Not Attracted to my Duals

[717495]

Duality is a "relationship" guys. I wouldn't think that initial impressions are that significant in duality.

[meatburger]

This is going to sound totally gay but sometimes i can feel the duality attraction between males more than females haha. For whatever reason it is i cannot get close to girls, but i can get extremely close to guys.

Last night my ISTp friend came to my room and said thank you for getting him fish and chips while he was at the gym. He said we would go out to dinner after the exams and i said i would wear a bow tie and he said that is too gay.
Another time he looked at me and said "lol you look cute". I can actually agree that i did look good on that night (my eyes were kind of glowing). My other friend once said to me "I think its awesome how little you seem to give a shit". Every now and then when i watch ISTp guys doing things i can actually feel those moments that would be very attractive to the opposite sex. I kind of feel the duality because of the close psychological distance.

With ISTp women i just haven't ever spent enough time to really make friends with them. In fact i don't really have any female friends except for an INFp. There was an ISTp woman i was talking to this morning and i wasn't physically attracted to her at all. She was hopping around as she rolled her foot trying to do parkour. She has tattoos all along her arms and has dyed part of her hair red/pink. I can imagine sleeping with her, but some part of me seems to think shes like a string bean or something (very wirery frame) and ive seen other ISTp's are often like this. Although i am highly attracted to one girl who i think is ISTp, but im not 100% certian about her type.

So anyway, im actually not gay and im quite comfortable with my sexuality

[Wrong Way Ticket]

This is going to sound totally gay

Yeah, kinda. =P

I can sort of understand where you're coming from, though.

My experience with ISTp females have been rather painful. Great, but oftentimes stressful.

Whereas with ISTp males we're just good friends, no expectations, no dramas.

[meatburger]

Yeah, kinda. =P

I can sort of understand where you're coming from, though.

Omg so you are gay too? Yay lets dance and Frollick.

[717495]

All of my relations with women I've dated have been painful, so I don't have any reason to direct this to my dual.

[ProcrastinateTomorrow]

Are you sure she's not a beta ST? She really seems like an aggressor, and lots of the little things she does are unattractive to me or just plain turn offs. Her detached lethargy makes her seem like she's trying to project an image of superiority. Even the way she combs her hair with her hands seems fake and condescending.

I never implied that she was SLI. Just that she annoyed that crap out of me.

Was that she was using.

[tiny_dancer]

My experience with ISTp females have been rather painful. Great, but oftentimes stressful.

Whereas with ISTp males we're just good friends, no expectations, no dramas.

lol I'm exactly the opposite. SLI females appear to understand me. SLIs guys... honestly, I have no idea. Men and women have completely different expectations and norms for their relationships. Unfortunately I seem to be unable to figure out what those are entirely. At least not without completely screwing up everything first. In fact, I think I've just added my most recent dating experience to the fuck-up pile.

[Wrong Way Ticket]

lol I'm exactly the opposite. SLI females appear to understand me. SLIs guys... honestly, I have no idea. Men and women have completely different expectations and norms for their relationships. Unfortunately I seem to be unable to figure out what those are entirely. At least not without completely screwing up everything first. In fact, I think I've just added my most recent dating experience to the fuck-up pile.

You & me both. I'm currently finding new ways to hammer the nails on the coffin of my SLI relationship. I think it'd be a great relationship if it could get off the ground properly, which has always been my experience with ISTps. I don't think duality is easy for SLI/IEE. Of either gender. =)

My fuck-up pile is getting rather large.

[tiny_dancer]

At least I'm not the only one. It's good to have company.

[Wrong Way Ticket]

At least I'm not the only one. It's good to have company.

The real question is, what do you learn each time another one goes on the fuck-up pile? Do you take something from it?

I'm not really sure what I've been doing wrong because when I start to over-analyse I can come up with too many instances that make me think "hrm, maybe should have handled that differently, spoken that differently, reacted differently, not done that at all, definitely not done that, wtf was I thinking!" Until it just becomes a blur of "wow they put up with me for that long! Amazing!"

