Why are some people attracted, or indifferent to, fat people?

[Steve]

I don't think it's superficial, which is why I agreed so much with Diana. We have a natural sense of these things; sure there's more that appears in time, but immediate impressions communicate a lot.

True

That's interesting, although I don't really know to what degree intrinsic beauty can be altered, aside from cosmetic surgery, which doesn't even alter it that much anyway. I really think attractiveness is pretty concrete and self-explanatory.

Right I don't know. I was speaking more about something with extrinsic beauty, although with the eyesight example, it seemed like people's outlook on life changed when they relaxed and "let go" of their strain, resulting in the normal vision - I know mine did. I'm not at completely perfect yet, but maybe 85% toward normal from where I started - reading license plates on distant cars when in my late teen years I never would've dreamed of being able to do that again. Imagine living with resistance vs letting things go. Actually I first decided to take the risk a few years ago because I didn't want to have to "depend on anything" to function "normally", and I loved how I looked without my glasses. I never wore contacts because they always felt uncomfortable and I could never just take them off like I could glasses. So, despite all the doctors and family pressure advising me against doing this natural vision thing, I did it anyway because as I read about it, I just knew it to be true, and it's worked. Maybe improving an ailment is integrated with changing one's outlook on life, and not necessarily a cause or effect of one or the other. But I can't help but believe this principle applies to other undiscovered areas too.

If I see potential for them to improve their looks, I might keep in contact (peripherally) to see if they do so, then probably give them more attention, lol. If I find a girl physically attractive and see an area I can help her in, I would probably do it, assuming I sensed the depth and intelligence in her to put forth the collaborative effort. But most of the time I don't bend standards; it's not my problem to take care of someone else's baggage.

Yeah the initial spark has to be there to begin with - the equivalent for me being if I really like someone but they're dependent on something like glasses or contacts (with the mentality and approach on life that accompanies it) - I'll probably help them to do away with them just like I did, for not only looks, but general mental well being.

Like, there's this girl who lives across the street from me, who could be decent looking (7-7.5) if she lost some weight and stopped smoking, but I know she won't. So while I can appreciate her personality, I really have no intention on hanging out with her, because what is there to gain? I can have good discussions with family, people on aim, the phone, whatever; I don't need to deign to entertain a girl who is not in my league just because it's fun to interact with an interesting personality or whatever. If she was hot and had the same personality, I would have been much more forward. Even if she was hot with an average personality, I'd still hang out with her here and there, because at least then you can hook up, instead of waste time on some pointless discussion.

Definitely. Everyone has an interesting personality to an extent, but I have non-smoker friends, potentially other girls I can seek out, etc.

[strrrng]

Right I don't know. I was speaking more about something with extrinsic beauty, although with the eyesight example, it seemed like people's outlook on life changed when they relaxed and "let go" of their strain, resulting in the normal vision - I know mine did. I'm not at completely perfect yet, but maybe 85% toward normal from where I started - reading license plates on distant cars when in my late teen years I never would've dreamed of being able to do that again. Imagine living with resistance vs letting things go. Actually I first decided to take the risk a few years ago because I didn't want to have to "depend on anything" to function "normally", and I loved how I looked without my glasses. I never wore contacts because they always felt uncomfortable and I could never just take them off like I could glasses. So, despite all the doctors and family pressure advising me against doing this natural vision thing, I did it anyway because as I read about it, I just knew it to be true, and it's worked. Maybe improving an ailment is integrated with changing one's outlook on life, and not necessarily a cause or effect of one or the other. But I can't help but believe this principle applies to other undiscovered areas too.

That's cool. It's always fulfilling to follow your own convictions firmly when you know they're right, and watch as others try to suppress you out of fear, only to surmount their petty attempts and achieve what you had in mind from the beginning.

Definitely. Everyone has an interesting personality to an extent, but I have non-smoker friends, potentially other girls I can seek out, etc.

Or just hot ones LOL I'm not about to let some 6.5 in my room...pfft

[jessica129]

Diana knows what's up. I agree with you on all points, Diana.

There are ill people in every country. Yet all the REALLY fat people walk the streets of USA. I have been walking around a bit more in USA by now and I am a witness to this. Estonian "fat" is also fat in USA, but the real USA fat is something that Estonians NEVER see in Estonia.

lol, I told you to give it some time and you'd witness this fatness. I was right!

[Kristiina]

So to write someone off as a "lost case" when you sense hidden potential is something hard for me to do. Like say if someone has big anxiety issues but I really think they're good looking and really like who they are without the anxiety, I don't think I'll write them off.

