Originally Posted by
strrrng
Well, I tend to view whatever "identity" I have as amorphous, so I can't always tell when traits/ideals are wrong, because I may be enveloped in the present moment and they could feel right, but wouldn't actually be part of my core substance. So, it's like a continuous stream of emotion with highs and lows, and eventually you gain some sense of where the consistency is, but there's always something missing, something new that needs to be learned. The only way to know my "actual" identity would be to abandon this and just accept the bare reality, and risk seeing that there is nothing there. Seriously, I have some impending fear of nothingness, like reality is eluding and/or suffusing me and there's nothing I can do; like I'm trapped and everything I sought has evaporated into the past, lost forever; like there is no hope for me to have significance. These states happen fairly often, and there is typically nothing I can do besides endure, bask in the suffering and wait for it to pass. But at those times, everything seems gone, making me think I've been incredibly precarious all along, a fraud, so I tend to ignore them afterwards, and jump back into the stream.