Welp, I'm incapable of intimacy

[Banana Pancakes]

And with all your observing people and trying to define someone's personality or "observing the reality of people's motivations and actions", YOU STILL DON'T KNOW SHIT. Here's your problem. You focus too much on wanting to enjoy life, that you miss it. You can't enjoy it because you are so worried that you won't. I got along with xxx so well because he actually opened up to me first. I don't know why I felt so comfortable around him, but I'm not going to apologize for it.
PS. I wasn't dating that asshole while you were there.

So today I finally had the conversation with this chick and realized she would never respect me enough to love me. I also realized that my duals really do understand how terrible I am at SiFe and that I'm incapable of intimacy.

I can't open up to people. I don't even think I have feelings most of the time. The reason I can't establish a long term relationship with anyone is that I'm never comfortable enough to open up to them, I wait for them to do so first. Here not even my dual wanted to open up to me.

To be completely honest, you were somewhere in the middle, as I really enjoyed spending time with you, but was, I suppose in hindsight, waiting until I felt comfortable to open up to you, and possibly have conversations not revolving around song lyrics. Or maybe I was waiting for you to open up to me. I don't know why I never really opened up to you, I know a lot of it had to do with the way I was back then, which is pretty different from the person I am right now.

Edit: this isn't someone on this site, I just thought the quotes would be helpful.

[Brilliand]

Hmm... I think there are some parts of the relationship that you could have managed yourself. Under Model T, your constructivist nature means that you would determine when emotions are brought into play; I imagine this would manifest as some half-assed attempt that the ISFp responds to with real emotions. Well, maybe that's it.

That first quote reminds me of the unhealthy 7 description. If you're a 7, have a look at the Enneagram 7 growth recommendations and see if they help. Although the 7's need sounds sort of like , I'm not sure this is something an ISFp can do for you. Maybe she can help you along, if you keep her nearby while you help yourself.

If you aren't a Seven, do you have any idea where "you can't enjoy it because you are so worried that you won't" came from?

[Wynch]

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Screw it. I'm going to be a hermit.

[tereg]

I feel more depressed after reading this thread.

[buckland]

Right there with you. Pretty sure I screwed up what would have been a pretty sweet relationship with an ESE because of the inability to correctly deal with intimacy (that sounds very 'robotic' but I can't explain it any better).

[Creepy-male]

Awww.

Look on the bright side, ethical males are even worse misfits.

*throws alphahugs around the room*

Duality isn't magical, unfortunately.

[Banana Pancakes]

Hmm... I think there are some parts of the relationship that you could have managed yourself. Under Model T, your constructivist nature means that you would determine when emotions are brought into play; I imagine this would manifest as some half-assed attempt that the ISFp responds to with real emotions. Well, maybe that's it.

That first quote reminds me of the unhealthy 7 description. If you're a 7, have a look at the Enneagram 7 growth recommendations and see if they help. Although the 7's need sounds sort of like , I'm not sure this is something an ISFp can do for you. Maybe she can help you along, if you keep her nearby while you help yourself.

If you aren't a Seven, do you have any idea where "you can't enjoy it because you are so worried that you won't" came from?

To be sure, I was never comfortable enough around her to prompt those things very aggressively, but I did try to prompt them.

Enneagram...yeah I'm like a 6w7 or something. What she said is 100% true though. I couldn't have said it any better.

[calenwen]

I can't open up to people. I don't even think I have feelings most of the time. The reason I can't establish a long term relationship with anyone is that I'm never comfortable enough to open up to them, I wait for them to do so first. Here not even my dual wanted to open up to me.

Sometimes it just takes people a really long time to feel comfortable enough to open up. Two of my relationships have been with guys (ILE, ILI) that both told me that "they've never opened up" to anyone before, never been in love, etc. but eventually both of these things happened in both relationships. It just took about a year. (:
Honestly, I don't think it's good to rush into being all emotionally intimate with someone. If you take it slow and are patient, eventually you will reach these points, you know? And I would imagine that a SEI would be the first to initiate opening up (with time), so you wouldn't have to worry about taking the initiative there.

I'm curious how long you knew this ISFp before you had the above-mentioned conversation...?

[Banana Pancakes]

Sometimes it just takes people a really long time to feel comfortable enough to open up. Two of my relationships have been with guys (ILE, ILI) that both told me that "they've never opened up" to anyone before, never been in love, etc. but eventually both of these things happened in both relationships. It just took about a year. (:
Honestly, I don't think it's good to rush into being all emotionally intimate with someone. If you take it slow and are patient, eventually you will reach these points, you know? And I would imagine that a SEI would be the first to initiate opening up (with time), so you wouldn't have to worry about taking the initiative there.

I'm curious how long you knew this ISFp before you had the above-mentioned conversation...?

Oh I knew her for 4 years. There was plenty of time for both of us to open up, but she WANTED it to be shallow pedantry - drinking wine and jumping around to music in fields but never talking about anything seriously. She's doing that with another guy at this moment I'm sure. To be quite honest I can't wait another 4 years for someone else to maybe open up to me.

[Wynch]

Oh I knew her for 4 years. There was plenty of time for both of us to open up, but she WANTED it to be shallow pedantry - drinking wine and jumping around to music in fields but never talking about anything seriously. She's doing that with another guy at this moment I'm sure. To be quite honest I can't wait another 4 years for someone else to maybe open up to me.

*mad hugs*

[calenwen]

Oh I knew her for 4 years. There was plenty of time for both of us to open up, but she WANTED it to be shallow pedantry - drinking wine and jumping around to music in fields but never talking about anything seriously. She's doing that with another guy at this moment I'm sure. To be quite honest I can't wait another 4 years for someone else to maybe open up to me.

Oh wow, okay. Well I'm guessing she wasn't/isn't looking for anything too serious at the time? And personally, I can't open up to anyone unless I am "serious" about them. But like, is that what you're looking for right now? Is that how you feel about this girl?

[Banana Pancakes]

Oh wow, okay. Well I'm guessing she wasn't/isn't looking for anything too serious at the time? And personally, I can't open up to anyone unless I am "serious" about them. But like, is that what you're looking for right now? Is that how you feel about this girl?

I want something serious, I've never known her to want anything serious with anyone, but I haven't been around her for a while so I dunno if she's actually "changed" (doubtful).

On the surface she acts like a goofy little ball of nothing that just wants to listen to fun music and have completely shallow relationships with everyone. Underneath she's all brooding and stryfe and thinking her life is a big tragedy, even though her life is fantastic and she has nothing bad in her past.

So she may be part of the problem but I personally have never had a long term relationship. There's a problem there, I'm avoiding something.

[Satan]

Oh I knew her for 4 years. There was plenty of time for both of us to open up, but she WANTED it to be shallow pedantry - drinking wine and jumping around to music in fields but never talking about anything seriously. She's doing that with another guy at this moment I'm sure. To be quite honest I can't wait another 4 years for someone else to maybe open up to me.

sounds like a fruit cake.

[Banana Pancakes]

sounds like a fruit cake.

Hey I like when they do that. It was the depression and excessive drinking and not loving me that was the problem.

[Warlord]

Emotionally, I'm this sport:

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[crazedrat]

you're incapable of intimacy because your life is lame and you have nothing to be intimate about.

[buckland]

you're incapable of intimacy because your life is lame and you have nothing to be intimate about.

What do you gain from writing this?