Positive experiences with your Conflictor

[BlackCat]

A big part of socionics is that of relationships. It seems like conflicting relationships have been simply dismissed as "bad" and "avoid at all costs" but I don't think that this should be the case. Apart of being a human being is getting along with your fellow humans, so you should dismiss a personality type from your life I don't think.

Anyways, I think that you can have positive experiences with your conflictor. It's just difficult sometimes due to communication issues. Things can quickly get out of hand if you aren't careful with communication.

So basically the only issues that I see lie in communication. All of these issues spawn from that barrier of communication in my opinion (and experience). An example for me is that I've known a member here polikujm (ENTp supposedly, myself being ISFj) for several months. With him it's always been an adventure with communication, we are always clarifying ourselves or confusing the other in some way. But things work out, since we both have the common interest of typology and we pretty much just like to talk to the other. I think that the benefits of this interaction much outweigh the annoying parts or difficult parts.

So, I guess the point of this thread is to post positive experiences that you've had with conflictors, your advice on how to improve interaction, etc. Go!

[Jarno]

A big part of socionics is that of relationships. It seems like conflicting relationships have been simply dismissed as "bad" and "avoid at all costs" but I don't think that this should be the case. Apart of being a human being is getting along with your fellow humans, so you should dismiss a personality type from your life I don't think.

Anyways, I think that you can have positive experiences with your conflictor. It's just difficult sometimes due to communication issues. Things can quickly get out of hand if you aren't careful with communication.

So basically the only issues that I see lie in communication. All of these issues spawn from that barrier of communication in my opinion (and experience). An example for me is that I've known a member here polikujm (ENTp, myself being ISFj) for several months. With him it's always been an adventure with communication, we are always clarifying ourselves or confusing the other in some way. But things work out, since we both have the common interest of typology and we pretty much just like to talk to the other. I think that the benefits of this interaction much outweigh the annoying parts or difficult parts.

So, I guess the point of this thread is to post positive experiences that you've had with conflictors, your advice on how to improve interaction, etc. Go!

Polikujm has changed his type several times the last month, so that's not a reliable example what you made.

But to get on topic, yes there are nice things about conflicting relationship, but as you said, it can also be very dangerous. So why not focus more one of the other 15 relationships instead of wasting time with conflictors.

I don't try to avoid my conflictor, but I'm certainly not initiating contact with them.

[BlackCat]

Polikujm has changed his type several times the last month, so that's not a reliable example what you made.

Hehe I know it's an unreliable example. But oh well.

I don't try to avoid my conflictor, but I'm certainly not initiating contact with them.

I pretty much agree with what you said here about it... I've disliked almost every ENTp I've ever associated with and I'd like to improve these relations (hence the thread). Most of the time if there's any hope for us it's with one to one interaction.

[717495]

It would only be a reliable example if you knew what type I was. In this case you don't seem sure, only from what I've told you. However you have told me what type you think I am in the past discussions. Maybe instead of trying to redefine the intertype relations, you should try to type me based on your perception of these relations. Is saying that I am an Alpha NT type and then choosing one of the two relations really all that accurate, and would that not alter your perception of these relations if you have not enough evidence to back it up? Is my opinion of my type or anyone elses for that matter going to suffice in your perception of me, or can you tell me your opinions that you can't justify completely? If you think I will be offended by an illogical statement, guess again. What will confuse me is one acting upon false reasoning, one who does not ask the right questions, one who does not care about my opinions. Opinions can be changed, and opinions need to be fixed if they are wrong. I don't believe that redefinition of one's own understanding and collaboration with new understanding is a bad thing, regarding conflictor relations. If conflictor relations are a reality, then really the only Alpha NT type that would get along well enough with an Se-ESI in these concurrent discussions would be a Ti-LII. The question is why do you think I am an LII, or why do you think we are super-ego relations, out of all 16 types and relations? Is it because I have explained to you various implications of socionics as well as my type? Does something truly fit for you that doesn't fit for me?

