According to some sources I read, you can't if you're NT. It either happens or doesn't happen completely unconsciously.
discuss.
yes
no
depends (please tell)
can you choose with whom, when/how/where/why to fall in love?
According to some sources I read, you can't if you're NT. It either happens or doesn't happen completely unconsciously.
discuss.
I thought no one really could... .. .
That's what I used to think until I read that article.Originally Posted by Loki
I think what type influences is what you ultimately decide to do with those feelings. You can't control them, though, regardless of type.
Where is this article?
So are emotivists more likely to 'choose' whom to fall in love with? Or is it the other way around?I'm pretty sure I can...I've done this before, actually, and I'm afraid to do it again, because it's dangerous when not reciprocated, and it isn't so easy to undo.
In the Reinin dichotomies, Constructivist/Emotivist seems to relate to this.
EDIT: I do invoke lesser emotions, such as sadness or the warm fuzzies, in myself every so often for fun.
Agree 100%
I can't control who I fall in love with or the circumstances when it occurs. I can't will myself to love someone I don't love. Either I have the feelings of love or I don't.
LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP
You're an LII! You're not meant to think dangerous things like that! Feelings are bad and must be controlled!
I was thinking emotivist.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
.
I'm pretty sure I can...
In the Reinin dichotomies, Constructivist/Emotivist seems to relate to this.
EDIT: I do invoke lesser emotions, such as sadness or the warm fuzzies, in myself every so often for fun.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
if you can control it, is it real?
Can you control when your front door opens? Is it real?
If you cannot control it, you cannot control yourself.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
No. If I could control it, I wouldn't have chosen to be almost clinically insane for the past few years.
That's why you're here. :wink:
Conscious vs. unconscious functions?
Why are you here?
I tend to think that security leads to lack of anxiety/angst. When you know everything is okay, you don't fuss about stuff. Sounds really basic, but most people fuss about WAAYYYYY too much.I don't see a contradiction.and if you pay more attention to this... you will discover that the word "balance" will change into "peace".
As a beautiful prayer puts it: "For it is by self-forgetting that one finds."
I recently started another job, one in which I work with "normal" people (that is, people other than myself and my hyper-EJ ESE boss) has made me realize how petty and self-serving most people are. And how directly good leadership correlates with a lack of this ego-protecting behavior. You have to do what makes the most sense for you economically and yet not feel the need to be self-serving at the same time. I guess it comes down to knowing that if you focus on others, the business will make money, and if the business makes money as the result of your involvement, then you will be valuable to the business and they'll compensate you in order to keep you there providing that value to their business.
As long as everyone wins, I'm happy.
Really? I thought I saw some Te.It's very possible htat this stuff isn't type related though. (:
Maybe, but then how would we know?
Love is a choice.
You might fall in-love with someone, but it's not necessarily going to last.
Agreed.
I know the pattern and can theoretically control the "Who" part. "Why" is easy to control. "Where" and "How" don't make any sense. I can't control "When."
Last edited by DirectorAbbie; 10-19-2009 at 06:13 PM.
Huhwhat? You mean "don't make any sense"?
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
Fall in love at the park? In the kitchen? Driving to work and suddenly realize you're in love? Bonkers.
How many ways are there to fall in love?
It is a tricky issue and I guess it also depends a lot on what you understand by love. I believe that if you are careful, you can prevent falling in love for someone you are attracted to. So you can control love from this point of view. However, creating what most understand by love in the absence of attraction is way harder.
Love, objectively is marked by aid, comfort and acceptance. If you find someone you are remotely attracted to, remove all ideas of finding someone else better and focus on aid, comfort and acceptance, you might arrive at a stage where you will discover that you actually love that person.
If you learn to love, the real love, that... all this ceases to be very very important. You will be able to love a lot of people and I think you will be able to pick a favorite.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
Yes!
Is that deepak chopra?
Nope, that's Anthony de Mello. My favorite spiritual teacher.Is that deepak chopra?
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
My comment about the youtube video:
I think that much of what he's talking about is just selflessness. (He does seem to confuse loving with being loved in some parts though.) This is something I was just thinking about tonight, actually. What separates me from the other people I work with? The answer was that most of them are focused on what's best for themselves while I'm focused on what's best for everyone, what's best for the customers, and what's best for the business.
You have a different understanding of what's best for you! that's all.
You are selfish, just like everybody else.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
Yup! I really delight in that sort of view. I'm totally self-centered and selfish because I like people I like to be happy and to be enjoying excellent quality of lifeYou are selfish, just like everybody else.
I don't have a favorite at present. I was really focused on that stuff for a while, but now I just have a "working theory" for myself (several, actually), but I just focus on what I need to do to move forward with my life. I guess I decided that intellectualism and spiritualism are great, but humanity won't move forward unless individuals are looking out for their own best interests. If everyone sits around thinking about spirituality the whole day, who will focus on what's necessary to move forward technologically? Or to run the existing factories and systems?Nope, that's Anthony de Mello. My favorite spiritual teacher.
Haha, so true. I can't see through anyone's eyes but my own, after all.You have a different understanding of what's best for you! that's all.
You are selfish, just like everybody else.
That said, I do notice that people tend to gravitate towards me professionally because I'm not as self-seeking as most people are. I think of it as professionalism.
And yes! I do realize that this seemingly contradicts the other thing I just said.
I've found a balance. (:
That is the highest form of spirituality in my eyes. Evolution towards something better.
The only way you can move forward is to offer a better service to those around you. The better the service the better your valuation in society. Now, if everyone would focus on providing a better service you get so much value put into the world that most of the world problems would collapse under the weight of this value.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
I don't see a contradiction.
As a beautiful prayer puts it: "For it is by self-forgetting that one finds."
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
I can't quite remember the first time I realised I had fallen in love with myself, I couldn't help it, i'm just so great AND i'm my identical.
HALL OF FAME'D
Dude, I think I'm in love with you. Come back to Delta to be with me :redface:
i'm an NT. since I discovered dating sites I have much more control with who I date.
Before that, it was indeed pure luck/coincidence etc.
I can influence it, but I can't choose the Who.
I always know why, when, and how. I can subvert it with some brakes if needed, but I can't force myself to luv anyone.
At this point (after having fallen for a few people that I didn't want to and been unable to convince myself to stay with someone who made sense in my head), I don't think we get to decide who we love. We can decide who we're with to some extent though. It's easier to leave someone you love than to stay with someone you don't.
The only think I could have done to avoid falling for the few I did was to completely cut contact. That didn't feel like an option to me at the time though because I was sooooo drawn to them.
Falling in love is just a chemistry, the smell and the imperfections in the aesthetic spectrum. You can't choose when, with whom, or how your body works and conscious choosing of falling in love is not really falling in love itself. It's more or less just a rational decision.
My trouble kicks in once I get too close to some of them physically. The last two times I fell in love was with Betas. One was my IEI ex, who kissed me in an unique way hitting me against a wall. The other was a recent affair with this SLE or EIE I met online, the type I was totally not looking for: mad, drunkard, strictly into literature/writing, unable to have a relationship. However, what I felt that first night with her marked me for life, and made me go through all that shit the last few weeks.
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