If I see potential for them to improve their looks, I might keep in contact (peripherally) to see if they do so, then probably give them more attention, lol. If I find a girl physically attractive and see an area I can help her in, I would probably do it, assuming I sensed the depth and intelligence in her to put forth the collaborative effort. But most of the time I don't bend standards; it's not my problem to take care of someone else's baggage. Like, there's this girl who lives across the street from me, who could be decent looking (7-7.5) if she lost some weight and stopped smoking, but I know she won't. So while I can appreciate her personality, I really have no intention on hanging out with her, because what is there to gain?

It's not good to start anything that depends on potential of the person. It's like dating someone assuming that they will change. Usually they won't. It happened once with me - I saw someone for the potential to be really witty and thought that if we got closer then it would be very easy for me to get them to open up and to get them to stop acting so dismissive. Well, I was wrong. The "real" him was even more dismissive and I had to end it right after it started getting anywhere. So I ended up giving false hope for no reason.

Same with looks - often people start losing weight when they get more attention from someone, but it might not happen. So why give false hope when you really don't like them for who they are now. lol, I just remembered that I lost weight when I was with my first serious boyfriend. Years later I found out he actually really liked the soft figure more than slim girls.

[Kristiina]

Diana knows what's up. I agree with you on all points, Diana.


lol, I told you to give it some time and you'd witness this fatness. I was right!

haha, you WERE! Many people here are so fat that they need extra wheels to move around!

[strrrng]

It's not good to start anything that depends on potential of the person. It's like dating someone assuming that they will change. Usually they won't. It happened once with me - I saw someone for the potential to be really witty and thought that if we got closer then it would be very easy for me to get them to open up and to get them to stop acting so dismissive. Well, I was wrong. The "real" him was even more dismissive and I had to end it right after it started getting anywhere. So I ended up giving false hope for no reason.

Oh, I agree. I was speaking in regards to a situation where I would meet a girl whom I was attracted to, appreciated her personality, and saw some area that she may be struggling with, which I could help her improve on. It wouldn't start with anything potential, and even the aspect of improvement would take a very tangible, direct form for me.

Same with looks - often people start losing weight when they get more attention from someone, but it might not happen. So why give false hope when you really don't like them for who they are now. lol, I just remembered that I lost weight when I was with my first serious boyfriend. Years later I found out he actually really liked the soft figure more than slim girls.

Yeah, I'm definitely not gonna wait around for some girl to lose weight. If you get in the gym, awesome. Otherwise, leave me alone, lol.

[Steve]

That's cool. It's always fulfilling to follow your own convictions firmly when you know they're right, and watch as others try to suppress you out of fear, only to surmount their petty attempts and achieve what you had in mind from the beginning.

It's fucking awesome! There's nothing more invigorating and enlivening

Or just hot ones LOL I'm not about to let some 6.5 in my room...pfft

So is it fair to say there exists a 700 club? Or 800 club?

[Steve]

It's not good to start anything that depends on potential of the person. It's like dating someone assuming that they will change. Usually they won't. It happened once with me - I saw someone for the potential to be really witty and thought that if we got closer then it would be very easy for me to get them to open up and to get them to stop acting so dismissive. Well, I was wrong. The "real" him was even more dismissive and I had to end it right after it started getting anywhere. So I ended up giving false hope for no reason.

Same with looks - often people start losing weight when they get more attention from someone, but it might not happen. So why give false hope when you really don't like them for who they are now. lol, I just remembered that I lost weight when I was with my first serious boyfriend. Years later I found out he actually really liked the soft figure more than slim girls.

True. You have to just accept people as they are, otherwise you're being attracted to some possible future instead of what's right in front of you. And yeah, expecting people to change - good luck with that one lol.

[Creepy-]

Ugh...

My aunts I go out to eat w every week [the ones I wrote about in the "A Little Story" thread] are both morbidly obese, and I can assure you it is through no one's fault but their own.

I try to help them - I really do. I have explained things, given them books, even helped them buy a fitness bike... all to no avail. Sometimes I think they play dumb to avoid admitting they have problems w overeating. Paraphrase of an actual conversation after a doctor's appointment where she was told to lose weight or she'll have to have knee surgery:
Aunt Esfj - "I don't know what's wrong... I just have a really slow metabolism."
Me - "Why do you say that?"
Aunt Esfj - "I eat healthy foods, but I just can't lose weight."
Me - "What about what you just ate?"
Aunt Esfj - "I had a salad, a sandwich and vegetables."
Me - "You had a salad w extra dressing, a bison burger, and onion rings."
Aunt Esfj - "Exactly."
Me - "Exactly." *sigh*

[jessica129]

Ugh...

My aunts I go out to eat w every week [the ones I wrote about in the "A Little Story" thread] are both morbidly obese, and I can assure you it is through no one's fault but their own.

