INFp-ESTp duality at work (IEI-SLE)

[IEI]

Hi I am new to this site. Im an IEI who may be experiencing duality at work. I started working with an SLE 7 months ago initially I didn't notice anything in the beginning (except that he was really demanding and wanted everything done straight away... I find this quite endearing/ amusing). Recently I have started feeling a stong rapport when we work together and a feeling of security when he's around. Can anyone tell me more about what duality feels like from both an IEI and SLE perspective? How do dual relations develop over time?

Thanks!

[redbaron]

I'll tell you a little bit about my experience. I knew this guy socially, and from a distance. He seemed very business-like and boring to me. Over time, we interacted more. Occasionally he would ask my opinion on something and seem to value my advice. There's a level of trust between us that seems to come out of nowhere (at least that's how I experienced it. I know it doesn't actually come out of nowhere). That said, I don't feel that he "gets" me in the same way that my identical does.

[redbaron]

I also observed that in my friendship with an SLE-Se. However, he's popular and very good at his job, so I noticed him straight away, but initially I thought he was superficial and obnoxious. Over time, I got to know him better, and realised that he's considerate and intelligent. He always makes an effort to engage me in conversation, and asks me for advice on things I'm sure he knows the answer to.

We never have misunderstandings - the friendship feels very open and honest. On the other hand, our interactions are never really "deep", so there's less opportunity for misunderstandings to arise. The SLE is also very physical - he's always grabbing people, or snatching things away when you reach out for them. Some people find it irritating and obtrusive, but it feels energising to me. (Se-DS FTW!)

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

[ScarlettLux]

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

LOL ... I knew an SLE-Ti who read a lot of fantasy and other books as well. Yes, I was surprised =P Oh, stereotypes, banish yeself from my mind.

I guess it really IS true how Duals don't notice eachother. I honestly keep looking out for some "omg, yes that is my dual" thing but after meeting a female SLE... wow. Didn't expect that one AT ALL. I knew I got along with her very easily but it was like whatever, eh, maybe she's an ESE or EIE? Little did I know... but yeah, she hasn't noticed me either I think. Really showed no great interest in me..

[IEI]

Thanks for sharing your experience of duality Did you have any preconceived ideas about what this guy was like before you spoke to him? My potential dual has a really bad reputation for being difficult to work and everyone (including me) is very surprised that I like working with him. I can relate to your experience of being a ‘trusted advisor’… I am amazed that this guy is interested in what I think and takes my advice into account (partly because he is so very senior and also due to the bad reputation he has). I have noticed that I can easily pick up on how he is feeling over the telephone and that I am drawn to respond to these feelings in a way that makes him feel better. It’s an instinctive thing that I don’t seem to have any control over and often involves me dropping everything to make sure I meet his insatiable need for immediacy (this translates into me working very long hours). Recently I have also started mimicking his behavior…it’s totally unintentional and spontaneous (and a little embarrassing ). Sometimes when on the telephone there will be gaps in the conversation for longer than is normal but there is no need to fill the gaps as during these times it’s like I am absorbing his energy and he is absorbing mine… like communication is still happening on another level so there is no need to say anything (not sure if this is making sense).

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I like how SLEs take direction of the conversation too without getting personally offended at our IEI-like tendency to just listen and go 'ummm.' lol Their voices tend to be calm, grounding and rational which really helps me feel safe and protected. If it's an SLE-Ti though, I noticed I have more of a tendency to be criticized so I prefer SLE-Se.

As for two IEIs bringing the same faults to the table, I think that goes away a lot if they are opposing subtypes. (IEI-Fe & IEI-Ni) Just a theory though but it's true in my case.

[Sharrum]

I think the SLE I know is Ti subtype and our interactions have been a lot more intellectual than I expected. lol In fact, I'm mildly surprised at all the reading he does.

