Sexual Compatibility in the Quadras

[Lotus]

I wholeheartedly agree with this and now that I've been there and experienced it, I don't think I could go back. Gosh, I'm addicted to ESTp's now, yet am ESTp-less . And I'm not necessarily talking about sex here. It's every single experience of touch. I didn't realize how attracted I would be to it until I truly experienced it. The first time my ESTp ex kissed me, we were to the side on the dance floor, slow dancing. Then he does the whole I look up and he goes for a kiss thing and I turn my face to turn him down because I thought it ws too soon. So he asks "what, is it too soon?" and I nod. So after a couple of seconds he grabs my face with both of his hands and plants a huge one on me before I knew what hit me. lol <3 He had me pinned tight enough so that I couldn't get away, not that I would have gone anywhere! No one had ever kissed me like that before. I can't even begin to describe how big of a turn on that is to me. The confidence and boldness. Makes me feel wanted.

Tbh, that would really bother me. I don't like surprises, I don't like someone disrespecting the boundaries I set, and I really don't like someone being confident in how far they can go with me. God, I'd probably react badly to something like that. “What made you think it was okay to do that??” And oh god, if he said it was because he could tell I wanted it—“I could read it in your body language”—or something… holyshit. I would be so pissed. lol.

I don't know, I just want to establish things first. Don't assume you can act like this with me, or treat me like this, or that I want this or that. You'll find those things out after a while, and then you can act on them. But man, cocky guys who think they know what I want are in for a surprise.

[FDG]

Tbh, that would really bother me. I don't like surprises, I don't like someone disrespecting the boundaries I set, and I really don't like someone being confident in how far they can go with me. God, I'd probably react badly to something like that. “What made you think it was okay to do that??” And oh god, if he said it was because he could tell I wanted it—“I could read it in your body language”—or something… holyshit. I would be so pissed. lol.

I don't know, I just want to establish things first. Don't assume you can act like this with me, or treat me like this, or that I want this or that. You'll find those things out after a while, and then you can act on them. But man, cocky guys who think they know what I want are in for a surprise.

That's right: the right way to do it, would simply be to do it gently without asking, so that she can't get angry for the fact that she has said no

[jewels]

Tbh, that would really bother me. I don't like surprises, I don't like someone disrespecting the boundaries I set, and I really don't like someone being confident in how far they can go with me. God, I'd probably react badly to something like that. “What made you think it was okay to do that??” And oh god, if he said it was because he could tell I wanted it—“I could read it in your body language”—or something… holyshit. I would be so pissed. lol.

I don't know, I just want to establish things first. Don't assume you can act like this with me, or treat me like this, or that I want this or that. You'll find those things out after a while, and then you can act on them. But man, cocky guys who think they know what I want are in for a surprise.

I agree. I've never needed to slap a guy so far, but in that situation, I just might.

However, the couple of ESTps I've gone out w/ were really respectful and I never had a problem. I went out w/ one once (and the conversation wasn't going well) and he started trying to sell himself by using Se...such as "girls like to be protected.I can protect you. If someone pinched your ass I would beat him up." This was during dinner...lol....and said w/o an ounce of kidding around. I was so uncomfortable...though I'm sure an INFp would have been like *swooon*. I was more like uh...luckily I don't live in the ghetto anymore and I've never had someone pinch my ass so I'm good, but thanks for the offer....

[Sirena]

I agree. I've never needed to slap a guy so far, but in that situation, I just might.

However, the couple of ESTps I've gone out w/ were really respectful and I never had a problem. I went out w/ one once (and the conversation wasn't going well) and he started trying to sell himself by using Se...such as "girls like to be protected.I can protect you. If someone pinched your ass I would beat him up." This was during dinner...lol....and said w/o an ounce of kidding around. I was so uncomfortable...though I'm sure an INFp would have been like *swooon*. I was more like uh...luckily I don't live in the ghetto anymore and I've never had someone pinch my ass so I'm good, but thanks for the offer....

LMAO!

[Sirena]

Tbh, that would really bother me. I don't like surprises, I don't like someone disrespecting the boundaries I set, and I really don't like someone being confident in how far they can go with me. God, I'd probably react badly to something like that. “What made you think it was okay to do that??” And oh god, if he said it was because he could tell I wanted it—“I could read it in your body language”—or something… holyshit. I would be so pissed. lol.

lol But it's a game, all a game. Things aren't that black and white for me. And I'm not saying it was all a big manipulative scheme on my part. Not at all! It's just that sometimes I need someone like that to help me decide I actually did want it all along. My "no" could mean I lack assertiveness or I'm over-thinking the consequences or whatever, so thank God for someone taking over and making shit happen! The point is that he did know I wanted it and that I needed him to act that way and he did.

I'm not saying I would let anybody walk up to me and stick their tongue down my throat! lol

But I do see how that wouldn't work for some people, Allie.

[Lotus]

That's right: the right way to do it, would simply be to do it gently without asking, so that she can't get angry for the fact that she has said no

Lol. Actually, that's sort of true.