I try to help them - I really do. I have explained things, given them books, even helped them buy a fitness bike... all to no avail. Sometimes I think they play dumb to avoid admitting they have problems w overeating. Paraphrase of an actual conversation after a doctor's appointment where she was told to lose weight or she'll have to have knee surgery:
Aunt Esfj - "I don't know what's wrong... I just have a really slow metabolism."
Me - "Why do you say that?"
Aunt Esfj - "I eat healthy foods, but I just can't lose weight."
Me - "What about what you just ate?"
Aunt Esfj - "I had a salad, a sandwich and vegetables."
Me - "You had a salad w extra dressing, a bison burger, and onion rings."
Aunt Esfj - "Exactly."
Me - "Exactly." *sigh*

lol. Yeah. I like the people who get the 5lb chef salad with a gallon of dressing and claim they can't lose weight after eating so healthy.

[Creepy-]

lol. Yeah. I like the people who get the 5lb chef salad with a gallon of dressing and claim they can't lose weight after eating so healthy.

Right.

Losing weight is not that hard... it can be time-consuming, unpleasant, and physically demanding [especially w hardcore workouts], but it's a law of nature that if a person consumes fewer calories than he burns, he will lose weight.

Obviously certain medical conditions can interfere w this process, whether because of hormonal or metabolic disorders or something else. Ironically, many such conditions are brought on by being overweight in the first place and will go away as the person gets closer to a healthy weight.

[strrrng]

It's fucking awesome! There's nothing more invigorating and enlivening



So is it fair to say there exists a 700 club? Or 800 club?

Yeah, it's called 1-10, and she is a 6.5 at best. 9 != 90th % though, they're just more efficient approximations. I believe my scale is full-proof.

True. You have to just accept people as they are, otherwise you're being attracted to some possible future instead of what's right in front of you. And yeah, expecting people to change - good luck with that one lol.

I agree

Today I was talking with some people about tropical smoothie cafe. I said something along the lines of "I can't understand why anyone would order both a meal and a smoothie because that's way too much food; I can't even finish the whole smoothie half the time." the really fat girl gives me a nasty look, rolls her eyes and says "I always get the meal and the smoothie."

LOL as if she expected you to suddenly stand corrected—how dare you offend her fatness. I would have just smiled and been like "and?"

[jessica129]

Today I was talking with some people about tropical smoothie cafe. I said something along the lines of "I can't understand why anyone would order both a meal and a smoothie because that's way too much food; I can't even finish the whole smoothie half the time." the really fat girl gives me a nasty look, rolls her eyes and says "I always get the meal and the smoothie."

lol. Hence the reason she's fat. Smoothies are ridiculously filling. I could have one and be full the rest of the day. In general I think people just eat too much without being conscious of it.

[consentingadult]

lol. Hence the reason she's fat. Smoothies are ridiculously filling. I could have one and be full the rest of the day. In general I think people just eat too much without being conscious of it.

Habits from the days when we weren't sure if there would be anything on the table tomorrow. Now we have abundance and there's hardly anything we have to do for it.

[Lotus]

lol. Hence the reason she's fat. Smoothies are ridiculously filling. I could have one and be full the rest of the day. In general I think people just eat too much without being conscious of it.

Yeah, I don't think people realize how much fruit is blended just to make that smoothie. It should be filling enough for a meal. People just associate it with "drink" and think they're supposed to eat something with it. Then you get fat.

[strrrng]

lol. Hence the reason she's fat. Smoothies are ridiculously filling. I could have one and be full the rest of the day. In general I think people just eat too much without being conscious of it.

People indulge in everything without being conscious of it. It's disgusting.

[Steve]

Yeah, it's called 1-10, and she is a 6.5 at best. 9 != 90th % though, they're just more efficient approximations. I believe my scale is full-proof.

Beta absolutist manifestos ftw!

[Lotus]

"Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered." — Albert Camus

+2

[Creepy-Cyclops]

For the fattest nation in the world, it's amazing how many prejudices you all have (from viewing this forum) against it. I guess that's America.. full of contradictions.

[Creepy-]

For the fattest nation in the world, it's amazing how many prejudices you all have (from viewing this forum) against it. I guess that's America.. full of contradictions.

You gotta love the irony.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

You gotta love the irony.

Haha yeah. I quoted you by mistake, hitting the quote button not the post button, but yeah, lol.

[Lotus]

We love bashing Americans when we're foreign and fat.

[Lotus]

God, I'm bored.

[strrrng]

Beta absolutist manifestos ftw!

Yeah ...but my scale actually is objective

+2

Camus is the shit. Se-ISFj I think. Americans are a bunch of fat pigs who like abstract art.

For the fattest nation in the world, it's amazing how many prejudices you all have (from viewing this forum) against it. I guess that's America.. full of contradictions.

