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...=1#post1096450
Love and independence are not compatible. If you love then what is happening with the other is important for you. It's not independence.
This is the best advice on love
However what he's saying is independence like you can do your thing and the person you love will support you and be okay with it. Like you don't have to be stuck together 24/7
You can offer your ears so as to give support to listen to them but not necessarily run with them if they want to run a marathon but be their cheerleader and supporter by going to the finish line to meet them
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Not what I was saying, but I agree with that pragmatic take on independence, too.
To add to one of the previous topics, I tend to be largely indifferent to displays of merriment around me. That's not something that affects how I'm feeling, unless it's being imposed upon or geared towards me, in which case the way it affects me is likely to be negative, but still pretty insignificant and inconsequential. There are moments and social situations when I feel alienated and wish I was able to "fit in," but if I can't establish rapport by being my true self, then so be it.
I seem to have a lot of SPD traits.
Last edited by Park; 03-04-2016 at 01:18 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
You play the piano amazingly well Parks. Would you jazz things up in here a bit?
My LSE neighbor and apartment manager is so caring. She gave me very nice winter boots because she can't wear them due to feet problems even after I offered to sell them for her I wore them out yesterday and the looked so nice. I told her about all the compliments and she.said "yeah!!! I have TASTE!" I've always appreciated this kind of giving, swapping, exchanging, caring acts @Sol why all the "taste"? lol
Last edited by Beautiful sky; 04-02-2016 at 01:05 AM.
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
YES! We need some jazz, @Park!
And speaking of which, I'd like to learn more about jazz. It was part of my training that was severely lacking. Do you have any good resources online?
And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?- Matthew 6:30
Thanks guys. Haven't been playing much lately... too busy with the career path I chose as a result of a lack of perseverance to become a professional musician, apparently.
Here are some good the best resources:
https://www.discogs.com/artist/254394-Oscar-Peterson
https://www.discogs.com/artist/252310-Bill-Evans
https://www.discogs.com/artist/3865-Herbie-Hancock
https://www.discogs.com/artist/65746-Kenny-Barron
https://www.discogs.com/artist/272493-Mulgrew-Miller
Listen, transcribe, practice.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
As all the sad events get put away slowly my sense of humor is returning I have occasional bouts of minor sadness. Nothing like the depression that I went through before. It's approaching spring. The peach and almond trees are at full bloom and the bees are buzzing around in the farm fields of California
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
What do you call a terrorist attack in Baghdad?
A Selfie!
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly