Example of an INTp & INFj conversation (benefit relations)

[crazedrat]

that sounds more like a convo with an INTj. Maybe an ENTp. He seems like an infantile sexual type, wanting you to take care of him. The conversation is wanting Ni to be written out. ILI Ni is dynamic, and usually that means going with the flow of things and constantly directing them toward a goal / adapting your plans in light of circumstances. But not officially laying out a plan and sticking to it. If I go on a date and they ask me where should we go, ILI will generally say 'i duno, anywhere as long as it's convenient'. Unless there is a goal which can't be redirected and must be achieved regardless of any other circumstances. So maybe if he's really obsessed with you. But even then the victim sexual style will wait for you to make the moves / suggestions, then prefer to adapt to that. Either way it's generally a waste of time to date someone who isn't your dual unless you're just horny
I could be wrong. Do you know for a fact he is ILI? What makes you think this?

[Joy]

The relationship sounds uneven. Is this the guy from the video?

[crazedrat]

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him. In terms of syntax, it isn't uneven. They both talk in equal turns, and seem to be equally frustrated with one another.
Wondering now if he's ISTj. This seems more like superego relations, and Ni hidden agenda would work well to describe this too.
A description of him would be useful in understanding this.
In benefactor/beneficiary relations usually the beneficiary really wants to please the benefactor, and doesn't know how. The benefactor will seem to be in the more stable position. You can go read about this. In my interactions with EIIs, it's like they turn on this circus entertainment mode and I just sit there going 'yeah.... ahh'. I will remain silent while they talk and talk, and demonstrate their ideas to me on how the world works. Talking about everyday happenings which are going on around us and how that shows what a person really thinks; or talking about the implication these happenings have for the world as a whole. They have all kinds of unique ideas which have to do with everyday reality. And I just sit there and kind of silently monitor whether they make sense, and when they go off track or I disagree, I say ...'no, blah blah blah'... kind of like what I'm doing right now. That is benefactor relations. I remember one time I told this EII he should of been a court jester in olden times, and he got kinda pissed

[Joy]

Uneven syntax isn't a problem if both people like it that way. Uneven desires for the relationship are a problem though.

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

I try to keep a certain distance from guys I talk to online for this reason as well. I avoid phone/voice conversations and don't use a webcam in one on one conversations (even though I often do with female online friends).

[crazedrat]

uneven syntax indicates an uneven thought process. A one sided conversation is a trademark of benefactor/beneficiary relations, with the beneficiary doing all the stunts. Go learn about it.

[Joy]

Some people just naturally like to talk more and others like to listen more.

[redbaron]

Some people just naturally like to talk more and others like to listen more.

I agree. Doesn't necessarily mean it's an asymmetrical relation.

[redbaron]

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

[Ritella]

The relationship sounds uneven. Is this the guy from the video?

No, he's not. The guy in the video was the computer lab tech guy who I petitioned for help. I was thinking he was ILI, as well. Good catch!

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him.

I doubt it's uneven in this way. He's actually really good looking and smart. I doubt he even finds me attractive.
He's definitely ILI. He does this depressing, eyes glistening lament about his future thing that I've only ever see Ni leading types do. I can't even really begin to explain this characteristic. It's just very obvious when you see it.
He openly expresses frustration at people who attempt to manipulate his emotions or needing to display some sort of group emotion.
Trust me. He's ILI. Everything fits.

that's what I thought also.

he doesn't sound necessarily ILI but I suppose it's possible. good grief, I would be HIGHLY annoyed with him. what, do I look like your social director? your babysitter? you can't find something to do? sheesh.

lol. my thoughts exactly! I think i may have even said to him "i'm not your babysitter!"
usually my relationships with ILIs are very good. I have one very good ILI friend who doesn't expect much from me but my spaciness and inconsistent meetings with him. But a few others, particularly this one, seem to NEED me to be their dual. I really feel like he wants me to take charge of everything and socially connect him, but that's so not me!

Oh so the evening ended with me paying for our movie tickets. He also did one of those token ILI things where he's pointing something out about your physical appearance and unintentionally insulting you. I also fell on my ass as we were running to catch the last train. <shrug>

Ummm. Go see "Slumdog Millionare." REALLY GOOD.

[Errant]

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

[redbaron]

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

[Kim]

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

[redbaron]

My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

I had a problem with an INTp years ago.

So right now my main concern right now is keeping an SLE at a far enough distance where we can be friends but where nothing weird develops (like it did with the SEI). Cause he's really cool and I've never known an SLE before. he's married to an IEI and I'm friends with her too. And he knows my husband and they're friends too.

[redbaron]

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him.

that's what I thought also.

he doesn't sound necessarily ILI but I suppose it's possible. good grief, I would be HIGHLY annoyed with him. what, do I look like your social director? your babysitter? you can't find something to do? sheesh.

[Joy]

I'd like to say I wouldn't tolerate that kind of clinginess, but honestly it would depend on the situation.