Is the nation somehow embedded in all of us? A portion of each fatty's soul manifesting in each of our minds? I don't think so. I exercise, eat right, etc. so it's not like I'm being a hypocrite by criticizing shaniqua for sitting on the couch all day, eating buckets of KFC (sorry for the racism lol).

And yeah, why are you so sensitive to this stuff? I remember you getting all defensive and righteous in the last thread. Are you obese or something?

[Ritella]

lol. Yeah. I like the people who get the 5lb chef salad with a gallon of dressing and claim they can't lose weight after eating so healthy.

yes, exactly!

equally annoying, though, are those people who use "eating healthy" as their excuse for being anorexic or weight obsessed. if you're trying to lose weight or stay thin, can't you just say THAT. why is that less PC? no one really believes that super skinny people don't at least do something to make themselves that way.

[Lotus]

no one really believes that super skinny people don't at least do something to make themselves that way.

Um...


Heh. Some people really are naturally skinny.

[strrrng]

yes, exactly!

equally annoying, though, are those people who use "eating healthy" as their excuse for being anorexic or weight obsessed. if you're trying to lose weight or stay thin, can't you just say THAT. why is that less PC? no one really believes that super skinny people don't at least do something to make themselves that way.

The common ideas of health are fucked to begin with. I don't consider myself healthy in the least. But I'm in very good shape. And most of these fitness gurus are nothing more than pretty boys who took a few protein shakes and read an exercise book. The eckhart tolle's of exercise.

[Ritella]

Um...


Heh. Some people really are naturally skinny.

yes, i am naturally skinny actually. i normally weigh around 125/130 lbs and I'm 5'10." My point is that, when people accuse me of being too skinny I go "I like the way I look like this. sorry if you don't." I don't go "i don't get it!! I eat 5000 calories a day of burgers and twix bars and i can't seem to gain an ounce. boo hoo."
Also, if I've gained weight and am trying to lose weight, I will say that, rather than "i'm just trying to eat healthier..." Because I'm not; I'm trying to lose weight. Normally this gets me the reaction of "do you have a fucking eating disorder? you're already skinny!" But that's that person's problem; not mine. I'm not going to change my answer in a way that will produce a less negative reaction from people.

[Ritella]

The common ideas of health are fucked to begin with. I don't consider myself healthy in the least. But I'm in very good shape. And most of these fitness gurus are nothing more than pretty boys who took a few protein shakes and read an exercise book. The eckhart tolle's of exercise.

actually, this is very true. i always considered it ironic that the majority of gym fanatics are actually incredibly destructive to their general health. they look healthy, though, so that's all that people usually consider.

[Satan]

There is always beauty in pain.

i don't get it

[Satan]

You'd have to be a 4 or IEI to understand. Anyway, I was being slightly sarcastic.

Well, yeah, I thought of 4. I didn't think of IEI. Then I thought that maybe everyone else got it except for me.

And so,

What is this beauty you speak of. Is this like the potential of a cure.

[discojoe]

How do fat people wipe their ass? It seems like they wouldn't be able to reach and there'd be lots of poop that didn't get cleaned off.

[Satan]

Well, for starters I was referring to this:



They suffer to get where they are for aesthetic reasons even though inside they probably have deeper inner issues that go further than the aesthetic aspect (yes, I'm sure not all of them do). There is pain involved but it fills an empty void and it makes one feel beautiful because of it; a sick kind of personal pleasure, but it brings fourth an exhilarating inner high. That's the beauty in suffering, it's like an art meshed with intricate webbing, and I can't really get into the detail of it.

narcissistic freedom.

[Satan]

We're all a little narcissistic.

Except for you.

[Satan]

sure.

You're a lot narcissistic.

[Kim]

Nah, not going there after all.

[Creepy-]

Being extremely fat says something about their character imo.

I agree with most of what you said [very well-put, btw], but as far as saying something about their character, I don't know...

I think when we say it says something about their character, we're projecting our values onto them, and that's not really fair. It would say something about their character if they share the opinion that you [and I, incidentally] hold that it is better to be at a healthy weight than to be fat... if they share this belief but are fat in spite of it, then that is probably an indication of some weakness and/or shortcoming. If they don't share that opinion, though, it doesn't.

[Creepy-]

Nah, not going there after all.

??

Well now I just look like I'm stirring up trouble

[Kim]

??

Well now I just look like I'm stirring up trouble

Sorry!

Originally Posted by Diana
Being extremely fat says something about their character imo.

I was wondering what it says about their character. I just don't think any further conversation will make this thread any better...

[Creepy-]

Sorry!

No worries

I was wondering what it says about their character. I just don't think any further conversation will make this thread any better...

I agree w you that it won't, but when you asked that it sparked my interest bc it coincided w some things I had been thinking about [not to do w this thread, but about how in general we judge other people based on our values and not theirs].