Example of an INTp & INFj conversation (benefit relations)

[JRiddy]

Everyone, everyone, look! Contrasting mother-daughter! Someone should do a study, lol.

Um, okay, I'll do a study. Oh wait! I can't use this sample because the familial relationship will create uncontrolled variables in the results. OH NOES! All that grant money will now go to waste.

[Satan]

Why must you hurt me so?

it's the only thing that's real

[JRiddy]

Why must you hurt me so?

Because it amuses him.

[Errant]

you said a mouthful there. *sigh* I think I may agree with you. but it's really sad that it has to be that way. makes me depressed cause I just feel like we're all people with a lot to offer, why can't we be friends? Plus I value the male point of view. it's just... they're so... susceptible to... feminine whatevers.

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

[Ritella]

*cackles*

Oh my goodness. This is exactly the kind of experience I've had with ILIs. I read this conversation and was blown away at how accurate a description it is of how I tend to interact with ILIs as well. My mom is the worst, prompt to the point of perpetual earliness. If something goes off of her proposed schedule or order of things it's a way bigger deal to her than it is to most. Not necessarily because she can't adapt, rather it's no longer what she had projected and therefore somehow "wrong". My ESTp step-dad is great for her in that sense, because he not only adapts well but sets out exactly how ridiculous she's being by fussing over something so inane.

Thank God someone thinks this an ILI thing and not a him-liking-me thing. And, yes, it's exactly as you said: It's not that they're not easy going, it's just that they get strongly tied to this "perfect plan." As I said, though, a lot of ILIs I know do this planning thing, but aren't as demanding on the other person.

[Jarno]

Thank God someone thinks this an ILI thing and not a him-liking-me thing.

yeah, it's funny to see everyone focussing on what type he is, instead of answering your question, even funnier is that everyone knows immediately which type he is or is not, when having read 4 sentences. While you know this guy from let's say 1000 sentences. So everybody thinks they are about 250 times as smart as you. Which is pretty naieve and arrogant.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

yeah, it's funny to see everyone focussing on what type he is, instead of answering your question, even funnier is that everyone knows immediately which type he is or is not, when having read 4 sentences. While you know this guy from let's say 1000 sentences. So everybody thinks they are about 250 times as smart as you. Which is pretty naieve and arrogant.

hahaha. There's a correlation between ignorance and arrogance.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[crazedrat]

I feel a need to protect the ILI ego, but now that i look back on it, this seems like a petty thing to do .. and looking back he does seem ILI, and it's irrelevant if some dumbass hates on the type ILI. It really is

[redbaron]

It rather depends on the guy, and how you act towards him. We're easy creatures to confuse, particularly when a girl starts making flirty jokes towards us despite previously claiming that it was just a friend thing. Your average guy will assume that the situation has unintentionally changed; this may lead him to flirt back in turn. This tends to confuse the girl in turn, and the wierdness continues from there.

At least, that's how it happens with me. I tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to people displaying romantic interest in me, so I've taken to assuming there's nothing there unless she specifically says something. *shrug*

In my experience, you're better off just talking to the guy when you feel something going a bit wierd. Don't just let it happen and ruin your friendship. Conversation is the mortar and spackle of friendship boundaries.

well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

[Ritella]

I feel a need to protect the ILI ego, but now that i look back on it, this seems like a petty thing to do .. and looking back he does seem ILI, and it's irrelevant if some dumbass hates on the type ILI. It really is

LOL. But I don't hate on ILIs; I don't dislike him for being like this. It's just....frustrating and makes me feel shitty.

[redbaron]

LOL. But I don't hate on ILIs; I don't dislike him for being like this. It's just....frustrating and makes me feel shitty.

I really like my ILI friend. Very much. Not sure I'd want him all the time at a very close distance, but he's great.

[Errant]

well it's different when both parties are married. I don't think there's been any misinterpretation in the case I'm thinking of. No status or intentions have been changed. it's just underlying feelings.

I generally think talking about it can be a good thing, as you said. but sometimes, there can be too much honesty.

Eh. That's a fundamental problem with relationships, in my opinion. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why the need to spend EVERY SINGLE MOMENT together? I just can't understand it. I have friends who've been with their SO for years. For example, one tries to bring his girlfriend of about four years along to our parties, she doesn't have fun (geek parties are admittedly rather boring if you aren't into gaming, but STILL) and whines until they go home, an hour or two later at most. If he came by himself he'd have a ton of fun, but by bringing her along she doesn't have fun, he doesn't have fun, and we lose our friend.

[Satan]

Eh. That's a fundamental problem with relationships, in my opinion. Just because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why the need to spend EVERY SINGLE MOMENT together? I just can't understand it. I have friends who've been with their SO for years. For example, one tries to bring his girlfriend of about four years along to our parties, she doesn't have fun (geek parties are admittedly rather boring if you aren't into gaming, but STILL) and whines until they go home, an hour or two later at most. If he came by himself he'd have a ton of fun, but by bringing her along she doesn't have fun, he doesn't have fun, and we lose our friend.

Tell him he's not allowed to bring her if she's not going to participate.

[Errant]

Wouldn't work. Poor dude has a bedtime, for god's sake Totally under the thumb.

