ESE and stirring up others against you
Is this a common tactic of ESE's?
When ESE's don't like someone, they are going to stir up other people against them.
Example: my ex ESE would stir up my friends by telling something bad about me in the hope that they wouldn't like me or choose her side.
Example: my neighbour doesn't like it when I let my cat out. Now she's trying to stir up other neighbours so they will dislike me too. (I overheard this through my open window heheh)
oh god yes.
I had this major conflict with an ESE where I used to work. She was a sneaky bitch too, she never said anything around me. The few things I could gather was that there was this laundry list of things I did that she didn't like, and she would take this "list" to my bosses every so often, and they would tell me that "people" don't like the way I am at work, or something incredibly vague like that. I think they eventually caught on to what she was trying to do, and it kinda backfired on her in the end.
At no point did she confront me on the issue.
The saddest ESFj
...
hahaha wow
i'm wondering if there is an actual, valid correlation here, but yeah, i was guessing my aunt is an ESE, and she does this and it's gotten her bad places, so...
basically... LOL
"If you can find out little melodies for yourself on the piano it is all very well. But if they come of themselves when you are not at the piano, then you have still greater reason to rejoice; for then the inner sense of music is astir in you. The fingers must make what the head wills, not vice versa."- Robert Schumann
Great.
So it seems it is typical for ESE's.
And they even play this trick on LII's too I see '-)
What a story!Originally Posted by incognito
And I recognize many parts of it.
I have such an ESE hostess of the neighbourhood too! She was the one first striking up a conversation. But what is really interesting is that I experienced it exactly like you, more a sort of getting control over me, then really nice invitation to the neighbourhood.
I used to think that my evaluation of ESE's was based on presumptions because of my knowledge that it's my conflictor. But I think it's fair to say that they all have a really mean side. I also recall having read something about backstabbing in a ESE description.
I have definitely noticed ESEs doing this. In my experience, you may never know they have a problem w you unless you either overhear them gossipping about you or someone else tells you.
As one example, my ESE aunt does this kind of thing - it's like she's trying to rally support for her side, which seems sneaky to me. I could never understand why she wouldn't just go and say something to the person herself. Why? I guess because she thinks that saying something = being mean [oh, irony]. It has always mystified me, but if I suggest that then she acts scandalized, like it would be barbaric to say something directly to them.
What say the ESEs?
It's very typical of FeSi's. Happens often, in various different forms.
Although I'm not suprised to comments to the contrary. Obviously they wouldn't do it, if there weren't people who fall for it.
...the human race will disappear. Other races will appear and disappear in turn. The sky will become icy and void, pierced by the feeble light of half-dead stars. Which will also disappear. Everything will disappear. And what human beings do is just as free of sense as the free motion of elementary particles. Good, evil, morality, feelings? Pure 'Victorian fictions'.
INTp
What do you think of this example?:
My ESE aunt has a neighbor with a dog who barked for over an hour the other night before they brought the dog inside, ceasing the barking. This has happened before, and it is very irritating to my aunt [as it would probably be to most people], and she has a particular [peculiar?] way of dealing with it that is very characteristic of her:
Instead of asking the woman nicely and directly to please bring her dog inside when he starts to bark at night, my aunt went through the neighborhood committee and had them include in their monthly flyer a request to neighbors to be considerate of each other by not allowing their dogs to disturb the peace by barking incessantly. So instead of speaking directly to the offending neighbor, my aunt told the other neighbors about it [making it clear whom she was talking about] and arranged to have everyone in the neighborhood receive the same notification. Everyone knows whom it's aimed at, but she avoided bringing it up directly with that person. [If I were that neighbor, btw, I would be very, very irritated at that way of handling the situation. Seems sneaky to me. No me gusta.]
As always when I asked why she didn't just talk to the woman herself, she acted like that was a horrible, inhuman idea. Her way of dealing with it is similar to the way she deals w most problems. I can definitely see how this could be seen as stirring up others against someone. That's how I see it[though I kept that opinion to myself, which was very hard to do!], but she doesn't see it that way at all.
Anyway, this reminded me of this thread because in effect she did go about addressing the problem non-directly and stir up others to her side, but I can see that she didn't mean any harm; that's just her way.
someone should kill her cat
that's fucking ludicrious. to the point that revenge against her, or those close to her will help to balance the playing field.
That's their game. SHE ACTED LIKE ... that was a HORRIBLE INHUMAN idea.... but they need to be TURNED .. towards .. what effects their actions have how THEY WOULD FEEL .. if that was done to them. .. and TAUGHT .. a lesson ..
I would see that Aunt/dog situation as... I don't want to single out my neighbor or make them feel that we're in some sort of feud, so I go through the channels to set up a general rule that all have to follow. She's providing the neighbor with a way to save face in a way by not singling her out over it. Also, the problem of the annoying neighbor with a barking dog is now blanket dealt with for all neighbors who may have annoying barking dogs next door.
I can understand people who consider a direct confrontation with the woman to be... well... the more direct way to deal with it. But I think that you guys are seeing something whose motive may have been to "keep the peace" in the neighborhood as some sneaky underhanded passive-aggresive tactic.
I had an ESE friend hit on guys I liked just about every time we went out. It was so annoying.
Once I talked to this guy for an hour or so. I was trying to decide if I liked him. I left for a sec to go to the bathroom and came back to find her talking to him, with her phone out, getting the guy's facebook. She looked shocked I was back so soon and said "oh....I was just getting that to uh...put you guys in touch! You know...uh...networking!"
Then a couple weeks later she tried to get me to go to this birthday party of his, saying "OMG I really like this guy he's so cute!" completely forgetting the back story of how she "met" him. (and of course she never put us in touch lol).
She then did that at another event shortly after. I was talking to a guy for a few mins and she comes over and makes a big flirty gesture and smiles and kinda stands almost in between us. So I backed off (as I'm not going to compete like that). She was so forward though that the guy after a few minutes asked her to come home and F*** him. (using those words). When she said no, he left.
Ick.
Not all are like that. But she sometimes does not anticipate the results of what she's doing beyond the next thirty seconds.
Other ESEs I've met have more foresight though.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
lol wow... just wow.. I have no reasonable sounding explanation for this one
If that happened to me, I would be EXTREMELY irritated.
I'd rather the person tell me that in my face.
I don't care if it's done politely or rudely when that neighbor speaks to me, but the above mentioned way is really the worst IMO.
However, back on topic, I can see ESEs tend to "stir up others against you", but I don't think it's intentional, more like them trying to vent or share their feelings...?
INTp
sx/sp
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