Experiences with Superego Relations

[redbaron]

It's really rough...really, really rough. Really.



I think the number one thing that sticks out for me is the major misunderstandings that hurt each other to the core.

Oh right. I think I remember you posting about a relationship you had with an IEI.

It makes a certain amount of sense (to me anyway) that the ethical one would be the more clingy. Was that true in your case, Jessica?

[redbaron]

And what do you think these misunderstandings ride on? Assumptions that the other one knows what's going on when they don't? Or assuming you value the same things when you don't. Or... what?

I'm not sure I've ever known an SLI irl except for my hair person (who's great but obviously we're not that close and there's a chance she could be LSI).

[1981slater]

Misunderstandings are created by , which is usually unwilling to accept changes, the opposite of , prone to accept and promote changes

[redbaron]

Misunderstandings are created by , which is usually unwilling to accept changes, the opposite of , prone to accept and promote changes

so you're talking about for you in a superego relation, right?

So for me it would be the clash of and ?

[Bardia]

Hmmm its hard to pinpoint but I think part of it is trying to work together we just do things differently and the other will say but this way makes more sense. So there is just sort of an akward moment and we just kind of pick one way and do it. I think the Fe valuing on her part can be a little draining because I try to give it to her and it takes energy for me to do that. It probably also drains her when I ask her all sorts of Te related things. I think overall we get along well though.

[redbaron]

Hmmm, okay, thanks everyone for your replies.

[jessica129]

And what do you think these misunderstandings ride on? Assumptions that the other one knows what's going on when they don't? Or assuming you value the same things when you don't. Or... what?

I'm not sure I've ever known an SLI irl except for my hair person (who's great but obviously we're not that close and there's a chance she could be LSI).

Yeah, he was extremely clingy. I mean, I couldn't even go out with friends without him claiming i was "abandoning" him...but that's an entirely different story right there. I think the misunderstandings were just do to our complete opposite way of processing information. He really took my high level of introversion as me being uninterested and bitchy when that wasn't the case at all. I'd imagine this relation would be much harder between two introverts. I could tell the type of woman he needed and it wasn't me. We had more in common than most people but our communication skills were just non existant. I'd say something and he'd complain i was too blunt or not caring enough. Matter of fact, all his complaining seemed to revolve around how "passive" he thought i was. It was basically walking on egg shells the entire time. When it was good, it was amazing but when it was bad...my god, it was bad.

[redbaron]

Yeah, he was extremely clingy. I mean, I couldn't even go out with friends without him claiming i was "abandoning" him...but that's an entirely different story right there. I think the misunderstandings were just do to our complete opposite way of processing information. He really took my high level of introversion as me being uninterested and bitchy when that wasn't the case at all. I'd imagine this relation would be much harder between two introverts. I could tell the type of woman he needed and it wasn't me. We had more in common than most people but our communication skills were just non existant. I'd say something and he'd complain i was too blunt or not caring enough. Matter of fact, all his complaining seemed to revolve around how "passive" he thought i was. It was basically walking on egg shells the entire time. When it was good, it was amazing but when it was bad...my god, it was bad.

yeah, I can see not wanting to be with someone who's as passive as I am (or, horrors, even more passive). this friend I have who is either SLI or SEI is very passive. It's funny cause I think he expects me to start every single conversation. So we both stand there, neither of us talking, both of us wanting to talk and then walking away from it thinking that the other one doesn't really even want to be friends anymore or whatever. It's truly ridiculous. Our friendship only works when I feel like I have the freedom to approach him and play the extravert. Unfortunately, that freedom is gone at the moment. But anyway, I can sort of see how a superego thing would work. I mean, and how it would be difficult.

[iAnnAu]

With my ex-husband and I ... he would follow his habits (notably, diving so deep into video and board games that he would hardly even feed himself) and I would go looking for adventure (usually out-of-doors and frequently at the suggestion of an eager cohort), and then sometime later we'd notice we'd had hardly anything to do with one another for weeks, and both feel hurt. I kinda imagine he was expecting me to be more ESTp-ish and force him to come out and do things, and I was expecting him to be more ENFp-ish and want to come along at a mere suggestion of the unexpected. Obviously there's more to it, but when things unraveled, it was obvious that we each felt abandoned by the other ... like our expectations went unforgivably unmet.

[redbaron]

With my ex-husband and I ... he would follow his habits (notably, diving so deep into video and board games that he would hardly even feed himself) and I would go looking for adventure (usually out-of-doors and frequently at the suggestion of an eager cohort), and then sometime later we'd notice we'd had hardly anything to do with one another for weeks, and both feel hurt. I kinda imagine he was expecting me to be more ESTp-ish and force him to come out and do things, and I was expecting him to be more ENFp-ish and want to come along at a mere suggestion of the unexpected. Obviously there's more to it, but when things unraveled, it was obvious that we each felt abandoned by the other ... like our expectations went unforgivably unmet.

oh wow. This is the best concrete description I've read yet! thanks.

[Mediator Kam]

Well, my mother and father are ESI and LII respectively. As Ann pointed out, my mother and father don't really spend quality time together, although they love each other. They get into fierce arguments about once a week about something or other, with my mother incessantly yelling and my father unable to cope with it. He feels mentally sick after these arguments, in which he loses his appetite and lays in his room for hours, fuming. They still love each other, but it is especially hard for my father because his ideal woman(imo) is someone who would take care of him and not give him a hard time with everything, which my mother does a lot of the time. He has told me on numerous occasions that when I eventually get married to make sure I don't have the type of problems he does.

[redbaron]

Well, my mother and father are ESI and LII respectively. As Ann pointed out, my mother and father don't really spend quality time together, although they love each other. They get into fierce arguments about once a week about something or other, with my mother incessantly yelling and my father unable to cope with it. He feels mentally sick after these arguments, in which he loses his appetite and lays in his room for hours, fuming. They still love each other, but it is especially hard for my father because his ideal woman(imo) is someone who would take care of him and not give him a hard time with everything, which my mother does a lot of the time. He has told me on numerous occasions that when I eventually get married to make sure I don't have the type of problems he does.

awwww. that makes me really sad.