And it's probably all in my head. =P

[jewels]

I dunno, I've actually had an easier time w/ the ISTp guys vs. girls.

I have a girl ISTp friend. There have been times we've had moments of totally understanding each other, but I would say we hang out least out of my group. She kind of looks like she's glaring and sometimes I don't start a conversation because of that.

But w/ guys, I haven't known a lot, but I did have an easy connection w/ a couple of them. It was like, the more I'd rant about things in an Fi way, the more he'd be comfortable doing it and it was sorta fun/funny to bitch in an entertaining way. I do complain a lot, but not in a serious way. Sorta venting, and he seemed to get that. I remember he opened up a lot and I was sorta surprised/flattered to hear random details of who he liked/didn't and why.

I also remember liking the Te...like, he'd email me saying how a trip went and it would include all of these technical details and that would be funny to me.

And yeah, I'm w/ you all as far as the pile of failed relationships, but better that than a pile of divorces and 20 children running around I guess And I do think it brings you closer to finding what you want, when you find what doesn't work out. For me anyway, I can see I used to think I was ready for things that I wasn't...so that affected a lot of things. And I think ENFps can especially fear "settling" which can make that person who is somewhat unavailable seem interesting...but that could just be me.

[Sol]

Out of all the SLI interviews I have seen there was only one that made me think to my self "She's cool I can relate to her, I can see myself with someone like her"

Several possibilities:

1) your type is not IEE (you may try some dichotomy tests, plus analyse famous people of wich types you like and most cause romantic feelings in you, in general)
2) those were not SLIs (better look at my list)
3) you have too few information and some disturbance factors can prevent your good impressions (look more video with these men)

[tiny_dancer]

The real question is, what do you learn each time another one goes on the fuck-up pile?

I feel like I should have a deep thoughtful response to that. Unfortunately... I got nothin'. Nothing I want to type, at any rate.

[crazedrat]

'Next time you meet someone who is like that, don't have sex with him'

[meatburger]

lol I'm exactly the opposite. SLI females appear to understand me. SLIs guys... honestly, I have no idea. Men and women have completely different expectations and norms for their relationships. Unfortunately I seem to be unable to figure out what those are entirely. At least not without completely screwing up everything first. In fact, I think I've just added my most recent dating experience to the fuck-up pile.

The funny thing is, countless times my SLI friends have surprised me when they describe what they are looking for. They actually are all looking for ENFp's. They all say that they are not looking for a girl who sleeps around. Its kind of a little bit of a double standard because they sleep around quite a lot. I dont see ENFp girls as the sleeping around type at all. They typically do take quite a while to get to that stage. My friend has said he wants a girl who is funny, flexible, quirky, and not up herself and i think that fits ENFp perfectly

[Creepy-Cyclops]

All the types most likely want an ENFp.

[meatburger]

All the types most likely want an ENFp.

Its probably true, we are quite sexy

Actually because i just woke up i feel that i didn't give enough credit in my last post. What i meant to write is that i am constantly surprised by the detail in how ISTp's judge a woman. For example one said to me "I do like her but she is so much of a princess". She likes to get her way and complains a lot. This was exactly the same impression i had of this girl. Or another time when he brought a date out he said "Shes quite nice, but I didn't like how she didn't seem interested in you. She didn't ask any questions about you or your life". He actually seemed quite concerned about this.

Asking questions really is an ENFp thing to do. In fact when i met her i asked her a lot of questions about herself and the ISTp must have liked that. So ive noticed that ISTp's can be quite specific in what they are looking for.

[Creepy-bg]

This is going to sound totally gay but sometimes i can feel the duality attraction between males more than females haha. For whatever reason it is i cannot get close to girls, but i can get extremely close to guys.

Last night my ISTp friend came to my room and said thank you for getting him fish and chips while he was at the gym. He said we would go out to dinner after the exams and i said i would wear a bow tie and he said that is too gay.
Another time he looked at me and said "lol you look cute". I can actually agree that i did look good on that night (my eyes were kind of glowing). My other friend once said to me "I think its awesome how little you seem to give a shit". Every now and then when i watch ISTp guys doing things i can actually feel those moments that would be very attractive to the opposite sex. I kind of feel the duality because of the close psychological distance.