[ArchonAlarion]

I can get along with my conflictor.

I'm amiable with Calenwen, Allie, and Bardia and I believe the good will is mutual. I've had stickam chats with these users where we vehemently disagree about subjects such as philosophy, what the future will be like, and occasionally how social interactions pan out, but in general we just keep a far psychological difference and everybody's happy.

tbh I think relations of supervision are more combative. The participants have a similar world view and will be attracted to eachothers' realms before the asymmetric stuff vamps up and they are propelled away.

[Banana Pancakes]

I'm amiable with Calenwen, Allie, and Bardia and I believe the good will is mutual. I've had stickam chats with these users where we vehemently disagree about subjects such as philosophy, what the future will be like, and occasionally how social interactions pan out, but in general we just keep a far psychological difference and everybody's happy.

tbh I think relations of supervision are more combative. The participants have a similar world view and will be attracted to eachothers' realms before the asymmetric stuff vamps up and they are propelled away.

Same with those people, although when calenwen was "ISFp" I always felt like she wasn't quite what I'd expect from a dual.

Supervision is bad, and I'd throw in beneficiary as well. You shouldn't get close to people in those rings.

[The Exception]

I suspect one of my colleagues is SEE and while we don't always agree we are able to get along and work productively together. I admire her ability to be highly aware of her immediate environment and react quickly and her ability to strike up conversation with just about anybody on anything and generally be entertaining company.

Dolphin self-types as SEE on this forum and seems like a very nice person. While I don't know her that well, I haven't seen anything that would contradict that typing.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Eh. Conflictors can't really help but conflict. If you try to get to know a conflictor at any way in a deeper level, you will soon find yourselves clashing. But in a business sense or a simple every-day sense, then yeah- you can get along (and should get along) with every type well.

Just keep communication superficial. Don't talk about personal values or feelings or anything all that internal.

Socionics is based on internal relationship compatibility.

How do MOST people try to get along with others? Well it's unrealistic to assume that your internal worlds will connect. It's a rare treat when it does, but don't count on it. So therefore, people talk about things external from themselves to keep up good social rapport. "How is the weather?" "Did you see the game?" Conflictors IRL can talk about those things well, as long as everything is externalized. However, things get ugly very fast as soon your inner worlds are discussed. "What does this game mean to you?" "What are your personal values?"

And what I'm saying is that it's almost impossible for the internal concepts NOT to be innately underlying when discussing external events.

If you think your Conflictor is 'Not that bad' then chances are they are not your conflictor, you got something wrong in your typings - because trust me, you can't help but annoy each other no matter how good your day is going. It doesn't mean you will do anything that will hurt each other, but we indirectly hurt each other's feelings everyday.

[redbaron]

If you think your Conflictor is 'Not that bad' then chances are they are not your conflictor, you got something wrong in your typings - because trust me, you can't help but annoy each other no matter how good your day is going or whatever. It doesn't mean you will do anything that will hurt each other, but we indirectly hurt each other's feelings everyday.

I disagree with this. I think people of any type, conflictors included, can have enough other things in common so that they're not annoying each other endlessly. Especially if one understands socionics, you can know the person isn't doing something intentionally to annoy you. Therefore, it's not a big deal.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Maybe. But I don't get along with somebody just cause we have lots of things in common. There are lots of internet geeks/gaymers that I can't personally stand.

*sigh*

[Creepy-]

What's the best experience you've ever had in your relationship w a conflictor?

[Nowisthetime]

I have a LIE friend. We don't meet very often, he lives in a different country. But I guess he's my best experience, because I do call him a friend. I don't have any other conflictor friends.

Discussions with him are usually really frustrating. We don't get anywhere, just misunderstandings that I don't even bother to try to clarify. The best situation is when we are DOING something, and when we are in a group with other people so that we don't have to concentrate on each other all the time. Anyway, he is a great guy.

