Example of an INTp & INFj conversation (benefit relations)

[Ritella]

I just had a convo with an ILI. I think it illustrates obvious Ni leading and Se DS on his part, and my blatant aversion to both.

Friday night the ILI calls me and wants to hang out. I say I don't feel like going out. He says, "you never feel like going out." I'm like "whatever. If it makes you happy, want to see a movie tomorrow?"

Saturday morning he calls at 9 AM! "Hi. I'm making plans for our movie day." We decide on a movie (8 PM). He has to figure out what we're doing beforehand- getting coffee. Then he spends approximately 15 mins. freely brain farting on how he has to occupy himself during the time before the movie, while I sit there "okaying" him and wondering why I need to listen to this?

He calls me about every 2 hours throughout the day to make sure I'm still on for the movie.

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

[crazedrat]

that sounds more like a convo with an INTj. Maybe an ENTp. He seems like an infantile sexual type, wanting you to take care of him. The conversation is wanting Ni to be written out. ILI Ni is dynamic, and usually that means going with the flow of things and constantly directing them toward a goal / adapting your plans in light of circumstances. But not officially laying out a plan and sticking to it. If I go on a date and they ask me where should we go, ILI will generally say 'i duno, anywhere as long as it's convenient'. Unless there is a goal which can't be redirected and must be achieved regardless of any other circumstances. So maybe if he's really obsessed with you. But even then the victim sexual style will wait for you to make the moves / suggestions, then prefer to adapt to that. Either way it's generally a waste of time to date someone who isn't your dual unless you're just horny
I could be wrong. Do you know for a fact he is ILI? What makes you think this?

[Joy]

The relationship sounds uneven. Is this the guy from the video?

[crazedrat]

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him. In terms of syntax, it isn't uneven. They both talk in equal turns, and seem to be equally frustrated with one another.
Wondering now if he's ISTj. This seems more like superego relations, and Ni hidden agenda would work well to describe this too.
A description of him would be useful in understanding this.
In benefactor/beneficiary relations usually the beneficiary really wants to please the benefactor, and doesn't know how. The benefactor will seem to be in the more stable position. You can go read about this. In my interactions with EIIs, it's like they turn on this circus entertainment mode and I just sit there going 'yeah.... ahh'. I will remain silent while they talk and talk, and demonstrate their ideas to me on how the world works. Talking about everyday happenings which are going on around us and how that shows what a person really thinks; or talking about the implication these happenings have for the world as a whole. They have all kinds of unique ideas which have to do with everyday reality. And I just sit there and kind of silently monitor whether they make sense, and when they go off track or I disagree, I say ...'no, blah blah blah'... kind of like what I'm doing right now. That is benefactor relations. I remember one time I told this EII he should of been a court jester in olden times, and he got kinda pissed

[Joy]

Uneven syntax isn't a problem if both people like it that way. Uneven desires for the relationship are a problem though.

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

I try to keep a certain distance from guys I talk to online for this reason as well. I avoid phone/voice conversations and don't use a webcam in one on one conversations (even though I often do with female online friends).

[crazedrat]

uneven syntax indicates an uneven thought process. A one sided conversation is a trademark of benefactor/beneficiary relations, with the beneficiary doing all the stunts. Go learn about it.

[redbaron]

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

[Kim]

I dunno, I used to be friends with guys, but I've found that it doesn't work. There's always a breaking point, and then one way or another it doesn't end well.

My two closest friends here in town are male and it's not a problem. I hang out with them all the time and we are nothing but friends and it's not awkward. They are INTp and ENTj, FWIW.

[redbaron]

The conversation is only uneven in that he's an average frustrated chump and she's not interested in him.

that's what I thought also.

he doesn't sound necessarily ILI but I suppose it's possible. good grief, I would be HIGHLY annoyed with him. what, do I look like your social director? your babysitter? you can't find something to do? sheesh.

[Joy]

I'd like to say I wouldn't tolerate that kind of clinginess, but honestly it would depend on the situation.

[munenori2]

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

This kind of phone exchange would surely drive me iNsAnE.

[Grek0]

I just had a convo with an ILI. I think it illustrates obvious Ni leading and Se DS on his part, and my blatant aversion to both.

Friday night the ILI calls me and wants to hang out. I say I don't feel like going out. He says, "you never feel like going out." I'm like "whatever. If it makes you happy, want to see a movie tomorrow?"

Saturday morning he calls at 9 AM! "Hi. I'm making plans for our movie day." We decide on a movie (8 PM). He has to figure out what we're doing beforehand- getting coffee. Then he spends approximately 15 mins. freely brain farting on how he has to occupy himself during the time before the movie, while I sit there "okaying" him and wondering why I need to listen to this?

He calls me about every 2 hours throughout the day to make sure I'm still on for the movie.

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

Doesnt sound like INTp at all. Just the thought of having such a silly discussion over so long would be enough to kill an INTp

[Creepy-]

Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd post this here in this aptly-named one:

Last night my INTp friend came over and we hung out... after he'd left I called him to ask a question. My neighbors are moving and they must have dropped something heavy, because there was a loud noise that he could hear over the phone.
ILI - What was that?
Me - Burglar.
ILI - Oh, okay. Need any help?
Me - If I did would you come fight them off?
ILI - Nah, probably not. I've got a lot to do over here.
Me - You'd feel pretty bad if you didn't help me when I asked, and then I got raped.
ILI - No, I think you'd feel pretty bad if you got raped. I would feel fine.
Both - [Chuckling]

I love ILI's.

[redbaron]

Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd post this here in this aptly-named one:

Last night my INTp friend came over and we hung out... after he'd left I called him to ask a question. My neighbors are moving and they must have dropped something heavy, because there was a loud noise that he could hear over the phone.
ILI - What was that?
Me - Burglar.
ILI - Oh, okay. Need any help?
Me - If I did would you come fight them off?
ILI - Nah, probably not. I've got a lot to do over here.
Me - You'd feel pretty bad if you didn't help me when I asked, and then I got raped.
ILI - No, I think you'd feel pretty bad if you got raped. I would feel fine.
Both - [Chuckling]

I love ILI's.

nice. that's funny.

[redbaron]

This has been a big problem for me throughout my life. This is why a lot of my Male friends tend to be gay. I can feel comfortable with them without having to worrying about anything.

gay male friends are the best! I don't really have any at the moment tho.

[Ritella]

gay male friends are the best! I don't really have any at the moment tho.

all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.