With ISTp women i just haven't ever spent enough time to really make friends with them. In fact i don't really have any female friends except for an INFp. There was an ISTp woman i was talking to this morning and i wasn't physically attracted to her at all. She was hopping around as she rolled her foot trying to do parkour. She has tattoos all along her arms and has dyed part of her hair red/pink. I can imagine sleeping with her, but some part of me seems to think shes like a string bean or something (very wirery frame) and ive seen other ISTp's are often like this. Although i am highly attracted to one girl who i think is ISTp, but im not 100% certian about her type.

So anyway, im actually not gay and im quite comfortable with my sexuality

I love you man! (and not to ruin our gay moment, but can I have that pink haired wirey girls phone number?)

[meatburger]

I love you man! (and not to ruin our gay moment, but can I have that pink haired wirey girls phone number?)

I talked to her a few minutes ago, and she said she is definately down for some pink on goat action. She thought i meant a real goat though not the bionic kind, so you might have to dress up.

[Jimbean]

Is this normal.

I have been watching a lot of videos of of SLI celebrities how could I ever marry one?

Out of all the SLI interviews I have seen there was only one that made me think to my self "She's cool I can relate to her, I can see myself with someone like her"

Yes, it is normal. Your dual is not challenging, and people want to date someone challenging. This is especially true for woman between 17 and 28 years of age.

[redbaron]

Yes, it is normal. Your dual is not challenging, and people want to date someone challenging. This is especially true for woman between 17 and 28 years of age.

maybe. although having been friends recently with a dual, I have to say that he is challenging to me (perhaps because there's no chance for a romantic partnership) in this way: I see how his Se is effortless and it motivates me to be more like him. It's like he shows me how it's done and I can then sort of try to model it in my own life. Of course it's not the same as living with it so that I don't HAVE to, but it's all I've got.

[Warlord]

Yes, it is normal. Your dual is not challenging, and people want to date someone challenging. This is especially true for woman between 17 and 28 years of age.

I'm the wrong type of challenge, damned

[FDG]

Yes, it is normal. Your dual is not challenging, and people want to date someone challenging. This is especially true for woman between 17 and 28 years of age.

I don't really think so...

[Creepy-male]

Back to topic. Your dual is often someone you regard as "safe," and people are generally trained to associate love with intense emotions to the point where even the bad emotions of anxiety, and fear make a person feel more "in love." So, someone who keeps you on your toes in an unpredictable way, someone who you can't read their feelings, or what they say is so vague it can be taken several ways, someone who makes you anxious, or insecure, all of these things make you feel more intense emotions, and it's usually not your dual who causes all of this.

Well, SLIs make me feel quite safe. They're the people I have the coziest interactions with. Compare to LIIs or ILEs, where it's definitely very fun.

On to your next point, the people who have worried me the most (when I've been infatuated with them) have been XEIs. You're absolutely right, though. Anxiety etc do feed into that.

So, to tie it all together... ILEs aren't the "safest" at all. Yes, we can communicate easily; and no, I don't feel like I can't totally open up like around non-Alphas, but there's definitely more energy there compared to my Gold Standard of peaceful security, the SLI.

I think my post made less sense than yours, and I'm not even tired

</derail>

[Mattie]

I don't know what happened to Diana's post, but I liked the sound of it for the most part. Sounds like the way one of my friends would go about explaining it. But taking the quote Gul has in his post:

Back to topic. Your dual is often someone you regard as "safe," and people are generally trained to associate love with intense emotions to the point where even the bad emotions of anxiety, and fear make a person feel more "in love." So, someone who keeps you on your toes in an unpredictable way, someone who you can't read their feelings, or what they say is so vague it can be taken several ways, someone who makes you anxious, or insecure, all of these things make you feel more intense emotions, and it's usually not your dual who causes all of this.