[redbaron]

Wouldn't work. Poor dude has a bedtime, for god's sake Totally under the thumb.

whoa, that's like intense control. No way. We have a lot more independence than that in this marriage. We're certainly allowed to have our own friends.

[Grek0]

I just had a convo with an ILI. I think it illustrates obvious Ni leading and Se DS on his part, and my blatant aversion to both.

Friday night the ILI calls me and wants to hang out. I say I don't feel like going out. He says, "you never feel like going out." I'm like "whatever. If it makes you happy, want to see a movie tomorrow?"

Saturday morning he calls at 9 AM! "Hi. I'm making plans for our movie day." We decide on a movie (8 PM). He has to figure out what we're doing beforehand- getting coffee. Then he spends approximately 15 mins. freely brain farting on how he has to occupy himself during the time before the movie, while I sit there "okaying" him and wondering why I need to listen to this?

He calls me about every 2 hours throughout the day to make sure I'm still on for the movie.

5 PM. He calls. I say "You're going to hate me, but I haven't slept in 2 nights. I am sooo tired. Can't we go see a movie tomorrow?"
ILI: But I have "plans" for tomorrow.
Me: Okay okay. see you at 7.

6 PM. He calls again! I had just spoken to my friend who recommended that we see another movie, which he loved and which the ILI had actually wanted to see initially.
Me: hey why don't we go see this movie instead? it's better and it's closer to both of us
ILI: what time is it playing?
Me: 10:30
ILI: <starts making pained noises>
Me: What? Oh god. You think I'm flaking on you! No. I am totally not. I actually prefer to see this movie.
ILI: I just don't think you're going to show up for A movie
<we talk for 15 minutes and I finally convince him this is not a "stalling" mechanism>
Me: Okay, so see you at 10. <gets ready to hang up phone>
ILI: whoa whoa. hang on. what are we going to do before the movie?
Me: huh?
ILI: the last time we were getting coffee. I don't just want to go to a movie with someone.
Me: oh I guess everything in that area will be closed by then
ILI: well, see, that's a problem..
<we sort of resolve this one. THEN...>
ILI: wait. what am i supposed to do to occupy myself during the next few hours?
Me: huh?
ILI: well I was planning to be in a movie now, so I didn't plan anything for these next few hours..
Me: What? Why do you need a plan for everything? Can't you just like do something?
ILI: <pauses in SHOCK> That's not the problem. The problem is that you never want to make plans.
Me: <laughs at how he considers this to be such an obvious "flaw." Like, how could I NOT value that in him?>
<30 minutes later I worked out a plan that would make him see me for 2 hours BEFORE the movie. LUCKY ME. He seems happy.>
Me: Okay now. Can I go? Please?
ILI: Sure. <hangs up phone>

Doesnt sound like INTp at all. Just the thought of having such a silly discussion over so long would be enough to kill an INTp

[Creepy-]

Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd post this here in this aptly-named one:

Last night my INTp friend came over and we hung out... after he'd left I called him to ask a question. My neighbors are moving and they must have dropped something heavy, because there was a loud noise that he could hear over the phone.
ILI - What was that?
Me - Burglar.
ILI - Oh, okay. Need any help?
Me - If I did would you come fight them off?
ILI - Nah, probably not. I've got a lot to do over here.
Me - You'd feel pretty bad if you didn't help me when I asked, and then I got raped.
ILI - No, I think you'd feel pretty bad if you got raped. I would feel fine.
Both - [Chuckling]

I love ILI's.

[redbaron]

Rather than start a new thread, I thought I'd post this here in this aptly-named one:

Last night my INTp friend came over and we hung out... after he'd left I called him to ask a question. My neighbors are moving and they must have dropped something heavy, because there was a loud noise that he could hear over the phone.
ILI - What was that?
Me - Burglar.
ILI - Oh, okay. Need any help?
Me - If I did would you come fight them off?
ILI - Nah, probably not. I've got a lot to do over here.
Me - You'd feel pretty bad if you didn't help me when I asked, and then I got raped.
ILI - No, I think you'd feel pretty bad if you got raped. I would feel fine.
Both - [Chuckling]

I love ILI's.

nice. that's funny.

[redbaron]

This has been a big problem for me throughout my life. This is why a lot of my Male friends tend to be gay. I can feel comfortable with them without having to worrying about anything.

gay male friends are the best! I don't really have any at the moment tho.

[Ritella]

gay male friends are the best! I don't really have any at the moment tho.

all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.

[Satan]

all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.

my condolences

[07490]

my condolences

LOL merky.

[crazedrat]

all of my friends are gay males.
i'm not quite sure how this happens. i'm not exactly fag-haggish, "yay! gay guys!"
normally i befriend the guy, and THEN i find out that he is gay. I have really terrible gaydar, so it's not a conscious thing. I think, though, that on a subconscious level I'm "friend" attracted to the guy because I know I can be. I really think it's almost impossible to be friends with straight guys.
And females are a sort of different story all together.

EDIT: except for all the male ILI friends I have. they are straight. so, gay males and straight, male ILIs are my only friends.

maybe you're a lesbian on an unconscious level