SEIs & ESEs "Caring" types: your opinion on being chased? (ISFp, ESFj)

[buckland]

Just checking with the female caregivers in alpha, what is your position on being chased? I mean, i am all for the guy giving chase, but i met this and I think we are doing really well but she has had some bad experiences in her past and she says she has trust issues with men generally. I am typically bad at this stuff, but it sky rockets with this girl. She is remarkably forward which makes me think we are on track to something, but there is always that little something that makes me second guess myself. Guess the whole point of this rant is, female SFs, do you want to be chased? There is always this feeling I get from ESEs like they want to be looked at and lusted over (all girls want this, but it is a sensual brand with alpha that is difficult to describe) which I think is very attractive, and she is definitely pushing my buttons in that department, but I have no idea what she wants... I don't want to come over too strong and scare her away (LII saying this about ESE, who would have thought it?)

[Banana Pancakes]

caregiver is the chaser imo.

[buckland]

Even when the caregiver is a girl?

[Banana Pancakes]

Even when the caregiver is a girl?

Are you saying women can't pursue?

(yeah I know they don't actually do it...buh).

[buckland]

I know they do, just not sure i want to leave it up to the small chance that she is a "pursuer". All I know is that i waited too long with a previous girl, and i am not sure i want to do the same again. Just wanted to confirm that I am not taking on her role effectively.

[Banana Pancakes]

I know they do, just not sure i want to leave it up to the small chance that she is a "pursuer". All I know is that i waited too long with a previous girl, and i am not sure i want to do the same again. Just wanted to confirm that I am not taking on her role effectively.

Well if you want to pursue her do it. Your natural instinct is going to be best with your dual.

[Brilliand]

caregiver is the chaser imo.

Extrovert is the chaser imo.

But she's already pushing your buttons... just let 'er push 'em. Pull back and ask her directly if you think she doesn't know what she's doing. :tongue:

[Banana Pancakes]

Extrovert is the chaser imo.

Have you not met Se creatives?

[buckland]

So I told her, but she seems to be rather shocked by it all. She has incredibly low self esteem, which is strange because she has this amazing voice and loves singing in public plus is this incredibly outgoing person. I would never have pegged her as such, I guess something in my brain can't separate shy and low self esteem. She said that she is not worth the care, which may well be a nice way of her saying no, but i do think that there was more to it. I pulled all of this out at an incredibly bad moment as she had to leave, so there is a much larger conversation awaiting... I very much feel like the caregiver in some respects right now, telling her all her positive attributes and trying to pull her out of this funk, at least in the emotional department. We were in a restaurant with some of her friends and she was the one suggesting stuff for me to try and whether the food was too spicy. Alpha SFs can't turn the pa/maternal switch off, even when in the dumps. Really strange, this stuff would normally drain me, but I guess , good or bad drives me. Plus she is hot!

Tiny bit of a rant, but it now allows the cogs upstairs to run un-hindered. Now, it's a waiting game

[buckland]

Have you not met Se creatives?

That is true, though I am not as sure about as I am about in this regard.

[buckland]

Was talking to my ESE friend about this whole thing. Been trying to get him into socionics for ages but...well it's a losing battle. In any case, he has been describing himself and his failed relationships and it's remarkable how accurate socionics is. Was telling me how much he likes giving gifts and carrying out little gestures out for his current interest and how very few girls seem to appreciate it to the level he wants them to (there is more to it...). Socionics is scarily good sometimes.

In any case, he was telling me that he really likes reassurance, and in fact does not really care (or want) gifts from his s.o. (not sure how that translates across the genders). All he wants is someone to need him, and persistence in that regard is highly needed. Constant reminders of why someone is with him and that she wants him. So it seems that the extroverts seem to expect a fair bit from the introverts. Beginning to build a picture right now that ESEs need admiration for them to feel loved, someone to worship the ground they walk on almost and this causes them to pour in more effort. The aftermath of all that positive reinforcement must be glorious. I forget my initial point, damn !

[buckland]

+1

i think extroverts initiate platonic conversations and such, but otherwise it varies.

What's the expectation across in gamma? I always have this picture that the INTp would hound SEE until they are recognised. If anyone has watched eastbound and down, the relationship between Kenny (main character) and Stevie (the teacher) is a caricature of how I picture this relationship. Not sure about the rationals, the 2 male ISFjs I know were both chased. Is that accurate?