I wanted to make a thread or something about this specifically for NeFi/SiTe. Anyone who has frequented the Delta forums can see the many posts of at least the NeFi wondering about their dual relation, as it seems hard to work out. For me, I feel both the instantaneous comfort and the anxiety and such that was mentioned above. I think the point of the NeFi/SiTe dual relation is that it's never predictable, and that can cause stress. Is there a "catch" specific to each dual relation, or is there something rather strange to NeFi/SiTe duals?

[redbaron]

I like Diana's paragraph also. It rings true. If you're not sure how to interpret something for instance, you spend more time thinking about it. And more time thinking about someone can cause emotions to grow pretty quickly and intensely. It's those mysterious types....

[Wrong Way Ticket]

I don't know what happened to Diana's post, but I liked the sound of it for the most part. Sounds like the way one of my friends would go about explaining it. But taking the quote Gul has in his post:



I wanted to make a thread or something about this specifically for NeFi/SiTe. Anyone who has frequented the Delta forums can see the many posts of at least the NeFi wondering about their dual relation, as it seems hard to work out. For me, I feel both the instantaneous comfort and the anxiety and such that was mentioned above. I think the point of the NeFi/SiTe dual relation is that it's never predictable, and that can cause stress. Is there a "catch" specific to each dual relation, or is there something rather strange to NeFi/SiTe duals?

Thank you! You just said exactly what I was thinking.

A lot of the IEE anxiety is often because we just don't know. Often our anxiety is totally unfounded too! But I think it keeps us interested.

[Lobo]

I wanted to make a thread or something about this specifically for NeFi/SiTe. Anyone who has frequented the Delta forums can see the many posts of at least the NeFi wondering about their dual relation, as it seems hard to work out. For me, I feel both the instantaneous comfort and the anxiety and such that was mentioned above. I think the point of the NeFi/SiTe dual relation is that it's never predictable, and that can cause stress. Is there a "catch" specific to each dual relation, or is there something rather strange to NeFi/SiTe duals?

Have you met LSEs? I think that befriending an activity partner can help in your understanding of your dual, and a mirror friend as the intermediary and go-to person to vent. I suspect that if you get to know an LSE well, you will be getting information that would otherwise be introverted with SLIs, if that makes sense. And, you should have a mutual understanding with EIIs which could help in knowing where you are coming from, and where SLIs are coming from as well, in order to explain what might be happening (I know this last sentence is confusing). I sometimes am amazed at how I always end up befriending SLIs where I go. I moved recently for grad school, and by the end of the semester I already have an SLI friend. So annoying, they're everywhere . Maybe give what I'm saying a try, as unnatural it may seem.

[Mattie]

Have you met LSEs? I think that befriending an activity partner can help in your understanding of your dual, and a mirror friend as the intermediary and go-to person to vent. I suspect that if you get to know an LSE well, you will be getting information that would otherwise be introverted with SLIs, if that makes sense. And, you should have a mutual understanding with EIIs which could help in knowing where you are coming from, and where SLIs are coming from as well, in order to explain what might be happening (I know this last sentence is confusing). I sometimes am amazed at how I always end up befriending SLIs where I go. I moved recently for grad school, and by the end of the semester I already have an SLI friend. So annoying, they're everywhere . Maybe give what I'm saying a try, as unnatural it may seem.

I actually have a lot of TeSi in my life, more than I realized at first. I even think that the best friend of a love interest SiTe is a TeSi. I don't know exactly how to extract information in such a manner, but she makes it think everything is a lot more cut and dry than I believe it is. I know there's more to it than what she says, but like what Wrong Way Ticket said, I get a lot of anxieties because I can think of all the possibilities, but I'm never sure of which possibility is actually true.

Onto FiNe... I don't know if I really know any. I was just thinking that I need a FiNe friend, it would make things easier. I might try talking with TeSi's other friends who might be Delta, but I don't have a lot of Delta friends.

[UDP]

duals seem more appealing when you're actually ready 'that kind of a relationship'. Diana has points, and other factors would be a person's beliefs in general about relationships, and whether or not they actually be in one at that point in your life.