Don't think an intellectual ESTp has to be a Ti subtype, I'm a Se - ESTp and I'm far more intellectual and fond of academic and theoretical discussion with a flair of practicality than almost everyone I know, don't you know that Se - SLE are known for being witty and intelligent? Many Se - ESTp are fond of wisdom and knowledge, some are of reputed brilliancy and are ingenious people, like Zhukov, for me he was most certainly a Se - ESTp. In my case I'm not shallow and superficial as people are saying here, I have some deep and non superfluous interests who most people think it's too spiritually demanding for them.

Being intelligent and clever, when we're talking about SLE's, doesn't imply that the subtype in question Ti. A Ti subtype, in matter of personality, means that the person is rather "introverted-logically" driven than having an ego guided by extraverted-sensorialism. Intelligence and intellectuality are not connected necessarily to the logical function, there are many people whose egos are ethical and are brilliant intellectual minds, for instance: Nietzsche, Freud and Carl Jung. Neither it is needly connected to introverted functions due the fact many people with strong intellectual interests are lead by their Te, Fe, Se and Ne functions.

Then, after this whole preaching I just wanted to underline the fact that intellectuality and intelligence are not ultimately determined by the sociotype, nor enneatype, nor instinctual subtypes, neither socio-subtypes, they're something that has to do with those factors, both are influenced by them, but also stretches beyond them.

[redbaron]

yes, yes, I agree. but he IS Ti-subtype anyway.

[Sharrum]

As a ESTp I just wanted to know from the female IEI here, what do you expect from a romantic partner? More precisely, what do you expect, what do you want from us SLE?

I have to confess that sometimes I'm rather cold, unexpressive and unemotional to my girlfriend, but I like to emphasize to her that I have an emotional barrier set within myself, and I show my love to her through devotion, loyalty and care. I'm a shame for speaking out feelings and deep sentiments.

I interpret my love experience as a ESTp in the following way: As a human being, I'm set on this world and around all these people. As a SLE, I relate to other humans with the objective of annihilating all the rest of humankind, as a SLE, my relation with other people is guided by the instinct elimination and repulsion of all other humans, it's a relationship of separation and secession with the rest of the world. this leads to the destruction and to the negation of any human being inside me, a negation of my humanity, what creates a empty space inside me, a lack of any representation of a human being that was supposed to reside within my ego. But there is an exception to this constant battle against every other human, is when I find another beta, a suitable one, another human being who is prone to fill this gap of humanity with myself. If I experience a relationship with an ISTj, an ENFj or another ESTp, I'm going to see some really good specimens of people, but I'll be far from feeling completion and plenty beside those types, only a IEI is able to make me rejoice, and INFp are the only who really make me don't want to fight and repel them, but rather connect with them, that makes me desire to mingle with them. So this ease that I experience with beta is gradual, with a spectrum of combativeness/self-giving spanning from one of the other betas to the maximum relation of unselfishness with IEI. When we are talking about a female INFp this desire for linkage gets stronger, I have a powerful will to fusion and become one the IEI, this is so for a very simple reason, because in my unconsciousness I see an IEI female as the perfect human being, with the proper characteristics that every single person should have, that the human being, as a definition, should have.

This is my reconnection with the human being, this is my realization of humanity. That's why when I want a girl I want her to live inside me, to fill my gap of someone within the high walls of my persona. To feel that there is someone living inside the palace I've built upon the grounds my own identity. That's why when I find a good girl for me I want to encircle her, to live as a ocean around her. I hope you understand me, I tried to explain how do I feel toward IEI's, I really want to hear how you IEI feel about us.

[Suz]

I guess nobody liked my story. . .
I know, it was a bit long.

[betterthan]

I guess nobody liked my story. . .
I know, it was a bit long.

I like it , I just didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute. I just hope you can find someone as good as this guy in your new city...trust me it's not as easy as you think to find a dual who is as awesome as the 'dual relation' itself, some people here seem to forget to seperate the type from the person. Like me before I got wise .

