okay so for the longest time I haven't been able to make a decision about attending a milestone birthday party for a relative of mine who lives kinda far away. All the family will be there and it's going to be like a reunion of sorts. But there's a lot going on here that weekend and I've just been feeling really ambivalent about it, going back and forth in my mind about where I want to be. So it's coming up in the next few weeks and I still hadn't made up my mind. I was talking to an SLE about it and he's like blah blah I have some extra vouchers that need to be used, what time do you want to leave and come home, I'll find you a flight. I'm like no, that's okay, save your vouchers for yourself, whatever whatever. He goes home, finds me a flight, calls me to check it out and then buys the ticket for me!! hello. I'm like completely grateful (and told him so of course!) but also feeling like what the heck is my problem? Am I that desperate for Se? Why couldn't I make that decision? It's so odd... so strange how even when you want to be a certain way, you just need someone else to kick it in for you. I'm a freakin adult, I should be able to do this stuff and yet in the end, I can't make a decision and someone else steps in and makes it for me. And I'm happy, so happy that the decision is made but I also feel like I'm walking around waving a Se-seeking flag without even realizing it. Kinda pathetic.