Example of an INTp & INFj conversation (benefit relations)

[Joy]

Uneven syntax isn't a problem if both people like it that way. Uneven desires for the relationship are a problem though.

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

I try to keep a certain distance from guys I talk to online for this reason as well. I avoid phone/voice conversations and don't use a webcam in one on one conversations (even though I often do with female online friends).

[crazedrat]

uneven syntax indicates an uneven thought process. A one sided conversation is a trademark of benefactor/beneficiary relations, with the beneficiary doing all the stunts. Go learn about it.

[Joy]

Some people just naturally like to talk more and others like to listen more.

[redbaron]

Some people just naturally like to talk more and others like to listen more.

I agree. Doesn't necessarily mean it's an asymmetrical relation.

[crazedrat]

You're right. In assymetrical relations, though, it occurs that one person really can't find a way to give input into the relationship. And that isn't happening here. We see both giving equal input into the relationship, regardless of it being negative input.

[Joy]

What type is he Joy?

I couldn't say, based solely on that. If he's the guy from the video though, he's IP. He looks a little bit like my ILI brother, but not enough for me to say I think he's ILI.

[crazedrat]

So you're basing your responses on nothing as usual. Okay then

[Joy]

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

I try to see it as a good thing... a biological process that ensures the survival of the species. There are a number of guys that I get along with really well and enjoy talking to, and that's fine. I just avoid spending too much time with or giving too much attention to them. It tends to keep the level of tension far enough away from that breaking point.

[redbaron]

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

[Ritella]

The relationship sounds uneven. Is this the guy from the video?

No, he's not. The guy in the video was the computer lab tech guy who I petitioned for help. I was thinking he was ILI, as well. Good catch!

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him.

I doubt it's uneven in this way. He's actually really good looking and smart. I doubt he even finds me attractive.
He's definitely ILI. He does this depressing, eyes glistening lament about his future thing that I've only ever see Ni leading types do. I can't even really begin to explain this characteristic. It's just very obvious when you see it.
He openly expresses frustration at people who attempt to manipulate his emotions or needing to display some sort of group emotion.
Trust me. He's ILI. Everything fits.

that's what I thought also.

he doesn't sound necessarily ILI but I suppose it's possible. good grief, I would be HIGHLY annoyed with him. what, do I look like your social director? your babysitter? you can't find something to do? sheesh.

lol. my thoughts exactly! I think i may have even said to him "i'm not your babysitter!"
usually my relationships with ILIs are very good. I have one very good ILI friend who doesn't expect much from me but my spaciness and inconsistent meetings with him. But a few others, particularly this one, seem to NEED me to be their dual. I really feel like he wants me to take charge of everything and socially connect him, but that's so not me!

Oh so the evening ended with me paying for our movie tickets. He also did one of those token ILI things where he's pointing something out about your physical appearance and unintentionally insulting you. I also fell on my ass as we were running to catch the last train. <shrug>

Ummm. Go see "Slumdog Millionare." REALLY GOOD.

[Errant]

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

[redbaron]

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

[Errant]

well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

Eh. That's a fundamental problem with relationships, in my opinion. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why the need to spend EVERY SINGLE MOMENT together? I just can't understand it. I have friends who've been with their SO for years. For example, one tries to bring his girlfriend of about four years along to our parties, she doesn't have fun (geek parties are admittedly rather boring if you aren't into gaming, but STILL) and whines until they go home, an hour or two later at most. If he came by himself he'd have a ton of fun, but by bringing her along she doesn't have fun, he doesn't have fun, and we lose our friend.

[Satan]

Eh. That's a fundamental problem with relationships, in my opinion. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why the need to spend EVERY SINGLE MOMENT together? I just can't understand it. I have friends who've been with their SO for years. For example, one tries to bring his girlfriend of about four years along to our parties, she doesn't have fun (geek parties are admittedly rather boring if you aren't into gaming, but STILL) and whines until they go home, an hour or two later at most. If he came by himself he'd have a ton of fun, but by bringing her along she doesn't have fun, he doesn't have fun, and we lose our friend.

Tell him he's not allowed to bring her if she's not going to participate.

[Errant]

Wouldn't work. Poor dude has a bedtime, for god's sake Totally under the thumb.

[Kim]

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

[redbaron]

My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

I had a problem with an INTp years ago.

So right now my main concern right now is keeping an SLE at a far enough distance where we can be friends but where nothing weird develops (like it did with the SEI). Cause he's really cool and I've never known an SLE before. he's married to an IEI and I'm friends with her too. And he knows my husband and they're friends too.