[Suz]

I like it , I just didn't have anything worthwhile to contribute. I just hope you can find someone as good as this guy in your new city...trust me it's not as easy as you think to find a dual who is as awesome as the 'dual relation' itself, some people here seem to forget to seperate the type from the person. Like me before I got wise .

Well, I can't say that this guy is the epitome of perfection

He drinks WAY too much alcohol. I mean WAAAY too much. He is also quite promiscuous (at least that's what it seems like from what I suspect--but aren't most guys?), and he can be somewhat superficial (i mean, aren't there more interesting things to do than to go to the bar and drink?). And his head is WAAAAAAY too big. I mean this guy KNOWS he's gorgeous. Girls are always fawning over him. Which makes me hesitant to show him TOO much attention and contribute to his big-headedness,, unless i am sure he feels the same way about me.

For some reason, these things aren't bothering me too much about him as far as I'm concerned. must be the duality thing. I do worry that he might end up needing a liver transplant in his 40s or having several illegitimate children, but hey it's his choices.

However, I do think that I can find other duals and probably feel the same way dont you think? He is very good natured though so maybe that quality can be hard to find, but I thought SLEs tend to be good natured.

[redbaron]

Well, I can't say that this guy is the epitome of perfection

He drinks WAY too much alcohol. I mean WAAAY too much. He is also quite promiscuous (at least that's what it seems like from what I suspect--but aren't most guys?), and he can be somewhat superficial (i mean, aren't there more interesting things to do than to go to the bar and drink?). And his head is WAAAAAAY too big. I mean this guy KNOWS he's gorgeous. Girls are always fawning over him. Which makes me hesitant to show him TOO much attention and contribute to his big-headedness,, unless i am sure he feels the same way about me.

For some reason, these things aren't bothering me too much about him as far as I'm concerned. must be the duality thing. I do worry that he might end up needing a liver transplant in his 40s or having several illegitimate children, but hey it's his choices.

However, I do think that I can find other duals and probably feel the same way dont you think? He is very good natured though so maybe that quality can be hard to find, but I thought SLEs tend to be good natured.

This post just makes me smile. It's the way I think I would have perceived my SLE friend back about 20 years ago. You may give him enough of a reason to change his ways, at least a little bit, if he really falls for you. But yeah, you might find another SLE with whom you'll feel the same way. I find them to be a bit immature when they're the same age as you, so you could look for one that's older.

[Suz]

This post just makes me smile. It's the way I think I would have perceived my SLE friend back about 20 years ago. You may give him enough of a reason to change his ways, at least a little bit, if he really falls for you. But yeah, you might find another SLE with whom you'll feel the same way. I find them to be a bit immature when they're the same age as you, so you could look for one that's older. (my SLE friend is 12 years older than me and maturity-wise we're very close)

This one is actually 3 years younger.

[betterthan]

Well, I can't say that this guy is the epitome of perfection

He drinks WAY too much alcohol. I mean WAAAY too much. He is also quite promiscuous (at least that's what it seems like from what I suspect--but aren't most guys?), and he can be somewhat superficial (i mean, aren't there more interesting things to do than to go to the bar and drink?). And his head is WAAAAAAY too big. I mean this guy KNOWS he's gorgeous. Girls are always fawning over him. Which makes me hesitant to show him TOO much attention and contribute to his big-headedness,, unless i am sure he feels the same way about me.

For some reason, these things aren't bothering me too much about him as far as I'm concerned. must be the duality thing. I do worry that he might end up needing a liver transplant in his 40s or having several illegitimate children, but hey it's his choices.

However, I do think that I can find other duals and probably feel the same way dont you think? He is very good natured though so maybe that quality can be hard to find, but I thought SLEs tend to be good natured.

Lol . Haha, sounds like a typical SLE. Haha. Yeah sure , I don't have much experience with dual relations yet, some I get into, others I don't. Good luck on your SLE hunt ^^.

[IEI]

I guess nobody liked my story. . .
I know, it was a bit long.

Hey thanks for your reply sorry it has taken me so long to respond it has been a while since I have been on the site

More to follow...