I agree. I've never needed to slap a guy so far, but in that situation, I just might.

However, the couple of ESTps I've gone out w/ were really respectful and I never had a problem. I went out w/ one once (and the conversation wasn't going well) and he started trying to sell himself by using Se...such as "girls like to be protected.I can protect you. If someone pinched your ass I would beat him up." This was during dinner...lol....and said w/o an ounce of kidding around. I was so uncomfortable...though I'm sure an INFp would have been like *swooon*. I was more like uh...luckily I don't live in the ghetto anymore and I've never had someone pinch my ass so I'm good, but thanks for the offer....

Ahahah. Yeah, it's kind of arrogant to me. Like, oh boy, are you going to be my big knight-in-shining-armor? Give me a break.

lol But it's a game, all a game. Things aren't that black and white for me. And I'm not saying it was all a big manipulative scheme on my part. Not at all! It's just that sometimes I need someone like that to help me decide I actually did want it all along. My "no" could mean I lack assertiveness or I'm over-thinking the consequences or whatever, so thank God for someone taking over and making shit happen! The point is that he did know I wanted it and that I needed him to act that way and he did.

I'm not saying I would let anybody walk up to me and stick their tongue down my throat! lol

But I do see how that wouldn't work for some people, Allie.

I guess that's where we differ, because I always know whether I want something or not.

I wouldn't mind it at all. I probably would not be dancing with somebody whom I didn't want to kiss me in the first place.

I'm sorry, but this just feels like “coffee = sex” mentality. Don't assume I want you just because I let you dance with me. K? lol

[calenwen]

Tbh, that would really bother me. I don't like surprises, I don't like someone disrespecting the boundaries I set, and I really don't like someone being confident in how far they can go with me. God, I'd probably react badly to something like that. “What made you think it was okay to do that??” And oh god, if he said it was because he could tell I wanted it—“I could read it in your body language”—or something… holyshit. I would be so pissed. lol.

I don't know, I just want to establish things first. Don't assume you can act like this with me, or treat me like this, or that I want this or that. You'll find those things out after a while, and then you can act on them. But man, cocky guys who think they know what I want are in for a surprise.

Talking about it is what kills me. He actually asked if it was too soon and then went on and kissed her anyway? I would be pissed if he did that, but why even ask if you're going to do it anyway - it just makes it even worse, like you're openly contradicting the other person's wishes.

I always know if I want it or not too and if I don't I have no problem saying so. I know girls that have ended up dating guys just because the guy was kind of sneaky about it and the girl was too passive to make much of a fuss out of it. Ugh, there seems to be this whole mentality about "getting girls" that certain guys have and I just absolutely hate it and will have nothing to do with it. Sirena's story just reminded me of guys that are like that I guess.

[Lotus]

Talking about it is what kills me. He actually asked if it was too soon and then went on and kissed her anyway? I would be pissed if he did that, but why even ask if you're going to do it anyway - it just makes it even worse, like you're openly contradicting the other person's wishes.

Yeah, there was something else annoying about it that I couldn't quite pinpoint and this is it. It feels like such a sloppy relationship too, hah. He asks, “Are we going too fast?” She says yes. Then he speeds it up and she allows it? She admits she wanted it anyway? He knew all along? I don't know, something about it bothers me.

I always know if I want it or not too and if I don't I have no problem saying so. I know girls that have ended up dating guys just because the guy was kind of sneaky about it and the girl was too passive to make much of a fuss out of it. Ugh, there seems to be this whole mentality about "getting girls" that certain guys have and I just absolutely hate it and will have nothing to do with it. Sirena's story just reminded me of guys that are like that I guess.

I can't imagine “passively” dating someone. Is there also “passive” attraction and “passive” feelings to go with it? God, I don't get that. I can't be in relationships that I'm not emotionally committed to.

[Sirena]

Talking about it is what kills me. He actually asked if it was too soon and then went on and kissed her anyway? I would be pissed if he did that, but why even ask if you're going to do it anyway - it just makes it even worse, like you're openly contradicting the other person's wishes.

I always know if I want it or not too and if I don't I have no problem saying so. I know girls that have ended up dating guys just because the guy was kind of sneaky about it and the girl was too passive to make much of a fuss out of it. Ugh, there seems to be this whole mentality about "getting girls" that certain guys have and I just absolutely hate it and will have nothing to do with it. Sirena's story just reminded me of guys that are like that I guess.

Yeah, there was something else annoying about it that I couldn't quite pinpoint and this is it. It feels like such a sloppy relationship too, hah. He asks, “Are we going too fast?” She says yes. Then he speeds it up and she allows it? She admits she wanted it anyway? He knew all along? I don't know, something about it bothers me.


I can't imagine “passively” dating someone. Is there also “passive” attraction and “passive” feelings to go with it? God, I don't get that. I can't be in relationships that I'm not emotionally committed to.