What I like about him - and what inspires me - is that although he is extremely focused on his career (and doing really well), he still takes the time to make spontaneous trips abroad just to meet some friends for a coffee or whatever. He travels a lot, nature adventures, intellectual seminars, meeting friends etc. Making initiative in the external world, it seems so easy for him.

[munenori2]

I have a LIE friend. We don't meet very often, he lives in a different country. But I guess he's my best experience, because I do call him a friend. I don't have any other conflictor friends.

Discussions with him are usually really frustrating. We don't get anywhere, just misunderstandings that I don't even bother to try to clarify. The best situation is when we are DOING something, and when we are in a group with other people so that we don't have to concentrate on each other all the time. Anyway, he is a great guy.

What I like about him - and what inspires me - is that although he is extremely focused on his career (and doing really well), he still takes the time to make spontaneous trips abroad just to meet some friends for a coffee or whatever. He travels a lot, nature adventures, intellectual seminars, meeting friends etc. Making initiative in the external world, it seems so easy for him.

+1 That actually reminds me a lot of a guy I think was ENTj I roomed with my first year in college.

Conflictor relations generally don't seem that bad to me if you both can sort of spontaneously choose to interact or not interact (usually this :wink. As soon as there's any pressure to deal with each other, like having an ENTj for a boss, then things can get real bad real quick.

[DirectorAbbie]

Some IEIs seem fascinated with me online. In real life, I kinda enjoyed having an IEI coworker. I drove her nuts.

[redbaron]

I have an acquaintance who is LSE and we get along great whenever we chat, which isn't often. I think we both know deep inside that we don't see eye to eye. She enjoys my ESE husband however. Anyway... she's given us hand-me-down clothes for my son since she has two older boys (all of which are great quality, I love getting them!) Definitely held at arm's length but it's all for the best.

[slownumbers]

My parents are both my conflictors (I am INFp, they are both ESTj). I get along great with both of them, and have always had a very caring, mostly conflict-free relationship with them. We disagree on certain issues, as all humans do, but we never get in fights about our differing opinions. In fact when I read the socionics description it seems really inaccurate for our relationship. Also one of my best friends is an ESTj. We have complete opposite personalities, but mostly just laugh at each others differences.

[tiny_dancer]

One of my good friends is an LSI, and we recently spent the day wandering IKEA. He's great to talk to, but even if we do go into deeper topics, it seems like there's still an air of disconnection about it. We don't spend a huge amount of time together, though.

One of my coworkers is an LSI. We're on different wavelengths, but our jobs don't overlap and we give each other lots of autonomy when we do work together. Sometimes our humor fits perfectly and sometimes it doesn't. I like her, and we get along well, it just feels like our interactions are "empty." I can definitely see the seductive side of conflict. In the few times that we connect it's *almost* like I've found a dual, but it seems that we have to work really hard for those moments. They never happen when you think they should, and they're few and far between. It really does seem that if we just keep trying, we'll get there. We have a lot of weird moments where we're just looking at each other like, "Hm. I think the other person wants me to do something...but I don't know what that is."

[Galen]

discojoe and I have sex on a regular basis

But seriously, he's probably the best relationship with an ISTj I've had. I attribute it to us being sx/sp, as well as both of us having a sense of humor about things. I do find that when we try to have serious conversations I kinda falter for what to say, but that's to be expected.

[Jenna]

My best moment with a conflictor was when my LSE dad asked how I was feeling after getting all my wisdom teeth taken out. I cried. Lol.
Other than him I don't have much experience with LSEs. He's probably one of the healthier ones, he just doesn't understand me very well and we've had a pretty rough time trying to live together. He does give good advice for financing though ha

[Simon Ssmall]

I dated one for almost 5 years, two of them were great actually, until real life problems and differences in worldview emerged. Now neither of us can understand why we were together. Either way, we still meet each other from time to time (I saw her like two days ago) to catch up on everything. She is very kind and smart, not to mention determined.