[Creepy-bg]

I love being chased and to be honest, that's about the only way it's going to happen for me. Although being caught is more fun If I'm chasing I can't help but think that she doesn't want to be caught/isn't interested and I'm wasting my time and energy, so I stop.

[munenori2]

I love being chased and to be honest, that's about the only way it's going to happen for me. Although being caught is more fun If I'm chasing I can't help but think that she doesn't want to be caught/isn't interested and I'm wasting my time and energy, so I stop.

Same here lol. The closest I get to chasing is probably just putting out the vibe that I like someone, being extra nice, giving gifts or doing things and seeing how she responds. Anytime I feel the pressure that I need to do any direct chasing I worry I've misread things and pull back to either watch for signs or totally mindfuck myself into confusion trying to make sense of things.

[Creepy-male]

Insightful.

Quoth an ESE friend, "You're a nice guy, Gul. We're going to make that workable."

[buckland]

Seems like the alpha SFs are the ones to be chased. Strange, considering they are the more socially aware of the group. I am surprised alpha couples even exist Would it be right then boiling it down to the SFs seduce (I know that is not the right phrasing with the males, sorry, but it's all I have right now) and the NTs "pounce". I can feel the growing within me already.

[Brilliand]

Seems like the alpha SFs are the ones to be chased. Strange, considering they are the more socially aware of the group. I am surprised alpha couples even exist Would it be right then boiling it down to the SFs seduce (I know that is not the right phrasing with the males, sorry, but it's all I have right now) and the NTs "pounce". I can feel the growing within me already.

Static types are the chasers, perhaps?

"Seducing" seems like a Feeler thing. Combining those, an Fi ego would pursue via seduction, whereas an Fe ego would seduce to invite pursuit.

Except, I'm sure we're violating the Russian conception of ESE here...

[buckland]

Same here lol. The closest I get to chasing is probably just putting out the vibe that I like someone, being extra nice, giving gifts or doing things and seeing how she responds. Anytime I feel the pressure that I need to do any direct chasing I worry I've misread things and pull back to either watch for signs or totally mindfuck myself into confusion trying to make sense of things.

Does that not count as chasing, or courting at the very least? I mean, if I started receiving such from a girl, that would set some alarm bells off. I guess at that point though, I would prefer to be the one asking out rather than the other way round.

[munenori2]

Does that not count as chasing, or courting at the very least? I mean, if I started receiving such from a girl, that would set some alarm bells off. I guess at that point though, I would prefer to be the one asking out rather than the other way round.

I guess I don't consider it to be officially chasing, which is what gives me the hangup. lol, what I mean I suppose is that what I was talking about is just me being myself and letting things happen, doing what comes naturally. Anytime the mindset takes over that I need to or should make something happen, that's bad news.

[Creepy-male]

^ what mune said.

I think this might also be related to Nines not liking to stick their necks out, so to speak.

We need to get Bee in.

EDIT

I should elaborate. Nines don't want to screw with that integrated feeling (like a moon jelly drifting in the ocean). Actually moving against the world in any way is a big no-no.

Though, as sp/sx, I keep what I want in mind, even if I try to not let that out. What's currently happening to me is a great example of the conscious restraint dynamic playing merry hell with everything. Being a Nine, I'm needing to withdraw while it all happens.

As to *what* is happening, no, I'm not telling.

Later thought: there's still a possibility I'm actually a Seven, and none of this information is actually of any use p:

[buckland]

I guess I don't consider it to be officially chasing, which is what gives me the hangup. lol, what I mean I suppose is that what I was talking about is just me being myself and letting things happen, doing what comes naturally. Anytime the mindset takes over that I need to or should make something happen, that's bad news.

That sounds like what i would expect. Out of curiosity though, how does it usually pan out with you being the guy? Is it you who eventually makes the move?

[Creepy-bg]

I guess I don't consider it to be officially chasing, which is what gives me the hangup. lol, what I mean I suppose is that what I was talking about is just me being myself and letting things happen, doing what comes naturally. Anytime the mindset takes over that I need to or should make something happen, that's bad news.

yup. I'd consider it flirting/showing interest. after reading what I wrote I decided I didn't like the reason I gave for not chasing. It isn't because I decide I'm wasting effort, lol I'll waste effort all day. If the girl doesn't show obvious interest I'd feel like I was forcing/pushing myself on them, which I don't do.

The funny thing is that if they don't show interest I sometimes go into another mode where I do flirt and push just for fun. Not because I'm expecting success, but just as idk another kind of game. (like I do with Bee )