I can't believe this is what you guys got from that. *sigh* Because that's so not it. Again, not doormats! :frown:

Anyway, I'm tired....

[Sirena]

I guess that's where we differ, because I always know whether I want something or not.

that's hot, Allie!

I'm sorry, but this just feels like “coffee = sex” mentality. Don't assume I want you just because I let you dance with me. K? lol

Nah, it doesn't work that way. It isn't as simple as action 1 leads to action 2. Come on! That would bore SLEs in 2 seconds. On the contrary, there is so much dynamic to it that makes it so fun, intriguing and exciting. We can be rather enigmatic and alluring, just naturally (meaning that it's not a purposeful "manipulation"). We dictate as much if not more because we hold the emotional thermostat. Don't think we just stand there the whole night like doormats lol. There are lots of signals going on, but they're all unspoken and dynamic. This is probably Fe vs. Fi valuing.

Again, I'd like to stress this isn't a conscious thing. I know some people don't get it and are probably going to get a completely twisted picture of what I'm trying to describe and picture us as black widow spiders or something lol.

Eh, I'm always disappointment with the product of my trying to explain what I'm thinking/feeling. I can never quite capture it. Oh well.

[jewels]

I'm sorry, but this just feels like “coffee = sex” mentality. Don't assume I want you just because I let you dance with me. K? lol

OMG LOL!! I've never heard of the coffee=sex mentality, but it sounds like it could be a new online dating site....coffeeEqualsSex.com "where that latte means he's taking you home latter..."

I mean, if he buys you a mocha, really, what else could you expect?

[Lotus]

Nah, it doesn't work that way. It isn't as simple as action 1 leads to action 2. Come on! That would bore SLEs in 2 seconds. On the contrary, there is so much dynamic to it that makes it so fun, intriguing and exciting. We can be rather enigmatic and alluring, just naturally (meaning that it's not a purposeful "manipulation"). We dictate as much if not more because we hold the emotional thermostat. Don't think we just stand there the whole night like doormats lol. There are lots of signals going on, but they're all unspoken and dynamic. This is probably Fe vs. Fi valuing.

Again, I'd like to stress this isn't a conscious thing. I know some people don't get it and are probably going to get a completely twisted picture of what I'm trying to describe and picture us as black widow spiders or something lol.

Eh, I'm always disappointment with the product of my trying to explain what I'm thinking/feeling. I can never quite capture it. Oh well.

I can't believe this is what you guys got from that. *sigh* Because that's so not it. Again, not doormats! :frown:

Anyway, I'm tired....

No, I get what you mean. I just don't like it. I don't want someone going off of assumed, non-verbal cues. I don't really see the point in making a game out of it.

OMG LOL!! I've never heard of the coffee=sex mentality, but it sounds like it could be a new online dating site....coffeeEqualsSex.com "where that latte means he's taking you home latter..."

I mean, if he buys you a mocha, really, what else could you expect?

Ahaha, it's so common though:

BBC - The Editors: Guaranteed to divide

Coffee’ doesn’t mean coffee! ‘Coffee’ means sex! Café Crem

I think it's the same thing with prom. You know how it's like a common expectation for girls to “put out” on prom night? Ew, lol. “I bought you a corsage, do I get laid now??”

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Ritella]

Fwiw, I agree with Diana and Sirena. It sounded like something you'd see in a movie or read in a 19th century novel. I don't understand why, whenever someone posts about liking any kind of male assertiveness, there are always these "sounds like rape"/"you are being held a prisoner!" comments. (not that these were necc. that bad, but you get the point.) I feel like if this were to happen IRL, almost everyone's reaction would be like "aww" or "that's hot."

[Creepy-Cyclops]

OMG LOL!! I've never heard of the coffee=sex mentality, but it sounds like it could be a new online dating site....coffeeEqualsSex.com "where that latte means he's taking you home latter..."

I mean, if he buys you a mocha, really, what else could you expect?

Something like, .. Would you like an extra shot with your American-o?

How'd you like your coffee? Straight and strong please.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

You know both perceptions are true. We need the asshole that chokes the sensitive ******ry right out of us and spits in our worthless whore faces. And you also need the sensitive gay male-ish guy that shares your womanly politically correction on how we should all just get along and that we're just all one big happy family.

Please stop debating which one is better or worse. It's not about that. You need both.

Gender differences exist and the general stereotypes about everything ALWAYS holds true, but they are natural and more subtle than people realize. So don't get insecure over them OK?

[Creepy-Cyclops]

You know both perceptions are true. We need the asshole that chokes the sensitive ******ry right out of us and spits in our worthless whore faces. And you also need the sensitive gay male-ish guy that shares your womanly politically correction on how we should all just get along and that we're just all one big happy family.

Please stop debating which one is better or worse. It's not about that. You need both.

Gender differences exist and the general stereotypes about everything ALWAYS holds true, but they are natural and more subtle than people realize. So don't get insecure over them OK?

Hmm..you're such a fine specimen of manhood b&d. So...dominant